Touching Angel's Desires (42 page)

So that was the problem? Her heart bounded. At least he didn’t know
about her involvement with Stacie’s departure. She could handle this. “Dan, just
calm down,” she said, standing up to face him.

“What is it? So I screwed up with Stacie. Is this your way of telling
me I’m back to the mingers?”

“No, that isn’t the case,” she answered. She hadn’t expected him to
be mad about being put with Margot. It was part of his job after all. “I
honestly never even thought that. Please sit down Dan, and we can talk without
the shouting.”

“You are pathetic.”

“That’s enough,” she said, pulling her authority face out. “Sit down
Dan, and stop yelling at me. Remember, you do still work here.”

“You are one sick bitch,” he said, spitting the words through his
teeth.

Angel reared back at the words, spoken with such venom. No matter
what her feelings were for him, she couldn’t let him speak to her like that,
either as an employee or a potential boyfriend. “Dan, that’s completely
unacceptable. Now, sit down, this isn’t helping.” He took a step back, staring
hard at her. “Honestly, there was no hidden meaning behind me assigning you to
that job tonight—”

“You expect me to believe that shit?” he interrupted, with a cold
stare.

“Yes. I do,” she answered, matching his glare with one of her own. “Sophie
said a customer wanted to watch a young man stimulate himself, and I told her
to try you. I thought it would be an easy way for you to earn some cash for
Christmas. I didn’t know who it was, nor did I think you would have a problem
with it,” she said, sending up a quick prayer to whomever to forgive her for
the tiny lie.

“Well, can I suggest you get the flipping information before ringing
me in the future?”

“Dan, I really don’t understand why you are so offended. I didn’t
think this job would be such a problem for you.”

“That seems to be a common theme with you, not thinking!”

“What is that meant to mean?” she asked, gritting her teeth, trying
to keep tight control of her temper.

“Last weekend with Stacie, telling me to have another man fuck her.”

“I made a mistake and I
apologized
for that.”

“You are totally unbelievable.”

“Dan, I’m not sure what you want from me, and your tone is starting
to cause me some concern.” She hoped she wasn't going to have to discipline
him.

“You hated Stacie as soon as she entered the building,” he said in a
low dangerous tone, taking a step forward, invading her space.

Angel felt a spike of fear. His reaction to this Margot job was
totally over the top. He wasn't angry at her for assigning Margot to him, he
was angry with her for Stacie leaving. He blamed her. Everything was going
wrong.

“Don’t you dare try to deny it. Everyone knows.”

“I wouldn’t say I hated her. Hate’s a strong word, Dan.”

“God, Angel, you are such a liar,” he said, his voice full of scorn
and disgust. Angel felt her heart breaking into pieces. Did Dan hate her that
much? She couldn’t bear to think that this wasn’t salvageable. “It’s funny how
all the time I was getting the ugly girls, then suddenly I get Stacie, a
stunning, sexy attractive woman, beautiful in every way. And how long does she
last? Two bloody weekends before she’s gone. And then, guess what—the
mingers
are back,” he yelled, the sarcasm so thick it hurt
Angel’s teeth.

“Just because someone is not attractive does not mean they aren’t
worthy of sexual pleasure…” Angel began, trotting out the well-used line.

“Bollocks! You didn’t want me to find anyone else attractive. But
you slipped up with Stacie, didn’t you! And as soon as you
realized
your mistake,
you…you tried to sabotage her.” He said this last in tones of wonder, as if he
were just now figuring it out. Angel took a step back, her guts churning.

“I admit I was jealous of her. Happy now?” Angel said, swallowing
hard.

“No, far bloody from it, you evil bitch.”

“That’s not fair, Dan.”

“Oh really? Put yourself in my shoes. When you thought another man
should be brought in, I hated you. I thought Stacie would be gone after that,
but she came back. She came back to me. And then—bugger me—after you take her
off for a guided fucking tour of the place, she finds herself in Larry’s grip.
Coincidence?” he spat.

“Assumption! Nothing more. And if we’re hurling accusations, let me
bloody well put one to you, you broke the club’s rules,” she snapped back.

“Excuse me? I haven’t broken any rules,” Dan pulled back, his
expression changing from anger to puzzlement.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. You’re not making sense, what the hell are you on
about?” he said, but the puzzled look was overlaid by a guilty tinge. Angel smiled,
feeling finally she had control over the conversation.

“I wasn’t born yesterday, Dan.”

“I never said you were.”

Angel stared into his eyes, her smile fading. She might have control
of this conversation, she might have one over on Dan, but if she was right, if
it was true, then it meant saying out loud something she had only thought. And
she might not like the answer.

Angel swallowed, trying to force down the lump that had risen in her
throat. They stared at each other in silence, thoughts busy behind both pairs
of eyes. She wondered what his were.

She had to say it. She knew she had to say it, had to reach inside
and force the words out of her mouth. “Did…did you love her?” she whispered.

Dan’s expression changed to one of despair. He turned away from her,
taking a few steps across the room before stopping.

At that moment, Angel knew. She knew the answer, but still needed to
hear it from his mouth.

“Well,” she asked again, forcing the single word through the pain
that threatened to cripple her. Would he admit it, or deny it. She knew it to
be the truth—she’d seen it in his eyes.

He turned and stared hard in her eyes. “What do you want me to say
exactly?” he replied, in a low tone.

“I just want the truth. Did you love her?”

“Yes, I loved her, more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life,”
he replied softly.

