TPG (17 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

He felt like he was falling apart.

Literally.

It wasn’t that he
didn’t expect the withdrawal to be worse this time. He knew it would be, knew
it’d be more intense. He knew the pattern by now. Each time was a little worse.
But he didn’t think it’d be this drastic. It had only been days since his last
hit, and not only had the high completely vanished, but he’d deteriorated to
the point his entire body trembled. And it wasn’t just his body anymore. It was
his mind too. And it wasn’t just cloudy anymore, it was slower, his speech
slurred.

It was much worse
than he realized it’d be, much worse than the periodic shakes and tremors he’d
previously gotten after just a few days.

It was spiraling
out of control. The recent string of home starts had advanced to a frequency
that made him go out too often, and had exacerbated his condition so much his
nerve endings felt raw and his limbs like jelly.

It had gotten so
bad he even considered asking Corin to check and see if they could do something
to help him out. But he stopped himself. He couldn’t go there. Not yet. If he
did that, they’d make him stop. They were clear on that. The message to Corin
was the death at Union Square was the last straw and if there was one more
incident, they’d intervene. He wasn’t sure he believed them, but even so, he
knew they wouldn’t help him. Not if he continued to do what he was doing.
They’d insist that he’d have to stop if he wanted their help. There was little
doubt about that. And since he wasn’t ready to stop, seeking their help really
wasn’t a viable option. Besides, he didn’t know if they’d be able to help
anyway.

That left him with
only one option—increase the hits.

And although he
wasn’t sure if that would buy him the time he needed or incapacitate him beyond
help, as he watched his hands tremor while they dangled over his thighs, he
realized he didn’t have a choice.

He wouldn’t last
to the next start without it.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Kyle shot Bree a text on his way to
his office after finishing his afternoon class, saying he’d stop by when he was
finished grading papers.

His plan was to
try and convince her to join him at Eddie’s shore house for the weekend, but he
didn’t hold out much hope she’d agree. She was still upset at him for pulling
her out of camp. But he wasn’t budging, and neither was Sheila. The details
about the “prank” call had spooked his ex-wife as well. But Kyle was still the
real enemy since he was the one who insisted someone be with Bree at all times.
It was straining their relationship like never before.

As he rounded the
corner and looked up after sending the text, he stopped in his tracks. In front
of him, standing right outside his office, was Liam’s familiar squat form
leaning against the wall, a tight black T-shirt with a faded Batman symbol
clinging to his flabby chest.

They hadn’t spoken
since the day Kyle brought Bree back from camp, when he told Liam his
involvement in the hemorrhage incidents was over. He didn’t give a reason why,
didn’t say anything about what happened, and definitely nothing about the
threats. All he said was he was done. Liam didn’t say much in response, didn’t
try to convince Kyle he was wrong. He didn’t even ask if they’d remain friends.
He just quietly accepted Kyle’s decision.

The ease of his
acceptance made Kyle suspicious, and he wondered if Liam had been threatened as
well. He didn’t know and didn’t ask, and may have just been paranoid. The
reason for Liam’s easy acceptance could’ve been something as simple as the fact
that the Yankees were on the road. Whatever the reason, Kyle wasn’t going to
risk Bree’s life to find out. And though it pained him to just abandon the man
like that, he didn’t have any choice.

But now Liam was
back.

“I figured it
out,” Liam said, the dark bags under his eyes continuing to grow worse, making
it look like he hadn’t slept since Kyle last saw him even as an excited glint
snuck through the bleary glaze. “I know what’s going on.”

Kyle fixed his
eyes into Liam. “I’m done, Liam. I don’t want to know about it.”

“But I’ve got it
this time,” Liam said. “I know
exactly
what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to
hear about it.”

“I know you’re
stressed about the mediation,” Liam said, “but all you have to do is listen.
That’s all. I’m not asking you to do any more stakeouts. I promise.”

“There’s nothing
to listen to, Liam.”

“Are you joking?”
Liam laughed.

Kyle scanned the
hallways to see if anyone was watching or listening. He saw no one. “I’m not
joking,” he said in a strong whisper. “It’s in the hands of the police now.
They know everything. I’ve told them about it, they know everything, and
they’ll act appropriately if needed.”

“But the police
said—”

“I’m done, Liam,”
Kyle interrupted. “
Done.
”

“Look, I know
you’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with right now. And I didn’t want to bother
you until the mediation’s over, but when I went to tell that boob Slattery what
was going on, he said I should talk to you first.”

“What did you say
to him? Did you tell him you were talking to me?”

“What? No,” Liam
said, pushing up his glasses. “Like I just said, I wanted
to talk to
him
, but he
stonewalled me and said to talk to you first. He said he already spoke to you
about their investigation.”

“Well there’s
nothing to talk about,” Kyle said. “They know what we know. That’s it.”

“Why are you
acting so strange?” Liam asked. “All I want to do is talk, that’s it. Is it
because you think I’ll pull a gun again? If that’s it, I can promise you it
won’t happen. I’m going to do it the right way this time. I’ll have the police
handle it. I’ll let them get him and then bring him to Allie and get her out of
her coma. I just don’t get why everyone is making that so hard.”

