Tripping Me Up (12 page)

TWENTY

TRIPP

I
creep back toward my house under the backdrop of night. When a car heads down the street, I duck behind a tree. The bark scratches my back as I stand as still as can be. My dad would kill me if he knew I snuck out tonight. But I couldn’t help myself. I had to see Hadley. I had to make sure she was okay.

More than that, I had to know if I ruined my chances with her or if I still had a shot. My heart soars as the image of her face flashes in my mind. I can still see the slight flutter of her lashes as I touched her face. I can see the sparkle in her eyes, and hear the hope in her voice.
Now I know it's not a lost cause. I haven’t screwed it up indefinitely. There’s still a chance for us.

Once the car passes, I slink out from behind the tree and race toward my house. I’ve been attracted to Hadley for awhile, even before I was willing to admit it to myself. But it wasn
’t until she pushed me away that I realized how much she meant to me. Just the thought of losing her was enough to make me feel like I was drowning in the ocean. I felt like I was flailing, alone and unsafe, as if every time I came up for air another wave knocked me back under, stealing my breath. Hadley anchors me. She gives me a feeling of security and hope that I’ve never had with anyone else.

Sneaking
inside the front door, I close it securely behind me. Holding my breath, I crawl upstairs and scurry into my room. The minute I close my bedroom door, I throw off my clothes and hop into bed. Lying completely still, I listen for any foreign noises. After several minutes, I let out a relieved sigh. I’d done it. I’d snuck out and back in without anyone noticing. The tension in my shoulders dissipates, and I snuggle into my pillow. It smells like laundry detergent, and I find myself longing for Hadley’s watermelon scent. Circling my arms around the pillow, I imagine that it’s Hadley. What I wouldn’t give to be able to hold her in my arms right now.

Her face pops into my thoughts – that perfect heart shaped mouth, those dark eyes, that vulnerable expression. I would’ve stayed at her house all night if she’d let me. When I stood in her window I had hoped that she would invite me inside; that she’d take me in her arms and hold me. Ironic that I’ve always been able to have any girl I wanted, but I never really wanted any of them. Not like I want Hadley. And Hadley’s the first girl to say no to me; the first girl to make me beg. But it’s like I told her. I don’t mind the challenge. In fact, I think it’s one of the many reasons I like her so much. She’s not afraid to stand up for herself. She’s the strongest girl I’ve ever met. She makes me want to be strong too. She makes me want to change, to be someone worthy of her.

I roll over on my side, hearing the mattress rub against the pictures underneath. The sounds sparks an idea, and I bolt upright.
That’s it.
I know what I can do to prove my feelings to Hadley. It will be a small, simple rebellion, but the payoff could be great.

Kicking off my covers, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and slide off. Then I kneel down and pull out the sketches. Finally I find a blank sheet
, and I smooth it down with my hand. Walking stealthily toward the desk in the corner of my room, I find a pencil and snatch it up. I sit cross-legged on my bed, the paper in my lap. Using only the moonlight as my guide, I run the pencil over the paper. Using careful strokes, I draw from memory. First a head, then two eyes, then a nose and mouth surface bringing the picture to life. My hand moves swiftly over the paper, my wrist cramping from the effort. I’m careful to keep my ears perked listening for footfalls or voices. But the only sound I hear is even breathing and the occasional snore.

The sky begins to lighten as I draw, and my back hurts from being hunched over. I sit back, working out the kinks and assess the image. It stil
l needs some work, but I can find Hadley in it. She’s there in the set of her jaw, in the almond shape of her eyes, and the high cheekbones. I need to work on her eyes though, make them shine like hers do. When I’m finished, I want her to know how beautiful she is to me.

Tucking the picture back under my mattress, I yawn and stretch. I know I’m going to be exhausted today
, but it was worth it. For once I’m doing something for me, and it feels good.

TWENTY-ONE

HADLEY

"I
can't believe he asked you out," Paige squeals, her car swerving into oncoming traffic.

"Paige!" I point out the front window. "Watch where you're driving."

She turns the wheel and the car goes back into our lane. Colors sweep past us like the stroke of a paintbrush. "Sorry. It's just so crazy."

"I know," I agree.

"And I can't believe you said no," she adds, looking pointedly at me.

"I am seriously not riding with you to school anymore if you don't focus on driving."

Paige shakes her head mockingly and then faces forward. "Fine. This better?"

"Much." I stretch my legs out a little, kicking the backpack at my feet.

"So why did you?" Paige asks, still staring straight ahead.

"Why did I what?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Why did you say no to going out with Tripp?"

"Oh
, come on. Two days ago you were the one saying he was a bad friend."

"Yeah, because two days ago
he was."

