Tribe (25 page)

“I recognize you,” said the voice of the nearby stranger.

It wasn't so much the voice but the manner of speech that gave Todd's heart a jolt. He stopped still. The guy had an accent, a very slight one, didn't he? Or was it the tone, was that what seemed familiar about it? Either way there was something unmistakably familiar about the voice, and Todd turned slowly to the side. A man was standing there, hair thinning and graying at the temples, face pale. His body none too thin, the face slightly round. White shirt, narrow tie, sport coat. He knew the voice, but not the guy, not really.

The man smiled just a bit and continued, “But you don't recognize me, do you?”

Todd's heart began to beat altogether too quickly. This man, this would-be stranger, echoed to the past, and Todd stared at him, saw a double image, one from the past hidden beneath this present vision. Oh, shit, he thought, staring at him. It couldn't be.

Todd cleared his throat and asked, “Pat?”

“Very good.” He nodded and grinned slightly.

“What…what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk. Can we?”

“Sure.” Nearly too stunned for words, Todd started to lead the way toward a sofa in the lobby. “Have a seat.”

“I was hoping we could talk privately. Perhaps in your apartment?”

“My apartment?” asked Todd, unable to hide his hesitation.

“Don't worry,” said Pat, sensing Todd's concern. “I mean you no harm. There are just a few things, well, we need to discuss.”

“Okay.”

Yeah, there were a few things, thought Todd. Like why Janice had called him. Like why he was now in town. Like what had really happened over twenty years ago.

Dear God, thought Todd as he headed toward the elevator, Pat a half step behind. Unbelievable. It was in fact Pat. The last time he'd seen him had been that fateful December at Northwestern—Pat had been some skinny kid caught up in the mysteries of sexuality and of death. And now, Todd realized as he stole a glance, here he was more than two decades later, the epitome of a middle-class, middle-aged man.

Entering the elevator car, Todd pushed the button. As soon as the doors closed and the lift started moving upward, he couldn't hold it in.

“You know, I've never forgotten about what happened. That was one of the worst times of my life.”

Pat, his face serious and grave, looked up and asked, “What?”

“I mean…I mean what happened at Northwestern. You know, when Greg was killed and all the crap that happened afterward.”

“Oh, that.” He shook his head. “I've put it all behind me. Forgotten it. Much more important matters these days, you know.”

It jarred Todd. He stood quite frozen as the elevator carried them upward, thinking, am I crazy? Didn't something truly awful happen, which not only left one guy dead, but altered both Todd's and this guy's lives? Of course it did. More than once over these long years Todd had thought that if it hadn't happened, if Greg hadn't spied on them that night, so much for both Todd and Pat would be different. The incident had driven Todd further into the closet; and wouldn't Pat have finished his education at Northwestern instead of fleeing his life at the university?

Instead, it was as if Pat and Todd had been in some huge car accident together, and Pat was not only saying no big deal, but dismissing its significance in the course of their lives.

Nearly at a loss for words as they got off the elevator and started for his apartment, Todd said, “God, Pat, I'm just so…so shocked to see you.”

“Until this morning no one's called me Pat for years. I go by Rick now, but you can call me Patrick if that makes you more comfortable.”

Okay, thought Todd, as he unlocked the door and ushered the way in. However you want it.

Strolling past Todd, Pat entered the sunny living room and glanced around. “Nice place.”

Todd halted on the edge of the room and then watched as Pat surveyed the black leather couch, the glass dining room table, and then crossed all the way to the sliding glass door of the balcony. As the sun poured in on him he peered out, obviously eyeing the frozen white image of Lake Calhoun.

“I understand last year was pretty rough for you,” said Pat, staring out, his back to Todd.

“What can I say—I'm out of the closet now.”

“What?” Pat turned around. “Oh, yes. I understand. You're open about being homosexual.”

“And you?”

“And me what?”

What was with this guy? Didn't he recall what they had done, how intimate they had been? Pat had not only begged for sex, in the case of their basement encounter he'd forced it to happen.

Todd asked, “Are you out of the closet or in?”

“Me, homosexual? Heavens no. That was a phase I was going through, back then, you know.” He shrugged and looked right at Todd. “Lying with another man is a mortal sin. It's against Scripture. I worked on all this, studied very hard, and prayed very hard too. And it paid off. The Lord Jehovah had mercy upon me.”

Todd stared at him. “What are you saying?”

“I've since been sexually rehabilitated.”

“Rehabilitated? What does that mean?”

“It means the demonic spirits were cast out of my body.”

“Pat, what are you talking about?”

“Simply that homosexuality is not the will of Jehovah, and through devotion and study I've been cleansed.”

Todd didn't know what to say. “Gee, and all I tried was electric shock aversion therapy.”

“Yes, well, my hands, my mouth, my anal canal—all of them were cleansed of ungodly deposits of semen.”

“What?”

Pat glared at him, then said, “Perhaps you don't know, but I was married for a long time and we have a son.”

This was crazy. Fucking crazy, thought Todd. And to make it even weirder, at the very same time Todd was aware that Pat or Patrick or whoever this guy was looking him up and down. Checking him out. Their eyes met, and Todd's heart clanked.

Squinting into the glaring light, Pat turned away from Todd and looked back to the view of the oval lake. “Janice was right, you are looking quite well.”

“You talked to her, didn't you? I know she called you last night.”

“She called, and I just saw her, actually. In fact, I came right here after we met.” Pat started to say something, stopped, then continued. “Todd, I came to see you today because I need your help with something.”

