To Court a Cowgirl (22 page)

The tables had turned and the ranch needed her.

In a crazy way, she was starting to need the ranch. Focusing her energy there took her mind off Jason.

Allie hadn't spent productive time on the Lightning Creek in years, and even though the drought was taking its toll, she and Zach were managing the place as well as they could. Fields were drying up, but she'd adjusted by selling five cows to a neighbor. The herd Dani and Jolie had worked to build was smaller, but she wasn't feeding as many head. They'd replenish stock when the drought ended.

They would get through and she'd be stronger because of it—stronger than she'd been when she'd used the ranch as a scapegoat for her grief and sense of loss, which was exactly what she'd done. She couldn't blame her dad for dying, or her mom for being totally focused on providing for her family, or her sisters for needing her help and care, so what could she blame?

The ranch.

A few years later she'd returned, armed with new hope and a husband, and experienced even more loss.

She blamed the ranch again.

Then Jason and Zach had come on the scene. Good things started to happen. And even though Jason was gone, the memories of his time there were good memories, uplifting memories. Memories to cling to.

Because she hadn't been brave enough to cling to the man himself. And she really wished she hadn't called Pat the previous evening, to straighten him out, because he'd said things that were still eating at her.

“I'm going to do my rain dance tonight,” Zach said as they parted ways at the barn.

“Let me know if you need help.”

“Will do.”

But if Zach did a rain dance, he was doing it in town. He left with a friend just as Allie was eating a lonely dinner. He didn't drink anymore. He'd explained that to Allie as they'd worked. And he was going to start community college in the fall, eventually transferring to U of M so that he could study Ag Econ and manage Jason's ranch someday. He was kidding about Jason's ranch, but Allie found that she wished he wasn't. If Jason had a ranch, he would come back.

She walked out to the porch and sat on the top step, exactly where she'd sat when she and Jason had discussed California. Or rather when he'd suggested and she'd reacted.

Fear had motivated her for the longest time. And what had it gotten her?

She could say exactly what it had lost her—time with a man who was now building his life elsewhere.

* * *

T
HE
CALL
CAME
just before midnight. Jason was going over intern applications when his phone vibrated on the sofa beside him.

“It's me,” Pat said without a hello. “I couldn't sleep.”

“And wanted to make sure I wasn't sleeping, either?” Jason set his laptop aside and got to his feet.

“Maybe.” Pat blew out a breath and then fell silent. The seconds ticked by while Jason studied the carpet, waiting. “I want my life back,” Pat finally said on a weary note.

“Yeah.” Jason bit back the platitudes. Pat wasn't getting his old life back and they both knew it.

“I screwed up.”

Jason waited. No sense agreeing with the obvious.

“Delia's all over me. I tried to kick her out. She won't go. And that woman of yours...”

Jason's gut tightened. “What woman?” Had Amanda contacted Pat? That didn't seem likely.

“Your Montana woman.”

Allie? “I don't understand.”

“She called me.”

Now he really didn't understand. “Why?”

“Because she wanted me to treat you better.” Pat snorted. “I told her to do the same. She didn't like that.”

“She called you.” Suddenly this phone call was about him, not Pat.

“Can I be any clearer?”

“No. Sorry. I'm just...surprised.”

“Surprised me, too,” Pat grumbled. “Until then I didn't want to think about you. I wanted you to leave me alone. Go live your life.” He cleared his throat. “She told me to be a better friend. Then Delia jumped me. Hard.” Pat's voice was barely audible when he said, “She told me that if I was going to spend my days in a puddle of self-pity, that I may as well finish what I started. Said she'd help me. Woman was pissed.”

Jason closed his eyes. This was the first time Pat had come close to admitting that his car accident wasn't an accident. “But she didn't leave,” he said.

Another long silence. “That's what made me understand—it wasn't all about me. People who cared for me were hung up in my limbo, too. They don't know my pain, but they felt pain. Because of me.”

Jason massaged his forehead. “So what now?”

Pat cleared his throat. “That job you mentioned. The unpaid one... I've been thinking about that.”

“Do you
need
a paycheck?” Jason asked quietly.

“I need to face that I'm afraid that people might think I hit that tree on purpose.”

Which was probably why he'd spent the last year hiding out.

“Pat...why would they do that when you're trying to change things? You spend too much time in your head, man.”

“I gotta learn to deal,” he continued as if speaking to himself.

Yeah, you do.
“I'll talk to Amanda and my boss, and get back to you tomorrow. Say around ten o'clock?”

“I'll be here.”

“I'm glad you called,” Jason said.

“Yeah.” Pat cleared his throat again, then said a gruff goodbye and hung up.

Jason stood for a moment holding the phone, a little stunned and a lot grateful at what had just transpired. He knew Pat well enough to understand that it wouldn't be all roses from here on out, but at least his friend was moving forward. That was huge.

Jason set down his phone and walked over to the window to stare at the lights of the city. Not a constellation in sight.

He missed the stars, which were so bright at the Lightning Creek. He missed the ranch. Missed Allie. The fact that she'd called Pat only reinforced his belief that she cared for him. Cared, but was too cautious to do anything about it.

He'd definitely made a tactical error by asking her to come with him when their relationship was still so new. But what else could he have done? Try to build a relationship long distance? Oh, yeah. That always worked so well.

Asking her to come with you hadn't worked any better.

Jason turned away from the window and headed for bed. He wasn't going to solve anything by staring at the skyline and wishing he could see stars.

* * *

A
LLIE
WAS
POURING
coffee into her travel mug when her phone rang. She stepped over to the table, still holding the pot, then froze when she saw Jason's name on the screen. It was early, just after dawn. Too early for a casual call—as if there could be such a thing between them. She fought with herself for two more rings, then set down the pot and picked up the phone.

