To Know Her by Name (56 page)

“I don't know if I can explain this, Nick, but I feel as though I live a lie. McKay has never pressured me in any way, but he has reminded me of what I've been missing in my life by leaving Jesus Christ out of everything I do. I know you don't agree with my beliefs, and my understanding of some of them is coming rather slowly, but I know I can't keep on this way.”

“Keep on what way?” Nick still didn't see. “What is so awful about your life?”

“Do you remember Mrs. Meyer, Nick—the woman at the boardinghouse? She thinks Bryan Daniels is dead.” Pup shook her head sadly. “Bryan Daniels never existed, but we let her think he did and then hurt her by saying he died. That's what's so bad about my life, Nick, the constant lies and fabrications. I can't be me; I can't reach out to people and be Pup or Callie Jennings.”

“You want to leave the treasury, but you'll go on using a name that's not even yours?” He was getting angry and did nothing to hide that fact. He hoped to put her in her place with that accusation, but she surprised him.

“I've given a lot of thought to that, Nick, and I'm going to stay Callie Jennings—not because I want to play games, but because there are people who would like to see me dead. Not Pup Jennings specifically, but the characters I played. To change my name suddenly would draw undue attention that might make its way back to the wrong person. My life might be cut short, so I'm keeping the name for my own protection.”

This sobered Nick in an instant, his anger evaporating. He didn't know why he was fighting this so much. When she'd been trapped inside that house, her cover seriously blown for the first time, Nick had told himself he'd never let her do another job, and here he was giving her a terrible time over wanting just that.

“There's more, Nick,” Pup continued amid his confused thoughts. “I want to be able to stay home. I want to get back to Boulder and just live there, not worrying about checking the post office and getting back on the train. That isn't to say I've lived an awful life, but because I think God has more for me, it's a life I am done with.”

“But McKay Harrington doesn't figure into any of this?” Nick's voice was calmer.

“God used McKay in a wonderful way in my life. Long before McKay showed any signs of caring for me romantically, he showed me that he cared for my spiritual welfare. When I was little more than a stranger, he and his parents offered me genuine friendship. In the process, I saw the way they lived. I knew my life was missing something.

“I hope you don't take this personally, Nick, because that's not what this is about. No one could ask for better friends than you and Camille, and as my boss you took care of me like a treasured child. But I have to leave this now. I'm not leaving the Wallaces; I'm leaving the treasury department.”

“The Duncan Phipps case is a very exciting note on which to end,” Nick responded calmly and logically. “What if you change your mind? What if just living in Boulder is not enough?”

“I guess I'll tackle that if and when it happens. I think I'll be fine; indeed, I think I'll be more than fine. Right now I'm not looking that far ahead. Right now I just want to leave here with your friendship, knowing I'll be welcomed back at anytime.”

She thought they would be hashing this over for hours, but already Nick's face had changed. He wasn't angry or closed off. He was the Nick of old—open and ready to listen to anything she had to say.

“Will you miss it?”This was the first question Camille had asked.

Pup smiled. “I'm sure a part of me will, but I'm very excited about the changes I'll be making, too. When I feel the need to be a blonde, I'll stop in and put on the wig.”

Camille smiled tenderly at her. She had handled it all so well, and Nick looked as though he was going to be all right.

“So what's going on with you and McKay?” Nick asked, the other issue already laid to rest. “If you're so crazy about the man, why are you leaving?”

“Because it's time for me to go home. He's coming in the morning to take me to the train station. From that point, we'll write and make plans to see each other. I think he'll come to Boulder when he can, and I'll visit him here until we're sure what we want to do.”

“That's another part I don't understand. If you're in love, what's to figure out?”

Pup thought it a good question and answered carefully.

“Today is August 2. On April 23, McKay came to the cabin and Govern shot him. That's not even four months, Nick. I don't want to rush this. I want to be with McKay more than anyone else in the world, but I don't want to hurry into anything. I don't want to be in a panic. I have so much to take in, so much to learn, and I want to take time for all of it.”

Nick nodded. His heart was suddenly lighter than it had been in weeks. The case had been on his mind but so had this woman. The terror that she would be hurt had receded. It was going to be okay.

“Are we going to be invited to the wedding?” Nick inquired to cover his feelings.

Pup stared at him, her gaze as direct as ever. “Who else would walk me down the aisle?”

Nick had to shut his eyes. She was so special. Camille was right. They probably wouldn't have had the same relationship with her if she'd actually been their daughter, but he was going to miss her as if she were his own, and it already hurt so much.

“I'm tired,” Nick said, his eyes displaying that fact. “This whole thing has worn me out.”

“How is the case coming together?” Pup asked, not sure he had been referring to the Duncan Phipps case but nonetheless curious.

“The files were worth their weight in gold, and so was the gold we found.”

“Gold?” Pup was alert.

“That's right. Those stairs led to a small attic room that had no other access, not even a window. Inside was a safe. At first we thought we might need to blast it, but our locksmith got it open.”

“And inside you found gold?” Camille was all ears as well.

Nick nodded. “Numerous bars. We certainly have no way of proving that Phipps came by it illegally, but neither will he be able to say that he can't make good on his phony mining stocks or bad accounts.”

“When is his arraignment?”

“Monday,” Nick told them. “Jubal's is Tuesday.”

Pup looked preoccupied on this announcement, so Camille asked if she was all right.

“I think so,” she said, but looked uncertain. “Maybe I shouldn't leave tomorrow; maybe I should stay for Tuesday.”