“Because no one
thinks there’s anything going on,” Kyle lied. “That’s why. So either drop it,
or just leave me out of it, okay?”

“But you
know
there’s something going on. I know
you do. And I’m telling you, I now know for certain what it is.”

Kyle looked
around, still seeing no one. He took a deep breath and then grabbed hold of
Liam’s right bicep and pulled him closer. “It’s over for me,” he whispered.
“Got it?” He tightened his grip on Liam’s arm. “You have to just leave me out
of whatever you’re doing.”

“What’s going on
here? Why are you acting like this? This has nothing to do with the mediation,
does it?”

The frustration in
Kyle’s voice sliced though the air as he said again, “You just have to leave me
out of whatever you’re doing.” He let go of Liam. “Now just go. Leave. I don’t
want to hear anymore.”

Liam stumbled
backward, one of his sandals coming loose, his own eyes growing more resolute
and firm, defiant. “No,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere. Friends stand by
each other. And I know you don’t mean what you’re saying right now. So tell me
what’s going on. You can trust me, you know that.”

Kyle took another
deep breath, realizing what he’d have to do to get the man to leave. He’d have
to go where he’d been desperately avoiding. “We’re not friends, Liam,” he said.
“I’ve been trying to help you deal with your emotions, deal with the sister and
the family you should be supporting rather than spending your time chasing a
killer who might not even exist.”

“You’re lying. I
can tell something else is going on, isn’t it?”

Kyle didn’t
respond right away. He didn’t want to say it but he had no choice. He had to
pull out the only dagger he had left and plunge it straight into the sterling
image Liam had painted of him. It would be the only thing that would chase Liam
away, and he couldn’t concern himself with the collateral damage. It didn’t
matter anymore. Bree was all that mattered.

“You want to know
the real reason I’ve been listening to you? Do you?” Kyle clenched his jaw and
shot a stern gaze straight through Liam’s confused eyes. “It’s because I was
with Allie the night she collapsed.”

“You were with
her?”

“Yes, Liam,” Kyle
said. “I was. I was with her.”

“Why?”

He drew a deep
breath. “Because I’m not who you think I am.”

“What are you
talking about?”

“I was trying to
be with her, Liam,” he said. “In just the way you’re thinking about. And I sent
her texts about it. Then I deleted them after she collapsed because I was
afraid someone would find them. That’s it. That’s the real reason. I’ve been
lying to you this entire time.”

Liam’s stunned
gaze remained on Kyle, studying him, trying to absorb what was being said.

“You were trying
to sleep with Allie?”

Kyle tightened his
lips. “Read the texts that I’m sure the techs already found. It’s all there.”

Liam shook his
head.

“It’s true, Liam,”
he said. “Read the texts.”

“No,” Liam said.
“This has to be about something else.”

“Go ahead and read
them. And after you do, let go of looking into the strokes. The police already
know everything. If there’s something going on, they’ll handle it.”

But Liam wasn’t
listening anymore.

“You’ve been lying
this entire time?”

Kyle wanted to say
no, but he couldn’t, he had no choice. The man wasn’t going to budge unless
Kyle went to the extreme. It was the only sure way to keep Bree safe.

“Goodbye, Liam.”

Liam said nothing
as Kyle turned away and walked into his office, then shut the door.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Kyle waved at the doorman in the
lobby of Sheila’s building, then rode the elevator up to the twenty-second
floor and walked over to her apartment. He rapped his knuckles against the
steel door, against the same tiny scratch in the paint that’d been there for
the last ten years.

His ex-wife
answered, her hair pulled back into a tight bun, the dark roots and gray
sprouts clearly visible at the strained hairline
—
just like when she was pregnant with Bree, avoiding the
chemicals of the hair dye. He dropped his eyes down to her midsection, but
couldn’t see much of a bulge through the sundress.

He wondered when
she would tell him, or
if
she would.
Perhaps it wasn’t the intentional decision to keep it a secret he thought it
was. Maybe she just simply didn’t think about him anymore when monumental
events occurred. Why would she? Their only link now was Bree, which was a
rather easy, uncomplicated relationship since they both lived in the city and
were able to spend a significant amount of time with her. Child support
payments weren’t an issue since Sheila was wealthy and didn’t need them, and
Kyle hadn’t even given her a hassle in the divorce. He didn’t want a dime from
her, not even an equitable share of their common property.

So why would she
tell him? Courtesy? Maybe. But maybe it was more courteous
not
to tell him. Not to rub it in. Not to make him feel any worse
about their relationship, about himself, than he already did.

But he did know.

And it hurt.

And there was only
so much space left inside for internalizing. He was running out of room.

“I didn’t know
you’d be home. I thought Helen would be here,” he said, referring to Sheila’s
housekeeper as he walked into the expansive foyer. “I was supposed to pick up
Bree for dinner, try and convince her to come out to Eddie’s for the weekend.”

“I came home
early,” Sheila said, closing the door.

“Everything okay?”

