Torn (24 page)

“Best. I. Ever. Had,” he
confirmed between firm kisses, making my heart soar.

“Yeah, you weren’t bad either,” I
teased. I shrieked and he guffawed with laughter as he tickled me until I was
nearly crying and had to beg him to stop.

“Thank you,” he stated sincerely
as he held my gaze with a serious look in his eyes.

“For what?” I asked, as I reached
up and traced the edges of his full lips with my fingertips. I didn’t ever want
to stop touching him, or him me.

“For choosing me, especially when
Josh would have been the safer, and easier, option.”

“Nate,” I admonished. Did he set
his self-worth on his sex appeal and athlete status alone? Did he think that
without his swagger and position on a team, he wouldn’t be worthy of a girl’s
attention?

“I chose you because I had no
other option but to. You’ll probably think I’m really stupid or something, but
… I just know we were meant to be together. I feel like I’ve been holding out
waiting for you to come into my life, as if I knew you were out there.” I felt
my cheeks flush at wearing my heart on my sleeve, not sure if it was too much,
too soon. He groaned and closed his eyes for a moment, and I tried to work out
if I’d gone too far. I really had no relationship skills at all, I was flying
blind here, but something told me it was better to say what was in your heart
than to hide it.

“I wish I’d known you were out
there, Sky. I’d have waited for you, you’d have been my first everything too.
I’m sorry you’re not, and now you’ll probably think I’m really stupid for
saying this but … I hope you’ll be my
last
everything.” He whispered the
last part of the sentence with such emotion that I choked up as he gathered me
tightly in his arms. Who’d have thought cocky Nate Hudson had a soft and
romantic side.

“And I hope I’ll be your last,
too,” I whispered in return.

It was one a.m. when I finally
opened the side gate, floated on air down the steps, and let myself into my
room. I collapsed onto my back on the bed, feeling like I was up in the clouds,
unable to take the ridiculous smile off my face. I hadn’t eaten since
lunchtime, but I didn’t care. I’d give up a lifetime of those seriously
delicious burgers for just one more hour making out with Nate in his car. He’d
parked on the street, just out of sight of our house, in case Pops was looking
out for me with a shotgun. It was a good thing he hadn’t pulled up on our driveway,
because by the time I finally tore myself away, his car windows were completely
fogged up and there’d have been no denying what we’d been doing in there. I
wanted to run through the house screaming my news, to call Liam and tell him I
was dating Nate, but it would have to wait until tomorrow. The only downside
was having to tell Billy. It was going to hit him hard. Nate and I had agreed
not to see each other tomorrow, since we didn’t want Billy finding out before I
told him on Monday. Nate also wanted to spend some time with Josh, make sure he
was really ok with this. We agreed Nate would come and pick me up from the
library on his way back from baseball practice Monday night, so we could at
least have an hour or so together, alone. And I couldn’t wait.

I took my pajamas to the bathroom,
ready to clean up and get ready for bed. I was horrified at the state of my
panties from just a few hours of kissing and quickly rinsed them, scrubbing the
crotch hard resolved to take on laundry chores for the days after I’d seen
Nate. No way did I want Mom handling my underwear now! I crawled into bed with
my red M&M squashy toy tucked under my arm and snuggled him tightly,
reliving the whole magical night. I suddenly rolled over, picked up my phone,
and sent him a text.

Thank you for choosing me too
x

I waited for ten minutes. I just
lay there staring at the phone, waiting for a reply and feeling stupid to be
disappointed that he hadn’t responded instantly. I was so used to me and Liam
doing just that, but I had to remember that Nate had a lot going on in his life.
I wasn’t going to be his only focus and I had to lower my expectations. Besides,
he was probably fast asleep by now anyway.

Nate

Saturday Morning

I drove home in a complete daze.
What
the fuck was wrong with me?
I’d never been like this over a girl before.
Sure, I’d had that intense desire to bury myself in a girl’s willing wet pussy,
to fuck away all of the tension and stress in my life, but I’d never felt so at
peace just holding her hand. Never wanted to never stop kissing or touching
her, even if it wasn’t going to lead to sex. How the hell was I supposed to
keep this stupid smile under control when I saw Josh in the morning? I groaned
and ran a hand over my face as I pulled into our driveway, hoping that he wasn’t
up waiting to grill me now. I’d been busy with Ma when he got in from his date
with Sky on Friday night, and I’d had to leave early for practice this morning,
getting ready in the locker room before going to pick up Sky for our date. I
hadn’t seen him since he’d found out, and I didn’t want to upset him by
waltzing in there with a huge grin on my face. I cut the engine and just sat
there, my hands fixed firmly on the steering wheel. The minute I opened the
door to that house, I was leaving one of the best nights of my life behind and
walking back into reality. The real kicker, I wouldn’t even be able to see her again
until Monday night. Two nights and two full days of hell until she made it all
seem worthwhile once more.

