Transcend (24 page)

“Thank you. Now go and get the basin. Let me clean you up.”

My skin trembles as she cleans the wounds, releasing me from all of my sins.

Will the bleeding stop now?

“Untie my feet so I can find something to use for a bandage.”

Is this a trick?

“You can trust me. I only want to help you. I promise I won’t try to leave.”

Her words, the ones I’ve craved for so long, steal my breath.

With her feet free, she stands. I stand with her, ready to prevent her from leaving. But she makes no effort to run. She grabs the linens that litter the barn.  

“Here, we can use this.” She grabs my arm and wraps the cloth around it. I am both relaxed and excited by her touch. “Sit.”

I have no choice but to obey, mesmerized by her kindness.

She sits next to me. “Let me see your face.”

I fear the request.

She studies the contours of my face. There is no terror in her eyes now. Only acceptance. She fingers the crevices, noting each nub of bone, every fragment of flesh.

My breathing is erratic. I am dizzy from her touch.

You remember, Kiera. I know you do
.

I lean into her, thinking only of the feel of her lips on mine. She remains still, and my lips brush hers, sending a current up my spine.

And a hot pain through my face.

She digs her nails into my flesh, tearing what little skin she can find in a violent tug.

Screaming, I pull away from her. She lunges toward the door. I catch her feet, tripping her. She slams hard against the floor and I am on top of her.

“Why?” I spit. “Is it James? Did he turn you against me?”

“You aren’t Ien. He died. And I don’t know you.” She writhes against my hold.

I pin down her arms. “You promised yourself to me. To me!” I slap her hard against the face and she is quiet, stunned.

Unconscious.

Working fast, I tie more bindings around her wrists. She will not fool me again. I know now that there is no trust.

She wakes too fast, her scream cutting through the night air.

“None of that,” I say, tying a scrap of cloth around her mouth. “Now, I want you to know who I am.” I force her to face me. “Look at me!”

She closes her eyes too tight.

“Look. At. Me!”

She stares at me with a stoic resolve. It melts into recognition as my heart beats wildly.

“I…you.” Her words pour in a garbled mess against the cloth in her mouth. “I..you.”

I move the cloth from her mouth. “What?”

“It’s really you.”

“Back from the dead.”

“And the letter?”

“Also from me. I told you I’d return. Told you what would happen if you refused me.”

She grinds her teeth and inhales a deep breath. “What did you do to James?” Her voice cracks on every word.

“I won’t talk about him!” My voice booms around her and she cowers. “You are mine, Kiera. We are meant to be together.”

“I will never be with you.” Her words slap me.

“You have no choice. Not anymore.”

Kiera cries. But I don’t care. She chose this fate the day she chose James over me. I look at the blood-soaked bandages around my arm. So much blood—so much pain. My head is woozy as the ground rises to meet me.

“You’ll never get away with this. They’ll find you. Kill you.”

“They’ve already tried. They can’t ever kill me. I. Am. Death.” My vision begins to blur and I grab onto Kiera.

She pulls away. My mouth floods with the acid swirling up from my stomach. Spitting out the contents of my mouth, I get lost in the haze rushing over me. “You are right, though. There is no life for us. Not until we both die.” I release her and drop to the floor. My world fades

from

      view…

32.

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.

Tell me not that I am too late,

that such precious feelings are gone forever.”

~Jane Austin (Persuasion)

~~

My eyes fly open when I hear Kiera scream. “No,” pours from my mouth. I sit up, my world still spinning. The blood appears dry on my hands and shirt. But I am still woozy. I make my way to the basin and empty myself. Kiera’s continual rejection, the voices that have no end, my crimes, the pain, it all lands in the bowl with sudden finality.

Kiera pulls against her bindings, scooting away from me. Tears stream down her face, leaving trails on her dirt-ridden cheeks.

“Don’t cry. I forgive your folly. You’ve forgotten about your promise, that’s all. Forgotten that you promised yourself to me the day you accepted my ring.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ien.” The words flow between her sobs.

