Trapped With the Alpha (Balfour Shifters Book 1) (16 page)

Izzy maneuvers her body around so that she is resting against me but looking at the TV. Before she settles in, she whispers, “I will later.”

Izzy

THE NEXT
couple of weeks seem to go by in an emotional blur, my mind not quite able to keep up with all the changes. Having to adapt to being able to be heard and seen by the others around me is really hard. For so many years, no one noticed me. Now, everyone watches my every move and hangs on my every word. I’m pretty sure I’ve put my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion, not to mention forgetting to get dressed. I’ve been nude for so long, I just forget. Needless to say, that doesn’t make Brody very happy.   

The hardest thing is not being at Brody’s side every moment of the day. I’ve been attached to him for so long that I feel lost when he’s not with me. Even having a wall separating us has me feeling as if I am teetering on the edge of a cliff. As much as I need my space to deal with everything that has happened, I still need him by my side 

I’ve spent countless hours trying to forget everything that I saw while I was imprisoned, but still, the memories just refuse to fade away. In fact, they seem to be more vibrant now than they were when I was first released. It seems that, no matter how hard I try to forget everything that has happened in the past eight-hundred years, I just can’t. 

To make matters worse, I’m struggling to get used to the little things again—everyday stuff like needing to go to the bathroom and feeding myself. For so long, I lived without normal urges and bodily functions that I’ve nearly forgotten how to do these simple tasks. Being able to feel my body’s needs is enough to make my head spin. On more than one occasion, the others have had to remind me to eat. If not, I could go hours without eating or drinking.

To be completely honest, starting over is extremely overwhelming for me. I just can’t seem to find my way back to normal. Everyone tries really hard to help me adjust, but it just makes me feel even more awkward. It’s almost as if I’m a baby, having to be trained to walk and talk again. I just want to have my life back. 

The life I once shared with Brody is completely gone, and the loss of it is nearly killing me. He’s trying to pretend like everything is normal, like we’re still just Brody and Izzy. Even he knows that’s not true, though. Each time he looks at me with guilt in his eyes, I know he realizes just how screwed up we are. That same guilt reminds me of our troubles and the reasons behind it.

 As much as I try to move past my memories, I seem to be stuck in a whirlpool, spinning around and around in circles with no way of getting out. I need to put it behind me, but I’m not sure how. I just need to figure out who the new Izzy is and quit trying to be the girl who got locked away so long ago. 

The phone rings, drawing me away from my thoughts. Picking up my cell phone, I shake my head at how foreign it feels in my hand. “Hello.”

“Hey, girl, you about ready?” Blair asks, the sound of cheesy pop music playing in the background. 

Today is the first step in figuring out who the new Izzy is, and the first stop on my road to discovery is the mall with two of the other female mates in the pack, Blair and Elise. Apparently, in this day and age, the thing to do when you are feeling down in the dumps is to go shopping. According to the other women in the clan, the best way to feel better is to spend as much of Brody’s money as possible.

“She better be.” Elise’s voice hits my ear, letting me know they have me on speaker. 

“Yeah, I just have to grab my purse and put on my sandals,” I reply, looking into the mirror. 

“We have to get you something other than that crap Brody got you,” Blair says, and Elise agrees. 

“Yeah, a girl can only wear sweatpants for so long without going crazy.”

After being naked for so long, I’m excited to go out, explore the world of fashion, and get a little girl time. Plus, I have extremely high hopes that, if I start looking and acting more normal, things may start feeling a little more normal. Maybe Brody will relax around me and start acting like the man I fell in love with. 

Lately, I have been feeling completely smothered by him. He keeps treating me like I might shatter at any moment. He follows me from room to room as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear if I leave his sight. As much as I love his attention, I want him to treat me like his mate, not a fragile flower that needs nurturing every moment of every day.  

Even though it feels wrong when we’re not together, I know I need some time on my own. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I try to explain to him that I need time to process everything and clear my head; he still refuses to listen. I’ve told him I need to figure out how to get past everything I saw while I was locked away, and I need to be given space to do it. Each time I explain this to him, it falls on deaf ears. It’s like talking to a wall.

“You need some jeans and maybe even a couple of pairs of shorts,” Elise says, bringing me out of my thoughts. 

“I want a new dress, maybe a couple of dresses,” I tell them, thinking back to the dresses I used to wear all the time. 

“I know just the place to go,” Blair states, her voice full of excitement. 

Blair and I have grown really close since the night she came over to eat dinner with us. She and Finn live in one of the cottages that circle the main lodge, as do most of the officers who have mates. It allows them to be close to the pack but also have their privacy. Brody and I will remain in the main lodge, though, because he is the Alpha. 

Elise has been staying with Blair since she arrived at the lodge. They’ve been best friends since Blair and Finn mated three years ago. Luckily, they’ve allowed me to become their third wheel. Between the two of them, they have made me feel more at home than I have ever experienced in my long life. This includes when I lived at home with my parents. Everything is just so easy between the three of us. There’s no expectations and no pressure, just easy camaraderie. With them by my side, I’m able to just let go and be myself. The stress they relieve with only an hour or two in their presence is something I cherish and look forward to on a daily basis.

“We’re pulling back up to the lodge now, so get your ass ready,” Blair says before ending the call. 

I smile as I throw my phone on the bed and run my fingers through my hair. I twist it into a messy knot then take a second to study myself in the mirror. It takes nothing more than a brief glance to tell me I’m not sleeping. With the dark bags that surround my eyes, it won’t take a genius to figure this out. My friends will realize it the minute they lay eyes on me. 

To top it all off, my sapphire blue eyes no longer seem to have the shimmer and spark they once had. Instead, when I look into their depths now, all I see is the anger that has taken over and turned their sparkle to a generic dullness. As much as I love my mate, I can’t seem to stop the anger from boiling up inside of me. 