"Are you saying that one apology negates what happened two days ago?" I'm surprised by how forgiving Paige is being about this whole thing. She's usually pretty stubborn. I've seen her hold a grudge for much lesser crimes.

"No, but after what you've told me he seems to be pretty sincere." Paige gets over into the right lane and turns the corner. "Not to mention the fact that you've had a major crush on him for years."

"That's exactly why I can't say yes."

"I don't understand," Paige says, her eyebrows furrowed.

The school comes into view and my stomach knots. I wish I had faked being sick again today. I'm not sure I'm ready to face everyone yet. Last night after Tripp left I felt so much braver than I do now. "The thing is that I just like him
so much. Before I got to know Tripp I thought he would be this macho, larger than life guy. But he's actually really sweet and kind of quiet — introspective I guess you'd call it. He's fun and easy to be around. I like being friends with him, and I don't want to mess that up. Does that make sense?"

"Totally." Paige guides her car into the school parking lot. "I mean, that's the reason I won't date you."

I giggle. "Because I'm quiet and introspective?"

"Not even."

"Because I'm fun and easy to be around?"

"Maybe a little." She chuckles.

I nudge her in the side, enjoying our banter. "Are you saying that you won't go out with me because you don't want to lose me as a friend?"

"Well, that
, and I like boys." She shrugs.

"Eh, minor detail."

"I know, right?" She kills the engine, and I'm grateful that she's made me laugh. She made me forget how nervous I was, even if it was only for a minute.

While Paige and I navigate through the cafeteria to find a place to eat, I scan the room looking for Tripp. I haven’t seen him all day. I’m starting to wonder if he faked being sick today just like I did yesterday. Just the thought of that causes my stomach to clench. Does he regret the things he said to me last night?

After Paige and I find a table, I reach into my lunch bag and pull out my sandwich. While unw
rapping it, a familiar spicy scent washes over me. My heart stops. The bench creaks beside me, and I turn to find Tripp sitting right next to me. He’s so close our thighs are touching. With him next to me, something as simple as breathing becomes difficult. It's like the air is clogged in my throat. A couple of his friends stare in our direction with a confused look.

Paige raises her eyebrows at me. Even some of the other students around the room are looking
over curiously. My whole body heats up like that time I decided to try to get a tan, but instead ended up with a horrid sunburn. “What are you doing here, Tripp?” I ask in a harsh whisper.

“Eating lunch. What does it look like?” He chuckles, holding up his
hand to expose the brown lunch bag dangling from his fingers.

“You realize you’re committing social suicide right now?” I say.

“I don’t care.” Tripp shrugs.

“Really?” I remember our conversation when he told me he was a people pleaser.

“Well, maybe a little.” His gaze flits over to his former table, and he shifts uncomfortably.

“Tripp, you don’t have to do this.” I sigh. “Go back to your friends.”

“I am with my friends.” He unscrews the cap on his bottled water as if he hasn’t a care in the world.

Only I know better. “I mean it, Tripp. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Tripp's lips turn up into a wicked smile. “You’re stuck with me, so get used to it. And if you don’t stop arguing, I’m going to call you Leelee again.”

“Lee
lee? Whoa, what kind of kinky stuff are you two into?” Paige guffaws from across the table.

I narrow my eyes. “It’s what Ainsley calls me because she can’t say Hadley. Tripp overheard her
, and now he can’t stop calling me that.”

“Only because I like getting a reaction out of her.” He nudges me in the side with his elbow. “It’s so cute.”

Paige smiles at me, raising one eyebrow. Embarrassed, I shake my head and glance away. But no matter how nonchalant I pretend to be, my insides are dancing wildly.

“W
hat is this?” Maverick’s voice booms over us.

I stiffen. Tripp cranes his head in Maverick’s direction.

“What is what?” Tripp tries to sound strong, but I hear the slight tremor in his voice. A quiet hush blankets the noisy cafeteria.

“I mean, are you sitting over here because of a dare or something, man?”

“No. No dare.” The vein in Tripp’s forehead throbs a little.

Feeling uncomfortable by the whole situation, I slide down in my seat and slump my shoulders. My gaze catches Sonya’s. Her lips are pursed like she just sucked a sour candy, and her eyes are narrowed. If only I could disappear into thin air right now I would.

“Then is it some kind of charity you’re offering?” Maverick won’t let it go.

“Mav, c’mon,” Tripp says. “I’m here because I want to be, okay?”

Maverick throws up his arms, exposing his palms like he’s surrendering to a cop. “Suit yourself, man.” Then he pivots on his heels and stalks off.

I exhale, relieved that he’s gone. But I can still feel everyone’s eyes on me
, and it makes my skin crawl as if millions of tiny ants are invading my flesh. “Everyone’s staring,” I whisper to Tripp.

