Topaz Heat (Christian Romance) (The Jewel Series) (17 page)

“That I what? What exactly do you think I did other than throw up my stomach lining every twenty minutes?”

Darlene’s eyes welled up with tears. “Sarah, who knows what horrors you suffered as a child. Who knows what buried memories are going to surface and affect your behavior now, your interpersonal relationships.”

“Well, you can put your mind at ease, mother. As bad as it was, it wasn’t quite there. At least, not for me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I remember, now. I remember everything. And sitting here looking at you, I suddenly realize that you’ve been trying to put little things like that in my head all my life. Why? Were you worried that you and dad alone wouldn’t be enough to make me love you? Do you really think that you had to make sure I was indebted to you as well? That I would be so appreciative even without really knowing what it was really like before?” Her stomach was twisting itself into little painful knots. “It wasn’t necessary. I didn’t have to be fed with guilt.”

Darlene leaned forward and pointed a finger at her daughter. “You were starving. You were a skinny little waif who couldn’t see ten feet in front of your own face and jumped at shadows. You were covered with bruises. You hadn’t bathed in weeks. Your clothes were too small, and your shoes were three sizes too big. We took you into our home, knowing what you came from and gave you everything we had. But the second your sister, your half sister, waved a college education under your nose, you dumped us with barely a wave good bye. And I don’t think even you know the price tag that was put on that education, what you were really reduced to.” She stood as she finished her tirade, and Sarah forced strength into her legs to stand with her.

“I dumped no one and you know it. Let me tell you something, mom.” She barely spat the word out. “I didn’t need a motivator. I didn’t need the little extras you managed to throw in. You two were enough for me, enough to make me love you. Safety, cleanliness, a home was all I needed. Robin and Maxine are to be admired, revered even, for doing what they’ve done without having what I had. They made it before they met their husbands, and I think that angers you more than anything. I think the thought that maybe I could have made it too, without you, makes you uncomfortable. And afraid. Afraid that I would figure out I never needed you in the first place.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Do you really think so? Or is what’s really bothering you the fact that the man in the next room isn’t a wholesome good old American boy-next-door like Dennis Benson. It was okay that Dennis was married as long as he was blond haired, blue eyed, and clean cut. Is that it?” She stepped a foot closer. “If it is, let me make one thing very clear. I’m an adult. I’m fully capable of making my own decisions, just as you are. Whether I want to date an ex-street hood jailhouse tattoos or a crown prince with jewels on his head, it shouldn’t matter to you. What should matter to you, and what seems never to have mattered, is whether or not I’m happy with the choices I’ve made.”

Darlene held herself stiffly, her frigid stare doing nothing to conceal the heat of fury that seethed in her eyes. “I will not stand here and be spoken to like that by my own daughter.”

Sarah pulled herself up to her full height and stared her mother down. “Then kindly leave. Feel free to return when you’re ready to apologize for being so rude this morning.”

They stared at each other until the older woman finally pressed her lips into a thin line and gave a stiff nod of her head. She retrieved her bag from the table and left the room without any further words being spoken.

DERRICK
heard everything. He couldn't help but hear. The apartment was a good size, but the hardwood floors and old walls did little to muffle sounds. He stood next to the closet containing the washer and dryer in the hallway and listened to every single word while sincerely trying not to overhear.

He had never fooled himself into thinking that most people would accept him with open arms if they knew his past. He had perfected the right accent, the right clothes, the right way to carry himself so that the clientele, even the employees, at his hotels would never suspect his roots, the things he had done, the way he had lived, the raw desperation that had driven every action and reaction for the first eighteen years of his life. The knowledge of such prejudice being likely didn't stop the churning of emotions he felt at Darlene Thomas' words.

He fought a mixture of pain, anger, shame …things he thought he'd put aside a decade ago. He closed his eyes and, with purpose and precision, addressed each emotion and fought it back. Losing his cool and transforming into the hood Darlene Thomas accused him of being would do no one any good. His past was forgiven – redeemed. He knew that. It didn't matter what she thought.

After the sound of the door slamming finished reverberating through the house, he debated what he should do next. Then he decided that he would let Sarah take that lead. She could either kick him out or fall desperately into his arms. He preferred the latter, but would accept whatever came. He slipped his shirt on and buttoned it as he moved through the house.

She sat at the table, facing the door, across from the seat he had occupied mere minutes before. He knew if he touched his cup of coffee that it would still be hot. Yet, somehow, it felt like a lifetime had passed since he made Sarah laugh.

Her face looked even more drawn than it had the previous night, and though tears threatened to spill from her eyes her cheeks remained dry. He could see the effort she was putting into not crying, not giving in to her emotions. Quietly, he pulled out his chair and sat across from her.

