Tivi's Dagger (15 page)

“
By the Gods, brother,” I said,
alarmed. “That looks painful. What happened?”

“
I wrenched it when we were going
through that godforsaken tunnel on those slippery rocks.” He
grimaced and flopped back on the bed. “Anyway Ned, it appears
you’ve outslept us all once more. How about packing up the donkey
in preparation for our departure?”

“
I will do my best, since my hand is
still burnt and sore. What of your ankle? You walked upon it all
day? Surely you do not mean to carry on without rest? You’ll only
harm yourself further.”

Brin gave a bitter snort. “It is hardly the
worst pain I have ever endured.”

“
I have found the leather strapping
you asked for, Brindar,” Lana said, bounding down the steps with a
big grin, apparently full of energy. “Kari has gone to sell the
silks as you asked, and Kel is tending to the donkey. We should be
ready to go within the hour.”

She knelt in front of Brin and took his
injured foot onto her lap almost tenderly. I watched as she
bandaged his ankle up tight while my brother tried to appear
nonchalant, wincing only when she was not looking. When the job was
done, she gazed upon her work critically. “I am no doctor, but this
strapping should hold well once you have your boot on. By the Gods,
I’m starving! Aren’t you? A surly fellow has set up a stall outside
the inn selling some sort of stew. It smelt as wonderful as he was
miserable. I have a hankering for meat, suddenly.”

She winked at me and I wondered who the
lucky recipient of her affections was this time — this surly fellow
she spoke of perhaps, or some other man she had met while buying
the bandages.

“
Anyway,” she went on. “We shall be
able to eat like kings soon, after Kari has sold the silks. The
merchant’s starting price was much higher than I imagined and our
guide is driving a hard bargain.”

There was a silence as Brin flexed his foot.
“You should be careful around that boy, Ned. If he were not to
guide us through these wretched caverns, I would surely send him
back to the Temple.”

I gaped at my brother. “Why would you do
such a thing? Has he not seen us safely this far, after all? What
harm has he done to you?”

“
I’m not blind, nor am I naïve. And
you’re almost fourteen years his senior, so you should know better.
It’s quite clear to me that our young guide has developed some sort
of schoolboy passion toward you, and at best you’ve done nothing to
dissuade him from it. At worst…” He gave me a dark look as he
reached for his boot, and my heart began to pound with sudden
anxiety.

“
At worst?” I echoed fearfully. What
did he know? Would he reach for the whip again? Surely not in front
of Lana, who was gazing at me with a worried frown.

But Brin just shrugged. “Whose affections
you court is of no consequence to me, but it should be to you, for
it’s a cruelty to encourage the hopeless, as well you know. As we
speak, our father is busy back home seeing to the arrangements for
your marriage.”

I struggled to my feet, aghast.

“
What? You…what? My
what
?”

“
Your
marriage
, Ned.”

Brin seemed almost spitefully happy. I
had never hated him as much in my life as I did at that moment. A
smug expression played about behind his beard as he went on.
“Father is not getting any younger, nor any more
sober
, more’s the pity. And you are
the heir. It is time you shouldered the responsibility and started
acting like one. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, as it’s
always been your destiny.” He got to his feet and flexed his ankle
once more with a grimace. “Gods be willing, the ceremony will take
place shortly after our return to Azmara.”

The flames of rage and dismay that
were beginning to lick against my thumping heart were fuelled to a
greater intensity by the knowledge that, on most levels, my brother
was
right
. All my life I had
been like a condemned prisoner of the pirates Lana and I had once
accompanied, destined to walk blindfolded along the plank and
unable to see the moment the solid ground would fall away from
under my feet. And Brin, damn him to the Plane of Demons, was the
one poking the sword at my back.

He pulled his boots on and tied them tight.
“Did you mention there was stew for sale outside, Lana? I think
I’ll partake of some breakfast after all. We’ll need our
strength.”

