Transitions (A Thousand Words Book 1) (11 page)

“I’m not caving. I –”

“Dev, why exactly did you back down on that point? Why not just say ‘abstinence’?” Lindsay asked.

He hesitated. “Oskar talked me out of being completely honest. He didn’t have to work too hard. Kenny and Alec threw a fit over the idea of being forthright. Jess laughed, that was annoying. Flynn . . . it doesn’t matter what Flynn thought.”

“What did Flynn say?” Lindsay pushed.

“Not to back myself into a corner,” Dev admitted. “He said never take an absolute stance if you can avoid it. Things happen, people change, and saying ‘always’ or ‘never’ is an invitation for something to go sideways down the road.”

Lindsay nodded again, but didn’t comment. Dev plowed on. “I wanted to let my fans know where I stood. Coming out and adopting the ‘good boy’ image officially was Oskar’s idea. I originally just wanted people to know that paternity suits are bogus. I’m not that kind of guy. Teenagers are watching me. I feel like I should be a role model.”

“You’re a hacker, Dev.”

“You haven’t seen that in my bio anywhere, have you?”

“Okay, so I should go back to my friends and say ‘hey, he said serious relationships and I’m a serious relationship’? You know what that sounds like.”

“No, I’m pointing out what the ad actually says. And neither of us denies our relationship is serious. Or do you?”

“No.” She shook her head.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, or me, to anyone. What we have is ours. You taught me that. You can point out I never claimed to be a monk. They’ll assume what they want after that, I suspect.”

“Do you really want that?” Lindsay asked, giving him a withering look.

“It’s not like they’re talking to the press. It’s just a few of your friends. Even if rumors spread . . .” Dev shrugged. “Considering a few months ago everyone thought I was picking up girls backstage and inviting them back to my hotel room all summer . . . this is local. I’ll live with it”

“And in the future? After I graduate? What then?”

Dev wanted this conversation to be over. He didn’t want to talk about sex with Lindsay. The physical relationship they had already was dangerously uncomfortable. When he was with her, he felt good, but guilt always set in as soon as he took her home and left for the night. Even with the boundaries they’d agreed to, Dev was still uneasy and haunted by the thought that he could turn into Jess or Flynn. The only change he could accept would be slowing things down, but he knew Lindsay wouldn’t like that.

He leaned forward and kissed her. “Let’s deal with that when it gets closer, okay? Right now, I just want to spend time with you.”

“And the guys.”

“I’m sorry, we’re pushing to finish all the songs for the next album. We have studio time booked for Friday and Saturday, then we’ll finish recording and mixing whatever we need to over Christmas break.”

“Does that include the duet with Erika Atlas?” Lindsay asked, moving closer so her lips brushed Dev’s as she spoke. Dev froze.

“No. I’ll meet up with her in a studio in New York next weekend.”

“Why didn’t you mention that? Why did I have to find out about this project from Ruby? Why do I need Olly to watch the music industry rumor mill for hints of what’s happening with you? And why are you hanging out with Erika Atlas when you promised me you wouldn’t . . .” Lindsay broke out in tears and turned away from Dev as she succumbed to her sobs.

Dev ran his fingers through her hair, feeling the softness. “I was torn. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to be upset, and didn’t know how to tell you so you wouldn’t be. That being said, it was only finalized about a week and a half ago. I figured I would tell you about it this weekend. In person seemed like a better idea. I know how you get about things like this.

“Now, who are Olly and Ruby? And why are they watching the gossip columns?”

“Ruby and I met in a therapy group my mom sends me to. She’s a couple years older than me. Olly’s her boyfriend,” Lindsay said with a sniffle. “They worry.”

“About you dating me?”

Lindsay nodded. “They don’t get it because they don’t know you the way I do and I don’t tell them much.”

“So they’re trying to help you out by spying on me.” Dev stroked her back as he considered this. “You know what? Whatever. If they want to waste time stalking celebrity gossip sites, that’s their business.”

