#TripleX (37 page)

Matt and Jake turned to me with curious expressions. I rolled my eyes. Then, I giggled and shook my head. I stopped immediately; it was way too dangerous to shake my head while that intoxicated. I almost fell over and died—tragically, I’m sure.

“Come on.
Lesgo
,” Ang said, squatting down in front of the bridge that crossed over the famous fountains. She linked her fingers on both hands together, making a small cup shape. “Come over here. I’ll hoist you over,” she giggled, fell over, and got back up into position. “And you can just swan dive gracefully into the fountains.”

I stared down at her hands and back up to her drunk face. “You coming with me? Because I remember you said the size ten was a deal for you too, Miss Sexy in a Ten.”

“I don’t recall that part.” She slowly blinked up at me through glazed-over, red-lined eyes.

I walked over to the side of the bridge and eyed the lapping blue water below us. “That’s about a ten foot drop. How deep do you think that little lake is?”

Jake Know-it-All Ryan belted out, “The water is four feet deep.”

“So I’ll
die
,” I snapped my head up to Ang.

“Nah. You drank lots. You’ll be fine. I’ll dive right after you. Belly flop right in, so move away quick after you land,” Angelisa planned.

“I’ll be dead after I land—and you’ll land right on top of me,” I insisted. “And how do you know it’s four feet?” I turned toward Jake, hand on hip, challenging his knowledge. He merely pointed to a sign that read:
Caution: No trespassing. No wading. No diving. Water depth: 4 Feet.
I glared at him.

“See! I can’t do it,” I turned back to Ang, pointing to the sign.

“Never mind that! You made a bet. If you fit into a size ten, which you did, then you go into the fountains at the Bellagio. So stick your skinny little foot on my hand, so I can throw your skinny ass over the side!” She fell over again and stayed there for a bit, laughing on all fours.

I stopped and pointed a finger at her face. “Did you… did you just call me
skinny
?”

“Yes. Yes I did, little Miss Apple Pie. Now let’s go,” she said, climbing up, then crouching back down and sticking her ass up into the air. Matt stared at her like he hadn’t seen her or touched her in months—which he hadn’t.

I stared at her for a moment and smiled. “Well, thank you,” I sang as I whirled around strutting my stuff and sashaying my hips, “I do like this dress, and I do feel so sexy.”

Jake and Matt drunkenly leaned against the side of the bridge and laughed. Loudly. They sounded like two stupid hyenas. Sexy, stupid hyenas.

Ang and I both locked our gazes on them. “What the heck are you guys laughing at?” We asked in unison.

Jake raked his hand through his dark hair, messing it into a flopping kind of bedhead do, and cupped the back of his neck. “You girls aren’t going into that fountain.”

“What? Why not?” Angelisa yelled, then plopped onto her ass, laughing.

“Because you’re girls. You don’t have the balls to do something like that,” Jake chuckled.

This would be the part where I busted out my own drunken rendition of AC/DC’s “Big Balls” song and yanked Angelisa up by the hand. “Oh, you are so going to see just how big my balls are,” I snapped, as I dragged Angelisa down to the lowest area of the bridge, making the drop into the water much more plausible and less terrifying.

“We’re going in that fountain, aren’t we?” she asked, giggling.

“Yep,” I replied, eyeing a small little island right off the side of the bridge.

All we had to do is climb down onto that little strip of land near the bridge, and then we could easily dip our feet into the fountain, fulfilling the bet. And Jake and Matt would know for sure that we are fearless and capable of anything. We’d be back in our suite within five minutes…

No problemo.

Ang and I hiked our dresses up to the top of our thighs and glanced back at the guys. They were staring at us with great big, wide eyes. Matt was shaking his head threateningly, and Jake mumbled a few curses and jogged towards us.

Like the true adult I am, I stuck my tongue out at Jake and raised my right leg over the side of the bridge. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. Planting my left foot firmly on the bridge, I let my right foot dangle free on the other side. I gripped the top of the rail and watched as Aneglisa followed suit.

“Oh, this is going to be bad,” Matt grumbled as his eyes widened even more. “Hurry up, if you’re really going to do this! The fountain show will start back up soon!”

