Too Hot to Handle (18 page)

Grace was strangely easy with Merry’s mom. She always had been, and it made Merry’s heart swell every time she saw it. Something about her mom seemed to put Grace at ease and always had.

“Cole’s doing great,” Grace was saying.

“I hope he’s good to you, sweetheart.”

“Oh, he is. He really, truly is.”

“I’m so happy for you.” Merry’s mom sighed. “What about my sweet girl? Has she met a nice cowboy yet?”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Grace answered. She tipped the screen toward Merry who finally got a look at her mom’s face, which was a rounder, older version of her own.

“Grace is cock-blocking me, Mom.”

“Merry!” her mom shrieked, disappearing from the screen as it wobbled from her laughter.

“It’s true! I need that old copy of
Our Bodies, Ourselves
you gave me when I was twelve. I need to explain to Grace what my vagina is for.”

True to her old hippie roots, her mom just waved an amused hand. “You can get all that on the internet now, honey.”

“I’ve heard rumors about that.” Merry snuggled up next to Grace so they could both be on the screen. It felt a little like a slumber party, and Merry’s heart filled with love. “Hey, Mom. Ask Grace about her boyfriend again so you can see her face melt into starry-eyed mush. Can you even believe it?”

“It’s beautiful.”

Beautiful or not, Grace still punched her shoulder.

“But I want to find out what’s going on with you, Merry. Did you see Crystal?”

Merry groaned and Grace disappeared from camera with an eye-roll. “That’s my cue to go make coffee.”

“Yes,” Merry finally answered. “I saw her. And she was a bitch.”

“Your cousin is not a bitch,” her mom scolded.

“She is.”

“It’s not true. And even if she was a bitch, she’s still your family. There’s love there.”

Merry groaned. “There’s no love there, Mom. I know you love your sister. And you should. But however different your lives are now, you two came from the same place. Crystal and her brother were raised in a McMansion in a gated community on the lake in Chicago. I’ve never even lived in a
house
. We have nothing in common. She thinks I’m slacker white trash and I think she’s a snooty bitch.”

“Oh, honey. We don’t have much family left. I really wished you’d try.”

“I’ve tried. I swear. But I’m not like them. And now even you seem to have bought into their crap about success and jobs and education.”

Her mom shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Merry slumped. She didn’t want to have this conversation. Ever. She’d rather just do well and never have to consider it again. She’d make Providence a success. She’d have a respectable job and live in a beautiful place, and then she wouldn’t have to worry that even her loving mother considered her a disappointment.

“Never mind, Mom. I need to get up and have some coffee. Big day today.”

In reality, she had nothing on her schedule except dinner out at the Easy Creek Ranch, but it was too early in the morning to play the part of disappointing child. “I love you,” she added, which was always true, no matter what. But Merry couldn’t disappoint everyone again. This was her last chance to make it.

“Ugh!” she groaned as soon as she’d hit End. “What is her deal about family?”

“Don’t ask me,” Grace said. “I don’t know anything about family crap. But she looked great.”

“She did. I wish she’d find someone. She seemed a little lonely the last time I saw her.”

“Oh. Well.”

Merry sat up and looked at Grace. “What?”

“Nothing!” Grace yelped. “I hope she finds someone, too.”

Merry collapsed back to the bed and checked her email. And there it was. An emergency meeting of the board on Monday afternoon. The brochure was being printed on gorgeous glossy paper on Monday morning. Merry could force the board to take a look, she could present all her ideas for the fluff piece with the local paper, and then she’d free up some funds for renovations.

Everything was coming together. She was going to be a legend. Or at least not a wandering slacker who’d never held down a real job. And, damn it, that was good enough for her.

* * *

T
HIS
WAS
STUPID
. It was pointless. And Shane had no idea what he was doing here.

His horse shifted impatiently, as unsure of her purpose as Shane was of his. Usually when Shane loaded her onto the horse trailer, there was hard work ahead. Hours of riding. Work to be done. But now they just stood here, looking over Providence as if it were dangerous.