“Oh
, let them stare,” Paige says, her gaze scouring the room. “Eat your hearts out, losers!” she bellows, embarrassing me further.

I hunch over
, using my hair as a shield. Tripp brushes the hair from my face, his fingers cold against my warm skin. Feeling exposed, I grapple to pull my hair back, but he grabs my fingers in an effort to stop me. "Don't do that. Don't hide."

Desperation surfaces, and I give him a pleading look.

He drapes his arm over my shoulders. “It’s gonna be okay, Hadley.”

And oddly enough
, with Tripp’s arm around me I feel like it just might be.

TWENTY-TWO

TRIPP

O
n Saturday morning I head to Hadley’s house to invite her to go to the lake with me. The sky is covered in thick, grey clouds, and the air is cold and dry. I don’t bring Bruiser this time because I want Hadley all to myself.

She
laughs. “Seriously? It’s way too cold to go to the lake.”

“No, we’re not going to go swimming.”
I pause for a minute letting the image take shape in my mind. Then I lean in close to her. “Although the idea of you in a bikini is definitely a tempting thought.”

She
bites her lip, her cheeks flushing. I love how flustered I can make her.

“
I actually thought we could just take a walk around it,” I say, remembering how much she enjoyed our walk on the trail.

“I’d love that.” She
smiles at me and it lights up her whole face.

I drive us out to my favorite spot on the lake
. When we arrive, there are hardly any people out. Not that I’m surprised. It’s almost winter time and it’s pretty cold. However, my sweatshirt keeps me warm. Besides, whenever I’m near Hadley my body temperature skyrockets. We head onto the trail, our feet clomping on the pavement.

I reach out, skimming my fingertips over hers
. She shivers at my touch, and it gives me a feeling of satisfaction that I have that effect on her.

“It’s been a pretty crazy week, huh?”
I say. The lake comes into view, water shimmering against the grey sky.

“Yeah, the craziest
,” she responds, and her voice holds a mixture of despair and excitement.

“Next week will be better
,” I assure her.

“Have you talked to any of your friends?”

I know what she’s asking, but I don’t want to think about the guys right now. So I turn to her and smile. “I’m talking to one right now.”

“You know what I mean.”

I sigh. Obviously she’s not going to let me off the hook that easy. “Yeah, of course. I still have to go to football practice, so I’ve talked to them.”

“Okay, but have you guys talked about anything or just played football
?”

I grab Hadley’s hand, closing my
fingers over hers. “Guys don’t talk the same way girls do. Football is the way I communicate with my friends.”

She opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, but I yank her forward.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say. “Everything will be fine. C’mon, let’s go this way.” I guide her off the track and into the dirt.

“I d
on’t want you to give up your friends, Tripp,” she says. “I never asked you to do that.”

“I know that, Hadley.
I didn’t give up any friends. I just added a new one.”

We walk under large trees, their leafy branches hanging down as i
f trying to touch us. “But your new one doesn’t fit in with your old ones.”

I stop
walking and turn to face Hadley. “What if I don’t care about that? Why should I have to choose?”

She
shrugs. “Because it’s just the way things are. In high school there are insiders and outsiders.”

I run
my hands down her arms, wishing she wasn’t wearing this bulky sweatshirt. I would give anything to touch her soft skin, to feel her flesh against mine. “It sucks. I wish it didn’t have to be that way.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, Tripp. But we’re not going to be able to change anything. We just have to accept it. The problem
is that you’re an insider, and I’m not.”

“It’s funny because I feel more li
ke an insider when I’m with you,” I breathe out the words.

She wrinkles her nose, disbelieving
. “How can that be?”

I circle my hands around her w
rists and draw her closer, my body igniting. No girl has ever made me feel like this. I lower my head until our foreheads are touching. “I’ve never felt this close to anyone before, Hadley. It’s like we have this crazy connection that I didn’t even know existed. I feel like I can trust you more than anyone else. My whole life it’s like I’m a puppet and everyone else is pulling the strings. But then I met you, and you never even tried to control me. You just let me be me. And it was so freeing. For once I’ve taken a leap. I’ve done something I wanted to do, not what everyone else wanted me to, and it feels so damn good, Hadley.”

She giggles nervously, but keeps her forehead pressed to mine
. I’m grateful that she doesn’t back away.

“Being with you feels good
,” I say.

“Yeah, it does.” Her breath whispers over my skin.

Emboldened, I say, “Go out with me.”