With a sigh, I push away from the bathroom counter and walk to the closet. After sliding on my sandals, I shove my phone in my pocket. Then, just as I’m grabbing my purse off the bed, Blair comes bounding into the room. Stopping abruptly in her tracks, she gives me a quick once over before shaking her head in frustration.

“We tell you we’re going on a shopping spree, and you just had to go out of your way to look like a homeless bum? Are you hoping the clerks will feel bad for you and give you a discount, or what?”

Laughing at her bluntness, I walk right past her, refusing to give in to her prodding regarding my plain black tank and sweatpants. “You know, B, not everyone has spent the last three-hundred years studying the latest fashion trends.”

“Obviously not. If so, you’d know women do not leave the house in sweatpants, ever.”

I smile, continuing out of the room. “They’re what Brody bought me, so they’re what I’m wearing. Plus, some of us just want to be comfortable without all the hassle. Strapless bras and skinny jeans are in no way my idea of comfort.”

With a grunt, she reaches out, grabbing my arm and stopping me in my tracks. Looking over my shoulder, I burst into laughter the second I see the scowl on her beautiful face. “What’s up your ass?”

Shaking her head at me, she puts a hand on her curvy hip and proceeds to give me her best stink eye. “Izzy, tell me what you could possibly have against my outfit. Oh, and might I add, skinny jeans are the most comfortable thing on the market right now.”

“Sure they are,” I reply with a smile.

Pointing her finger in my face, another huff leaves her mouth before she adds, “Plus, they hold in all my loose bits and pieces. Let me tell you, that is worth something, missy. Not all of us have spent hundreds of years on your special starvation diet.”

“I’ve heard your mate loves all your bits and pieces.” Attempting and failing to hold the giggles in, I take in her total look of disgust, and I bite my bottom lip.

Her eyes narrow as she stares at me. “I know he loves me, but that’s not the point. Why don’t you like my clothes?”

I reach out and grab her hand, to start dragging her down the stairs. “Oh, please, B. You know I love the way you dress. It looks hot on you, but it’s just not me, not at the moment anyway. I would rather not attract any more attention than I already am, so it’s easier to stick to the plain old tanks and sweats for me.”

Throwing her arm around my shoulder, she leans over and gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “Aren’t you just the sweetest thing?”

 Rubbing her nasty slobber from my face, I glare at her as she bursts out laughing. “Sweet, my ass. I’ll show you just how mean I can be if you slobber on me again.”

Getting serious, she lowers her voice. “I know. I know you prefer the whole natural look, and you rock it. You do. You’re just so beautiful, and it would just be nice to see you put in a little more effort once in a while. You know damn well that Brody would appreciate it, especially if some of the effort was spent putting on lacy panties.”

“Whatever.” Rolling my eyes at her lame attempt to get me to change my mind, I give her a shove, causing her to stumble in her five-inch heels, which still doesn’t deter her from openly laughing at my discomfort.

“It’s true and you know it. I don’t care if you’ve been living in some fucked up world. You’ve gotta know guys like a little silk and satin.”

“You’re right. Maybe Brody would like it. Seeing as I have to pry him off me every two seconds, I’m going to assume that he is quite content with the way I am now,” I reply, walking down the stairs.

Throwing a wink in my direction as we round the corner to enter the kitchen, she says, “Oh, trust me. I know. Even from my cottage, I can hear you two go at it like horny rabbits.”

Noticing the room in front of me is full of pack members, I stop abruptly. She must not notice, because she goes on. “If I have to hear you scream, ‘
give it to me, wolf’
one more time, I’ll probably gag.”

“Shut up.” I reach out to give her another shove. However, she anticipates my move and quickly bounces out of the way before throwing her head back in a loud, boisterous laugh.

At the same moment, I hear Brody’s gruff chuckle coming from behind me. A second later, he wraps his arms around my waist. After kissing the top of my head, he leans down to whisper in my ear, “Is she giving you a hard time again, love? Want me to kick Finn’s ass to teach her a lesson?”

“Hey, how did I get pulled into this?” Finn yells from the other side of the room where Blair now stands leaning against his side. “You know I have no control of my mate’s mouth.”

“Oh, you love controlling my mouth,” she purrs, kissing him deeply.

Laughing at the easy banter between the two of them, I turn to Brody and give him a wink. “Oh, no worries here, Wolf. I plan to cut all of her precious designer clothes to pieces to get back at her. Then, we’ll be listening to her screams all night.”

Throwing his head back in laughter at the look of horror on Blair’s face, he gives me a playful slap on the ass before saying, “You see that, boys? My girl knows how to hit you all harder than I do. She knows exactly where it hurts the most.”

“Oh, please,” Blair huffs, pulling away from Finn. “She’s all talk. She knows damn well that I would gain major pleasure from plotting out my revenge.”

“She’s right. She would get pleasure out of that. She may be tiny, but she scares the hell out of me,” I say while pretending to shudder in fear.

Quirking a brow at me, Blair starts to shake her head in exasperation. “All right, smart ass, that’s enough out of you for one day. Elise is waiting in the car, so let’s get a move on before I have to listen to her bitch as well.”

Just as she finishes speaking, Brody grabs my hand and says, “Can I just talk to you for a minute before you go?”

“Sure.” I look over to Blair. “B, go on to the car. I’ll be there in a second.” 

Shooting me a knowing look, she nods her head before giving Finn a kiss on the cheek and heading for the door.

Pulling me into the dining room, Brody pulls me toward his chest as he slides his hands down my back to cup my ass. Looking up to meet his eyes, I see a gorgeous smile gracing his handsome face. “What are you so smiley for?”