“Don’t say that! I know you remember.”

“No. I don’t. You never gave me anything except our music.”

I refuse to listen to her lies, the stories James used to twist her mind. “It doesn’t matter. I know how we can be together again.”

My mind is hazy now, confused. Is this nothing more than a dream? The ever-present noise and chaos plays in the backdrop of my thoughts. I take the oil lamps adorning the stable walls and break them against the wooden posts, pouring the oil around the barn.

“What are you doing?” There is panic in her voice now. “Ien?”

Lamp after lamp is broken until the floor is strewn with broken bits of glass, muddied with oil. Only one remains, a soft flame flickering against the pressing darkness.

“Ien? Don’t do this. Please. I’ll stay with you. I will.”

But I know she is lying to me again. “It’s okay, my love. I know you don’t mean anything you’re saying. Trust me, this is better. We can have the life we’ve always wanted now.”

I take the last lamp into my hands and prepare to throw it against the wall.

“Help!” Kiera screams.

 “Kiera? Kiera!”

James!

Placing the lamp down, I run to the door and bolt it shut.

“I’m here,” Kiera screams.

“Kiera!”

The door buckles. The bolt won’t stay secure.

“James!” Kiera screams.

 “Ien, please. Let me in. Please!”

Jenna?

Her voice unnerves me and I take a step back. With a loud crack, the door gives and James comes in, a pistol pointed at my head. “Get away from her,” he says.

“I killed you.” My mind whirls. “I killed you!” His blood is still on my hands, oozing from wounds I can’t see.

“You have to calm down, Ien. Please.” Jenna steps out from behind James.

“Why are you here?” I stare at Jenna and the scene tilts.

The air is thick with the scent of oil, reminding me. Focusing me. There is only one way I must end this.

Jenna steps between the gun and me, facing James. “Put the gun away; he isn’t going to hurt anyone.” A tear races down her face.

I pull Jenna to me, my arm around her neck. “Drop it,” I say.

“Ien!”

Confusion and chaos fill the void of my thoughts. My tormenters step out from my mind.

Sister Anne.

Father.

Mother.

Erik.

Their laughter muddies the scene further as they yell the accusations I expect.

“Coward.”

“Worthless.”

“You will never have her.”

“Why couldn’t you have just died?”

“Erik was always the better son.”

“You’re nothing but a killer. A monster.”

“You must die.”

Every fear, every shame, exposed in a sea of taunts that come from all directions. I turn in a circle, lost in the sounds, the visions, the smoke.

“Ien!” Jenna’s voice means nothing to me now.

She lied.

They all lied.

The blood flows too fast down my arm, soaking through the bandages. I smear my hands in liquid guilt, willing it to stop.

Someone grabs my hand as I begin to fall.

“Help me!”

I’m guided to the floor. Through a crimson haze I watch James fingering the ropes binding Kiera.

“You promised, Kiera. You promised.” The words scrape my throat raw.

“You’re wrong, Ien. Confused.” James continues to work Kiera’s ropes.

“Liar! You’re all liars.” I force myself to stand, surrounded by the ghosts of my life. “Get away from me. Get away!” I strike at the phantoms stalking me. “I killed you. Killed you all.” They are relentless, dodging in and out of my vision.

“Ien, please. Stop. You need to calm down.” Jenna touches my arm.

She’s with
them.

She means to hurt me just like everyone.

“No!” I scream. “Betrayer! Liar!” I hit her and she falls at my feet, a thin ribbon of blood trickling from her mouth.

“Hurry, James. Hurry!” Kiera watches me with frantic eyes.

Why are you afraid? I would never hurt you. Not you.

“No!” My voice is too loud.

James finishes untying the last of Kiera’s bindings.

“Stop! You cannot have her.” I lunge at him, tripping over Jenna.

I stumble to the floor knocking down the table with the basin and the lamp. Flames jump from the lamp to the oil, igniting a trail throughout the stables. Within moments the flames encircle us, cutting off our only exit.

“You’re too late,” I laugh. “Too late.”