“I was hoping we could double with them this weekend, but you’re going to be busy,” Lindsay said and Dev heard how upset she was. She laid down again and curled up with her back to him.

“I’m sorry. We’ve got almost enough material now for two albums, we need to get some tracks recorded and one released. We’re already losing momentum and it’s not going to get any easier. I’ll see if we can cut out early Saturday. I still want time with you. If it’s important to you that I meet your friends, I’ll figure something out.”

“You’ll schedule me around your studio time. Thanks.”

“Don’t be like that,” Dev said, laying down beside her and letting his arm rest in the snug notch her waist created. “I love programming, but this is my job. You know that. I love you. You’re important to me.”

Lindsay was quiet, but she rolled to face him. Dev reached over and wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I know,” she whispered.

Dev slid closer. “Listen, don’t worry about Erika. This is for publicity as much as anything. She has an established fan base and this may draw attention to us. For tonight, can I just have my Lindsay back?” Dev asked.

Lindsay smiled and wiggled over into his arms. She kissed him, and Dev could almost believe that everything was okay after all. Of course she wasn’t completely over it. He’d have to do something to make it up to her, but he was willing to do almost whatever it took.

○ ○ ○

Dev kicked back and looked over the new song with a critical eye, searching for how Kenny was going to pick this one apart. He could play it safe and just write a poem about Lindsay, but he didn’t want to. After fighting with her over that stupid ad campaign, he didn’t want to risk what might spill out onto paper. It wasn’t like he couldn’t take it back, not really. Okay, to him he couldn’t take it back, even though no one would see it. If he wrote it, the words were out there. The bitterness at . . .

If he wanted to be honest with himself, he was annoyed that she hated the campaign. He thought it was clever. Dev was tired of people comparing him to Jess as if he somehow didn’t measure up when they were just different. And unless they were handing out awards for nailing the most women, it was
Jess
that wasn’t measuring up.

It wasn’t fair of him to feel that way and Dev knew it. Jess was outgoing and confident around other people in a way Dev never would be. While he wouldn’t openly shout his friend’s personal attributes to the world, Dev wouldn’t criticize him for not choosing more academic pursuits either. Unless they were joking of course.

Oskar Viktor’s Best Friends campaign was a great idea in Dev’s mind because it pointed out what he couldn’t quite articulate himself – that they were simply different. And it also allowed Dev to be the role model that he felt he should be.

Lindsay’s protest cut deep, in part because he didn’t expect it from her. She was always supportive and it made him feel guilty that he never once considered what it must be like for her to have him as a boyfriend. Even after their talk, he still didn’t really know.

Her displeasure also brought to mind Kenny’s initial fight against the campaign. Dev remembered being floored when he and Alec took Oskar’s proposal back to the band one weekend when they were in Boston.

“Kenny, I’m honestly a little surprised,” Dev said. “I thought you’d flip for the free publicity.”

“Yeah,” Jess echoed Dev’s surprise, a look of shock on his face. “If anything I would have thought Dev wouldn’t want to risk me overshadowing his pin-up stats.”

Dev gave Jess a withering look.

“Dev, you don’t get it,” Kenny said. “Jess connects with our listeners. You don’t. This is going to make it worse.”

“Kenny, your listeners love him,” Alec said. Dev was suddenly grateful that Alec was there for this particular meeting. He heard Oskar’s pitch in person, so he knew exactly what the designer had in mind. Maybe it was just that Dev didn’t explain it right.

“They love him, because they think he’s cute and sweet and they don’t know any better,” Kenny patiently answered Alec. “No offense, Dev, you’re like a little brother to all of us. But you’re a pain in the ass.

“It isn’t just this campaign, it’s the fact that you’re still doing
any
campaigns for Oskar. You admit you don’t have time. You don’t need the experience, you can stand in front of a camera like a pro even if they do drop a model in beside you. Lindsay earned her chocolate on that one, you don’t freak out anymore. Yippee.