It wasn’t, but somehow Shane felt afraid.

He shouldn’t have come here. There was no reason.

But he finally shifted forward, and his horse walked slowly through the town.

Nothing looked different. The town was the same, but he wasn’t as quick to dismiss the buildings as he usually was.

This was their home, Merry had said. They didn’t want to leave.

The idea of it meant nothing to him. It changed nothing. But somehow her words had opened up memories of the time he’d spent here with his father. The mornings when they’d pull up so early Shane could see his breath in the air even in September. The way his dad would let him explore and poke around no matter now long Shane wanted to take. He might’ve been through the church twice already, but there was that one snake that kept escaping, sliding between the broken floorboards to hide.

His dad hadn’t been much of a talker. He hadn’t told stories about Providence. But he would point out an old horseshoe or a broken wagon wheel, and in Shane’s eyes they’d been archaeological wonders. Relics of a past filled with Native American wars and brave cowboys and shoot-outs with horse thieves.

Now Shane knew that life in Providence had been nothing like that. Any nearby Native Americans had been traders and hunters passing through, and the cowboys had been quiet, hard men who didn’t ride out in posses and probably spent more time farming than ranching. But as a kid… My God, these people had been heroes. And best of all, they’d been related to him.

Blood relations had seemed a good thing back then. At some point, it had damned them in his mind. He’d damned them along with his father.

Shane didn’t need to stop and poke around this time. The place held no romance for him, but he rode on toward the old trail.

He passed into the trees, a stiffness in his spine, jaw aching. How many hours had he spent on horseback here, following close behind his dad? Silent rides through bright green aspens just starting to edge toward yellow.

Oh, there was a road. They could have driven up to the ancient log cabin high in the trees, but that hadn’t been the point. The point had been the task of packing it up. Of learning how to travel light and load the horse just as Shane’s dad had done when he was little. Not with his father. Grandpa Bishop wasn’t a man who tolerated kids or had the patience to teach them. No, Shane’s dad had ridden with his grandfather, an old-time cowboy whom Shane had never met.

He eased his mare up the trail, so ancient and hard-packed that it was still clear of grass and brush even all these years later. They’d always come here alone, he and his dad. Alex hadn’t liked horseback riding or camping. He’d much rather have ridden a bike with his friends or raced ATVs. He’d never been here, never seen the cabin.

If Shane wanted to see Merry’s eyes light up, he could tell her about the cabin. He didn’t know who’d lived here, but judging by the state of the place twenty-five years before, it was damn old. She’d be over the moon about it. Exploring it. Researching. Solving the past like a mystery, as if finding the original owner’s name would make something right with the world.

But the world wasn’t right. He didn’t understand how she couldn’t see that. Her own father had left her without a backward glance. Was that why she wanted to see the past as romantic? Did that excuse her own father, because he must have had his reasons? He must have had troubles?

But that didn’t explain her love for this place. She’d been tricked into watching over Providence by people with an ulterior motive. How could she still see such good things? It was as if she willfully ignored all the shadows in life and claimed they were only there to set off the brightness of things.

He’d protect her from such foolishness if he could, but there was no way to do that. Because the world wasn’t right. His own role in Merry’s life was proof of that. He wished it wasn’t.

The trail drew close enough to the edge of the narrow canyon that he could see part of the stream bed where he and Merry had walked the day before, and he missed her in that moment. He’d have to bring her up here. She’d be so happy.

But then the trail was swallowed by the trees, and Shane was with his dad again. The ride to the cabin had only been about ninety minutes, but it had felt like a day long journey to a place no one had seen in a hundred years. This had been the point where Shane would settle from babbling excitement into quiet. Here in these shadows.

The sounds were the same. And he could feel his father. He could feel that memory, and then all the grief and hope of the next few years. Fuck, that man had broken them all. Him and his brother. And his mom most of all. Like Merry, she had a way of seeing only brightness, too, the difference being that she would look into utter blackness and deny the dark. She’d claim she’d seen a glimmer of something. If only Shane looked harder, he’d see it, too.

