To Hold and to Heal (BWWM Interracial Romance) (7 page)

             
The morning was bright and she wished she had sunglasses. The light hitting the white sidewalk was causing her to have a headache. Her steps were sluggish. She needed to get some sleep. Last night was hitting her hard. She let her mind wonder back to what had happened. Touching her lips at the memory of Alden's kiss.

             
She wanted to enjoy it, the idea of him wanting her. No one wanted her. Not with all of her problems. But then out of the blue there he was and he did. She pushed the doubt out of her mind.

Just for today
, she thought,
just for today I want to keep something for myself.

             
She reached the bar and let herself in. Once inside she locked the door and took in the hazy darkness of the bar. The plate that they had half shared was still sitting on the bar. Walking over, she grabbed it and carried it into the kitchen. Washing it quickly, she dried it and put it away.

             
Yawning, she walked into the office and sat down on the cot in the back. On the office desk was the gift from Alden. She still hadn't opened it. Yawning widely again she laid down. She needed to rest just a few minutes. Her father could wait an hour. She wasn't going to last much longer without some sleep. She curled up on the cot in the quiet darkness of the bar.

             
There was a mosquito in her ear. She swatted at it and tried to roll over, but it kept buzzing, flying around her head. She opened her sleep crusted eyes, confused. Realizing it was her phone she answered without checking it.

             
“Hello?” she said, still half asleep, slowly remembering that she was in the bar.

             
“Did I wake you?” Alden's voice was full of concern.

             
“Yeah. . .” she said slowly, awareness coming back to her in bits and pieces.

             
“I'm sorry. I thought you would be awake by now.”

             
She pulled herself into a sitting position. “We're not all on military time,” she said, rubbing her eyes.

             
“Nice, it's three in the afternoon.”

             
She pulled the phone back from her ear and checked the time. “Fuck!”

             
“Nice! Is something wrong?”

             
“Uh, no. I just overslept. Can I call you back? I have to take care of something.” She didn't wait for his answer. She jumped up from the bed and grabbed an old knapsack from under the cot. She rushed out of the office completely forgetting about package from Alden.

             
She grabbed a bottle of liquor from behind the bar without looking at it and shoved it in the bag. She slipped out of the bar and hustled the eight blocks back to her the apartment.

             
She opened the door slowly. Slipping inside, she was immediately on edge. Her phone was in her bag, buzzing like a bee against her thigh. It was Alden. She knew without looking. But she didn't answer, couldn't answer. Not now. She had something more urgent to attend to.

             
“Dad?” she called out sheepishly.

             
There was a groan from the kitchen. She walked towards the back of the apartment to what was left of her once clean kitchen. Every dish had been broken, every pot pulled from the cabinets. And there, head down on the table was her father. She pulled the bottle out of her bag and placed it on the table next to him. He looked up at her and grabbed it with a trembling hand. She put the bag down and started sweeping up the broken plates.

             
Her father stood up, taking his prize with him to the living room without saying a word. Later he would ask her for money and she would give it to him and then maybe he would disappear for a few days or maybe not.

This was her life. Not Alden. Not those glimmering moments of safety and contentment in his arms. Those were all lies.

Her phone went off every few minutes. She didn't look at it. She simply swept up the porcelain shards and put away the pots. It took her an hour to finish cleaning. When the kitchen was complete she picked up the bag and walked back to her bedroom.

Shutting and locking the door behind her she half dragged herself to the bed and pulled out her phone. Alden had called her eight times. There were voice-mails that she didn't have the heart to listen to. She closed her eyes and thought about how to best handle this. Clearly her life couldn't just stop for him or even for herself. But she wanted him.

God, how she wanted this man!

Her phone vibrated in her hand. “Hello?” she said in a rush.

             
“What's the matter with you?”
             

             
It was Tanya. “Nothing. Are you calling in again for the night?”
             

             
“No, wasn’t planning to. Aren’t you going to open? I was just there and everything is all locked up.”

             
Nice's eyes opened wide as she turned to the clock. It was after five. “Oh shit!” she mumbled to herself.

             
“What?” Tanya asked.

             
“Nothing.” After a deep breath, she continued. “No, we’re not opening tonight. There's been a family emergency.”

             
“Oh yeah, right, emergency. I'm sure. Whatever. You need to check your Dad into rehab, Nice. He’s dragging you down.”

             
“Thanks Tanya for that advice. Feel free to mind your own fucking business.” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them. She held her breath for a moment, waiting for her answer.

“Whatever you say boss. Have a good night.”

             
The line went dead in her ear and she let the air out in a stream. She put the phone down on the bed curling into a tight ball.

If he calls I'll tell him I can't see him again.

             
The phone began buzzing. She picked it up and answered without looking. “Hello?”

             
“Nice! Are you alright?” It was Alden.