When he was gone I slumped back down on the
bed, head in my hands. My mind tortured me with images of my father
and brother sitting by the fire back at our mansion while I was
out, plotting thickly to get me out of the country so that my
father’s nefarious plans could be made in peace. Chuckling together
as they considered which options would be least agreeable to me
before deciding on a torturous pilgrimage which required my total
obedience. Cackling gleefully about the line-up of Azmara’s least
wanted noblewomen my father would assemble, from which he would
surely select the most unsightly and disagreeable of hags.

Lana sat beside me and put her arm
around my shoulders, emitting a long whistle. “By all the
Thirteen,
that
was an
announcement and a half! I’m almost faint from the surprise of
it.”

“
I’m a bit more than
surprised
, Lana.” I looked at my
best friend through sudden pricking tears of despair and self-pity.
“What am I to do now? Wouldn’t
you
marry me and save me from this grisly fate? You’re eligible,
you’re of age. We wouldn’t have to change more than where we live.
I would never make you wear those dreadful gowns and attend those
society parties, for I loathe them too.”

She sighed and gave me a squeeze. “As well
you know Ned, I’m the last of the Destar line and as such I’m able
to insist that any suitor assume my name upon marriage and embrace
the crest of the Destars as his own. It is enough to send most
eligible men running for the hills, thank the Thirteen.”

“
You
could
insist on it, but…”

“
I
do
insist on it, for I have no desire to marry. In any case,
your father would never allow you to renounce your name and fortune
to become a Destar. While we’re of noble blood and have the mansion
to show off, it’s crumbling around us and there’s little gold in
the bank. And you yourself, Ned, I know you all too well. You’d
never be prepared to surrender forever your servants and
beauticians, your tailor-made silks and leathers, your exotic
foods, and your fabulous bedroom with that view... How lucky you’ve
been, and for so long too! Brindar was wrong to say you should
begin to act like an heir. In my mind, you’ve been doing so all
your life.”

My shoulders slumped further. “What are you
saying, that I’m a vain, feckless spendthrift?”

“
A kind-hearted, witty, and
adventurous one whom I love deeply,” she said, laughing. “But your
brother was right about something else too. You should not
encourage Kari’s affections further. I would not…”

“
You would not what, Lana?” Kari said.
We had not heard his approach and clutched each other in momentary
surprise. He stood over us, arms folded with a dark expression on
his face. The sweet, wide-eyed guide was gone and with his ice-blue
eyes narrowed and shoulders bunched so, he seemed suddenly
formidable. I remembered with a shiver that all the Methari monks
were trained warriors of Tivi and for the first time since we had
left the monastery, I could see him as such.

Lana stood up. “I would not like to see
either of you hurt or unhappy. I will keep Brindar busy for as long
as I can, Ned, for I have no place in this conversation now.”

Kari glared at her retreating back then sat
down beside me. “Why are you discussing me in such a manner? And
with your brother, too? I thought you wanted to keep quiet about
what we’ve been doing in case your brother decides once more to
chasten you under his whip.”

“
Lana’s only trying to protect you,” I
said miserably, wiping my eyes. “My brother has just informed me
that I’m to be married upon our return to Lis.”

There was a silence as he digested the news.
Then the warrior disappeared and my lover returned. He gave me a
warm hug which was as welcome as it was surprising. “Tivi’s dagger
comes to all who love,” he said, sounding much older than his years
and suspiciously like one quoting from a text. “But we must try not
to thrust ourselves upon it prematurely at the mere thought of what
lies ahead. Let’s just enjoy the time we have left, my Ned.”

Instead of bringing me comfort, his words
left me feeling even more wretched. I found I could not bear the
thought of him forgetting me over time, and some day turning those
beautiful eyes to someone else. He smiled at me and tucked his
curly hair behind his ears. The solitary ring in his lobe glinted
in the dim light.

