T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (33 page)

W
E WALK
into the living room, and we see shes moved from the couch to stare at the pictures that I have put up on the wall. Most of them are done by Otter, and they show Anna, Creed, the Kid, and I in various stages of life. Theres some with just one of us, theres some with all of us. But the one shes focused on now gives me pause: its one the Kid had taken a few weeks ago. In it, Otter and I are on the beach, the sun is setting behind us, and Otter has his arm around my shoulder and his face looking directly at the camera, a smile to light up the whole world adorning his face. Im smiling just as big, but my focus is on him. Much is said in my face in that frozen moment, and I get nervous anytime Creed comes over, almost to the point where I want to take it down. But I havent and I wont. She hears us come back into the room and turns to face us.

Otter takes the Kid and sits down on the couch, and the Kid positions himself with his back to Otters chest, his little legs in the middle of Otters big ones. Otter rests his chin on Tys head and pats the couch seat next to him, and I move quickly and assuredly and take my place next to my guys. Mom hesitates for a moment, as if unsure of what to say or do. She moves slowly to and sits in the chair that had recently been occupied by Mrs. Paquinn. She glances between Ty and myself, and I hope she sees how well we are, or at least
were
until she showed up. Otters hand rests comfortably on the couch between his leg and mine, and I can feel his finger, out of sight by the position of our legs, rub soothingly against my thigh. I glance at him, and he looks back and the gold-green tells me that its going to be okay.

“How are you, Bear?” she finally asks.
“Im fine,” I tell her coldly. “Were fine.”
She nods and look nervously at Otter for a brief moment and then back

at me. “Thats good to hear,” she says softly, wringing her hands in her lap. “I figured you would be, but its always good to see it with my own eyes.”

“What do you want?” I ask, feeling unwelcome curiosity mix in with the anger.
She glances at Otter again and then says, “Maybe it would be better if this were just between family,” she says, almost apologetically.

Otter snorts. “Thats not going to happen, Julie. You can say what you need to just as easily with me here.”

