Today's Promises (5 page)

“Yeah, only because Allison and Mrs. Lowry were convicted of felonies,” Jaynie interjects, shaking her head. “You know, those crimes that involved money people lost. Not anything to do with how kids, like us, were physically hurt and mistreated. I swear,” she practically spits out. “It’s always about the goddamn money, isn’t it?”

“Maybe not this time,” Mandy says, sending a sad, small smile Jaynie’s way. “The girl who used to live at the Lowrys, the one involved in the mix-up, they’re really looking into this pretty intensely. Apparently, her name was similar to someone else’s in the system. And
that
girl is the one the state was keeping track of.”

“That’s one hell of a mix-up,” I snort, disgusted at the total ineptitude of the state system.

“I know, right?” Mandy shakes her head. “Anyway, the authorities think this girl may have never left the Lowrys.”

I watch Jaynie as she swallows hard.

“How old was she?” I ask, my voice cracking at the implications of what Mandy is telling us.

Bowing her head, she says, “Sixteen.”

“Maybe she ran away?” I offer, grasping at any explanation so Jaynie doesn’t have to hear this. Her nightmares are horrid enough.

But Mandy, her eyes moving from me to Jaynie, then back to me, crushes that hope when she says, “Mmm, I don’t think so, Flynn. The last place this unaccounted-for girl was ever seen was at Mrs. Lowry’s house.”

“What are you saying?” Jaynie says, at last.

Her voice is more strained than I’ve ever heard it before. So I reach for her hand, to offer any comfort I can.

Jaynie is trembling when her hand slips into mine.

And frankly, I start to shake as well, especially when Mandy says, “Someone up on that property, either Mrs. Lowry or Allison, had to have killed that poor girl. And then they probably hid the body.”

Jaynie

“S
hit, Flynn, this is bad. Really bad.”

Those are the first words out of my mouth when we settle into Bill’s car.

Flynn buckles his seat belt and closes his eyes. I’m sure he’s imagining some poor girl, a girl like me, meeting her untimely end at the hands of Mrs. Lowry, or that bitch, Allison.

Shuddering, he says, “God, I hope it’s not true.”

I let out a scoff of disbelief. “Oh, I’m sure it’s true. Think about it. Think how close we came to being finished off up there.” I make a sound of disgust. “We’re not talking about kind benefactors here.”

“True.” Flynn scrubs his hand down his face. “I’m sure something bad did happen to that girl.”

Thinking of how Allison treated us so much worse than her mother did, I say, “I bet Allison did it. She’s vicious and violent.”

I know firsthand the extent of Allison’s rage.

Flynn agrees with me, but then, when he sees how worked up I’m becoming, he says, “Let’s talk about something else on the ride home.”

“Yeah, that works for me.”

On the drive back to Lawrence, I try with all my heart to push all thoughts of Allison and her evildoings to the back of my mind. And I do pretty well, until that night when a nightmare wakes me up.

After dreaming of Allison kicking me in the abdomen, and thusly killing the child who was growing within me, Flynn rocks me back to sleep with words of comfort. His own tears intermingle with mine, and we press our cheeks together and cry for what could have been.

“It’s over, though, Jaynie,” he tells me. “She can never hurt you that bad ever again.”

But it seems she can when—a couple of days following my nightmare—I show up for an appointment at the local free clinic. The plan is to finally start on birth control. But it may be a moot point when the repercussions of the violence Allison inflicted on me rears its ugly head.

I’ve been thinking all this time that Flynn and I have just been lucky. I mean, we have sex all the time, right? And I’ve not yet become pregnant.

And now I know why.

I am informed, during the routine exam, that I have severe scarring in my uterus, scarring that was never there before, scarring that may render me infertile for the rest of my life.

I am numb.

I’m still given a contraception shot on the slim chance the doctor could be wrong.

But I know she’s not.

I leave the clinic in a daze, devastated by the possibility that not only has Allison taken away my baby, but now, thanks to her brutality, I may
never
call myself a mother.

