Too Near the Fire (7 page)

Leah tried to assess herself honestly in the mirror. She touched her full mouth, gazing soberly into her large green eyes. What did Gil see in her? She wasn’t pretty by modeling standards. Walnut-colored lashes framed her jade and gold eyes, giving them the appearance of being slightly tilted at the corners. Her oval face was marked by a strong chin. Her nose was straight and clean and she fondly remembered her mother telling her it was the mark of an aristocrat. She had gone through grade school thinking she had the greatest nose in the world until other kids began to make fun of her “Roman” nose. From then on she had hung around with the boys on the softball team because they didn’t care what she looked like, as long as she hit home runs.

The doorbell rang, bringing her out of the reverie, and Leah quickly applied her lipstick. Her heart picked up a beat as she opened the door. Gil nodded genially. He was dressed in a white polo shirt and a pair of tan slacks. He looked devastatingly handsome to her, the width of his broad shoulders swallowing up the space in the doorway.

“Come on in,” she said breathlessly. “I’m almost ready.”

One eyebrow raised as he drank in her form. “Lady, you look absolutely beautiful,” he said appreciatively.

Leah turned, startled by the genuine awe in his husky voice. To cover up her surprise, she grimaced. “That and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee,” she answered flippantly as she went to the bedroom to pick up her shoulder bag. When she came out, he was frowning.

“I don’t make a habit of complimenting a woman unless I think it’s deserved. So take the compliment and say thank you.”

She was speechless. He had a sensitivity that made her want to know more about Gil Gerard the man, not the fire fighter. “Thank you,” she blurted, embarrassed by her flippant approach.

The weather was warm and breezy, and the gentle wind lifted strands of hair playfully about her shoulders as they walked along the terrace outside her apartment. He gave her a warm smile, following her down the steps. “It’s lucky you can’t wear your hair like that at the fire station. All I’d do is watch you—I’d never get any work done.”

“Where did you pick up that diploma in blarney?” she demanded.

He caught up with her at the bottom, matching her stride as he directed her to the red pickup at the end of the parking lot. “The same place you got your diploma in dodging compliments.”

Leah glanced up at him and caught the merriment lurking in his eyes. “Touché.”

“Want to start over?”

“Sure.” He opened the door for her and she stopped, grinning. “Is this standard procedure or are you just trying to impress me?”

Gil returned the smile. “Both. When I’m off duty there are some things I still like to do for a woman. And opening doors is one of them.” He gave her a wicked look. “Maybe you’ll get a chance to sample some of the others, too.”

Leah ignored the innuendo. She slid in and buckled up the safety belt. After having extricated victims who hadn’t used seat belts, she found it was second nature to take the precaution. Gil went through the same procedure and drove the truck out to the main road, where he made a right turn. She relaxed, feeling better than she had in months. When had she felt so free? So happy?

He turned to glance at her. “No one would ever guess you were a woman fire fighter the way you’re dressed today. If those guys down at the station could see me with you, they’d drool with envy.”

Leah couldn’t help laughing. “Do you always say the right thing, Gil Gerard, or did you memorize the list before you came to pick me up?”

“Neither. I just happen to believe in honesty and positive reinforcement.”

“I see. Positive strokes instead of negative ones. Well, that’s probably why you’re such a good fire officer. You say the right thing at the right time to get the best performance out of people.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. I wasn’t born with it, you know. I’ve learned a lot about people over the years.”

“So have I.”

“Oh? What did you learn?”

She hesitated and then blurted, “That I’m a misfit, I suppose.”

“Hmm, why do you say it with such distaste? I like the fact that you’re different.”

She laughed, covering her bitterness. “I’m a maverick, in case you haven’t noticed. I don’t belong in a woman’s world and I don’t belong in a man’s.”

Gil shrugged. If he was affected by her sudden seriousness and the pain evident in her voice, he made no sign of it. Instead he smiled. “You’re one of the new breed of women, Leah. And I would think that being a leader in that sense has some pretty heavy emotional responsibilities. And you know something? I think your kind is a pretty interesting and provocative addition. You have brains, aggressiveness, and good looks to boot. Not a bad combination for someone who calls herself a misfit.”