“Oliver, I dont think that this concerns you at—” She tries again but is cut off when Otter interrupts.
“What you think isnt really a priority of mine,” he says, scowling at her. “Bear and Tyson both want me here and as long as thats the case, Im not leaving.”
She sighs and looks to me for help, that pleading look on her face that Ive seen countless times before. I feel the skin under my eye twitch involuntarily, and I think wildly that shell imagine Im winking at her. But she doesnt, and I think she knows she wont get any help from me. I want Otter here. I
need
Otter here. That annoying begging look of her dissolves, and were left with the pudgy shy expression thats rested on her face since we got here. But theres something underneath. Something deeper.
“So, Bear,” she says, her voice cracking subtly, “what have you been up to?”
“
What do you want
?” I ask again.
My mother shakes her head. “Cant I just ask you one simple question without you biting my head off? Tyson has already told me all about his school and friends, and I just want to hear how things are with you.”
“No, I didnt,” Ty intones.
“I know you didnt, Kid,” I say, patting him on the leg.
Mom looks offended. “You know,” she says angrily, “regardless of what I did, regardless of how badly I reacted, Im still your mother. I still care about the both of you more than you could ever know.”
“Gee, thanks,” I scoff at her, struggling to keep from shouting. “Thats sure helped me over the past three years when Ive tried to sleep at night.”
Her eyes flash. “It wasnt easy for me, you know,” she says hotly. “Making that decision was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. Ive regretted it every day since, but the more I tried to figure out how to fix it, the more time passed, and it got harder and harder.”
“You want to talk about how hard it was for you?” I say incredulously. “You want to come here, to
my
house, and spout how difficult life was for
you
? You dont know anything about hardship!”
“I did what I thought was best!” she cries. “I was in no place to be a good mom to either of you! It was better that I go than stay here and ruin your lives too!”
I feel myself start to shake, and I hear thunder in my ears and lightning arcs its way down my spine. “What you thought was
best
? How could you think what you did would be best? You left your six-year-old son with a seventeen-year-old! In what possible way could that be
best?
”
She shakes her head and tries to rise but sits promptly back down. She wrings her hands, and theyre starting to turn red, and her gaze darts between the three of us. I wonder what she sees now, and know that if I was in her position, I would be quaking in my shoes.
“I was being selfish. I know that now!” she says. “It wasnt fair to either of you and I… I want you to know that I dont think I will ever be able to forgive myself.” When she finishes, I see the beginnings of tears in her eyes, but they only prove to make me angrier.
“Is that why youre here?” I growl. “To seek our forgiveness?”
“I… I dont know, Bear. I thought that—that if I came back….” She turns her head and brings up a hand to wipe at her eye, and I see her makeup smudge. It makes me want to get up and put my hands around her throat and throttle her until I hear a rattle in her throat as the last breath escapes.
“You shouldnt be here,” I say. “If you came to see how we were, at least now you know. Youve got that to appease your fucking conscience.”
“Dont use that kind of language with me, young man,” she snaps. “I am still your mother, and I will not have you talking to me like that.”
“I dont think you get to dictate what he does or does not say,” Otter lashes out. “You lost that right a long time ago, Julie, when you took the cowards way out.”
She turns her irritation to him. “I wasnt talking to you, Oliver,” she says, annoyed. “Since when do you sit in on family discussions like this, anyways? Dont you have your own home to go to? Or did you feel like slumming it for a while?”
“Dont talk to Otter that way!” the Kid suddenly shouts. I barely flinch, but Mom recoils sharply in her seat, and I think shes going to fall over. I look over at Ty and see hes resumed the look of pure fury on his face, and its directed at his mother. “Hes more of my family than you are!”
“Ty, this is a grown-up matter,” she says through gritted teeth. “Why dont you go to your room, and we can talk later.”
“You dont get to tell him what to do,” I shout at her. “You gave that up when you walked away!”
“What else was I supposed to do?” she shouts back. “If Id stayed, everything would have gone to hell, and who knows where wed be now?”
“We would have gotten through it somehow!” I cry. “We always did! It doesnt matter how hard things get, you
never
run out on your fucking family!” I pause, my hands shaking. Both Ty and Otter have their hands on my leg now, and its not lost to me when my moms eyes dart there. “But I tell you what,” I continue. “Maybe youre right. Maybe the best thing for you was to leave. Maybe it was the best thing for all of us. I know I would have hated you even more than I do now for dragging us down with you.”
“I didnt want to,” she whispers, tears flowing freely now. “I couldnt see any other way….”
“Weve established that,” Otter says dryly. “Now why dont you answer Bears question? Why are you here?”
She shoots daggers at him again and looks down at her hands. “I told you: I wanted to see how my sons were doing. I needed to make sure they were okay. Ive been thinking about you two more lately than I have in a long time.” She shudders and pushes on. “I know how that sounds, trust me. I dont mean it to be harsh in any way. But… regardless of how you feel about me right now, you are still my children, and I—I dont know. I think its guilt or its something else, but lately, you guys have been stuck in my head. Theres sometimes I think I see you walking down the street, and I know its not possible, but I still run after you, and, of course, when I get there, its not you at all. It doesnt even look like you.” Otter and I both stare wide-eyed at each other, remembering the story he had told me from his time in San Diego when I haunted him.
“Its weird,” she continues, “but I got it going that I needed to come home and see my sons. I thought that maybe I could learn to be a good mother and that….” She stops and looks up at me, eyes shiny. “Does anything I am saying make sense?” she asks quietly.
“It does,” I concede, refusing to let her know why. “I understand more than you could possibly know.” I shake my head as she starts to look hopeful. “But its too little, too late. Whatever you hoped to accomplish here is done.”
“You cant ever forgive me?” she says dully.
“One day, maybe. Now? No. I cant. And you being here has only made it worse. I think it best for all of us if you just leave.”