Without giving her the chance to turn me down again, I bring my hand up
to cradle her neck and tilt my head so that our lips are almost touching. I swear that watermelon lipgloss she wears has become a freaking aphrodisiac to me. My pulse spikes and my palms fill with moisture. I’m dying to kiss her. No, scratch that. I need to kiss her. Before our lips can connect, her palms splay against my chest and she shoves me backwards. I open my eyes, stunned by the rejection.

“I-I’m sorry, Tripp. I just can’t.”

“What are you afraid of, Hadley?” I snatch up her hand, locking her in place so she can’t run off again. “I know you like me, so what’s stopping you?”

She
laughs bitterly, and I wonder if it was the wrong thing to say. “Yeah, everyone at school knows that I like you thanks to Sonya.”

“It’s not because of Sonya. I know because I can feel it when we’re together.”
I trace the lines on her flesh with my thumb. “So, what’s the issue?”

She
shakes her head, and I can practically see her hiding behind those invisible walls she builds around herself.

“Please tell me, Hadley.”
I pull her even closer.

“I’m afraid of losing you
,” she says in a rush of words.

“What?”

She releases my hand, and takes a couple of steps backward.  “Tripp, the past couple of months have been amazing. I love hanging out with you. And I totally understand what you’re saying about feeling a connection between us. I feel the same way, and I am starting to trust you so much. But the thing is that you have a reputation of being kind of a player.” She scratches the back of her neck. “I guess I’m afraid that if we go out, you’ll get tired of me and when we break up I won’t have you in my life at all. That’s a chance I’m just not willing to take.”

“Hadley, when are you going to learn to stop believing what others say about me? Haven’t you gotten to know me well enough to know that I’m not a player?”

“You are different than I thought you would be, Tripp. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be here. But I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You go out with a different girl every month.”

I hate that what she’s saying is true. I hate that I ever looked at another girl before her
. But ever since I fell for her, I haven’t seen anyone else. It’s like I don’t even notice that other girls exist. She’s the only girl I want. I have to make her see that. I frame her face with both my hands, skimming my fingertips over her soft skin. Our eyes lock and there's an intensity in hers that makes me freeze. My breath catches in my throat. “That’s because those girls weren’t you, Hadley. I didn’t care about them the way I care about you. God, I feel like you are the girl I’ve been waiting to meet my entire life.” I sigh, exploring every inch of her face with my fingers. “What can I do to prove to you that my feelings for you are real? Tell me and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything for you.” I incline my mouth toward her right ear, resting the pad of my thumbs on her bottom lip. “I want to be with you so bad, Leelee.”

I
feel her lips curve upward, sliding against my fingers. “I believe you, Tripp,” she whispers, her breath feathering over my hand.

I draw
back, searching her eyes. She nods subtly, and it’s all the invitation I need. I curve my hand around her neck and bring her face closer to mine. My lips brush softly against hers, and they taste just as good as I had hoped. Hungry for more, I press down firmly. Her lips are unmoving, so I pull back for a minute, a question in my expression.

“Hadley, you want this, right?”

She smiles, embarrassment etched on her face. “Yes, it’s just I don’t really know what to do.”

It takes me a minute to understand. “
Is this your first kiss?”

She nods, her cheeks reddening.

“Hadley.” My heart swells at her words. “You don’t know what this means to me. I’m so glad I get to be your first.”

“But what if I’m horrible at it?
”

“That’s not possible.” I tuck my finger under her chin and lift her head. “I’m going to make this the most memorable first kiss ever.” I trace her lips with my fingertip slowly until the tip of my finger is coated in that crazy gloss. Bringing my lips close to hers, I speak against her mouth. “
This kiss will be the best first kiss ever. Trust me.” I run my tongue over her lips before gently sweeping my lips over hers. Her hands slide up my back and it turns me on so much I want to kiss her fiercely. But I know I have to go slow. So I pull back and take a breath before feathering my lips over hers again. I suck on her bottom lip gently and then release it, but then she grabs me, pressing against me. I can feel her heart beating erratically under mine.

“Easy there,” I say. Then I press my lips to hers again, sliding my tongue over her lower lip. She opens her mouth, surprising me. Screw going slow now. I dart my tongue
inside her mouth, swirling it around. As if taking my cue, she shoves her tongue into my mouth, and it causes a low growl to erupt from the back of my throat. I rake my hands up her back and my fingers tangle in her hair. 

When we part, I take a deep breath.  “God, Hadley, that was incredible.”

“Yeah, it was,” she says breathlessly. “Let’s do it again.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”
I grab her face and crush her lips to mine. This time we kiss more intensely. I can’t do anything slow at this point. I kiss her greedily, not ever wanting to stop. When we come up for air, I stare into her eyes needing an answer. This can’t be a one time thing. I’ll go crazy. “Is it a yes then, Hadley?”

“It’s a yes, Tripp,” she says with a
smile.