"I guess you heard," she said in nearly a whisper.

Derrick shrugged. "I didn't try."

"I know." Sarah took her glasses off and scrubbed at her cheeks with both hands. "She said terrible things."

"She's had a rough time lately."

Meeting his eyes, she tilted her head and looked at him quizzically. "How can you hear what she said about you and … and everyone and say that so calmly?"

"Do you remember when we first met?" The tinge on her cheeks told him that she remembered more than her shrug did. "You really, really didn't like the fact that I was there."

"Yeah. I'd had a bad day." Sarah ran her tongue over her lips nervously. "And you were …"

He filled in the blank for her. "Crude?"

She raised her eyes in surprise. "No. I …"

"It's okay, Sarah. It's what I lived with until the day I turned eighteen. I'd walk into a store and the clerk would wait for me to steal something. And the thing is, I was probably there to steal something. I didn't make the changes to my accent and appearance out of any sort of pride. I did it so that no one would suspect who I was or what I did or what I might have been willing to do at some desperate moment. The way your mother classified me in her mind – the way you thought of me that first day we met – was something I was used to and something I even expected."

Sarah cleared her throat and stood. With nervous movements, she grabbed her mother's tea cup and carried it to the sink. "I walked in that kitchen and was immediately attracted to you. But I knew who you were and where you were from."

Derrick felt his heart rate increase just a little bit. Of all the possible things she could have said, that was absolutely the last thing he expected. He stood and followed her to the sink. "And?"

She turned her body toward him and he could see the tears filling her eyes again. "And my mom had made me so afraid." A tear spilled out of her eye and ran down her cheek. "Afraid that I would become like her – like my real mom. She made it seem like I almost certainly would, so I did everything in my power to prove to her that I was good and perfect and chaste and clean." Another tear fell, and another, wetting her eyelashes and streaking her cheeks. "And I walk into a kitchen and here's this tattooed, unmannered, unchurched boy who made my heart go pitter-pat. Being rude was the only way I could battle the fear that everything I'd worked toward really meant absolutely nothing."

A little glimmer of hope sprang from the frantic beating in his chest. Derrick reached forward, wanting to touch her but afraid to shatter the moment. Instead, he put his hand on the edge of the sink, gripping it, leaning toward her.

"You became my adversary." She admitteed. "As long as I didn't like you, and you didn't like me, there was no worry that I could be like her. I never saw the change in you. I never saw Christ enter your life. I never saw the love you had for my family. I never saw your success. I just saw that barefoot, tattooed kid in my brother-in-law's kitchen."

Sarah took a step forward so that he just had to let go of the sink for his arm to be around her. He watched as she bowed her head and leaned her forehead against his chest. Certain she would be able to feel the furious pounding of his heart, he slowly brought both arms around her and breathed in deeply, both in an effort to control his heart rate and to smell her hair. She turned her head until her cheek lay against his shirt. He felt her arms go around his torso and for the first time in his life, felt utter and complete contentment.

"I've never treated you well."

Derrick turned his head so that he could lay his cheek against the top of her head. "It's okay. I instigated most of our arguments. I knew your buttons and how to push them."

Sarah pushed far enough away to tilt her head back and meet his eyes. "It doesn't seem fair. If I hadn't been afraid …"

"Sshh." Derrick cut her off and put a hand on her damp cheek. "We have to trust God's timing, which is absolutely perfect." She stared up at him with her warm wet eyes and he felt himself drowning in their honey depths. Thoughts fled, and whatever he might have been talking about no longer made sense.

It was hard to say which one moved first. Derrick slid his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck about the same time Sarah stood on her toes and wrapped an arm around his neck. Before either one knew the decision had been made, their lips met. Derrick pulled her closer as Sarah stepped closer, and he lost himself in the perfect feel of her against him, of her lips on his.

Her body pressed against him felt so wonderful, so right. Her lips moved against his as if they had been designed for him. A buzzing started in his ears. Heat rushed through his body. He wanted to get closer to her, even closer, feel her skin against his.

Even as he deepened the kiss, he knew he needed to back off a little bit before he lost control all together.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

Sarah jumped and pushed away from Derrick. She looked scared and horrified and incredibly sexy. He smiled and faced Melissa. "Good morning."

Melissa stammered and stopped, then took a step backward. "I heard the yelling and came out to see if Sarah was okay." Her eyes darted between the two of them. "I'll just go back to bed now."

"No worries. I need to leave anyway." He looked back down at Sarah and ran a finger along her cheek. "When you want to talk, you know where to find me."

Sarah licked her lips nervously and nodded.

“WOW.”