Both of us were straddled over the white fencing that blocked the fountains, dresses crumpled up at our waists, laughing loudly. We looked like we were mounting a horse—or a unicorn—facing each other. Laughing hysterically, we both started leaning over the side of the fence toward the small island below.

The sky started moving quickly overhead as I began to sway. The stars and Vegas lights blurred into a circus of colors, flashes of light and a swirling of sound. I lost my balance and was still laughing. I tried to hang onto the rail with both my hands and ended up kicking myself fully over the side of the bridge.

“Wait!” Jake called out, running toward us with outstretched hands. “Those dresses can’t get wet!”

Matt reached out his arms to hold him back, “You can’t tell two drunk girls their dresses can’t get wet.”

“Why the Hell not? It’s my 50 grand that…” Jake tried to grab my arm as I fell over, slipping right through his fingers.

And my dress?

The really expensive one that Jake rented for me?

Well that silky sliver of material stayed on the other side of the bridge in his hands as it tore straight off my head when I slid down. I heard the rip. I felt the snap and the shred of the fabric. But it was all good, because from my precarious state, I saw Angelisa right next to me, her feet dangling about four inches from the safety of the island with her own dress wrapped around her head. Her bra and panties were still safely intact.

On view for all of Las Vegas to see.

Laughing harder, I looked down and jumped.

I landed on my feet with a triumphant squeal. I didn’t have the dress on any longer, but at least I still had on my…

“Hey! Where the hell did my bra go?” I screamed, hugging my arms around my chest.

My bra was
gone
.

It was dangling along with my dress about two feet above my head still entwined in Jake’s stupid fingers. “Jake Ryan! I’m going to kill you!”

The sound of his stupid laughter wasn’t lost on me.

“Angelisa!” I called up to her swinging form, still holding on to dear life by the tips of her fingers. Her legs kicked wildly in the air. “Let go. You’re about four inches from the ground. And practically naked. Just let go.”

She let go, and we were both safe on a small out crop of rocks at the edge of the fountained lake.
Now we could just dip our toes in the water and climb back up—no harm done
.

Suddenly, dozens of nozzles broke through the surface of the water and blinding bright lights illuminated off the towers of the hotel. Blues and purples, whites and reds. “Viva Las Vegas”
belted out across the water and hundreds of gushing sprays of water exploded into the sky.

“What the Hell? Is that Elvis?” I screamed, grabbing onto Angelisa to help balance myself. It did no good. The vibrations of the exploding fountain shook and tingled our drunk feet. The water came to life and performed the most exquisite show right in front us—well, around us. The night sky whirled around above me and spiraled out of control. Angelisa’s fingertips slipped through mine, and the rocks of the small island became a slick, wet, slippery slide, pulling us both into the lake. Water slapped my face. Arms and legs kicked everywhere.

Above our heads, Jake and Matt called out to us, their voices breaking with laughter. I looked over, and Angelisa dove under the water, completing a perfect handstand. When she emerged from under the water, Matt called, “Excellent. 10.” Ang bowed and jumped on me, dunking me under the water. Sputtering as I came back up, I shoved her back under the water and then splashed at Jake and Matt.

“You two are morons,” Jake’s voice called out to me. “Here, grab on!” He held out a hand to me, and then his eyes widened. I was drunk, but I knew very well my best friend’s brother was just realizing it wasn’t only my dress he was holding. And Jake took that very opportunity to stare straight at my extremely exposed chest.

“Holy shit! Hurry up! Get out of the water. Give me your hand.” Jake sounded breathy and a little hoarse in the throat.

I vaguely wondered why my thoughts were drowned in a series of loud sirens.
Holy crap, I didn’t know there were
literal
friend zone alarms
. I needed to stop picturing him naked reaching out to me. But I kind of liked the way he was ogling my boobs.

From somewhere behind him, I saw flashing lights.

Uh oh
.

“Shit, the cops,” Matt hissed, trying to lean over the fence and grab onto Angelisa’s hand. She ignored him and just splashed at me. “Bad boys. Bad boys. Whatcha gonna do?”

Over the ledge of the bridge, a whole slew of curious new faces peeked down at us. They all wore hats and pointed flashlights in our eyes. I was so much drunker than I thought, because I waved happily at them. “Ohhhhh yeah! I love a man in uniform. Hello boys,” was the last thing I remember saying. That and, “Which one of you hotties wants to frisk and cuff me?”

