Top Love: An Alpha Billionaire Romance (Young Adult Stepbrother and Billionaire Romance Stories) (32 page)

“Barbara, I don’t think you understand.  When I met Victoria…it was YEARS ago.  It was before I became published.  It was just out of college.”

“Oh.”

“And she wasn’t the naïve one.  Is that what she told you?”  Alfred laughed, a bit of a loud and pained guffaw, as if the very thought was equally fun and cruel.  “She was always the one in charge.  Power, you say?  I don’t think you understand.”

He stared at me in pensive thought.  “She was there when I needed her.  She was what they called a Domme.”

“A domme?  You mean like…”

“Yes.  Dominance and submission.  You have to understand that when I first met Victoria, I was just coming out of another bad relationship.  And I was in a very dark place.  She was the one who offered me guidance.”

“So she helped you with your dark frame of mind?”

“Well…in theory, that’s what she was supposed to do,” he said cautiously.  “A real Dom is supposed to be a healer.  Someone who knows that you’ve hit a low ebb in your life and who wants to help you back up.  But in order to heal, to feel and stop thinking, one has to let go and surrender all trust.  I had to trust Victoria implicitly, giving her total authority over my mind and body.”

“Oh…”  I shook my head, instantly getting his confessing.  “And that’s the last time you ever trusted.  Isn’t it?”

“She abused my trust.  What she did to me…Barbara…it was unconscionable.  She took advantage of me.  She abused me.  I know most people don’t understand that.  But when you’re in a delicate state of mind and you trust someone…you don’t get over that violation very easily.  Sometimes you never do.”

He described the scene vividly to me.  She called it the Dungeon, the secret place she would take Alfred every weekend when he needed training.  She dressed the part all right, squeezing into a tight dominatrix spandex outfit while Alfred was left, humiliated and cold in only his underwear. I wouldn’t want to remember everything in detail but she roleplayed with him, dominated him, tortured him, yelled at him…

“It wasn’t just in roleplaying,” he said, surprisingly level-headed about the whole strange incident.  “She brought it out into our everyday life.  She used to tell people I was her slave husband.  She got off on humiliating me in public, even in casual conversation.  She never ‘cheated on me’ because she forced me to watch her have sex with other men while I waited and cried.  Her goal was to totally emasculate me as a man and destroy my confidence.”

“Alfred, the woman sounds insane!”

“I know.  And it took me a long time to realize that this wasn’t a game.  This wasn’t just a mind game or mindless flirting.  This was an abusive relationship.  And I was stuck in a bad marriage.  One that I had no choice but to stop.”

“Why did you marry her?”

“Because…somehow, she convinced me that the training was working.  She lied to me.  She told me I was getting better.  That I was getting over my past trauma.  But all she did was train me to be a slave to her.  Before long, I started thinking all of the toxic thoughts she fed me, and that kept me going back to her.  Before long…I even started to enjoy it.”

“Enjoy what?”

“The abuse.  I know it sounds crazy.  But people who are feeling empty in life…they really reach a point where they believe anything you tell them.  So she preyed upon me when I was feeling low and browbeat me into a relationship I didn’t want.  She almost broke me, Barbara.  I don’t expect you to understand but it’s the truth.”

“And so all this happened when you were an unknown.  It wasn’t until you left her that you started writing.  And then you gained the world.”

“In a matter of speaking.”

“But Victoria still has your soul.  Is that what you’re saying?  Your soul, your good character, it all died with that relationship.”

Alfred paused and thought it over.  “I don’t know, Barbara.  I hope for my sake that it’s not true.  I haven’t seen Victoria in over ten years.  And I have no desire to ever see her again.  When I wrote that tribute to her, even though we had long separated as husband and wife, I was finally letting go of the memories.  I allowed myself to blame her for taking advantage of me when I wasn’t ready.  I allowed myself to acknowledge the truth.  That I wasn’t a failure.  I wasn’t a nobody.”

“God, Alfie.  And then I come around and make you relive all this shit.  I’m so sorry.  I turn into such a fool when I’m around you.”  I sunk into my chair.  This time it was my turn to reach my lowest ebb spiritually and intellectually.  I was tired of the way I was behaving.  Alfie deserved better than I was treating him.  Sure, he was rough around the edges, but I seemed to be the opposite of his progress.  I made him relive the painful past instead of encouraging him to live in the present. 