             
“I'm sorry. I had to take care of something. Alden, I-”

             
“Are you alright? I don't care about what came up, I need to know that you're okay right now!” His voice was almost frantic on the other line. “Something’s not right.”

             
“I'm fine,” she answered softly.

             
“You don't sound fine.”

             
She closed her eyes tight. “I'm not,” she finally said, letting the words escape, letting herself finally admit to someone else what she felt.

             
His voice was soft. “Where are you? I'm coming to get you.”

             
“Alden, no. I have to stay here, there's some things I need to take care of. I can't leave. You don’t understand.”

             
“Where are you?” he asked again.

             
“Why? I'll be fine. Okay?”

             
“Because I NEED to see you!” he exploded. She was silent listening to the sound of his breathing. “Please, Nice. I’m really worried.”

             
“You can't come here. I'll meet you.”

             
“Where?” His voice was urgent.

             
“There's a park, umm four blocks away from the bar. It's not very big. If you follow the trail there's a gazebo in the center. I'll meet you there.”

             
“Fine. I'm on my way there now.”

             
“Wait! Give me forty-five minutes. I need to shower.”

             
“I'll wait for you then.”

             
“Okay. I'll see you soon,”

             
She hung up the phone and rolled out of bed to get ready.

***

Alden looked up as she approached. He stepped out of the gazebo and watched her walk towards him along the path. She noticed he was leaning heavily on the cane. “You look very beautiful,” he said in a low voice.

             
Nice looked down at herself. Her hair was pushed back with a headband. She’d quickly slipped on a light green dress that fell a little above mid thigh with thin straps and a ruffle across her chest. “Oh, thank you. It was quick so I didn’t have much time to get dressed.”

             
He nodded.

             
“Alden, look, I told you that first night that I couldn't do this.”

             
He nodded again, remembering her words. “I didn't expect this either,” he said motioning between them. “But I want it now. After that night, I wanted you.”

             
She shook her head. “You didn't know me. You don't know anything about me now.”

             
He traveled the space between them, closing the distance until he stood directly in front of her, inches away. “I may not know much about you. But I know what I feel.”

             
“I can't do this Alden! My life is such a mess and you-”

He reached for her hand.

             
“Tell me you don't want to see me anymore,” he said softly.

             
“Alden, you're not being fair,” she whispered, turning away so he couldn’t see the tears threatening to fall.

             
He let go of her hand and pushed her face back towards him, forcing her to look into his eyes. “Look me in the eyes and tell me.”

             
His eyes were focused on her in the half darkness. She could feel the tension in his hand against her face. Placing her own hand on his chest, she felt his heart beating quickly under her fingertips.

Just for today. What will it hurt to pretend for today?

Doubt raged in her core, but she bridged the gap between them anyway and threw her arms around his neck. He responded in kind, wrapping his own arms around her. The cane pressed against her back while he kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair.

             
“You're staying with me tonight,” he said. She nodded. “Come on,” he said, releasing her and grabbing her hand.

             
“No,” she replied simply, refusing to move.

             
He turned back to her, she couldn't see the look on his face but she could feel it. She shook her head. “I'm not going with you until you tell me who you are and why you weren't here sooner. Why it took you three years to get here, to me.”

             
He pushed his hair back from his forehead and pointed to the gazebo. They walked into the structure, letting the humid darkness swallow them up. She sat, ankles crossed, on the bench to one side. Alden moved to sit next to her, but she shook her head and pointed to the other side. He nodded and sat, the weak light shining from behind her, casting away some of the shadows from his face. His green eyes stood out under his glistening brow.

             
He looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “You haven't opened that gift I gave you yet, have you?”

             
She shook her head. “No, will it spoil? It's not like cookies or something is it?”

             
He shook his head a small across his lips. “No, but you should open it when you get a chance. What exactly do you want to know?”

             
“Your name. Where you're from. Just normal things.”

             
He nodded, “My name is Alden. Alden Thomas. I was born and raised in a small town in Maine, joined the military when I was nineteen. I was medically discharged when I was twenty-four for this,” he said motioning to his leg. “And now I run my parent's business.”

             
“Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are your parents alive?”

             
He shook his head. “No, I'm an only child. So my parents, who are still alive, were pretty upset when I went to war. Devastated when I was injured. Now they're just concerned the family name will die with me.”

             
She scrunched up her nose. “Why would they be worried about that?”

             
He laughed. “For one, I'm a crippled hermit who only goes on dates when his parents fix him up and two I think they're worried that all my parts don't exactly work after…” He waved his hand at his leg.

             
She laughed. “It looked like everything was in place last time I saw it.”

             
He smiled, his teeth a bright white in the darkness. “Yeah, nothing's missing, but I was paralyzed, waist down, for almost a year.”