“
Pussy
,” I muttered to
myself, as I finally forced myself to get out of the car and open up the garage.
I’d be a laughing stock when it got out that I was so bent out of shape over a
girl I wasn’t even fucking.

I’d just closed the garage door
when my head shot up as I heard muffled screams coming from the house. Fuck, Ma.
I tore inside and flew into her room to find Josh trying to comfort her, but
she was having none of it. She was in one of her black witch, or rather bitch,
screaming modes, too far gone to be reasoned with or soothed, especially by
Josh, who was relatively new at this.

“Where the hell have you been?”
he spat, anger flaring in his eyes.

“Not now,” I growled, reminded once
again that he wasn’t my kid brother anymore. He was growing up and developing a
pair of balls to challenge me. “Go to bed, I’ll take it from here.”

“You said you’d be back at eleven,”
he accused, as he backed away from her flailing arms. I moved in, wrestling
them down and holding her tightly in a vice-like grip. Soothing and coaxing
wouldn’t work right now, restraint was the only way to make her calm down.
Sometimes she just needed that pressure to make her realize she wasn’t alone,
that she was safe and protected. And frail as she may look, alcohol withdrawal
fueled her, and Josh wasn’t strong enough to do this yet, physically or
mentally. No one should have to restrain their damn mother, let alone the
younger brother I’d been trying so hard to shield from this. “You been with Sky
all this time?” he asked, and I tried to avoid looking at him, feeling too
guilty. I bet he was imagining us fucking, he knew my reputation. I tried to
put myself in his shoes. If the situation had been reversed and he’d been with
her, I’d probably have thrown some punches.

“No,” I responded, which was true.
I hadn’t been with her while I was driving home. I hoped he’d let it go, I
didn’t want to have to lie to him and pretend like it wasn’t the best God damn
night of my life. I winced as Ma’s screams nearly pierced my eardrums, Sky’s
name tangled up somewhere in the ranting. “Go to bed, Josh,” I barked, a little
harsher than I meant to. “It’s too much us both being here, you know she
usually likes her space.”

“I’m sorry,” he uttered, the
anguish in his voice making me snap my eyes up to look at him. “I tried.”

“You did good,” I stated, putting
as much sincerity as I could behind that, and meaning it. “She’s still here and
not down at the liquor store. You did good, you hear me?”

“Not good enough.” He shook his
head as his face filled with regret.

“You’ll get better with practice,
like I did. Go, sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. I want to spend some time with
you, just hang, you know?”

“I don’t need your pity,” he
retorted, and I winced as Ma managed to kick me right on the shinbone.

“Go. To. Bed. Now.” I responded
in a tone that told him I wasn’t going to discuss this any longer.

“I don’t know how you’ve done it
for so long, Nate. I just … I need you to know that I still love you, bro, even
though she picked you. You’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever met and while it
sucks to lose her, and it
really sucks
, well, I couldn’t lose to anyone
more worthy. You deserve some happiness after what you’ve done for this family.”

“Josh,” I sighed, but for once he
ignored me and bolted out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

I’d seen the look on his face
though. He was saying the words, he meant the words, but I could see it had
killed a part of him and he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle us as a
couple. Fuck! Why did he have to be so nice? I wouldn’t hate myself so much if
he was a total sonofabitch about it and got in a fight with me over her. Part
of me wished I could be selfless, that I could walk away from her and let her
be with him. God knows she’d have an easier life with my brother than with me.
But I’d already given up so much, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk away from
her. I wanted some happiness too. Something that lasted longer than my cock in
a hungry pussy. Didn’t I deserve that?

“Hush, Ma,” I ordered, squeezing
her harder, grimacing as her thrashing head cracked me on the cheekbone. The noise
and violence of the impact shocked her and she suddenly stilled, going limp in
my arms as the tears started instead. I sighed, knowing I was going to be here
for some time once she turned on the waterworks. The violence often wore her
out, as did the screaming, but the tears? They could go on for hours, and much
as I tried to walk away from it each time, I just couldn’t do it. It broke my
heart to hear her cry. Somewhere buried in this depressed and occasionally
aggressive woman was my ma. It was still her.

“You left me, again, Nathan,” she
howled, sobbing so hard she was gasping for air. “Just like … your dad. You … left
me.”

“I didn’t leave you. I’m here. I
came home. I’ll always come home.”

