Too Hot to Handle (29 page)

“Merry, she’s your mom. Sex is weird for her to talk about. And it’s complicated, because… Just call her, okay? When you get home, call her and let her tell you.”

She groaned and laid her head back. “Ow,” she said when it hit the edge of the next step up.

“Let’s get out of here. Please? You’re not a loser and this place is depressing you. Actually it’s depressing me. And your mom loves you. She thinks you’re perfect. So fuck Crystal.”

“Oh, Jesus. Crystal even knows!”

“Her mom must have said something. What a disloyal witch. Come on.” Grace grabbed her hands and pulled. “Stop groaning and feeling sorry for yourself.”

“My life sucks,” Merry said.

“Maybe, but groaning won’t change that, and I’m cold.”

When she got back to the car, Merry slouched down in the passenger seat and turned on her phone. When she saw there were four messages, her poor upset heart gave a violent twist of alarm. Four messages. That couldn’t be good. Not at all. The press, maybe, calling to confirm all the sordid details of her scandalous behavior. In that moment, she was relieved she had a more urgent matter to see to.

Ignoring all the messages, Merry called her mom instead. “Mom?”

“Oh, hi, baby!”

For a moment, Merry couldn’t speak. Was her mom with someone right now? Was she on a date and waving at the woman to be quiet so Merry wouldn’t hear? How could she have thought it would matter to Merry? How could she have kept it secret?

Merry took a breath and told herself it would be fine. “Mom?

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Mom, Grace told me you were dating a woman, so is there anything you want to get off your chest?”

“Oh,” her mom said. A heartbeat passed. Then another. And then her mom burst into loud sobs.

Tears immediately sprang to Merry’s eyes. “Don’t cry. I love you so much. Just…why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know!” her mom wailed. “I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Just…failing you.”

“Because you like women? Mom, come on.”

“It’s not that simple. I…I wasn’t sure at first. When your dad left, I was
relieved
. God, I’ve never said that out loud. But it’s true. I was happy to be alone and I felt terrible about that, because I knew it wasn’t good for you. You wanted a daddy. You wanted more than just me.”

“I didn’t! Not really. I was a little girl. I wanted to be like everyone else.”

“I know. I know. And I couldn’t give you that, Merry. I wanted to. I tried. I went on a few dates when you were small, but I wasn’t even interested. I assumed I was meant to be alone. And that was fine. I tried to make our home happy for you.”

“You did, Mom. You always did.”

“I’m glad. But when I realized maybe it was more than wanting to be alone—” She broke off into silence.

Merry wiped the tears from her face and waited.

“I couldn’t give you a mom and a dad and a picket fence. I wanted to so much and I couldn’t. But I couldn’t give myself what I really wanted, either. I was afraid to make life harder for you than it already was. I didn’t want to make you a target for bullies and zealots and…I was afraid for myself, too.”

“So you were alone? That’s just awful.”

“It was fine. I didn’t mean for it to be forever. I really didn’t. But then I looked around and all those years had passed.”

“So why didn’t you tell me later? Why didn’t you tell me
now
? You’re dating someone, right? I want to know that, Mom. I want to know who you love.”

“Oh, Merry. It’s just… It’s complicated, baby.”

“Why?”

Her mom sighed, and Merry could almost hear her deflating. “Do you remember Louisa Tolliver?”

Merry shook her head, drawing a blank, but then the name sunk in. “Miss Tolliver?” she yelped.

“Yes.”

Miss Tolliver had been her fifth-grade teacher, pretty and fresh out of college and brimming with excitement and hope. Merry had loved her utterly and completely.
“Miss Tolliver?”

“We had an, um, flirtation. When you were in her class. But of course, I wasn’t comfortable with that, and she was worried about her job. And she was so young.”

“Mom! Miss Tolliver?” Merry pressed a hand to her mouth to try to stifle a laugh that was half horror and half scandalized delight. She met Grace’s eyes. Grace raised her eyebrows in question, and Merry just shook her head in disbelief before looking back out at the lights of passing cars.

“Well, I ran into her again a few months ago, and of course, she’s almost forty-five, and she’s out now and living happily and I just thought…I thought maybe I was ready to take that chance.”