The only thing that might have surprised him more than this visit was this request. And rather than pleasing Todd, a slow sense of dread began to fill him. This, he knew, wasn't going to be pretty.

“And what's that?” asked Todd.

“Then you'll help me?”

“What do you want me to do?”

Pat smiled. “You haven't changed much—still the cautious one, still waiting for others to make the first move.”

“Perhaps. And I suspect you're just as manipulative, as driven to get whatever you want.”

“I'm sure that's not meant as flattery.” Pat cleared his throat. “Anyway…I imagine you're aware that many years ago Janice had a baby.”

As if an enormous bookcase had just fallen over, everything crashed still inside Todd. He had a glimpse of the truth, and suddenly he was short of breath. It couldn't be, he thought. Yet…yet it made sense. Too much sense. All too easily it would explain why Janice had avoided telling him.

Pat was staring at him, a wry grin upon his face. “Ah, so you didn't know that Zeb was my son.”

Todd went over to the couch and dropped himself down. Janice and Pat had screwed? He could barely imagine it, the two of them in bed together.

His voice by no means as strong as he would have liked, Todd said, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You want details?” Pat smiled. “Before I devoted my life to God, Janice and I—how shall I put it?—enjoyed carnal pleasures.”

“I can't believe it.”

“Oh, yes. And from that union our son was born. When Janice decided to abandon the child, my new wife and I decided to adopt him.”

There could have been other guys, maybe the entire proverbial football team. It was possible. But it wasn't, not really. First of all Todd knew Janice, knew she wasn't one to throw herself around.

“When?” demanded Todd, feeling betrayed.

“When what?”

“When did you and Janice have sex?”

“Um, let me see, it was that week I left Northwestern.”

“You mean right after Greg was killed?”

“Yes, I suppose that's correct. I suppose it was just after he died. Right, that's when Janice and I drove out West.”

Sure, thought Todd. They were talking about a few days in a woman's cycle. Either Janice had been fertile when Todd and she had slept together, or she had been a few days later when she'd slept with Pat. It was that simple.

Suddenly Todd was jumping to his feet. “God damn it!”

He stormed across the room, stopped at his coffee table. There were a couple of magazines. A book. Just as he'd felt at Janice's, he wanted to hurl them across the floor. Smash them. Throw them at Pat. He wanted to open the balcony door, hurl something right out the window and over the edge. Janice had been his girlfriend. Pat, his secret lover. And those two, the two people he'd been the most intimate with, had actually slept together?

Pat was talking. Todd turned and looked at him, this pale, aging figure who'd spoken of demonic spirits and sexual rehabilitation.

“Todd,” Pat was saying, “I want to ask you if you'll tell Janice to back off.”

“What?”

“I need you to do this. You know, of course, what's going on.”

There could be no dancing around any of the issues, and Todd asked, “You're referring to Zeb and his daughter?”

“Precisely. It's a very serious problem, and I need you to convince Janice to drop the matter.”

“What?”

“This may sound crass or overly blunt—I just don't know how else to put it,” began Pat, “but Janice gave up Zeb over two decades ago. She got rid of him, Todd. She shed him and any and all decisions regarding his life. It was all legally done, so to put it simply, his problems today do not concern her.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Please, just listen to me. Zeb is my son, and his daughter is my granddaughter. This is a family issue—and whether Janice likes it or not, she's not part of the family.”

Todd took a deep breath, realized how all too easily he could have ended up like him, like this Patrick, and said, “Pat—or Patrick—first of all, Janice is Zeb's birth mother, and if he comes to her for help then I'm sure she's going to do everything and anything in her power to help him. Second of all, Janice is no dummy and she never has been. She's amazingly sharp and she's amazingly moral. By that I mean she's always done what she felt was right, and neither I nor anyone else has ever convinced her otherwise.”

“Please, Todd, we're talking about the life of a baby.”

“We most certainly are.”

“But you don't understand—”

“I'm afraid I do.”

“No, you don't.” Pat clenched his fists, turned back to the balcony door, stood there as the arrows of winter sun pierced him. “How you and Janice live is wrong. As I've already said, it's a sin against the Lord. But once we were friends, the three of us, and that's why I'm here today, to tell you that Janice should forget about all this because it's dangerous, because I can't protect her.”

“Is that a warning of some sort?”

“Yes, I'm telling you there will be trouble for all if Janice interferes.”

“And what about me? What if I do something?”

“Todd, please. There are some very powerful people involved in this. Very committed. And there's only so much I can do to hold them back, per se.”

“And I'm telling you that's bullshit.”

Pat turned and looked at him. “What?”

“You came here because you wanted to see me.”

“Oh, please, don't be ridiculous.”

Todd watched as Pat stiffened, and Todd knew he was right. By the subtle, hidden glances, Todd had guessed the truth.

“You came here to check me out.” Todd hesitated, then said, “Don't think I haven't noticed how you've been looking at me.”

“How dare you!”

“Don't worry, I'm not calling you a faggot. At first I didn't understand, but now I think I do.”

“Is your life that ghastly, is sex all you think about?”

“Patrick, you're not listening—I'm not calling you queer.”

“God have mercy on you, you sodomite!” Patrick started for the door. “Even though you've lost your values I came here out of concern for Janice and you.”

“Bullshit. You came here out of concern for something else.”

“And what might that be?”

Todd
was shivering, his entire body shaking, but he barely felt the cold. Holy shit, he thought as his breath steamed into the wintry night air, what was going to happen now? Greg had seen everything, he was going to tell everyone! Standing behind his fraternity, his entire life went shooting through his imagination. Homo. Everyone was going to call him a homo.