“It will break my … my heart if
you … go too. I don’t … don’t want to be here … if I lose you too.” Her body
rattled with each sob that punctured her words, and I closed my eyes and shook
my head.
How the hell did I think I was going to have a relationship with
Sky?
Ma’s vodka kept her company in the day, but at night she wanted me.
Unless I was going to give in and let her have a second bottle just so I could
get some me time, on top of my studying, practice, and job, and God forbid I
should ever get a decent night’s sleep. How the hell was I going to keep Sky
happy with all of that going on? She deserved all of me, not a worn-out,
stressed, and irritable fraction of me.

“You’ll never lose me, Ma, and
I’ll never break your heart. But I already told you, I can’t be here all of the
time. I’ve got to study hard so I can get a good career, earn lots of money to
take care of you. You don’t like Josh keeping you company? He’s a really good
kid, Ma. He’s doing so well at college, Dad would have been so proud of him.”

“I don’t want Josh! I want … you,”
she sniffed.

“You’ve got me right now.
Sssshhhh,” I coaxed. “Come on, deep breaths, it’s gonna be ok. I’m here, I’ve
got you.”

“I miss him,
so much
,” she
whimpered, bringing tears to my eyes. I’d never seen a couple more in love than
my parents. I’d always wanted that. I’d always envied that, until the last two
years. Seeing what the loss of that kind of love did to a person, I’d wanted
anything but. Women had just become a welcome distraction, nothing more. Then
she
had to breeze into my life, making me remember all the things I’d wanted
before Dad had died. A great baseball career, and a woman at my side, with a
few kids to teach my baseball skills to in our backyard. Was that even a remote
possibility now? I sighed and relaxed my hold as Ma buried her face in my
chest, her tears flowing freely, making my t-shirt damp. “I should have died
with him,” she sobbed.

I crawled into bed at four a.m.,
desperately trying to claw back the elation of my date with Sky and to squash down
the last few hours. I turned off the light and went to turn off my phone,
finally smiling again to see that I had a message from her.

Thank you for choosing me too
x

I hoped that I wasn’t about to
wake her, but I didn’t want her to wake up in the morning, wondering if I’d
changed my mind and was ignoring her. Which, for a guy like me, was serious
forward progress. So I tapped out a response, paraphrasing her words to me
earlier.

I chose you because I had no
other option but to x

I lay down feeling suddenly at
peace again. It was true. I couldn’t have seen myself holding out for anyone
but her. Maybe I’d been waiting for her to come into my life, too.

Sky

Monday

I locked up my bike and walked
over to the bus stop, never feeling more nervous in my life than I did at the
thought of having to tell Billy. Even more nervous than when Nate had taken me
up to the roof and I’d thought he was expecting sex. I bit my lower lip,
smiling in spite of my nerves. Waking up yesterday morning to find his text
reply had been a great start to my day, though I did worry about him texting at
that time of the morning. I suspected he downplayed how much time and attention
his mom took, and that just made me admire him, and worry about him, even more.
We’d stolen half an hour to talk on the phone last night, but it wasn’t enough.
I’d always laughed with Liam at how besotted girls would get over guys. I’d
never imagined I’d turn out to be exactly like them. I felt like I couldn’t
breathe until I saw him again.

Pops hadn’t been impressed and
I’d had a lecture when I’d finally woken up mid-morning on Sunday. He’d waited
up in the lounge on Saturday night, worrying about me when I wasn’t home at
half past twelve like I’d promised, and he’d heard the side gate close. Despite
my insistence that my virtue was still intact, I’d been mortified to have to
have “the talk” from them both, after I’d sated my ravenous stomach with a few
rounds of waffles and bacon. A safe-sex lecture from your mom was never going
to be an easy discussion, but with your dad there, too? I’d been given a curfew
of midnight. When I’d tried to protest, I’d gotten the “As long as you live
under our roof, you abide by our rules” lecture. I’d had no choice but to
agree. Most kids my age were fending for themselves at college. I was lucky to
be living at home rent-free, and after that suspected date-rape-drug incident,
I could see how they wouldn’t want to be in bed until they knew I was home safe.

Pops final word on the whole
lecture had been, “He’s a heartbreaker, that one. I wish you’d chosen the other
one.” That had hurt, and Mom had even told him off for being mean. I hadn’t
expected him to jump for joy when I confirmed Nate and I were a couple, but I
hadn’t expected him to pass judgment either. His usual tolerance and acceptance
of people, the innocent-until-proven-guilty attitude he’d always had, seemed to
go out of the window where Nate was concerned. I dreaded to think what stories
his co-workers had told him about Nate, or about how many of their daughters
Nate might have fucked. I knew enough of his reputation, I didn’t want to know
more. But in some respects I already knew more than they all did. I saw the
real Nate. The hard worker, the honest guy who’d do anything for his family.
Everyone had a past, it was what you did in the present that counted. And my
Nate,
my
Ace, he wasn’t a heartbreaker. I’d stake my life on it.