“You called Pat,” Jason said immediately after her hello.

Her heart thumped hard at the sound of his voice. “I did.”

“Why?”

She tightened her grip on the phone, thought about hedging, then went with the truth. “I talked to your sister and she told me that neither Pat nor I were doing you any good.”

“So you yelled at Pat.”

“I did.” A horrible thought struck her. “Please tell me he's okay.” Because he'd sounded okay, and maybe even a touch protective of Jason, when she'd ended their call.

“He wants to become my intern.”

Allie felt a rush of relief. “Glad to hear it.”

“Since you had something to do with it, I thought I'd let you know.”

“Thank you.” She didn't say anything else, but she hung on to her phone as if it were a lifeline. The silence crackled between them.

“How's it going there?” she finally asked.

“My job's challenging. I like it. How's it there?”

Lonely.

“Dry. Really dry.”

“It's not dry here.”

“I've been envying your weather.” And wasn't this a ridiculous conversation? Two people skirting the real issue, because there was no immediate remedy for the problem they faced.

“I miss you.”

Allie's heart hit her ribs. Okay...maybe they were going to tackle an issue or two.

“I wish things were different, Jason.” So cool. So distant. He'd never guess that she was fighting to keep from infusing heavy duty emotions into her words.

She was certain he was going to say something along the lines of, “They could be,” but he didn't. In fact he said nothing at all.

So what now? Should she chat about the weather some more? Pour out her guts?

“I'm glad you're happy there.”

“Like I said, I like my job.”

“I'm beginning to like my job, too.”

“What job?” Jason asked.

“The ranch. I couldn't land anything else, so now the Lightning Creek is my job. And it isn't bad, even though the place isn't in the best shape.”

“That's good, Allie.” He sounded like he meant it. She closed her eyes as she realized that she didn't want to break the connection—that now that she was talking to him, she didn't want to let him go.

“I guess I needed some one-on-one time with the land to come to understand that I'd been through a hell of a lot of stress on this place, but the ranch itself wasn't to blame.”

“It bothered me that you disliked it,” Jason said. “It's a beautiful ranch.”

“I'm starting to appreciate—” A knock on the door startled her, then she sighed. “Zach's here. I have to go. We're driving to Missoula to look at bulls and he has to be back in time for his class.”

“Allie...”

She heard the door open as Zach let himself into the house. He called a hello from the living room.

“I have to go.” She hesitated, then said, “I'll call you. Maybe not tomorrow, but...I will call.”

“All right, Allie. Take care.”

“I will.”

After ending the call, she fastened the lid onto her travel mug and set the coffee pot back on the stove, doing her best to appear normal when she felt anything but.

Zach stopped just inside the kitchen doorway. “Ready to go?”

“Oh, yeah.” She was ready for just about anything except for figuring out how to deal with her feelings for Jason and her fear of needing him way too much.

* * *

A
LLIE
HAD
MADE
peace with the ranch. That was a good thing...or so Jason kept telling himself over the days that passed after their phone call. Days? It had been almost two weeks since he'd heard from her. She'd said she'd call, and he believed her—but that didn't mean he wasn't getting antsy waiting.

A low curse brought him back to the present. Pat was still working his way through the intricacies of his computer program, but Jason knew better than to offer assistance. Pat would ask for help when he was ready, which was usually when he was approaching the end of his rope.

At least he was asking now. The first few days had been hell as Pat had battled intimidation, ego and a healthy lack of computer knowledge. Amanda had been great at ignoring his aura of bristling defensiveness and offering help in a way that Pat could accept.

“He's just nervous,” she'd confided in Jason, before Jason could tell her the exact same thing.

Eventually Pat began to relax, and on the Friday of his first week, he'd asked Jason if he could accompany him to the football field. They'd watched the end of a low-key passing practice from the stands and Pat had actually smiled as he watched a particularly beautiful catch.

That had been a good day.

“I'm supposed to ask you if you want to come over for Sunday dinner,” Pat said when he finally stopped grumbling at his computer.

“Sure. Tell Delia thanks for the invitation.”

“You need to get out more.”

“What?”

“You used to have a social life,” Pat said as he maneuvered his chair away from the computer desk.

“I haven't had any time.”

“You used to make time,” Pat said.

“Fine. You and I can go out sometime.”

Jason expected Pat to decline the offer, but he said, “It might be good for you.”

Jason rolled his eyes, but inwardly he smiled. It felt good to ease back into their old roles. At least one of his relationships was working out. He still had no idea what he was going to do about a certain other one.

* * *

A
LLIE
HAD
BEEN
so sure that once she and Jason were apart, her life would eventually drift back to the way it'd been before he'd shown up. It hadn't, and the odd sort of limbo in which she found herself was worse now that they'd spoken.

She thought about him during the day as she worked around the ranch, thought of him in the evening when she painted. Most of all, she ached for him at night. She wanted him close and he wasn't there.

So what was she going to do about that? Hide out and hope that she'd eventually feel normal again?

That strategy hadn't worked so far, and she didn't see it working in the future.

She hadn't had a lot of control of the other losses in her life, but this one...this one was all on her. She hadn't been ready to commit to a big move when Jason had sprung his plan on her—more accurately, she'd allowed knee-jerk fear to overwhelm her—but she'd had time to assess her fears. Talk herself through the potential benefits and consequences of trying a relationship.

They didn't need to move at lightning speed. As long as she took things slow, as they'd once done, she'd be fine. No need to feel like her stomach would turn inside out.

Who was she kidding?

She was scared to death, but something had to give. So late one evening, after trying and failing to focus on her painting, she finally reached for the phone.