“Then you’re as much a misfit as I am if you’re so gung ho on the new breed of women,” she growled, trying to recover from his point-blank compliment.

“I sort of enjoy being myself,” he said mildly. Then, as if sensing her discomfort, he switched topics. “Any more nosebleeds since last night?”

“No, I’m fine today.”

“Good. You didn’t deserve that punch in the nose after doing such a good job the first time out with us.”

“Do you ever say a nasty thing to anyone?” she asked disbelievingly.

He laughed heartily. “Sure, ask the men down at the station. I’m not all sweetness and light.”

Leah could accept that. She remembered the night of the wreck and the quiet confidence that had emanated from Gil like a beacon of light. Today, however, he was in a teasing mood and would not apologize for it in any way. Maybe she had been under too much pressure for too long. In her effort to make the grade as a fire fighter, she had had no time to enjoy life. It came as a shock that she had forgotten how to laugh, to tease, to joke. She met Gil’s gaze and felt another heavy load slip off her shoulders.

“You must think I’m the most sour woman in the world,” she said softly in apology.

“I think you’ve been under a hell of a strain having to prove yourself down at the academy, go through the nightmare of a court battle to get this job, and now face a third test with the people here at the fire department. It isn’t any wonder you don’t smile very often or laugh. I wouldn’t either under those circumstances.”

“You don’t scare easy, do you, Gil?”

His blue eyes were lively with challenge. “No. Should I be scared of you?”

Leah forced a weak smile. “Listen, with my track record you’re better off keeping your distance.” She didn’t mean to sound hard and brittle.

“Let me be the judge of that,” he returned, catching the anguish in her eyes. “Mind if I pry a little about your past?” he asked softly.

She looked away, unable to stand the compassion in his gaze. Folding her hands tightly in her lap, she muttered, “Am I that transparent?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t give away any of your secrets. They’re safe with me.”

“You’re scaring me, Gil. I’d swear you’re reading my mind.”

“Just your pretty green eyes.”

She moaned, leaning back against the seat and closing her eyes for a moment. “My God, am I that readable? What if the guys down at the station see—”

“Listen to me, Leah. I happen to make a habit of watching eyes, and I can see and read things in them that most people haven’t taken the time to look for. No psychic ability, just plain watching on my part. Okay?”

“I guess I have to start learning to trust someone again,” she admitted hesitantly.

“I trusted you out there at the accident and you didn’t let me down. What we talk about between ourselves stays with us. I won’t say anything to the men at the station, I promise.”

“You don’t know how hard it is for me to trust, Gil. Down at the academy I thought I could trust certain firemen and I found out the hard way that I couldn’t.”

“Have you ever trusted any man?”

The knife in her heart twisted and tears blurred her vision. “You have the damndest way of asking the right question,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I can see the pain in your eyes. I figure you got hurt pretty bad by a man. Right?”

“Right.”

“And not too long ago, judging by your defensiveness.”

She stared at him. “Isn’t anything hidden from you?” she demanded, awed by his insight.

Gil grinned broadly. “Plenty, lady. But I’m going to enjoy making those little discoveries about you as time goes on,” he promised huskily.

“How about my discovering a little bit about you?” she demanded, surprised at her audacity.

He smiled. “Sure, anything you want to know.”

Leah gave him a black look. “Must be nice to be an open book with everyone.”

“Jealousy will get you nowhere. But don’t think I’m this way with everyone. Just certain special people.”

She fought against the pleasure she took in his last comment. How could he be so sure that there was something special between them? It puzzled her and she lapsed into momentary silence.

“Well?” Gil prompted. “Go ahead.”

“I find it hard to believe you aren’t married. You’re good-looking, intelligent, and have a secure job.”

His blue eyes sparkled. “And you’re wondering why the women aren’t knocking down the door, right?”

“Right.”

He shrugged. “Let’s put it this way, Leah, it takes a very special woman to fulfill certain requirements I’ve set.”

“Such as?”

He lost some of his merriment and drove for at least another mile before answering. “Not every woman has courage, Leah. Like I told you before, I admire that quality. I’m not looking for an aggressive, masculine type of woman. But someone who isn’t afraid to use her brains and talents.”