I didn’t want to psychoanalyze myself or him, yet again.  It was all I had in me to smile and touch his arm in reassurance.

“I’m sorry for being such a klutz.  You deserve the life you have, Alfie.  It’s selfish of me to try to manipulate you.”

“Ahh,” he said, surprisingly affable and with a peaceful smile.  “I like you.  And sometime we both do strange things when we’re not in our comfort zone.”

He looked into my eyes, but then backed away, tussling with a new thought.

I caught it and had to ask.  “What?”

“The truth is, there is a reason why I like you, Barbara.  And it’s not just sexual.  It’s because…I want to trust you.  I want to reach that point where I know what it’s like to trust somebody in full.  In a way, I’ve never escaped Victoria.  She still looms over me every night and day.  But when I’m with you, I feel as if I’m getting back that part of my life that I lost.”

“And that’s why…”

“That’s why I’m afraid.  Because right now, everything I want to do is about breaking taboos.  Sometimes I have fantasies, you know.  Mean-spirited stuff.  Dangerous stuff.  Insulting and degrading things.  And I don’t mean any of it.  But it’s what Victoria did to me, and so my mind always goes there.”

“Well…maybe that’s the only way any of us can heal.  By trading roles once in a while and being there to listen to each other.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, his gorgeous hair matching the somber tones of rising dawn.  “My instincts want to fuck you, yes, and in the worst way.  But my rational mind reminds me that you trust me too much.  I can’t just keep using you.  It hurts me, to hurt you.  You take everything I dish out and you keep coming back.  It’s not fair to you…”

He almost looked tearful.  His unexpected honesty floored me and I found myself comforting his face almost involuntarily.  Sure, he was good looking and all but the man’s honesty is what wowed me time and time again.

“You don’t have to protect me, Alfie.  If you want to use me…to find peace in your life and undo the hurt that was done to you, then I understand.  And I trust you.”

I looked at him and smiled.  “I know that you would be a good Dom.  I know that you wouldn’t hurt me the way Victoria hurt you.  It’s because I trust you.  I finally trust you.”

“But…why do you trust me?  What have I done to deserve it?”

I laughed and caressed his rugged chest, basking in wonderful morning afterglow.  “You don’t earn trust.  You give it.  Sometimes that’s all we can do.  I want to trust you.  And so, I am giving you the chance to earn my trust.”

He listened carefully, taking a long moment to contemplate his future, his options and even—gulp!—some of his wilder secret fantasies that I just gave him permission to unleash to the world.

It felt so wonderful and freeing.  Regardless of what was yesterday and what was to come tomorrow, for this lovely moment Alfred Banes’ heart belonged entirely to me.  And all it took was a little faith in humanity.

***

              “Hi and I’m Renee Mackers with World News Right Now.  Big news in the entertainment world!  The one and only, the notorious womanizer and anti-family man Alfred Banes has done the unthinkable.  No, he hasn’t killed off another character or seduced some Parisian model.  He has found love!  Reliable sources say that his long-time on/off again girlfriend and Mr. Banes have indeed become engaged.”

Renee grinned at the camera, feeling like a bit of a celebrity herself, given her special relationship with headliner Barbara Adams.  “It looks like every story out there still has a fairy tale happy ending, if only we’re not too cynical to look for it.  For World News Right Now I’m Renee Mackers.”

Yes, the time was nigh for celebration and once again, Alfred Banes had found himself back in the good graces of the public.  Finally settling down, finally putting his painful past behind him.

However, not everyone was in the mood for celebration that weekend…

Dear Alfred,

How wonderful that you and that home wrecker hussy have started shacking up together after such a short courtship.  Kind of makes a girl like me feel special.  After all, I was once young and full of dreams, wasn’t I?

I’m so delighted that you FORGOT our arrangement and what our “rules” are for you dating other people that your Master hasn’t yet given you permission to see.  Been a long time since I used that word, hasn’t it?  You think you’re a big shot now with all your stupid novels and money.  But I know what makes you tick beyond the superficial.  I know how your mind works.  And I know how to destroy you. 