“It’s not like Oskar can’t replace you. The band doesn’t need the exposure. In fact, I’d rather have you a bit more focused on lyrics than photo shoots, I think I’ve made that clear. Yet there you are, still letting Oskar use you as the focal point of his men’s line campaigns. It’s a hell of a deal for him, and you’re right, it is a little free advertising for us. But it’s not worth it.

“This in particular isn’t worth it. I don’t particularly
want
the fans knowing you’re inaccessible. I’d rather they didn’t know you’re waging a very quiet war with your stepfather who’s a music icon.”

“Of course they wouldn’t put in things like that, Kenny,” Alec said.

“Really? So Dev will step up and say he’s all about abstinence and fidelity, and against alcohol. And you don’t think it’ll take some industrious reporter all of two seconds to point out Flynn married Trisha because she was pregnant, he was divorced three times because of affairs, he’s a known alcoholic, and say ‘Hey, wait, you never see those two in the same room together, do you?’ Because it’ll happen, Alec.”

“I think you’re overreacting, Kenny,” Bryan said.

“Am I?”

“Oskar advised against saying I believe in abstinence,” Dev said.

“Really? What did he tell you to say?” Kenny demanded.

Alec held up his hand. “Kenny, you’re frustrated, but Dev is still working for Oskar. That’s his decision, not ours. This campaign, contrasting Dev and Jess, it’s Oskar’s gesture to keep Dev from doing an interview and genuinely being cornered by those same reporters you were just worried about. You’re right, we don’t want them asking probing questions, but Dev wants to get his feelings about certain things on the record. This is a safe way to do it.

“Granted Oskar will benefit from it, sure. So will A Thousand Words. I think mostly Dev will benefit. I’m not worried about it hurting Dev or Flynn so much as potential backlash on Jess. I think we’ll have to watch that,” Alec said.

Jess shrugged. “If anyone’s been paying attention at all, nothing should be a surprise.”

“Just the same, I think we should be careful.” With those words, Alec stopped Kenny’s tantrum and the campaign moved forward. Alec watched feedback on the website for the impact of the campaign and a week before Dev came home for Thanksgiving, Kenny flew out to Boston.

“This is going to be good, isn’t it?” Dev asked.

“Surprising,” Kenny said with a nod. Then Kenny made himself comfortable in an overstuffed chair overlooking the dining room and waited quietly all night while Dev and his study group worked through their projects. Dev glanced Kenny’s way a couple of times. His friend just watched and listened as they worked and made a case for a new student being little more than a script kiddie. He felt bad making Kenny wait, but Dev wasn’t expecting him so there was little he could do about it.

“All right,” Dev said while he cleared away the last of the pizza boxes. He smiled at a cartoon toddler at a keyboard Noah drew on one, then threw it away with the rest. “Hit me with it.”

“First, what’s a script kiddie?”

“Someone who tries to impress people by hacking systems using programs someone else wrote instead of writing their own.”

“So you were being rude.” Kenny stared at him as if seeing Dev in a new light.

“We were being descriptive. Not to say Pat can’t write code, he might be able to. But if he can’t write malicious code, then he shouldn’t pretend to. Who’s he trying to impress? Like anyone wouldn’t catch on,” Dev scoffed then caught himself. Did he just admit to anything? Technically no, but this was Kenny he was talking to.

“This is kind of our thing, Kenny. Everyone at this table spotted him for what he was.” There, anonymity amid the numbers. Hopefully.

“Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, you know Alec’s been watching the fan reactions to that Best Friends campaign.”

“And you’ve been looking over his shoulder,” Dev finished for him with a nod.

“I was rightfully concerned.”

“Fine, you were concerned. What about it?”

“It could still go sideways on us, but it appears it might have been a good idea after all,” Kenny finished.

Dev stared at him. He sort of wanted to ask Kenny to repeat that, maybe even ask if he could get it in writing. His dad’s long ago lecture about taking the high road rang dimly in his memory and Dev reluctantly let it go.