Leah turned in the seat, resting her back against the door. “You’ve been married before.” It was a statement, not a question.

Gil pursed his lips and nodded. “Yes…yes, I was,” he admitted softly.

Leah gave him a strange look; she had the feeling that she was treading on very unstable ground with him. She couldn’t understand why any woman would divorce him. “She must have been crazy to leave you, then,” she said.

The strained atmosphere in the cab became almost palpable. Leah felt her stomach knotting. Had she made a horrible gaffe? Anxiously, she searched his face. There was pain in his eyes as he regarded her through those thick black lashes. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly, “I shouldn’t have said that. I—”

“It’s all right,” he soothed, reaching out and briefly covering her hand with his own. “It’s a pretty sad story, Leah, but I don’t mind telling you about it if you want to know.” His features were serious as he squeezed her hand.

A pleasurable tingle fled up her arm and she was once again struck by the controlled strength of his fingers. “If you’re willing to share it with me, I would like to know.”

“I got married when I was twenty-four, Leah. I had known Jenny two years before we decided to make a go of it. She wasn’t very happy about me doing fire fighting.”

“Many wives aren’t,” Leah noted.

“That was one of the things that kept us from getting married sooner,” he murmured, shaking his head. “Jenny was frail healthwise, but she had a backbone of steel.” His voice lowered. “And I didn’t realize just how much of a fighter she was until she contracted leukemia.”

Leah gasped softly, her eyes widening. “Oh, no!”

Gil’s lips thinned, as if he were recalling that period in his life. “That happened a long time ago,” he said. “She fought it for five years before dying.”

She wanted to reach out and comfort him. The anguish in his voice was strong even now. “How long ago was that?”

“Three years. On some days it seems like yesterday. On other days it seems like it happened a hundred years ago.”

Leah felt her heart contract with pain. “I didn’t think you were the type of man to give up on a relationship,” she murmured, almost to herself.

He managed a crooked smile. “Loyal to the end, that’s true. What about you, Leah? I think you’re too good-looking to have run around single all this time.”

She took a deep, unsteady breath and folded her hands tightly in her lap. “I don’t have a very good track record, I’m afraid.”

“You don’t have to tell me now, but I’d honestly like to understand your background.”

“You mean how I developed my distrust of all men plus the chip on my shoulder?” she countered nervously. Would he understand, a voice asked? Suddenly, Leah cared a great deal what Gil thought of her. She clenched her fingers a little tighter together.

“Let me tell you a little story,” Gil responded. “It might make you feel better about telling me about your past. I own a farm outside of town where I keep a couple of horses. I left the city life behind after Jenny died and headed for the country. I didn’t know much about horses but I’d always wanted to own some. A local horse trader found out I was looking for a pair and sold me two part Arabians. I knew I was in trouble when one of them, a gray mare, nearly tore the horse trailer apart when they unloaded her. The dealer hadn’t bothered to mention that the horse had been badly abused and was sour on people.

“I had time on my hands because I was still grieving for Jenny. Instead of forcing the dealer to take the mare back, I decided to try and work with her. She had been badly beaten a number of times and she distrusted any man who came within fifty feet of her.” He shook his head, his voice becoming softer. “I used kindness and love to tame her down. Today she’s an outgoing mare who loves women and kids. She’s still nervous around men, but a couple years ago no one could get near her without getting kicked or bitten.” He glanced over at her. “So you see, even if you have that so-called chip on your shoulder and a distrust of men, it doesn’t scare me. You remind me of my mare, Leah. You’ve been badly hurt and you’re trying your damndest to keep your head above the pain and survive.”

She fought back her tears. “Like I said,” she forced out, her throat constricted, “nothing seems to scare you off.”

He grinned. “Not when I consider someone worthy of my attention and concern. So tell me, what happened back there to make you run so scared, Lady?”

He made the admission easy. By the time they arrived in Cleveland an hour later, she had told him of Jack and his affairs. Gil had remained quiet and attentive throughout the conversation, occasionally reaching out to touch her hand. Each time he did, the urge to cry welled up within her. They sat there in the parked truck, the sun pouring brightly into the cab. Gil roused himself.