But not to worry, Alfie.  I’m all about the future, not the past.  I’m very happy to hear that you’ve moved on from those old experiences.  The funny thing is, I have NOT moved on and am still very much in love with you.  And love is an erratic emotion, isn’t it, Alfie?  Love makes us do crazy, insane and dangerous things.

The FUTURE does not look good for you and goldilocks over there.  I promise you this, Slave.  I am very keen on making your life a living hell in the next few months. Because I think you owe me something.  And as I’m sure you can attest to your little girlfriend, “owing me something” is not the place you want to be.

-Victoria

Alfred Banes was looking hard-nosed and mad as hell the next day, ordering around his staff like an angry drill sergeant and feeling a new lease on life.  Business was always business and sometimes harsh words were exchanged.  It was the way of the world and the only language that showbusiness understood—it being the bosom of hedonism, double talk, professional liars and under-qualified douchebags.  In order preserve the integrity of his art, his series and his name, he had to play tough.  He had to yell, scream, threaten and sometimes even make people cry—though he was one of the few who actually apologized when he tore up a new intern after a beginner’s mistake.

He was busy writing and editing his previous works and so deemed it necessary to rent his own little office in an out of the way auditorium downtown.  He brought on a staff of five, just enough manpower so that he could think and write and they could handle the daily communications.

And he seemed quite comforted by his little out-of-the-way office, completely closed to the outside world and only accessible via telephone or email.

But that wasn’t good enough for me now, was it Alfie?  No, I was OWED a personal visit.  And I was not going to be postponed by your secretary or team of rodents.  I was MRS. ALFRED BANES and I demanded my rightful meeting.  Alfred Banes was about to learn the hard way that he would never, ever escape my control.  I made it clear to him long before my apparent “death” that I would call the shots.  And only I would decide when our encounter was over, and when we were destined to meet again.

And meeting that old sow Barbara Adams did make me feel a tad jealous of Alfie’s attention, I must admit.  Let me guess, Alfie.  She’s your very loving vessel, your delicate submissive that kisses your ego like you’re her billionaire daddy?  If only she knew what a weak man you were. 

“I’m Victoria Banes.”

“Umm…”

“I’m Alfred’s wife.”

“You mean…his ex wife?  His dead wife?” the secretary said unsurely.

“YES.  His dead wife, genius.  Don’t I look fabulous for being dead?”

“I think you’re going to need an appointment…”

“No, you don’t understand, you little blonde perky titted bitch,” I said with a delightful smile.  Wasn’t getting angry.  Just standing my ground.  “If Alfie doesn’t come out here RIGHT NOW…” I said loud enough so that he could hear me from the receptionist desk.  “I’m going to reveal all of his secrets.  Including the ones he doesn’t want you to know.  You know what I mean, Alfie,” I said louder.  “The way you used to take pictures of all your staff members while they’re in the bathroom.”

The secretary’s mouth opened in shock.

“Oh my oh my.  Maybe your staff doesn’t know all your perverted secrets.”

The secretary was stunned but still obligated to act.  “Listen, you have to leave…”

“Try to touch me and I will sue you,” I said firmly, shooting daggers with my witchy green eyes.  “Try to stop me and I will sue you and Alfred Banes for assault and conspiracy.  Just try me.  I have a team of lawyers.  I will personally ensure you lose everything.”

“Alfred?” the mortified secretary screamed.  “Can you please come out here?  I…I don’t know what to do.”

Alfred Banes, the Great One, my Love, finally emerged from the office looking like an angry cop or maybe a badass gangster from a TV movie.  But he wasn’t fooling anybody.  He was my little Alfie.  And sickness or health, marriage or divorce, or even death yes death, he would ALWAYS be mine.

“Alfie!” I said with a glowing smile.  “You came.  You came.  You came.  You came.”

My repetition shook him and flinched his way out of a maze of strange thoughts.  “What do you want?”

“I want what’s mine, darling.  I want you.”

“Please…come into my office, he grumbled.  “Leave my staff alone.”

“That’s the first time you’ve ever said that, big boy,” I said with a laugh, eyeing the terrified little blond secretary.