Merry just wanted to scream
Miss Tolliver
again, but that probably wouldn’t be helpful. “You’re dating Miss Tolliver,” she said as calmly as she could.

“Yes,” her mother answered. “I am.”

“Wow.” This was too much to take in. Like a strange, random dream you laughed about with friends. She took a deep breath. “And you were afraid to tell me?”

“I just let the lie go on for too long. I didn’t know how to say it, and I didn’t know how you’d feel about Louisa. She meant so much to you.”

“Yes. Well, if you’re asking if I’d like it if Miss Tolliver was my second mom, I’d say it’s a dream come true!”

“Oh, my word, Merry. We’ve only been dating a few months!”

“Do I get to call her Mom, too? Or Mama? Or something like that?”

Her mom’s laughter was filled with relief and tears.

“Is she as pretty as I remember?”

“Even prettier,” her mom whispered.

“Oh, Mom. Look at you with a hot younger girlfriend.”

“Merry!” She laughed again, but then she said softly, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just don’t do this again, okay? You were pushing me away, Mom. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know why.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve told you. I just… God, it feels good to have it out. I’ve felt sick for months. The longer I kept it to myself, the harder it seemed to tell you. I’ve always taught you to be brave, and I couldn’t tell you my biggest truth. What kind of woman am I?”

“The screwed up kind, just like the rest of us.”

Her mom laughed and Merry smiled into the phone. “And the best kind. The very best. I love you, Mom. Just keep me in the loop on your super-hot dates from now on, okay?”

“I will. I promise I will. No more lying. I love you too much for that.”

“And maybe you could bring her with you when you come visit. I’d like that.”

“Oh, it’s too soon for that, but… Hell, if it works out then maybe I’d like that, too, baby.”

By the time she got off the call, Merry was limp with weariness. The day had been more than an emotional roller coaster. It had been a giant pinball machine, and she almost ignored the message icon that popped back up with new insistence. Whatever the urgent news was, she couldn’t deal with it. She couldn’t.

But she hit the play button anyway, and as soon as the words unfolded in her ear, she realized her insane day had only been a prelude to this moment. “Oh, my God,” she whispered. Then she let out a scream that shook her own eardrums. “Oh, my God, Grace!”

Grace stopped dead on the road and turned to her with terrified eyes.

“I can’t believe it,” Merry said. “He did it.”

“Did what? Who?”

But Merry was sobbing too hard to say another word.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

M
ERRY
PACED
ACROSS
their apartment for the fiftieth time. “I don’t understand. It’s almost eleven o’clock. Why can’t anyone find him?”

“Listen, Cole just got back in cell range. He’ll find Shane, all right? Just stop pacing! You’re making me dizzy.”

“I have to pace or I can’t think. Why would he do that, Grace?”

Grace looked troubled. More than that, she looked confused. “I don’t know.”

“I just need to talk to him. Ask him. If he—”

Her phone cut her off and Merry answered it before the first ring had even finished. “Yes?”

“Merry!” Levi Cannon’s voice boomed. “How’s the savior of Providence doing?”

“Levi.” She wilted a little at the sound of his voice. He’d always seemed to like her. He felt like a kind father figure, and tears sprang to her eyes at the happiness in his voice.

“Ms. Kade, you have truly pulled out a victory for this team. A complete victory. I am stunned. As is the rest of the board.”

“I’m honestly not even sure I know what’s going on.”

“Didn’t you talk to Jeanine? She said she called.”

“I got her message, but…I’m still not sure I understand. He just dropped the suit?”

“He not only dropped the suit, but he cited you as the principal reason he dropped it. He said… Just a moment, let me get this right. ‘Ms. Kade’s love for the town of Providence and her enthusiasm for the goals of the Providence Historical Trust have persuaded me that the restoration of the town is a worthwhile project that should be pursued. Her unique perspective on the project combined with professionalism and unmatched energy are resources that will be invaluable to the development of this historical landmark.’”

Professionalism.

Tears welled from her eyes and coursed down her face. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

Levi cleared his own throat. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you there’ll be no more discussion of this being a temporary position. I won’t hear of it.”