“Ty?” she says meekly, and I hate her for it.

The Kid shakes his head. “I dont want you here. Papa Bear has taken care of me more than you ever did or ever could. Im only nine, and I can see that.” He glances over at me, and I smile at him and that gives him courage to continue. “Hes had me to look after for a long time and things are finally starting to be okay. Ive done my best to take care of him, and I think Ive done a good job.”

“You have, Kid,” I whisper to him, and he smiles.

He glances up at Otter, who kisses his forehead, and he looks back at his mom. “And then Otter came back because he realized that he loved Bear, and Bear loves him, and we dont need anyone telling us how to be a family ever again.” He pauses, and then his face goes white.

It probably matches my own.

 

My moms eyes flash up. She stares at the Kid and then looks between me and Otter and shakes her head. “He what?” she asks quietly. “Its nothing,” I say quickly. “You need to go.”

When she looks at me next, theres something in her eyes, something I cant quite place. It fills me with dread because the closest thing I can equate it to is
victory
. She looks like she just won something, and my heart freezes in my chest. My skin feels clammy.

“I heard… about
you
,” she says to Otter, her voice dripping with obvious disgust. “Before I left, someone told me that they had seen you going into a
fag
bar up in Portland. I didnt believe it. I told them theres no way… no way that youd be like
that
.”

“You have no idea what youre talk—” Otter starts, his eyes blazing.

“It doesnt matter,” I interrupt. “Whatever he is will never be a concern of yours.” I take a deep breath. “Whatever
I
am is no longer your affair. You cant dictate how we live our lives ever again.”

“
I am your mother
,” she hisses. “I brought you into this world, so that gives me more right than you!” Her mouth twists up in a sneer, but this
is
my mother; even I can see that underneath shes smiling. “And,” she says, her eyes flicking over the Kid, “Im his mother too. Who do you think people will listen to, Bear? A child like you whos been corrupted, or to a mother who wants nothing more than to see her youngest son raised away from the disgusting lifestyle you seem to have embraced?”

