Tossing the Caber (The Toss Trilogy) (14 page)

Her pride in his accomplishments was real, albeit bittersweet. They could make a good team.
If only I could trust him… Like last time? No way.
She shut the thought down and settled at her desk to begin work.

Logan looked up. Maybe today she would let him back into her heart. He felt like an idiot for coming in with the same hope every morning and getting shot down every day, but he just couldn’t let it go. “Diana, could I please have your opinion on something?”

“Of course. What?”

“I’m preparing a bid for a contract to supply carbon rods to Finley Fabrication. Their engineer has specified a one point five inch diameter. I think she’s making a mistake. They should go with a two inch diam
eter.”

“Why?”

“Look at what they’re trying to do here.” He walked over and shoved a schematic at her. “The thicker rods will give them much better compression strength.”

Diana studied the drawings for a moment and shook her head. “Just like a man, Carmichael, to think a bigger rod is better. It’s precision in the timing she wants here. I say give her what she asks for. She knows what she needs.” He heard the undercurrent of humor in her voice, and hope clutched at his heart. He knew she was laughing at him—it didn’t matter. Maybe the ice was beginning to thaw. Maybe there was a chance.

“I’m going to send in two bids. One for the one point five inch rods, and the other for the better two inch rods, with my reasoning attached.”

“Go ahead then, there shouldn’t be any harm in that. It will show them you’ve given their needs some thought, at least. Just don’t be too disappointed when they shoot down your idea.” She handed back the schematic and reached down to pull a file from her drawer.

“Diana… ” He had to try.

She stopped and turned to look at him.

“I appreciate your staying on and teaching me the ropes here.”

She didn’t smile. “I don’t run out on my obligations.”

“Diana, won’t you give me a chance to show you I’m not as callous as you think?”

She was shaking her head and turning away before she even spoke. “No, Logan. I can’t.”

Chalk one more up for being an idiot. He sighed heavily, then straightened his shoulders. “Well, then I have some good news for you. The testing went well. The new resin works and the updated process is even more efficient than I’d hoped. It’s time to start changing-over the other lines. We should see an upswing in profits fairly quickly. In a few months I’ll be able to pay back your investment and you’ll be free of Lennox and of me.”

Diana’s heart seemed to stop beating for a moment. Seeing him every day was painful, but the thought of never seeing him again was worse.
You have to put him behind you sooner or later. Looks like it will be sooner.

She took a deep breath and gave him a nod.
Make it clean and make it quick.
“Congratulations. I have good news for you also. Last week I arranged with a contact of mine to write an article in a trade magazine about Lennox’s new CEO and improved manufacturing process. He’s been waiting to hear from me that the process has been validated. I’ll give him a call today, and he’ll contact you for an interview. The article should catch quite a bit of attention. You’re on your way, Logan.” She drew in a deep breath and let it out. “You won’t have to have me looking over your shoulder anymore.”

“But, it will still be months before the loan is paid off.”

“You know the ropes now. You don’t need me here any longer.” She summoned up a small smile. “Good luck.” Fierce determination kept her legs steady as she rose from her chair and put on the coat she had worn against the November chill. Picking up her purse, she walked into the cold and out of his life.

chapter fifteen

“Logan Carmichael, new CEO of Lennox Incorporated, was the Guest of Honor at the York Chamber of Commerce Annual Spring Banquet. Carmichael was honored for the development of a new pultrusion process which is revitalizing the carbon rod industry in this area. In attendance were George Douglas, mayor of York; Sam Billings, Chairman of the Chamber; Suzanne MacPhearson…yada, yada, yada.”

Sitting at Sally’s kitchen table, Diana listened to her read and pi
ctured Logan at the banquet. Tall, handsome, with some beautiful young debutante staring adoringly up at him. A dull ache tortured her stomach. She blinked rapidly for a moment.

Sally put the York Crier down, looked past the weekly paper to D
iana, and continued speaking in the same tone of voice. “The chairperson of the Chamber’s Development Committee, and owner of the consulting firm, Business Solutions, did not attend.” She leaned towards Diana, speaking normally. “Why not? I thought you were going to go.”

“Don’t get on my case, Sally. It’s been a long day.” She stared into the mug of hot cocoa wrapped in her hands. Dinner, dishes and vi
deo games with Tyler had ended. Now he was asleep in his room, and she and Sally were alone after a busy, chilly April day at the shelter. Diana’s hands twisted the mug, avoiding the eyes, of the woman seated across from her.

“I’m not on your case. I’m just asking why you didn’t go to the ba
nquet.”

“I was just too tired.” Diana’s voice was flat. “I was out every night last week meeting with Business Solution clients. I never expected that running a consulting firm would be so time-consuming, but it seems to be a service in high demand.”

“Okay, now I
am
on your case, because that’s a lot of bull. The only reason you worked so many nights last week was because you chose to. You just didn’t want to see Logan get that award.”