She nodded. “Just
had an appointment.”

Kyle walked deeper
into the living room, expecting to see a pouty Bree lounging on the plush
leather couch across from the large flat screen mounted on the wall. But the
living room was empty.

“Where’s Bree?” he
asked. “In her room tweeting about how much she hates her father?”

“She’s not here.”

Kyle’s nerves
prickled. “Not here? Where is she? She was supposed to be here. I told her to
wait here for me. I told her I’d pick her up.” He quickly slipped out his
BlackBerry to call her.

“Relax,” Sheila
said. “She’s fine. She’s with a friend. I told her not to tell you.”

Kyle looked up.
“Why?”

Sheila walked past
the breakfast bar. “Because I wanted to talk to you.”

“What friend is
she with?”

“She’s fine, Kyle.
Trust me. She’s with Adrea and her family.”

Kyle knew the
name. Adrea was a friend from Bree’s class. Her father was George Apostalakos,
founder of a top hedge fund. “I thought Adrea’s family was in Greece for the
summer?”

“They changed
their plans. They’re not leaving for another two weeks.”

Kyle calmed
himself and sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He was pretty
certain Sheila wanted to speak to him about her pregnancy, but he continued to
play dumb and simply asked her what was on her mind.

“This isn’t
something that’s easy to say,” she said, pulling two Fiji waters out of the
refrigerator.

He knew it wasn’t.
It hadn’t been easy to hear.

“I’d hoped you would
have found someone else by now. It would have made this easier.”

The statement had
the effect of churning the dagger in his heart even deeper. “Found someone else
by now?” he repeated. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“I’m not saying
you should be married, or even engaged or living with someone. I was just
hoping you’d have someone you care about, someone to date. It’s been a while
since we separated, Kyle,” she said. “And you really haven’t dated anyone.”

He stood up.
“That’s a ridiculous statement. And how would you even know who I’m dating or
not?”

“I know, Kyle. I
know you don’t socialize, don’t date. I know you don’t do much of anything but
work and spend time with Bree.”

“She’s my damn
daughter. Is it so wrong to want to spend time with my daughter?”

“Of course not,”
Sheila said. “But that’s not an excuse for not dating.”

“How do you know
what I do? From Bree? Maybe I choose not to tell my daughter about my dating
life. Did you ever consider that?”

“It’s not just
Bree,” she said. “I’ve spoken with Eddie.”

“Eddie?” Kyle was
caught off guard. Eddie hated Sheila. “You called Eddie?”

She shook her
head. “He called me. He’s worried about you.”

His gut reaction
was to tell her he was fine, insist that she and Eddie were meddling where they
shouldn’t. But, as was his nature, he controlled his emotions and dialed down
the raw reflex of reacting rather than thinking—a blessing, and a curse.

“There’s been a
lot to absorb,” he said, softly, taking a sip of water. “It wasn’t, and isn’t,
as easy for me as it was for you. You already had your mind made up, you
already found someone else. You dropped a bomb on me.” He swallowed back his
hurt. “Maybe things had hit a lull for us. I know that. Maybe it shouldn’t have
come as such a surprise. But it did. There was no working on it, no time for me
to get used to it, consider it. It was just pulled away from me.”

“I know,” she
said.

“I didn’t want
this, Sheila,” he said, a few tears welling in his eyes. “Our life may not have
been perfect, but it’s what I wanted. I wanted our life, I wanted our family.
Together.”

Sheila didn’t say
anything, just stared at him.

“So yes, it’s
taken me awhile. And maybe I’m still not there yet. But I haven’t been
considering this for years like you were. I wasn’t having an affair with
anyone. And I didn’t plan on having another child with someone else.”

She swallowed the
statement. “So you already know then?”

He nodded.

“I didn’t do it to
hurt you.”

“I’m sure there’s
a lot you didn’t do to hurt me,” he said, taking a deep breath. “But it does
hurt. It all hurts. And I guess this is just one more nail in the coffin. One
more slap in the face to remind me once again that you’ve really moved on.”

“I never meant to
hurt you. And I didn’t mean to cheat on you. I just couldn’t—”

“We don’t have to
do this. We don’t have to rehash the past. I’ve done that enough times already.
It’s over. I know that. And I guess Eddie was right to be concerned. It is time
for me to move on. Once this case is over, once I have that weight lifted,
maybe I’ll have more of the clean slate I’m looking for.”

“When’s that going
to be?”

“Tomorrow, I hope.
We have the second day of a mediation scheduled.”

She looked up at
him. “I didn’t mean to bring these things out,” she said. “I’m sorry to have
been the one who caused all of this, and for the way it happened.”

“You did what you
did,” he said. “I was okay with sacrificing intimacy for comfort. You weren’t.
I didn’t do enough to realize it, and you didn’t do enough to make me aware of
it. And this is where we are. It happens.”

A tear trickled
down her cheek as she took hold of his hand. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

He slid his hand
away and simply said, “So am I.”

He wanted to hold
her, wanted her comfort. But he knew he couldn’t go there anymore.

He had to move on.