Trailer Trash (19 page)

Who in the world were they?

The one static-filled station he managed to pick up in Warren played country, and there wasn’t a single record store in town.
I want my MTV!
had been spray-painted across the side of the bowling alley, but so far, nobody had complied. Some weekends, Nate managed to stay up late and to watch
Night Flight
, always hoping for a few music videos, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t seen anybody called the Beastie Boys.

He really was in the black hole of modern civilization.

“Fuck you,” Nate said aloud to the room. He crumpled the letter into a ball and threw it toward the trash can in the corner. It bounced off the wall and landed in the middle of the room. “Fuck you, and fuck David Lee Roth too.”

The coat Logan brought Cody on homecoming night—“Better than a corsage, anyway,” Logan had said—was a bit too big, and still had the tags on it. Cody felt like a fool for taking it, but only until he put it on and walked outside into the Wyoming wind. A glance at the sky was all it took to tell him snow was coming.

To hell with pride. The coat was warm, he’d beaten the snow, and he still had all his money. Maybe now he could buy some good boots, or a pair of gloves.

“Don’t you have a truck you can drive in the winter?” Cody asked as he climbed into Logan’s Camaro.

“Hey, as long as the roads are clear, I’m sticking with this one.” He started the car and turned it around in the dirt lot that counted as Cody’s front yard. “You gonna talk to Nate tonight?”

Cody shook his head, trying not to chuckle. “Gee, I’m so anxious to discuss Nate for the eight hundredth time this week.”

“You know he’s going to be there, right?”

“How would I know that?”

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t hear them talking about it in social studies.”

“I don’t listen to anything he says.”

“Liar.” Cody kept his gaze averted as they drove under the train tracks and surfaced on the more respectable side of the trailer park. “Have you talked to him at all?”

Christ, Logan could be persistent. It was hard to fault him for it, but they seemed to have this conversation over and over. He was tired of talking about a relationship that only existed in Logan’s imagination. “Why would I?”

“How many times do I have to say it? He misses you.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“I think he’s trying to find a way to break the silence.”

“By what? Switching desks in social studies. So what? It doesn’t mean a goddamn thing.”

“There’s something else. Something I didn’t tell you before. Last week—”

“Logan, stop. I know you’re trying to help, but seriously, let it go, okay? Concentrate on your own lousy love life, and leave mine alone.”

Logan braked at the stop sign at the entrance to the park. There was nobody behind them, and they sat there for a minute. Cody didn’t look over, but he felt the weight of Logan’s gaze on him. He squirmed a bit under the scrutiny. Maybe he’d been too harsh. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe—

“Okay,” Logan said, his voice quiet. “I won’t mention it again.”

For some reason, Logan’s acquiescence didn’t feel as good as Cody had hoped. Having Logan actually drop the subject felt like giving up on Nate all over again. It felt like finally admitting defeat. But it was what he’d asked for, so Cody forced himself to say, “Thanks.” He hated the awkward silence though, so he cleared his throat and said, “How’d the game go last night?”

Logan smiled. “It was awesome. I mean, we lost, but only because our defense sucks, and I actually had a pretty good game. I was afraid knowing the scouts were there would make me nervous, and I guess it kind of did, but it seemed like a good kind of nervous. I threw for two hundred and twenty-seven yards, and rushed for one touchdown. Coach thinks I’ll hear from the university by Christmas.”

“That’s great.” He couldn’t even envy Logan his success, although he couldn’t help but wish somebody would offer him a ticket out of Warren too.

Cody felt like an idiot walking into the dance. He was sure everybody would see him and wonder why he was here, but if anybody noticed, they didn’t make a big deal out of it, and an hour later, Cody grudgingly admitted it didn’t suck nearly as much as he’d expected. It helped that Logan was there, trying to keep up a good front despite watching the girl he was crazy about rub herself all over some guy who was old enough to legally drink.

“Forget her,” Cody said, in an attempt to cheer Logan up. “Ask somebody else to dance.”

“Maybe.” Logan eyed the group of girls huddled in the corner to their right. “If you do.”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“Yeah, but they don’t. Have you ever thought about trying to prove the rumors wrong?”

Cody looked up at him, trying to search Logan’s face as the red and blue lights from the dance floor flashed across it. “Are you serious?”

“Sure. Just a couple of dances, maybe take one of them on a date or something, and then all the trash talk might go away.”

Cody pondered that. Maybe Logan was right, but it wouldn’t change the facts. Even if he could find a girl willing to date him, how long would it take her to figure out that he had no interest in her? “I’d hate to put one of them in the position of having to tell me no.”

“What if they said yes?”

“That’d almost be worse.” Because he knew without a doubt that it’d never go further than that. He’d had plenty of time to consider the fact that girls had no effect on him whatsoever.

He was saved by Logan’s sister, Shelley, who tapped Logan on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I had an idea.” Logan turned away, stooping a bit so they were eye to eye and he could converse with her without having to yell over the music.

Cody leaned against the wall, his eyes scanning the gym. It wasn’t too bad, really. Sure, the music sucked, and Logan was his only friend, but things could’ve been worse.

Then his eyes landed on Nate and Stacy.

Yeah, Cody. It’s worse.

He’d somehow avoided looking at Nate up until this point. He’d almost even avoided thinking about him. But now, Nate was all he could see. He wanted to look away—wanted to walk outside and have a smoke, at the very least—but he couldn’t take his eyes off Nate. And then Nate and Stacy turned his way, doing that stupid little circle that apparently qualified as slow dancing at school dances, and Nate’s eyes locked on to his.

