Touching Scars (31 page)

She looked at me. “Just my eye and wrist hurt.”

“Did he hit you on your stomach?”

She looked confused. “No.”

I exhaled. “Thank God.”

Kat looked down at her hands and started picking at her fingernails. “Hey,” I asked softly. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” I asked.

She let out a small, sarcastic laugh. Still looking down, she said, “Pretty. Not so pretty when I’m black and blue.”

“What are you talking about?” She still wouldn’t look at me.

“Give me your eyes, Kat.” She tilted her head up, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “You’re beautiful, regardless. Blue, purple, pink, red, it doesn’t matter to me. You could be in a paper sack, or in a car wreck that leaves you disfigured, and you will always be beautiful to me. You’re still Kat.
My
Kat.”

The silent tears fell onto her cheeks. She didn’t even bother to wipe them away. “Are you mad at me?”

Now I was the one coughing. Why on earth would I be angry with her? “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I didn’t tell you, Timber. I kept my mouth shut and now look where we are.”

“Hmmm…” I grunted. Yes, I actually was mad about that. But I wasn’t necessarily mad at
her
for it. “I’m not going to lie. If you had told me, I would have never brought him in the bar. Hell, I would have killed him on the spot when I first saw him. But my anger isn’t directed at you. I crazily understand why you didn’t say anything to me. I’m upset because you felt the need to hide it from me and I couldn’t prevent him from,” I paused and swallowed hard, “I couldn’t keep him from touching you again.”

“He would have found a way to get to me. He promised.”

“What?” I hissed.

She turned her eyes away from mine and stared out the window at the blackness outside. “He told me that he’d be watching me. All those years ago… I knew I’d never escape him. He was just keeping his promise.”

Holy shit, this was so messed up. I didn’t even know what to say. My hands were clenching and unclenching at my sides. She’d never felt safe. All this time she’d been hiding from him, biding her time for him to come for her again.

“Fuck!” I shouted. She jumped and I immediately felt bad for startling her. Cupping her cheek without the bruise, I said, “Sorry. I just don’t know how to deal with all of this information.”

She nodded her head. “I’m too much, Timber. It’s not your problem. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but this is why I didn’t say anything. You’ve been through too much. You’ve shouldered every bit of my pain on top of your own. You’re a strong man, but at what point will your legs give out because I’ve smothered you with my issues?”

This was insane! Did she really think that I wanted to ‘shoulder’ her baggage? There’s no shouldering it. I loved her. And because I loved her, every piece of her pain
was
my pain. When I walked into that bar with Slim and Roger to celebrate his niece’s birthday, I had no idea that I was walking into my forever. The baggage is
ours
. She was mine, just like I was hers.

“Listen to me, Kat. Adam is a demented motherfucker that isn’t right in the head. Anybody that can do what he did doesn’t deserve to be living. Now, did I take this a little hard
er because I found out it was him? Yes. Do I feel like I failed to keep you safe? Hell yes. But am I going to walk away from you just because you think you are a burden on me? Not on your fucking life.” I sat down on the edge of her bed and leaned in, putting my forehead on hers.

“I’ve been through hell and back, Katherine Pierce.” She flinched at her full name, but I didn’t care. I wanted to make sure she was hearing me. “I’ve had some of the most precious things in my life taken away from me, and all while they were trying to protect me. I couldn’t live with myself if you pushed me away now. I need to protect something I’ve found that’s even more valuable than the relationships I had with my brothers. Do you feel this?” I grabbed her hand and placed it over my chest. “This beats for you. I’ve wandered around without a purpose since I came back. You’ve given me a purpose.”

Her tears were flowing at a steady pace. “What if Adam were gone? What then? Would your purpose be fulfilled?”

I knew exactly what she was getting at and I was about to set her straight.

“Never. Simple as that. I’m here, and I have no plans on going anywhere.”

She seemed to accept my answer because she reached up and swept away the wetness on her face. She laid her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes, and I gave her the quiet that she seemed to be silently asking for.

Two weeks passed since the night of the attack. Everything had gone back to normal for the most part, except for times here and there when I’d catch Kat off in her own world.

I knew she was really struggling with her demons and wanting to blame herself for what had happened. She settled into the victim role and believed that she had asked for this to happen to her. That she’d provoked it somehow. I’d had my own moments when I wanted to rip my hair out because it was like going around in circles telling her she wasn’t to blame. Each time we talked, she’d say ‘I know’ just to pacify me.

There were a few instances when I’d tried to test the boundaries intimately, but I’d definitely held back because I didn’t want to push her too far too fast. It killed me to see her withdraw from me when I’d stroke her cheek or graze my hand down her arm. I’d been tempted to pick up a bottle of Crown just to feel numb. I wouldn’t do it to her, though. She deserved to have me present. This wasn’t about me.

Kat started back at the bar a week after coming home from the hospital. She had been evaluated by a psych doctor before being released. She had told her to get back to her normal routine and things would start to feel more regular. Kat stayed with me at my place when she was first released, but then decided that being in her own space was what she wanted. I didn’t argue, except when she said she wanted to stay alone. That’s when I put the brakes on and said no. I was willing to give her time and space, as long as that space included me. She fought with me a bit, which I found nice because I saw my girl’s spark come back for a short time. My fiery girl wanted out, and I knew that she wouldn’t be stifled much longer. Not if I could help it.

However, fate had a way of stepping all over my plans. Kat’s cell phone had rung about an hour ago, and it had been Beaver on the other end. He’d called to let us know that Adam had been released from the hospital. He’d apparently was picked up by an older guy that looked just like him, which I assumed was his brother Sam. Beaver said he followed him until they were all the way out of town and getting onto I-10. Kat’s hand started shaking and she hadn’t been able to keep the phone to her ear, so I’d gently taken it from her and gotten up from her couch to pace by the window.