Alfred ushered me inside and quickly closed the door behind us.

“So serious all the time now,” I said with a smile.  “But always kinky.  In the old days you never even cared if the secretary knew we were having sex.  Did you?”

“Victoria,” he said with an ornery face.  “I am not playing games.  I meant what I said.  You are dead to me.  Now why don’t you tell me what you want so we can both get out of each other’s life?”

“Oh no, you don’t understand,” I said.  “I am the one who decides if you’re free to go.  I’m the one who let go of you.  And now I want you back.”

“I’m not available, Victoria.  That woman you met?  Barbara?  Yeah, she told me everything.  We’re getting married soon.  And that’s where our history together ends.  Now why don’t you save face, grow up and find yourself a healthy adult relationship.  Or is that asking too much?”

“No.  I don’t want a healthy adult relationship.  I want a sick, disturbed, perverted and sadistic relationship, Alfie.  With you.”

My heart fluttered when I saw Alfie’s reaction.  His eyes closed and he palmed his face, leaning forward on the desk.

“I think we both know that neither of us have been happy lately.  Not like we used to be.  When I had full control over you.”

“I wasn’t happy.”

“Oh you were miserable, all right.  But that’s what you liked.  That’s what kept you coming back.  That’s the only reason I held your attention, unlike all those other bimbos you forgot about in a day.  I was the one who knew how to push your buttons.”

I walked over to his desk and sat on it, putting my hands on his shoulders and rubbing the fabric of his long sleeved blue shirt.  I put my hands through his hair…then gave him a good yank, just like he used to like, just like he used to moan in pleasure. 

“I always told you I would come back.  I told you I would END whatever fake relationship you tried to create.  Didn’t I, Alfie?  Didn’t I tell you that you could never escape me?”

“You’re a psychopath,” he said strongly, but averting his eyes.  I was winning.

“Have you forgotten all the training we did?  All in the name of love?”

“No.  I blocked them out.”

“Did you?  So you don’t remember? 

“No.  I don’t remember, Victoria.  I was a different man back then.”

“No.  You’re still the same man, Alfie.  You’ve just been avoiding me for so long you’ve forgotten who you really are.  You’re nothing.  Your book is my life story.  You ripped off all your bestselling work from MY family history, didn’t you?”

“What?  What are you talking about?”

“Everything you are is because of me.  And now I’m here to humble you.  And to humble that little girl Barbara who thinks she knows you.  Nobody knows you like I know you, Alfie.  And now, I’m going to prove it.”

“What?”

I smiled and began stroking the back of his neck.

“What, what are you…”

“Purple Sapphire.”

I watched him in anticipation, and sure enough just the words made him shudder.

“Purple Sapphire.”

“Stop…”

“Why?  Alfie, Purple Sapphire.  What does that mean, Alfie?”

“Stop it…” he murmured, losing all strength in his voice.

“Alfie, look at me.”

“NO!”  He tried to escape my grasp but I wouldn’t dare let him.  I hung on tight to the back of his neck.  Then I climbed on his chair and straddled him, forcing him to look into my eyes.

“Purple Sapphire.  What happens when you see it, Alfie?  Can you see it in your mind’s eye?”

“Stop.”

“Oooh, are you getting excited for your Master?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, I think you are.  Because you well know, that every time we had a dungeon training session…I made sure the first and last thing you saw was Purple Sapphire.”

He grunted, feeling his erection tighten and spasm, just as I trained him to do whenever he heard those anchor words.  First I showed him a purple sapphire jewel.  Then I punished him for hours, making him look at it.  Playing with him until he was aching to come.  I denied him, making sure he kept looking at that jewel.  Then when I was ready to let him come, I beat him.  I caused so much pain.  I humiliated him.  And then I made him come so hard, giving him permission to unleash his seed—and all with one word—

“Purple Sapphire.  Purple Sapphire.  You’re coming.  You’re coming NOW.”

I stood up to my feet and let go of his neck, walking away in victory.  I looked over and sent him a coy look.

Not that he noticed.  He was too busy staring up into the ceiling, mouth wide open and cumming a fountain right in his pants.  Fucker.  Yeah you unleash that cum.  You let it explode from your nice little engaged scrotum.  “You fucker.  Don’t you ever try to talk back to me again.”