Diana’s eyes flashed. “Not true. Logan has done a tremendous job with the company. I’m happy for him—really I am. He deserved the award. I’m glad he got it.”

Sally rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean that. I meant you’re avoiding him. Still.”

Diana sighed. “Yes, I guess I am. You’d think I’d be past that by now, wouldn’t you?” Leaning back in her chair, she looked at Sally. “I couldn’t risk it. Thinking about Logan and the company just brings it all back. I’m better off staying away.”

Sally leaned forward, and gripped Diana’s wrist. “That creep really did a number on you, didn’t he? I’d like to punch his face in. Honey, why don’t you date somebody else? Just for fun, maybe?”

“Not interested, that’s why.” Diana lifted her mug and drank, detac
hing her wrist from Sally’s grip. “I have plenty of other things to do. And I’ve told you, he didn’t do a number on me, I did a number on myself. It’s not his fault I was stupid. He never made any promises. It was all me.”

Her mind flashed back to Logan, warm
beside her, caressing her with his eyes. She heard his voice. ‘I did nothing. It was all you.’ She stood and spun away from Sally to take her mug to the sink. Blinking hard, she swallowed the lump in her throat. “Business is going well—great, in fact. Things are fine at the shelter… I can’t complain. I guess getting over Logan is just going to take some more time.”

“
Honey, you have to do something. Make a change, take a cruise, move out of the condo… something. You can’t go on like you have been for the past five months. It’s not good for you.”

Diana leaned against the counter. “I have made changes. I’m in the yoga class with you, I’m eating healthier than ever in my life—I’ve made some good changes recently.”

“You’re better than you were, I’ll give you that. But dammit, Diana, you’re not happy. You need a bigger change. Something that will knock Logan out of your head once and for all.”

Diana returned to her chair. She summoned a smile for her friend. “Sally, my head’s not ready to have Logan knocked out of it yet. Neither is my heart. Look, I’m sorry I’m not as much fun as I used to be. I’ve been working hard, and I’m tired. After Easter, things should slow down. I’ll catch up on my rest, and be back to my old self, okay? Until then, just relax about it. Please. I’m fine.”
As fine as I’m ever going to be.

Logan sat on his front deck and watched the sun set. He was alone. Old age had caught up with Spud not long after the turn of the year, and he died peacefully in his sleep on the couch where he’d spent most of his time those last few months. It still seemed strange to walk in and not see him there. He was buried on a sunny rise in the meadow, and Logan had planted a maple to mark the spot. Loo
king out now, Logan could see it. It was a scrawny little thing, but it would grow.

The farmhouse behind him looked the same from the outside, but the interior had been completely renovated, mostly by his hand. He’d opened the kitchen into the living room, updated the bathroom, and combined the three tiny bedrooms into a large master suite. The phys
ical work helped quiet the emptiness he carried inside. Exhaustion allowed sleep to come and, on the nights he was lucky, sleep was dreamless. Full, productive days had kept the company in the black, and they’d be expanding soon. He had all he’d ever dreamed of.

It wasn’t enough.

Hell, without Diana it wasn’t anything. At first he tried to convince himself he’d get over her. That didn’t happen. Then he tried dating other women, but they all had the same problem—they weren’t Diana.

He insulted more than half of them by taking them home early, and even when he
stuck the evening out, he’d come home alone. These days, if business obligations didn’t require him to go out, he just stayed home.

And the night he’d been honored by the Chamber, the one face he hoped to see wasn’t there.
Lost my girl, crashed my chances with her, even my good old dog died. Damn. They could write a country song about my life.

He looked out across the fields at the new green of the trees. Scores of dandelions stood tall, with a few violets beneath for cou
nterpoint, catching the last long rays of the sun. Sometimes he felt he hardly knew himself anymore. He felt weak, and soulless, and sad. He spent way too much time feeling sorry for himself. Out of nowhere, anger rose. His back stiffened. He was sick of it.

Hell, you stupid idiot, you’re a sorry excuse for a human being, much less an Army Ranger. It’s time to man up and find a way to get her back.

His inner dialog ceased for a moment as he gave his emotions a chance to fall into place. They did. They fell right back into the places an ex-Army Ranger could live with.

All right—h
e needed a strategy. She’d had a chance to move on. She might have somebody else.

Screw that. If there was another man, he better move quick and tie her down or he was history.

Logan stood and gripped the bannister railing.
She’s mine. I’m going to get her back and there’s nothing, short of a wedding band, going to stop me this time.

The next Saturday morning, less than an hour after sunrise, Logan lounged against his SUV in the parking lot of Man’s Best Friend. He
watched with satisfaction when the back door of the adjacent house opened and a tall, athletic woman hurried towards him. Good. He’d been counting on being noticed. Straightening, he moved forward.