“Go home,” Nick said to her, knowing it was what she needed to hear. “If you want to write Jubal a note, I'll see that he gets it, but you've got that look about you that always tells me when you need to go home.”

Pup looked at him. He was right; she needed to go. “Thank you, Nick.”

With that he stood and came over to kiss her cheek.

“I'm going to bed,” he announced. “What time do you leave in the morning?”

“I told McKay to come at 7:15.”

“I'll be down to see you off. Are you coming, Camie?”

“Right behind you.”

Mrs. Wallace rose gracefully to her feet and kissed Pup goodnight as well. Nick secured the downstairs, while Pup and Camille walked upstairs to their rooms. Once behind closed doors, Pup readied for bed, but she did not turn her lantern out until she had written a letter to Jubal. She kept it short but honest, telling him she was praying for him, and even writing out two verses of Scripture for him. She fell asleep praying that they would somehow touch his heart.

Pup was completely ready when McKay arrived in the morning. She had an extra bag with her, since she didn't know how soon she'd be coming back. Her heart clenched with pain when she saw McKay's face and thought about how hard it would be to say goodbye.

“Are you all set?”

“Almost,” she told him softly, smiling when he bent slightly to kiss her cheek. “I need to say goodbye to Nick and Camille.”

“All right. I'll take your things to the carriage.”

McKay started to pick up both bags, but a hand was there ahead of him. He looked up to see Nick.

“I'll help you with this.”

McKay nodded, and both men walked out with just one satchel each. McKay stowed the first one in the back and stepped aside for Nick to do the same. He then looked at the man who could make or break him in his career with the treasury.

“Carlyle tells me he's offered you another post.”

“Yes, sir. Just yesterday.”

“Does Pup know?”

“Not yet.”

“We'll miss you here,” Nick told him.

“Thank you, sir. The feeling is mutual.”

Nick put his hand out.

“Take good care of her.”

McKay shook the hand offered to him. “You can count on that, sir.”

Nick turned back to the door, and McKay stayed by the carriage, watching him go. It was the last thing he'd expected, and his relief was great. He had thought Nick might confront him again, but things must have gone well the evening before.

Inside, Camille held onto Pup, her arms warm and tender.

“You'll be back soon?

“Yes,” Pup assured her, “and you know I'll write.”

“Be thinking of me, Callie. I'm going to tell Nick today about wanting to go to church in the morning.”

Pup stepped back so she could see her face.

“I'll pray for you, Camille. Every day I'll ask God to show you more. And I'll pray that Nick will know a hunger as strong as yours.”

Again the women hugged, and a moment later Nick was there. Camille walked them to the door but remained inside as Nick took Pup onto the front porch.

“You'll stay in touch?”

“Yes. You, too?”

“Yes. I told him to take good care of you.”

Pup smiled. “My father's been dead for more than 13 years, Nick, but I know he would be so pleased with how much you care.”

Nick took her into his arms, having to remind himself that he could see her with just a few hours' travel. His throat still felt tight, but her close proximity made what would have been an almost unbearable situation something he could cope with. A moment later she stepped away and went down the steps to McKay and the carriage. He helped her aboard, and she turned to wave as the wheels were set into motion.

“Are you all right?” was McKay's first question.

“Yes. It's a lot of goodbyes for one day, but I think I'll make it.”

McKay took her hand and didn't press her. Pup thought of all the things she could say and how short the time was, but nothing would come. She relished the feel of McKay's large hand covering hers and tried not to think of how soon she might be snowed in at the cabin, unable to communicate with him.

The train station came into view, and they still hadn't spoken. When the carriage stopped, McKay helped her alight and told her he would go to the ticket counter. A platform attendant saw to the bags, and Pup stood alone, her eyes trying to pick out McKay in the crowd. He was back at her side in record time. When she thought he might want to spend these last minutes alone, just enjoying each other, he surprised her by handing her one of the bags.

“Can you carry this?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, we'd better get in and find a seat.”

Pup frowned at him but did as she was told. Indeed, she had no choice. McKay hustled her through the crowd and up the stairs so quickly that she couldn't say a word. Once in the car, he ushered her toward an empty seat in the rear.

“This looks good,” he said as he began to stow the bags. “Sit here.”

Pup sat down but only stared up at him, not really seeing what he was doing. Confused, she spoke when he finally sat beside her.

“Are you going to Boulder?” She framed the question at last.

“Yes.”

“You are?” she questioned again, her eyes huge.

“I have to,” he told her simply. “I've been offered a job there, and I have to check it out.”

At first she said nothing. She studied his face. It was neither teasing nor serious. He merely returned her scrutiny.

“You're going to work in Boulder?”

“If I take the job.”

She blinked. “You're going to live and work in Boulder, Colorado?”

“That's about right.”

“Oh, McKay,” she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. “How dare you tell me such a thing when I can't kiss you.”

McKay glanced around. There were people everywhere. He looked back, a playful glint in his eye.

“No one's looking,” he whispered back. “Go ahead and kiss me.”

She could only stare into the eyes that smiled so impishly into her own.
Boulder. He was coming to live in Boulder!

“Do you have any idea what I feel for you?” she asked.

He picked up her hand. “I think I can imagine.”

She couldn't say anything. She couldn't think. Breathing was even an effort. Wanting to know how and when this had happened, she could not even form the words. He was coming with her. She had been forced to say goodbye to Nick and Camille but not to McKay. He was moving to Boulder, and Pup knew deep in her heart that God would bless them. She still couldn't speak, but as she looked into the eyes that stared back at her so tenderly, her heart had one more whisper.