I’m scheduled to work that evening in the sandwich shop, but as soon as I get back I request the night off. Flynn had that stupid interview in Forsaken today, and when I wander upstairs I’m sick to find he’s still not home.

“Oh, great,” I mutter to myself in the lonely silence of our bedroom. “I can see how relying on the bus to get to and from work is going to make for some long-ass days for everyone.”

Flynn finally arrives home when it’s well after seven.

By that time, I am miserable.

With the news of today so fresh, and Mandy’s update the other night still in my head, I can’t think of anything other than the horrible things that have happened over at the Lowry’s place.

Flynn finds me curled up in our bed, with my face wet from all the crying jags that keep coming in waves. I tell him everything, and he holds me close as I sob into his flannel shirt. When I’m finally spent, I collapse against his firm chest, my reserves depleted.

But while my own tears have ebbed, Flynn’s have just begun.

Twisting to peer up at him, just as he tries to disguise a sob as a cough, I say, “You should find someone else. You deserve to be with a girl who can give you children someday.”

He hastily wipes away teary evidence of his sorrow, but his gray eyes remain sad, even as he declares, “Jaynie, don’t be ridiculous. It’s you I love, not what you can or can’t give me. And if it ends up just me and you for the rest of our lives, I accept that. In fact, I’d count a long life with you as a gift.”

I shake my head, all set to start anew at convincing him of my sound reasoning. But Flynn silences me with an index finger to my lips. “Hey, no more talk of me finding another girl. I love you…and only you. It will
always
be you, Jaynie-bird.”

Will it be, though? What if Flynn changes his mind in five years? Well, if that happens, so be it. Until that day comes, I will stand by him.

In a strangled tone racked with sorrow, I whisper, “I love you so much, Flynn. I’m just—I’m just…so damn sorry.”

“Aw, Jaynie…”

We hold each other close for a long, long time.

Eventually, though, we move on to talk of his interview. It’s not that our sorrow has passed. It’s just that we have no choice but to accept our fate and move forward.

Clearing my throat, I say to Flynn, “Hey, you never told me what happened at your interview this afternoon. Did you get the job?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I sure did. They seemed really happy to have me.”

“Of course they’d be happy. You’re a good, reliable employee.” I take a breath, blow it out. “So… When do you start?

“Tomorrow,” he replies.

I sit up. “What kind of construction project will you be working on?” I ask, truly curious.

Still resting his head on the pillow we were sharing, Flynn peers up at me. “I’ll be working on the first phase of some new apartment complex,” he says.

Forsaken is a rundown dump, so to say I’m surprised is an understatement.

“A new apartment complex is being built in that town?” I scoff. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope, it’s all true,” he says. “But they’re being built over on the outskirts of town. Never fear, Jaynie-dear. Forsaken remains the shithole it’s always been.”

“No surprise there,” I murmur, rolling my eyes.

Flynn sits up next to me. When he leans over me to reach for a pack of gum over on the nightstand—a pack I just now notice—my eyes widen. That gum definitely wasn’t there earlier. He must’ve bought it today, before or after his interview.

That worries me. Flynn only chews gum when he’s staving off a craving for a cigarette. See, he started smoking again when he was stuck in Forsaken. But since we’ve reunited, he hasn’t smoked once.

Suspicious of what else went on today in that freaking town, I carefully ask, “What’s with the gum?”

Leaning back and peeling the foil from a stick of chalky green, he says, “I bought the gum this afternoon.” His eyes meet mine, and he comes clean. “It was either chew gum or smoke a cigarette, Jaynie.”

“Wait.” I twist to face him. “I thought you said the interview was a breeze.”

“It was. It’s just that being back there… Well, you know how it is. Being in the thick of things, close to all the shit that happened, it just kind of stirs it all up inside you, you know?”

“I do know,” I say, since I do. “But that’s what I meant when I originally told you I was against this job over there. One damn afternoon in that crappy town and you’re already stressed to the max.”