~~

“Go, Kiera. Run.” James unties the last of her ropes and shoves her towards the door.

“I won’t leave you.”

“Go!”

Kiera’s vision darts from the flames to me. “I’m sorry, Ien. For everything.” She runs through the fire. And out of my life.

James shoves the gun in my face. “You need to get out too.”

“You stole her from me. STOLE HER!”

The fire licks the air around us.

Jenna stirs, wakes. “Ien,” she whispers, suddenly sitting. “We don’t have time for this.” She pushes to her feet and runs to me. “Please, we have to leave.” She grabs my arm. “Now.”

Noises float in through the still open door. Voices, too many voices. “Fire…Ien…Trapped…”

The hot metal of the gun settles on my forehead. “Leave!”

I push the gun aside and barrel into James. “You were dead!”

“Ien!” Jenna screams. “Don’t hurt him. Please. He’s sick.”

James and I land on the floor with a thud. I hit the air, his arm, his face.

He blocks every blow, his gun again settling on my face. “Ien, you have to listen to me.”

But I won’t. There is nothing James can say that I will believe.

“You’re mistaken about everything. You never proposed. You never proposed!”

Liar!

I grab the gun, trying to pull it from James.

“No!” Jenna pulls on us. “Stop! We have to leave.”

James and I roll in the dirt as the flames inhale the building. I beat his arms, his chest, the blood spewing from my wounds. I am too weak to continue. My head spins again.

Jenna pulls at me and I break my grasp.

“Kiera,” I scream. “Kiera!”

“You are too late.” The voice is cold and unyielding. It can belong to only one person.

Mother.

I turn and find the flames have surrounded me in a fortress of fire. Mother walks through the flames, her eyes piercing through the darkness and into my soul.

Without thinking about the fire closing around me, I rush into her. I will not let her kill me. Will not let her hurt Kiera. I wrap my fingers around her throat and squeeze. I watch her eyes as they begin to bulge, the life slowly draining away.

“Hard to breathe, Mother, isn't it? I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

She struggles against my hold.

But I can’t stop. I will never stop myself again. The harder I squeeze, the more blood pushes down my arm, a river that won’t yield. I can’t hold her, can’t keep squeezing.

“Ien,” she manages to squeak. “Stop. Please.” The sound of her words is garbled, weak.

My hold on her falters, as my hands grow slick. The river, the never ending sea of red, continues to flow uncontrollably.

Why won’t it stop?

I lose my grip entirely and Mother slips out of my grasp.

Was she even really here?

In seconds, James is on me, the gun barrel pointed to my face. “Ien! Stop!”

“Kiera!”

“Your arm, it’s bleeding.” Jenna’s voice cuts through the others. “Stop fighting. Let me help you.”

“No! It’s James. He’s tricking you. This is his blood. His!”

“Listen to me, Ien. It’s not James. It’s you. You’re hurt. You’re sick. Let us help you.”

I feel the fire closing tightly around us. It will kill us all.

Except Kiera.

“No! Kiera,” I yell again in the air. “This is all for you. For us.” She can’t hear me now. Because of James.

Always James.

I lunge for him, ignoring the gun still aimed at me.

James steps easily out of my reach as I stumble across the hay-slicked floor. The blood—my blood—continues to pour from my arms as my thoughts spiral.

“I don’t want to shoot you,” James says.

He sounds distant. Too distant.

“I can’t let you hurt anyone else.”

“Kiera! You took my Kiera.” My screams echo around me.

“She was never yours, Ien.”

I take another step towards him and he cocks the gun.

 “We have to leave,” James says. “Before we all die.” He’s stoic, unyielding.

“You first.” My heartbeat explodes in my ears.

Thump thump.

A loud sound pierces through me. I wobble.

Thump thump.

Fresh blood coats my arms, my chest.

Thump thump.

Smoke and fire overtake my senses and I fall, fall, fall into

the

abyss…

33.

“There is no refuge from confession but suicide,

and suicide is confession.”

~Daniel Webster

~