“You need to leave,” Otter growls, placing the Kid to the side as if hes getting ready to pounce. “Now. Ive had enough of your talk.”
She puffs up as much as she can, trying to make herself seem bigger, and for that, I have to give her credit. If I had Otter glowering at me as he is at her, I would have run away and not stopped until I was sure I was in another state. The Kid is squished down between us, but I still feel the way Otter is shaking. Its like his skin is alive, roiling and crawling over his bones. His teeth are bared and theres spit hanging from his lip. The goldgreen is gone, dilated to almost complete blackness. His forehead is scrunched up, and his nose is flaring, and all I want to do is sit back and let him at her. She would deserve it. But I cant let Otter do this. I cant let him fight my battles for me. I also know that if he breaks into this madness that seems to be lapping at his feet, I will quickly follow, and I dont want Ty to see us like that. I make a choice, and it hurts, hurts more than I thought it would. Shes been back for a few hours, and it feels like shes already winning.
I reach over and grasp Otters arm, and his angry face turns to me and for a moment, I get the full brunt of what he has shown my mother. I almost do get up and run, but I find some resolve to push that away, and Im surprised when I dont even flinch. He breathes heavily for a moment longer, and then his face softens, and his eyes grow brighter, and his lip curls back down, and hes come back to me, and Im glad. I jerk my head to the left, motioning him to follow. He nods and grabs the Kids hand, and we rise from the couch. My mother looks to speak, but I shoot her a look, and she subsides. Otter follows Ty, who follows me, and I lead them to the front door. I know my mother is listening intently, hoping to glean anything she can. We go outside, and I close the door behind us.
“Where are we going, Bear?” the Kids asks, his voice small.
I sigh. “
We
arent going anywhere, Ty.
You
are going to go with Otter to his house and wait for me there.” Both start to protest immediately, but I raise my hand and they fall silent at once. I look at Otter, who looks like he is going to start speaking again at any moment. “You need to get him out of here,” I say. “I wont have the Kid listening to whatever hate she is going to utter. Take him to your house. Get him out of here, Otter. Please,” I say when he starts to protest. “For me.” His shoulders sag, and he wraps an arm around the Kids shoulders, which Ty shoves away.
“No, Bear,” the Kid croaks angrily. “We have to do this together. You said we would do this
together
—”
“I know I did,” I say harshly, cutting him off. “But that was before I saw what kind of person shes become. You dont need to be here for this, Kid. I dont
want
you here for this. You have to let me handle it.” His eyes search mine, and he must not like what he sees because his body starts to mimic Otters, beaten and dejected.
“Take him home,” I whisper to Otter. “Take him away from here, and I promise Ill follow you, just as soon as I get rid of her.” Otter nods and starts to pull the Kid toward the stairs, but Ty breaks away and wraps his arms around my waist, his head pressing into my stomach. I lean down and hug him back as hard as I can, trying to make him forget this day. I dont know how successful I am.
After a minute or so, I relax my grip and am about to turn back inside when he grabs my wrist and pulls me down. His breath is hot and urgent against my ear. “You promise me, Bear,” he breathes into my ear, and I think of the desert. “You promise me that when you come to get me that everything will be the same.
You promise me
.”
I smile sadly. “I promise, Kid. Ive taken care of you this far, right?” He nods.
I lean back up and look at Otter, who looks old, older than Ive ever seen him. His shoulders are still hunched, and I dont know if he heard what the Kid has said. I reach out and grasp his hand, and he raises his head, and I see his eyes are filled with angry tears. “Hey, none of that,” I chide, reaching up to lovingly wipe his eyes.
“Ty,” he whispers hoarsely. “Will you go wait for me by the car?” Ty looks between the two of us, and I wonder what he sees. The Kid grabs my free hand and kisses the back of it, and it touches me like I never thought he could. I can feel my breath starting to hitch in my chest and I try to quell it before it can go further. The Kid walks down the stairs and the farther away he gets, the tinier he looks. Its like hes growing smaller and smaller and will disappear if I look away.
When Ty is out of earshot, I look back at Otter, who seems to have gathered some resolve and control. I smile at him, and he raises his head again, and I see that the control is a lie. His eyes are black once more, and I start to sweat, and I think that hes going to burst into the apartment and tear her limb from limb. I start to open my mouth, but the air rushes out of me when Im slammed up against the side of the apartment. Otters body and face press against mine, and his kiss is rough and dangerous. I can feel him clawing against my back and gnashing at my lips. Even with my mother sitting not fifteen feet away, I feel myself grow hard. Otter notices, too, and growls against my face. I reach up and bring my hands to the back of his head, pushing him further into me. He kisses my lips and then nips and licks his way along my jaw until he reaches my neck, and I feel his teeth sink gently into the skin there, and he starts to suck. I lay my head back against the wall as my eyes roll up into my head, and I start to float away on an ocean current. Theres no storm, but Im completely submerged now. Its not as bad as I thought it would be.
Otter finally leans back, and I can feel the gentle burn on my neck where I know hes left his mark. I gaze up at my boyfriend and see the wildness fleeting once again from his eyes, and he puts his forehead against mine. We stand there for what seems like hours, him exhaling while I inhale, and I fill myself up with Otter, with air that was once inside him but now is inside me. I feel a drop fall down on my hand and open my eyes, in time to see another tear fall from his eyes.
“Now shell know,” he grumbles into my face. “Now shell know youre
mine
.”
I cup his face in my hands and kiss him gently. “That she will,” I tell him.
He suddenly jerks away and shoves his hands into his pockets and makes for the stairs. I put my hand on the doorknob and watch him walk away. When he gets to the bottom, he turns, just like I knew he would. God, I love how Otter is so predictable.
“I love you, Papa Bear,” he calls up to me, his voice steady.
“I know,” I say. “I think Ive always known.”
He nods and then disappears into the dark.