Around the piece of gum he’s chomping on—spearmint, by the smell of it—Flynn says the same thing he’s maintained from the start. “We need the money, Jaynie.”

“I don’t know if it’s worth this grief,” I counter. “Maybe you should turn down this particular job. You can look for work in other places. You already know how much I absolutely hate the idea of you spending any time at all over in that evil town.”

“It’s not the town that hurt us,” he replies. “Plus, I won’t be working in Forsaken, not technically. It’s just that the interview was there.” He draws a breath, and then releases it slowly, like he’s calming himself. “Like I told you already, the job itself is on the outskirts of town. It’s almost completely outside the city limits.”

“I know you said all that, but…”

“What?”

“Bad things seem to happen all around that place. It’s like there should be some kind of a sign.” I make air quotes. “‘Stay away’, it should read. And also, ‘oh, by the way, give yourself a one-mile radius, just to be sure.’”

I’m kidding, of course. Well, sort of.

Flynn, determined to make our lives better at all costs, insists, “This is a good job, Jaynie. It’s a full-time, steady gig. One with better-than-decent pay.”

When he can’t look me in the eye, though, I suspect something more is at play here.

That prompts me to ask, “Are you sure nothing else happened over there today?”

“Oh, yeah, there was one thing,” Flynn says, as nonchalant as ever. “I did run in to an old buddy. It happened when I came out of the job center.”

Aha!

There’s only one old friend Flynn could possibly have run in to, so it’s with confidence that I say, “Crick, right?”

“Yep.” He nods. “He drove right by me, and I waved him down. We ended up talking, and then grabbing a quick lunch.”

I’ve yet to meet Crick, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. He was a good friend to Flynn during the months he was stuck in Forsaken.

Seeing Crick wouldn’t upset Flynn, though—not like this—so I press, “Did you guys go anywhere else? Besides to lunch, that is?”

Flynn schools his features to an expression that reveals nothing, making it hard for me to discern whether he’s telling the truth. Especially when he says, “No. We just ate lunch together. Then we went our separate ways.”

Hmm…
“You plan to keep in touch?”

“Yeah, I’m sure we will.” Flynn shrugs. “We exchanged digits, plus I’m bound to see him around.”

“Ugh.” I topple to my side and plant my face in a pillow.

“What now?”

“The same thing as before,” I say, sighing. “I still just can’t believe you’re going to be spending so much time in and around that freaking town.”

I peek up, and find Flynn scrubbing a hand down his face.

“Jaynie, please, stop,” he whispers. “What choice do we have? I mean, really?” He gestures around our small place. At the bare wooden floor, the tiny closet in the corner, the small, outdated attached bath. “Do you want to live in this little room forever? Do you want to take the bus for the next five years?”

“No,” I mutter.

“Okay then. Case closed.”

Accepting that this is our only real option, I say, “You have to promise me one thing, then. Can you at least do that?”

Reaching down and tucking a wayward lock of hair behind my ear, he says, “Anything, babe.”

“Promise me you’ll stay far, far away from the Lowry property.”

Flynn has to look away when he says, “Okay, yeah, sure.”

Crap.
I know then and there that something bad definitely happened in Forsaken this afternoon. However, I can’t keep questioning him. Not now, not after all the emotional upheaval of this goddamn day.

What I need is a break…and maybe a candy bar.

“Hey,” I say as I scoot to the edge of the bed. “I think I’m going to take a quick shower before we go to sleep.”

Flynn seems completely distracted when he replies, “Yeah, okay, Jaynie.”

He doesn’t try to stop me, even though he has to see the guilt on my face. Still, he just lets me go to the bathroom, where he knows I’m about to pig out.

I know for a fact, then and there, that the promise he just made, the one to stay away from the Lowry property, is destined, if it hasn’t already, to become what so many of our promises end up to be—simply another one of tomorrow’s lies.