“Good morning. You probably don’t remember me. I’m—”

“You’re Logan Carmichael, the man who used my best friend.” Sally Johnston faced him with arms akimbo, eyes blazing. “What are you doing here? Why don’t you just leave now, before I get angrier than I already am? You have no right to come here and disturb Diana! Why don’t you just leave her—”

“Whoa. Whoa.” Logan spoke loudly, holding up his hands. “I’m not here to bother Diana—that’s why I came so early. I want to talk to you.”

“Me?” Sally stared at him through narrowed eyes. “Why?”

He hadn’t expected so much antagonism, but he lifted his chin.
Spit it out, Carmichael.
“Because I love her and I came to ask you to help me get her back.”

“Yeah, right.” Sally snorted. “As I recall, you demonstrated pretty conclusively that you have no idea what love is.”

Ouch. Did I deserve that?
“Come on, be fair. You know you’ve only heard one side of the story.” He stood before her, feeling uncomfortable. If he’d had a hat, it would have been in his hands. “At least give me a chance to explain. Diana shut me out completely when I messed up. I never got to explain to her. Please. Give me a chance to explain to you.”

Sally didn’t give an inch. “I want you away from here—now. Diana will be coming soon.”

Logan’s heart stopped for a moment. The ex-Army Ranger felt cold fear. His best chance to win Diana back required Sally’s help. She couldn’t send him away. He stretched out a hand imploringly. “Please let me talk to you. I’ll meet you anywhere you say, anytime you say.”

Sally hesitated, considering. “There’s a nursery up the road about five miles. I have some plants to pick up for my yard anyway. I’ll meet you there after Diana gets here. Just don’t make me sorry I agreed.”

Relief flooded through him. “Thank you. I’ll be there.” Quickly, he got in his vehicle and drove away.

He found the nursery with no trouble. His was only the fourth car in the lot. Unwilling to simply sit and wait, Logan climbed from the Jeep and wandered.

Another time, he might have appreciated the way the grounds of the Green Thumb Nursery were divided into smaller areas, each landscaped to represent some kind of outdoor room. Not today. Oh, he saw the old-fashioned cottage garden with its rose-covered arbor, the clever boxwood patterns of the formal Victorian maze, and the healthy vegetable garden and scarecrow. What he didn’t see was a decent place to talk to Sally. If only that maze was tall instead of only two feet high.

Looking farther into the nursery grounds, he saw what looked like a beautiful, natural meadow, and a backyard picnic area su
rrounded by flower beds. There. The picnic table in the fake back yard. It might do.

Logan strode back and forth along the edge of the parking lot, as nursery personnel walked about, watering plants and deadheading blo
ssoms. The brave few who offered to help him had scurried away at his gruff response.
Was meeting me just a bone she threw to get me away from the shelter?

Twenty minutes.

Maybe Diana hadn’t come and Sally couldn’t leave the shelter. The nursery people were giving him nervous looks.

Thirty-five minutes.

Hell, she’s not coming. She’s probably laughing at me waiting here like a fool.
He climbed back into the Jeep, pulled out his key and stuck it into the ignition.

No.

She’s running you through the gauntlet, Carmichael.

Was that what it was? Sally Johnston was known to be friendly and generous to a fault. Would she do that to him? Logan thought of the
look in her eyes when she’d accused him of using Diana. Hell, yes, she’d do that to him. She was making him pay for hurting her friend.

Going to leave because you can’t take it?

No. He’d accept it. He’d accept anything to increase his chance of getting Diana back. Returning the key to his pocket, he settled in to wait.

Forty-five minutes later, Sally pulled into the lot in a decrepit old mini-van. Quickly, Logan exited the Jeep and stood waiting for her. She spared him a scornful glance as she marched by.

“Still here, Carmichael?”

You bet. And ready to take whatever you can dish out.
Silently, he followed her through the cottage garden and on to the mock back yard. She headed for the picnic table he’d spotted earlier. When she seated herself, he sat diagonally across from her and waited.

“Okay, what gives?” she said curtly, leaning away from him.

One shot, Carmichael. Do it.
Logan took a deep breath and went straight to the point. “I was an idiot.”

Sally nodded in agreement.

“I wanted Diana, of course. And I resented her telling me I needed help, needed to learn things from her to run the company. I’m a smart guy, I figured I could handle it. So I didn’t listen to her, and I didn’t ask her for help…”
Man up, Carmichael. Take the blame.
“… even when I should have. That was my fault. I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder when it came to career women. That’s my fault, too, but I’d like to explain where it came from.”

Sally nodded slightly, signaling a grudging willingness to listen.

Logan steeled himself, and opened his deepest hurt. “My mother left my dad and me when I was eleven. She said being married was getting in the way of her career—she was a sales rep. We never saw her again. Less than a year later, my dad found out he had cancer. I blamed it on her leaving.”

Sally frowned and began to speak, but Logan forestalled her.

“I know that isn’t logical, but I was barely twelve, and it’s what I did. I should have grown up and put it behind me, but I didn’t.”
It’s the truth. Deal with it.
He shrugged. “I was a geeky kid,” he added by way of explanation.