For a moment, she felt such fierce pride and joy that she couldn’t breathe. She’d done it. She’d found her place. And she’d succeeded at it. But in the next moment, fear and regret rent that joy with a painful slash. She didn’t deserve this. She’d done everything all wrong.

“Mr. Cannon, I…I don’t think I deserve this. I can’t imagine what I said or did or…” Visions of what she’d done with Shane suddenly cascaded through her mind, but she shook it off. She wasn’t some femme fatale so skilled at sex that she could persuade men to give up millions of dollars. “I need to confess something. Something important. I’m the one who destroyed that mailbox. Or, rather, I bumped into it with my car and it fell over. I’m sorry. And then that sign. That stupid sign! I just wanted the board to call a meeting. I’m so sorry. And ashamed. And—”

She stopped talking when she realized Levi was laughing. Frowning at Grace’s pointed look of question, Merry shook her head in confusion.

“Oh, my God!” Levi howled.

“Mr. Cannon?”

“Those old biddies and their hand-wringing! And it was you the whole time!”

“I can’t apologize enough. When I hit the mailbox, I’d just found out that you hadn’t hired me for the reasons I’d thought. I was just a temporary placeholder and I thought if I owned up to hitting the mailbox, you’d fire me on the spot. I picked it back up. I thought it was fine, but… My deception was inexcusable. And then I made it worse.”

“Well, I suppose if you were my daughter, I’d make you go over and apologize and pay for the repairs. But you’re not my daughter, so I’m free to just laugh.”

“If you want me to resign, I understand. And there’s more, I’m afraid.”

“More?”

“Yes. I hired…I mean I
accidentally
hired Shane Harcourt to work on the saloon. I had no idea who he was. His name wasn’t Bishop!” She choked on tears again. “It’s obviously unforgivable.”

There was silence for a moment as Levi took in her words. “Darlin’, whatever you did was obviously the best thing that could’ve happened to Providence. If he intended to work for you and take advantage, I guess it got all turned around on him in the end, didn’t it? You beat him at his own game. That’s darn impressive.”

She could hardly believe what she was hearing. “So you don’t want me to resign?”

“Your techniques may be unorthodox, but they obviously work. I won’t hear of you leaving now, so I hope you enjoy working out there in the dust and dirt.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I love it so much, I can’t even express it. Have you talked to Shane, by chance?”

“Nope, but I’ll shake his hand when I do. His grandfather was a hard man, and I didn’t expect him to be any different, but I guess he’s got a bit of a soft side after all.”

He did. She knew he did. She’d seen it, but after everything, she’d no longer trusted herself. And if he had a soft side, and if he’d meant it that he’d changed his mind about what he was doing… Maybe he’d meant everything else, too.

She had to find him.

Merry got off the phone and resumed her pacing. “What does Cole say?”

“Nothing yet.”

“They’re not going to fire me.”

Grace smiled. “I gathered that. Does that mean I bought you a hot dress and threatened your cousin for nothing?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll pay you back.”

“Girl.” Grace gave her a quick hug, but for once, Merry was the one to break away, too restless and distraught to stay in one place.

She crossed the hall to knock on Shane’s door one more time. Maybe he’d somehow slipped past them. But he wasn’t there. She even tried the doorknob, more than desperate enough to violate his privacy, but it was locked.

When Grace’s phone rang, Merry bounded back into the apartment in three huge strides. “What? What is it?”

Grace shook her head, said a few words to Cole and hung up. “Shane still isn’t answering. He hasn’t responded to texts, either.”

“Damn it.” She didn’t know why she felt such urgency. What he’d done was done, after all. Seeing him wouldn’t change that. And what explanation did she want, exactly?

But somehow she felt she’d feel better if she could just hear why.
Why
.

Her head popped up. She stared at the window. “The letter.”

“What?”

“He wrote me a letter this morning and I just tossed it on the floor of my car.”

“Good girl,” Grace said, then winced. “I mean… Sorry. I guess he wasn’t as big of an asshole as I thought. So maybe you should go ahead and read it.”

Merry was already out the door, running toward her car. If she’d had any light at all to see by, Merry would’ve stood next to the car and read it, but it was too dark. She sprinted back into the apartment and started reading.

“What does it say?” Grace asked.