“I was not ogling your boobs,” Jake interrupts, rolling his eyes. “I would never, Your Honor. She’s my sister’s best friend.”

The judge leans back and rubs at her eyes. “Mr. Ryan, this does not concern you. So, are you ladies finally admitting that you are in fact guilty of disorderly conduct?”

“Ma’am we didn’t set out to go swimming… or end up naked… that…” I say, snapping my head toward Jake and pointing my finger at him, “was totally his fault. I would never have taken off that dress in public. It was
so
comfortable. If it were up to me, I’d wear it every day—inside out even, so the size showed.” Angelisa giggles and nods next to me. “I’d advertise that size with trumpeted fanfare.”

“Okay, ladies. I’ve had about enough. The story was fascinating, truly, but I’m fining each of you one thousand dollars,” she says, slamming down her little hatchet or whatever that thing is.
Would it be inappropriate to jump for joy at this moment?
I know last night at the casino I won pretty big at that Roulette table. A thousand bucks wouldn’t break me.
Where was all that money now, anyway?

“Wait, that’s it?” Jake stammers. “What about my car, then?”

The judge stills and lowers her glasses, peeking her eyes over the rim of them. “Mr. Ryan, I’d like to speak with you… regarding… your car… after the proceedings end here today.”

Jake glances at me with his all-knowing “I’ve Still Got It” look. I roll my eyes and shake my head at his blatant attempt to get me riled. Clearing his throat and flashing his perfect smile, Jake says, “Of course, Your Honor. Anything.”

Anything?

Why did he have to add that “anything” in? What does that even mean? Men are so predictable. They think with two things—two things only: their dicks and their wallets. If it doesn’t have anything to do with sex or money, then men zone out—all the way out—right into the
friend zone
.

Just as Angelisa and I sign the paperwork and Jake pays our fines, the judge’s chamber doors bust open. “There she fucking is!” a voice bellows. My blood boils and stills simultaneously. Frozen in anger and horror, I can’t even will myself to turn around.

“Excuse me, sir,” the judge hisses. “Can I help you?”

“Arrest that bitch… now!”

“Would you care to tell me who you are… and how you came to be in my chambers?” the judge stands ominously.

“I’m Scott Zolendz… her husband,” Scott grits through his teeth.

“Ex,” Jake and I both growl back. I turn to finally stare at Scott.

“She ran off with all my money and all my credit cards. This bitch stole over a quarter of a million dollars from me this summer,” he yells, closing in on me.

“There is no way we spent that—” Angelisa starts.

“It’s my money too, you asshole,” I yell.

“Mr. Zolendz, if you don’t watch your language and lower your voice, then I’m going to hold you and… excuse me… who are you?”

“That’s the Bedazzled Vag,” I announce as all eyes drop to her hoo-ha, which is covered in a small, equally bedazzled, white ruffled, miniskirt.

“I’m Tori DeLaurie,” Bedazzled answers.

“Tori DeLaurie, like Whorey Tori DeLaurie?” Angelisa giggles. “Seriously dude?”

Glaring at Angelisa, Scott says, “Fuck off, bitch.”

Matt squares off against Scott, “Don’t talk to my wife that way.”

“Screw you,” Scott snarls, shoving him to the side. Matt’s got nothing on Scott’s size and stature. Matt knows it too, and backs up. Scott struts over to me, grabs my arm, and yells, “Give me my fucking money.”

“Mr. Zolendz,” the judge scolds, “I’ve warned you once.”

“Ya know what, I’ll sue this whole fucking place. Some right-winged, feminist dyke certainly ain’t going to tell me what to do—” Immediately, two guards grab Scott by his arms and yank him back out of the room. Whorey DeLaurie cries out and follows behind them.

The judge calls out after them, “Charge them both with contempt and disorderly conduct… and I’ll figure out what else.” After they leave the room, Judge Caroline Jacobson turns to Matt and Jake, and says, “Gentlemen, I think we’re done here. Mr. Ryan, please wait out in the lobby… to go over the matter of your vehicle.” Jake smirks at me and nods his approval to her.

Matt kisses Angelisa and whispers, “You still owe me a wedding night.” Her giggle is infectious, causing the whole room to smile.