“Huhhhh!” Alfie moaned, unable to stop his own orgasm from spiraling out of control.  He bit his finger and pounded the desk, trying hard to suppress his programmed reactions.  But his face was already red.  His breathing already escalated.  And his pants as wet as a baby.

“You’re so dirty.  Dirty, dirty slave.”  I laughed as I closed to the door, sending one last warning glance letting him know I

**

Whatever Victoria did to him, then and now, it was quite unfathomable for a woman like me who really didn’t understand the first thing about submission, mind control and certainly not anchor words.

But whatever she programmed into him she ingrained it so well it was like cult-style brainwashing.  He couldn’t bring himself to say that word that made him lose his power.  But he kept hinting at it, then pleaded with me not to say it.  Purple Sapphire represented something evil to Alfred Banes, something he could not overcome. 

Alfred told me that losing power to Victoria broke his spirit.  It wasn’t just a game to him, it wasn’t even a senseless argument that he could walk away from.  She took something from him.  She violated his conscience and raped him of his dignity.  She purposely sabotaged his ego with years of abuse. 

I felt a little bad that I had never even considered Stockholm Syndrome affecting men.  We always perceive that men take the power so the victims are always women.  But Alfie was one of the cases that went through the cracks. 

He spent years trying to leave her behind, killing her off for his own peace of mind.  But now that she’s back in his life—Oh God partly because of me!—she’s not going to let him walk away.

Alfie hasn’t been the same ever since Veronica invaded his writing room.  He’s been impotent, or least mentally uninterested in anything sexual.  And as I well know from old relationships, once a man has checked out, once he’s lost his confidence, his virility drops.  Damn Victoria.  And damn me for being so nosey in the first place.

I always thought it was the money that made Alfred Banes a powerful man.  But in truth, his power was what earned him money.  The magic in the words he created and the worlds he created all because his mind was limitless.

I was determined to help him back, to repair the chaos that I dug up. 

“It’s not a big deal, Barbara,” Alfred said, by now suffering from writer’s block and barely even looking at me.  Barely acknowledging any other being in the universe besides him and his wonderful teas.  He was resigned from the human race he seemed.  His only comfort was that Victoria was away from home.  Everything else seemed hollow.

“As long as I don’t see Victoria I should be okay.  I can’t see her.  I’ve put security guards all over my house.  I’ve blocked all phone calls coming in from the outside world,” he said matter-of-factly.

“But you say it like…you’re not ever going to leave the house again.  Come on, Alfie.  You can’t let her win. 

He groaned in anguish and shook his head.  “You don’t understand, Barbara.  I can’t see her alone.  You know what the sickest thing of all was, about seeing Victoria again after all these years?  It wasn’t that she made me hurt or made me impotent.  It wasn’t even that she forced me to orgasm against my will.  The problem was…”

He double blinked and got lost in his own worries.  “The problem is that I started to want it.  I started to want her.  All over again.  Years of therapy, years of forgetting her abuse…and it all came back to me just in that short conversation.  The woman’s a mad genius, Barbara.  She knows just how to manipulate me.  It’s called slave training for a reason.  No one she programs can stand up to her.”

“How did you get over her conditioning the first time?”

He sighed, pacing around the room, as if summoning the energy to continue the conversation.  It hurt to admit the truth.  It hurt to admit that Victoria still owned him and that his love, his heart and his mind still paid her “royalties” whenever he felt a tinge of joy. 

“I wrote.  That’s what saved me the first time.  In my book, the Dragon character is based on Victoria.  I know it seems silly.  But that’s the closure I needed.  I had to distance myself from her, stop putting her on a pedestal and stop letting her manipulate my words and my thoughts.  I had to learn to hate her, to hate what she did to me, and to hate the feelings that it caused.”

He nodded tiredly.  “I did finally learn to hate her.  But only when I killed her.  Something about a character you create changes, after you kill them off.  It worked for some of my earlier writings.  I killed off a character and then that changed the way I felt about myself.  My life.  And the people I knew in life.  So when I did that for Victoria it was like a burden had been lifted.  I won back my freedom.  I released all that guilt and addiction that I had towards her.”