It made Cody’s stomach squirm and his heart do horrible, fluttery things. It made him want to hide, to dive deep into that quiet place inside where he didn’t have to feel anything, but at the same time, he wanted to stay right where he was, just soaking Nate in. He was scared and thrilled and utterly powerless to do anything but watch Nate.

Nate, dancing with Stacy.

Except, maybe not really. Because Cody felt sure Nate wasn’t thinking about Stacy at all. He felt sure something was happening that had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Nate and Cody, as if everybody else in the gym had disappeared and they were the only two people left on earth.

It was ridiculous. Nate had practically run screaming in fear after Cody had spilled his guts about being gay. And why in the hell had he started babbling about blowjobs and handjobs anyway? He could have kicked himself for being so stupid, but it had felt like such a relief to finally say it out loud. To finally have somebody he could voice his uncertainties to. And then, to actually kiss Nate, to see the way Nate responded to his touch. It had felt absolutely perfect.

Right up until Nate bolted, at any rate.

But Nate wasn’t bolting now. He wasn’t moving closer either, but Cody was sure that was only because of where they were. Because of the dance, and Stacy, and the knowledge that whatever happened between them would be seen by everybody in school. Stacy moved closer to Nate, and Nate settled his cheek against the side of her head, but still, his eyes stayed locked on Cody’s. Nate’s hands moved on Stacy’s hips, the casual motion somehow significant, somehow making Cody’s skin tingle. Somehow making him sure Nate was thinking about him.

But why would he be?

Cody winced and ducked his head, not wanting to see Nate and Stacy together anymore. He’d been jealous his whole life. Jealous of people with money and new clothes, of kids who had fathers there for the birthdays and mothers who had respectable jobs. He was jealous of many things, yes, but he’d never been so jealous of a girl simply for being where she was. But seeing Nate with Stacy, Cody was filled with a jealousy so strong and foul, he was almost ashamed. Stacy seemed like a nice enough girl. She’d certainly never done anything to Cody. But why did her happiness have to include Nate? At that moment, Cody would have done anything to be the one in Nate’s arms.

That thought hit him like a bolt of lightning, almost blinding him with its brilliance. It wiggled down his spine, making his stomach do somersaults, making him feel suddenly too hot and too itchy and entirely too exposed. Cody found himself again staring into Nate’s eyes.

Jesus, why the fuck was he such a goddamned fool? What was he doing here, leaning against the gym wall, trying to communicate with Nate from what felt like half a mile away, while still feeling as if Nate was in his space, in his face, in his head, seeing every insecurity he’d ever had? He wanted to cry. Or to run. Or maybe just to give up and tell Nate that he was so fucking crazy about him he couldn’t even think straight.

That thought almost made him smile.

Can’t even think straight.

Except, Nate
was
straight. And Cody was the town’s biggest idiot.

He turned away—away from the dance, away from whatever it was Nate was trying to tell him from across the room—and headed for the door. At least he had a warm coat now. Walking home would be better than staying there, seeing Stacy have the only thing in the world Cody really wanted.

He’d barely made it out the open door of the gym before Logan caught him in the hallway, laying one big hand on Cody’s shoulder.

“Cody, wait.” Even in the hallway, the music was loud, but at least the lights were on. Logan bent his head closer to Cody’s to talk, rather than shouting. “You leaving already?”

He knew Logan would make a big deal out of it, so he shrugged. “Maybe I’m just going for a smoke.”

Logan didn’t look convinced, but he obviously had something else on his mind. “Yeah right. Hey, listen. I need a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Can you cover for me at the Tomahawk next Saturday?”

“After Thanksgiving, you mean?”

“Right. You don’t have plans, do you?”

Of course he didn’t, and Logan knew it. It was a day they’d been booked for overlapping shifts, Cody for only a few hours in the first half of the day, and Logan arriving later. “Why? What’s up?”

“Shelley wants me to take her to Casper on Friday so she can go shopping with our cousins on Saturday. She’s gonna spend the weekend there. I could come back that night and work my shift, but then I’d have to drive to Casper again on Sunday to pick her up. It’d be easier if we both just stayed the weekend and came home Sunday evening. I know you’ve worked almost every Friday night during football season, and you shouldn’t have to work all day Saturday too—”

“It’s cool.” After all, he had nothing better to do with his weekends, and a few extra hours on his paycheck would be nice. It’d mean working a ten hour shift, but so what? “I’ll cover for you. I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

Cody grinned. “Well, I’ll have to cancel that hot date I had with Jamie Simpson, but for you, I’ll do it.”

Logan laughed and threw his arm around Cody’s shoulders, turning him toward the outside door just as Jimmy Riordan and Larry Lucero came through it. “You’re the best.” He tugged Cody to the side to let Jimmy and Larry by, nearly pulling him off his feet as he dragged him closer, his face bumping the top of Cody’s head as Cody fought for his balance. If he didn’t make it as a quarterback in college, Cody figured Logan had a shot as a defensive lineman. “I owe you.”

“Yeah, you do.”

They strolled toward the door, Logan’s arm still draped comfortably over Cody’s shoulders.

“You’re not just going out for a smoke. You’re bailing on the dance, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“At least let me give you a ride home.”

Even in his new coat, a ride in Logan’s Camaro would sure beat walking. “I’m still not putting out on the first date.”

“How do you feel about first base?”

“That’s the second date.”

Logan laughed again. “I was planning on breaking up with you before then anyway.”