There it was—Angel’s heart exploded. She felt a knife being
penetrated into her guts, twisting, stopping her from breathing or allowing the
blood to pump around her fragile body. Her knees turned to noodles and she sank
down onto the sofa, staring at the carpet.

“So all those times I asked you, you were lying to me?”

“Yes.” His voice was quiet and she could tell from the way the sofa
dipped he had sat down next to her.

“Does she know?”

“No, she has no idea. I did think about telling her, but I thought
about the contract and how you would probably have another go at her and chuck
her out. I just couldn’t do that to her. She’s the best thing that’s ever
happened to me.” His voice broke and Angel looked across at him, through the
rainbow tears that almost blinded her. A single tear broke free from his
brimming eyes and trickled down his stubbly cheek. Angel had to stop herself
from reaching over to wipe it away.

She tried to speak, but her voice got stuck in her blocked-up
throat. She cleared her throat and tried again. “What is the situation with her
now?”

“I put my number in her phone, but I didn’t tell her,” he replied.

Angel barely heard. Every muscle in her body ached. Her chest felt tight,
her head was spinning in all directions. She felt as if she were about to
vomit. What on earth was she to do? It would only be a matter of time until
Stacie found his number.

“Right…okay…I see,” she mumbled, not knowing what to say, just
trying to fill the silence. “And…when she discovers it?” she said, praying she
never did.

“I have no idea,” he said. There was a pause. “You look gutted.”

Angel raised her head, managing to look at him somehow. “I’m fine. Just
trying to get my head around everything,” she said. Should she tell him the way
she felt? Would it make a difference? “When did it happen?”

“When you brought her to me the first night,” he said, looking down
to the floor.

Angel looked at him, horrified. “Oh right, so I really did screw up
then?”

“I guess so. All I can say is, it was meant to be, and that I am
thankful to you,” he said in a calm voice.

“You really love her?” she asked, watching him shying away.

He nodded.

“You’re not just feeling sympathy for the woman for everything she’s
been through?”

He lifted his head, clearly surprised at her question. “No,
absolutely not. I fell in love with her pretty much as soon as she entered the
room.”

“All that nasty talk about how she’s a good earner.”

Dan gave her a half-smile. “Was a decoy, to keep you off the scent.
I fell in love with her, Angel. I know what you’re trying to do…trying to make
me think I just felt sorry for her, for the life she had with her husband.”

“I felt sorry for her too.”

“I didn’t just feel sorry for her—I did everything in my power to
keep her close to me, to protect her, show her love, and excitement. Stacie
Clifford was more than a client, and on Sunday night…I paid,” he said.

Angel stared at him in astonishment. “What?”

“I cancelled my Sunday client. I wanted her to stay with me…so I
gave her the money to book me. I had to make love to her. I’d wanted to make
love to her from the beginning, but I restrained myself. I had to remain
professional and follow the plan. The hardest part was keeping my hands off her
at the beginning. God, she dazzled me,” he added with a smile so radiant it could
have outshone the full moon.

Angel couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I knew there was
something going on. Did she know any of this?”

“No…nothing,” he said, looking anguished.

“But when you suggested paying for yourself…surely that must have
been an indication to her.”

“Well, you would think so.”

“So…you made love?” Angel said, forcing the painful words out.

“Yes, I made love to her and I enjoyed every second. I just need her
to find my phone number,” he said, his tone one of hope. Angel stared at the
floor, not sure what to say. So, he was in love with her. But there was no
guarantee she was in love with him.

“But you were still having sex with me,” she told said with a frown,
trying to make sense of the last couple of weeks.

“Angel, I had to, to keep you sweet and make you think nothing was
going on. I could hardly tell you the truth—you would’ve got rid of her
immediately; terminating her contract and then that would have been that. I
couldn’t risk that. I couldn’t risk losing her.”

“So is there anything left for me?” she asked, not looking at him,
but needing to know.

“I don’t understand. Any what left for you?”

“Any feelings. Do you have any feelings for me?” she asked, hating
herself for asking the question, hating the weakness that put her in the power
of this man.

“Angel, I don’t understand. There has never been anything between
us. You are my boss. I come to you, shag you and leave, and that’s the way
you’ve always wanted it.”

There was a very long silence. Angel felt nauseous with anguish, her
throat swollen from despair. He felt nothing for her. He never had.

“Angel?”

She ignored him, despising the weak tears that dripped down her face
and the moisture that made her sniff deeply, betraying her feelings.

“Angel, look at me.”

She glanced over at him, meeting chocolate eyes full of
understanding and, incredibly, compassion. She immediately looked back down,
hiding her face with her curtain of hair.
Don’t
be kind, not now. Don’t be nice. Be horrible. Shout at me, call me names, mock
me, make me hate you
. But he did none of those things, reaching over and
lifting her chin with his finger while rivers of hot salty water ran down her
cheeks.

“Was it more for you? Did you develop feelings for me?”

As if he had to ask. She sniffed, pulling her face away and looking
back at the carpet again. Beside her, the sofa creaked and a few seconds later
a tissue appeared in her field of view. She took it gratefully and blew her
nose wetly then mopped her eyes.

The sofa did not dip again. He had not sat down. She could feel him
standing before her. She couldn’t bear to look up and see the expression on his
face. Instead, she just sat there, staring at the carpet, knowing that he would
never want her, never love her—the future she had dreamed about was
gone—screwed up like the damp tissue she clutched.

“Angel, I’m sorry,” came his voice from up above her head. “I can’t
continue working here at Desires. I am handing in my notice.”

“
No
,” she screamed, jumping
to her feet. He was already making his way to the door. She ran around him to
block his exit.