He had. For years.

He wished he could have those years back. Wished he could watch out for his little brother instead of indulging his mom.

He could’ve done so much more. He could’ve made his little brother’s life better, but he’d been too damn busy shoring up his own false hope. “When Dad comes back…” Shane had said a thousand times, putting every opportunity on hold. When Dad comes back, this is how it’ll be. When Dad comes back, we’ll all do this together.

No wonder Alex had run.

Their father wasn’t coming back. But on this trail, beneath these trees, Shane was able to think of him in an almost normal way for the first time since he’d disappeared. It hurt. It felt awful. But the memory was still there beneath it, instead of being obscured by a thick fog of grief and hate and anger. The abandonment had been monstrous, but that didn’t mean the man had been a monster. He’d done something awful, something Shane could never understand, but for a decade, he’d been a good father.

For years, that truth had made his disappearance worse. But right now, in this moment, it actually made things better.

By the time he reached the cabin, Shane was exhausted. Not by the ride, but from having let his dad back into his life for a moment. But even past his weariness, he smiled when he saw the half-collapsed structure. Yeah, Merry would love this. Maybe he’d hang around long enough to show it to her. Or he could offer it as consolation when she decided she hated him, as she would. He could give her this place as a way to heal her wounds.

But he didn’t want her up here by herself. Even back then the road had barely been safe, and today he’d passed a washed out section of it where the trail crossed.

He tied off his horse beneath a shady tree and walked the open area around the cabin. The fire pit was still there, and even the area where they’d always set up camp was still relatively cleared, but the years had taken a toll. A corner of the cabin that had once been straight and sturdy was now collapsed. Branches littered the tall grass of the makeshift yard, broken off the trees over years of storm and wind. But a few of the old apple trees still stood at the side of the house, tiny, hard apples peeking pale green between the leaves.

Yes, he wanted to show this place to Merry. While she still liked him. While she would still share that blinding smile and crack her strange jokes. He wanted to see her happy and unguarded, not for some old man who’d told her a story, but for
him
. For something he’d given her. Maybe it would make up for what he was going to take away.

He explored the place, finding memories he’d lost, and thinking about his dad, and by the time he looked up at the sky, he realized it was past time to go.

He didn’t want to rush his horse on the steep trail, so he turned her down the road instead. He had to get back to Providence, load up his mare and then drive her back to the farm where he boarded her. It wasn’t too far from Easy’s, though. He should make it fine.

Rushed as he was, he wasn’t feeling reckless. When he got to another stretch of road that had been washed out to little more than four feet wide, Shane dismounted and walked. This road was a hazard. He wondered if anyone had been up here in the past decade.

That would probably please Merry. She’d know no one had been bothering the site of the cabin, pulling out artifacts and doing damage.

As he eased along the final few feet of the wash out, Shane caught sight of something glinting down below. He edged closer to the drop-off and tried to get a better look, but he couldn’t see anything more than the flash of sunlight on something reflective when the leaves below shifted in the breeze.

Maybe it was just water dancing on some offshoot of the stream, but he didn’t hear water and he thought he could see something white down there, a corner that could be rock, but seemed awfully straight and sharp for that.

Shane walked a little farther on, looking for a path down, but he didn’t find one, and there wasn’t time anyway. He’d come back again. With Merry. Or maybe without her. Maybe there was some structure down there even he didn’t know about and he could surprise her with that as well.

Shane mounted his horse and urged her to a trot, all his tiredness gone at the thought of seeing Merry again. He had to end it, but not tonight.

Not tonight.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

M
ERRY
HAD
NEVER
seen this side of Rayleen before. Oh, she’d heard rumors about a budding romance between Rayleen and Easy, but she’d understood it to be an ornery, adversarial romance. A dance like two old dogs circling each other. She hadn’t expected this.