***

Despite my brother’s reassurances that he
was able to proceed normally, we were forced to maintain a slow
pace while pretending not to notice the sweat that was starting to
saturate the back of his shirt. His armor was once again packed
onto the donkey, which appeared to have gained a new lease on life
now that its burden had been lessened by the sale of the silks.
Before setting off, I’d checked the map in order to steel myself
against further miseries but the path we were to take appeared
fairly straightforward. A well-travelled trail led from Litmeti
through a forested valley, where various small settlements were
marked with house-shaped runes. It appeared that we were almost as
high in the mountains as we were going to go and that it would be a
gentle descent from here on until we reached the ruins of Khar Tam,
sandwiched in between spiked peaks of impassable rock.

Thar Mati lay not far beyond the caverns at
the base of the highest mountain in the range, named after the
shrine at its feet and flanked by two sheer peaks marked as the
“Twin Sisters”.

“
The guardians of Thar Mati,” Kari
informed us. “The un-named lands lie beyond them but mercifully the
Sisters are a treacherous pair, and it is said to be nigh
impossible to gain a foothold upon their slopes. Since the Second
Splintering, our outposts and settlements around or near the other
passes have proved adept at keeping many would-be invaders out,
although small parties can slip by, as we’ve seen.”

Kel appeared to have regained his enthusiasm
for knowledge and gestured to some purple and orange furred rocks
to our left. “Look at the wondrous colors of these mosses! I’ve
never seen the like. Would that I had the chance to study the
sciences as well as theology!”

I tuned out their chatter, depressed. The
subject of my nuptials had not been broached for many years, and I
had hoped that my father would give up on such a notion or — even
better — drink himself into such a stupor that he would be unable
to do anything about it. Perhaps Brin had spurred him into action
to spite me since he was forbidden to inherit. Sullenly, I watched
my brother limp along, gritting his teeth with effort, and wondered
if the world would be a better place if he were to accidentally
plunge to his death from one of Methar’s infamous mountain
passes.

“
Telthor’s balls! Put a smile upon
your face, Ned.” Lana slapped me heartily on the back. Her breath
was sour with the aroma of tobacco. “Your father’s choice of bride
will have little effect on your life, as well you know. The sole
duty of a married nobleman is merely to sire a couple of heirs who
may be reared by nannies, as I was. You need not even visit the
whelps, should you not wish to. I don’t believe my own father knew
when my birthday was.”

“
And who knows?” Kel added with a
comforting smile. “You may even grow to care for each other, as my
parents once did.”

“
I thank Matativi that I was not born
in Lis!” Kari exclaimed, with eyebrows raised. “What of love? Is it
too proscribed by the Protectors, in the same manner as necromancy?
What a dismal land it must be!”

Lana laughed. “Only the common people can
afford to marry for love, Kari. A marriage of strategy and alliance
is the price of a safeguard against loss of power or fortune, and
there are few nobles in Lis who are not willing to pay it.”

I felt Kari’s gaze upon me and shriveled
slightly.

Lana and Kel were just trying to lighten my
mood, and I was thankful for their presence. The more I thought
upon the matter, the more I realized that they were right. What
indeed would marriage change? It was not as if I was not used to
sleeping with women for whom I cared little. As long as the wench
was not hideous to behold, I felt sure I could do my duty in the
bedroom and produce the children my father expected. More
importantly, if I was married, I would finally assume my title and
my brother would no longer be able to exert any influence over me.
It was a pleasant thought I kept to the forefront of my mind, for
what lay behind was a land I was not ready to explore.

I began to tackle the path ahead with
renewed vigor. Everything would work out just fine. The fact that I
was almost sick with a dread I didn’t truly understand was
irrelevant. Feelings would pass, but my destiny would not. It had
been written in the stars from the day I was born.

***

We ground to a halt sometime in
mid-afternoon when Brin’s pride failed and he sat down hard on the
grassy verge of the path. His face was pale and shiny with sweat as
he commanded Kel to re-pack the donkey so he would be able to ride
it to the nearest Pilgrim’s Rest — Kari assured us that one lay not
far ahead — and lie down for the night. I stood beside Kari under
the branches of a pine and squinted into the gray clouds above.
Thick clouds were rolling slowly down the mountain slopes around us
and the air felt moist yet thin and just a little bit difficult to
breathe.