“You sure it was him?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m positive. The guy was still using a crutch to move around. They got into a black Tahoe before driving off. Did he end up pressing charges?” Beaver asked.

“No, I got that call late yesterday. The cop told me that I was lucky. Adam had three broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung, and I’d torn his spleen somehow.”

Beaver grunted. “Motherfucker deserved it and so much more.”

I couldn’t agree more. “I’m sure he knows that his days are numbered.”

“What do you mean?” Kat’s tiny voice spoke up from behind me. I hadn’t realized she’d gotten up and was listening to my end of the conversation.

“You need to go take care of her?” Beaver asked.

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.” We ended our call and I turned to face her. She looked so small, standing in front of me with one of my old football jersey on. It hit her right above the knee, and she had on a pair of purple fuzzy slippers. We haven’t been intimate since the morning that all of this shit happened, and I was missing touching her like crazy. But as it stood right now, I needed to help her work us back up to that point.

Reaching my hand out to her, she tentatively stepped into my embrace and allowed me to wrap her up in my arms and hold her. Kat’s familiar coconut scent washed over me and any anger that remained from talking about Adam dissolved. I buried my nose in the top of her head and relished that she was letting me comfort her. It had been too long.

“You okay?” she asked in a quiet whisper.

I snorted. “Shouldn’t I be asking
you
that question?”

She tilted her head back to look at me. I felt her long hair brushing across the back of my arms. “No.” She was being entirely too serious. “You’ve been taking care of me for two weeks now and constantly making sure that I’m the one that’s okay. It hasn’t gone unnoticed that you haven’t slept much, or that you’ve barely let me out of your sight, Timber. So no, I don’t think you need to be the one asking me anything. I want to know how you are.”

My sweet girl was concerned about me and it melted me. I gave her a genuine smile and kissed her on her forehead. “I’m fine, baby. As long as you’re good, I’m good.” And I really was. She showed me love and tenderness when she found me in the shower several months ago. She dropped everything she was doing to help pull me together and stayed by my side. She’d let me come tearing into her life like a Tasmanian devil. She’d let me completely upend her world, and yet this dark haired beauty took to me and my grumpy ass with minimal complaining. She owned me. So yeah, as long as she was good, I was good. It was only when she wasn’t good that I worried.

“Are you ready for bed? I can tuck you in?” I asked, smoothing her hair back from her eyes. Just the mentioning of going to sleep caused her to yawn. I smiled again. “Yeah, my girl is sleepy.”

The corners of her lips quirked up. “I’m going to go brush my teeth really quick.”

She pulled out of my arms and went to the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind her. I hated and loved that she did that now. I loved that she picked up the habit of locking the doors wherever she went, but I also hated that she was separated from me by a thick piece of wood. Granted, I’d bust through it in a heartbeat if she needed me, but still, it was a barrier I didn’t care for. Sighing, I went over to her bed and pulled back her comforter and sheet
. Fluffing her pillows up, I walked to the small closet to grab the blanket and pillow that I’d been using to sleep on the couch and went to make up my bed.

Unfortunately, one of the things that she had trouble dealing with after the attack was me being in bed with her at night. We’d tried it the first night we got to my place after her hospitalization and she’d woken up in the middle of the night, completely disoriented, and attacked me. She didn’t hurt me, but it was enough to set her off and she’d asked that I sleep elsewhere until she thought she could handle it.

I was just lying down when the lock clicked and the bathroom door opened. My sweet and make-up free Kat walked out and went to her bed in the corner. I reached behind me and shut off the lamp on the end table but the room wasn’t completely dark. It was a full moon and plenty of light filtered in through the open curtains.

“Timber?” She was so quiet.

“Hmmm?”

There was a brief pause before she spoke again. “I’d like to try again.”

She didn’t have to explain what she was referring to. I knew right away.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You just feel too far away, and I feel like I’m falling right now. I need you to hold me so I know I’m okay.”

Getting up, I padded over to her bed and carefully laid down next to her, worried that if I moved too fast, she’d ask me to go back to the couch. Something occurred to me. “Do you want me to put on a shirt?”

I felt her hands come up to my bare chest and run from my pecs to my shoulders. “No, I need you like this. I want to feel your skin, your warmth.”

I couldn’t help the shiver that went through me. She didn’t mean anything sexual by her touch, but my body stirred. I made sure my hips were far enough away from her so she wouldn’t feel me poking her leg.

We were both quiet, facing each other and looking in one another’s eyes. I gave her some time to get used to me being here again, her being the only one making physical contact. When she tugged on me lightly, I shifted myself closer. Thankfully, my erection got the hint there was no action coming his direction tonight or anytime soon. I was feeling confident enough that she would let me hold her close, so I brought my arm up, settled it over her ribs, and tucked her small frame into the front of me. She bent her arms up so they were folded in front of her and she pressed herself as close to my chest as she could, her head resting over my heart. Finally, this felt right.

“Has he ruined me?” Kat asked in the all too quiet space. She sounded so timid.

I opened and lifted both of my hands to grasp her face. I didn’t want her to look anywhere but at me. “Nothing about you is ruined. You’re perfect.”

Her lower lip quivered in the moonlight. “But you saw what he did to me. How are you not disgusted by me?”

I ground my teeth together, my jaw clenching
. “
He’s
the one that’s disgusting. You didn’t choose for him to do those things. You were forced, Kat. You’re never going to look any different in my eyes from the day when I first really looked at you until now. I’m always going to want you.”