Time Untime (15 page)

“Why?”

“At one time, she’d been Artemis’s most trusted handmaiden and had kept the goddess’s secrets. To repay her, Artemis saved the baby and lied to Zeus. They both swore it was stillborn. Zeus wasn’t happy, but he didn’t hurt Artemis over it. Off the hook, Artemis then took the infant to his father, who was furious over it. The last thing he wanted was to have a permanent reminder of his infidelity around the wife he loved—a wife who was, at that precise moment, in labor with her own child. Not to mention, he didn’t want a half-breed mutant son that wasn’t good enough to be kept by its own mother.”

Kateri flinched in sympathy. Poor baby boy, but it made sense. If the Keetoowahs were matriarchal like her people and the mother didn’t keep the child, it would be viewed as seriously defective and lacking. Unworthy.

To this day, all babies born to her tribe were presented to the grandmother, if she was still living, to be inspected and named. If the grandmother wasn’t alive, then it fell to the mother.

For that child to be rejected …

“I’m surprised they didn’t kill it.”

Ren snorted. “I’m told he tried and couldn’t.”

Well, that made her feel better. “He loved the baby too much to hurt it?”

“Hardly.” Ren returned to hacking a path for them. His strokes were more brutal and sharp. “The first time he left it to die, an old woman found the babe and brought it back to town not knowing it had been intentionally abandoned. When Artemis learned about it, she struck down his beloved wife in retaliation.”

Kateri winced at that. How awful for all of them. But even worse … “‘First time’ implies he tried again.”

Ren nodded. “The second time, a crow-demon found and nursed the baby. When he was a year old, she returned him to his father and warned him that if he didn’t raise it to manhood, she would return to kill his cherished son for his neglect, and then make him live with the pain of knowing he killed both his beloved wife and treasured child.”

In a sick way, that was almost touching. “Why did the demon care?”

He sighed heavily. “Honestly? She couldn’t have cared less. But she didn’t have a choice.”

“Why not? And where was the baby’s mother during all of this? Why didn’t Sterope bitch-slap him for his cruelty?”

Ren fell silent as bitterness swelled inside him. “For her sin against Zeus, Sterope had been banished back to the stars. To make sure that she never shamed him again with her human lover, Zeus turned her into a comet that would only pass over the earth every seventy-five years—his way of guaranteeing that she would never see her son. That the boy would most likely die prior to her return. But before she was punished, Sterope had made Artemis promise her that the goddess would ensure no one killed her son before he had a chance to become a man. Artemis promised, however she was too afraid of Zeus to see to the baby herself. So she sent a demon in to protect the boy and make sure that his father didn’t kill him.”

“Poor kid. So did the demon stay with him after that?”

“No. She kept him only until he was weaned and didn’t need a mother’s milk anymore. Then, after threatening the father, who had no more love for the boy than she did, she left the child and walked away. The boy cried himself sick for the only mother he’d ever known, but the demon never returned and he never saw her again.”

Kateri shook her head at the horror. “How could even a demon leave a little baby with a father who hated him?”

Ren shrugged with a nonchalance that defied her comprehension. “After a while, the boy didn’t mind his father’s hatred. The feeling was quite mutual. In fact, most days, he hated his father more.”

“Oh, but it had to be horrible for the little guy. Growing up like that … can you imagine?” Tears welled in her eyes as she felt so bad for the innocent baby who had no part in any of it. Her emotions overwhelmed her. Anger, pity, grief.

Most of all was a tsunami of indignation on the boy’s behalf. She wanted to hurt all of them for treating him that way.

How could people be so selfish and cruel?

Ren turned to stare at her with a puzzled scowl. “Why do you cry?”

She wiped at her eyes, then waved her hand over her face in an attempt to stop any more tears from falling. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’m being a girl. I know. I just can’t stand the thought of a little boy going through something so terrible. Alone. It’s just not right. Please tell me that he grew up to be a ruler or happy or something really good.”

When he didn’t speak, a bad feeling went through her.

“His father didn’t kill him, did he?”

“No. He lived.”

She waited for him to say something more.

When he didn’t, she reached out to touch his arm. “C’mon, Ren. Finish the story. You can’t leave me hanging like this. What happened to the baby? Did he grow old? Did he father a boatload of kids and shower them with all the things he didn’t have? Please, tell me after all of that evil misery he found someone who loved him and treated him right.” She knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t help it. Something inside her was desperate to know the baby’s fate. “Well? Did he?”

His gaze searched hers with a probing stare she couldn’t fathom. When he spoke, his tone was low and incredulous. “No. While he was in the fullest bloom of his manhood, his brother tricked a spirit into killing him. Then the boy sold his soul to come back and make right a wrong against the only real friend he ever knew.”

It took a full minute for her to grasp the meaning of his words. For her mind to put all the pieces together into the only conclusion she could make.

“
You’re
the baby.”

8

A thousand tangled emotions ripped through Kateri as she stared up at Ren with an understanding that burned her raw. He had been the baby that no one wanted. The baby banned from seeing the only person who’d ever wanted him.

His mother.

She knew from her own experience how much it hurt not to have a mother. How many times in her life she’d ached over the loss. Every time she’d seen a mother with her child, regardless of age, and they embraced, or just laughed together …

When she’d moved in or out of her college dorms and she’d seen her classmates with their families, their moms with tears in their eyes as they said good-bye and wished them luck with their classes. Graduations, birthdays, proms …

All family occasions.

And those damn sappy family commercials …

It always cut her to the bone because it rammed home with brutal clarity what she was missing. What she lacked most in her life. When there was a true mother-child relationship, there was no stronger bond. No greater love or sacrifice. That was what Ren had meant when he spoke of Apollymi destroying everything over the death of her son and why he couldn’t comprehend that kind of love.
That
was how much a child meant to a real mother.

Their child
was
their world.

And when you didn’t have that bond, there was no greater misery. It left a hole in your heart and a never-ending longing that was indescribable because you knew it was out there for others. You saw it constantly. Everywhere. And you wondered why you were exempt from having someone love you like that.

Why were they so lucky and you so cursed?

In her case, she’d at least known her mother for a brief time. She had memories of her mother holding her in her arms and rocking her whenever she felt bad, of her mother wiping away her tears and singing lullabies while her mother placed warm cloths of Vick’s VapoRub on her chest whenever she was sick. Of kisses and hugs that came for no reason whatsoever, and with no strings attached. Of placing her own hand inside her mother’s and feeling safe and secure in a world that was seldom kind to the innocent.

Most of all, she’d felt loved beyond measure every time her mother had looked at her.

It was also why she hated Mother’s Day with a passion that burned like the fire of a thousand suns. Everywhere she looked, for weeks on end, was a vicious reminder that she no longer had a mother to buy a present for. No one to call. A woman to say “thanks for being there, Mom” to. While it was a great thought for those blessed with a mother who loved them and who was still with them, it was a brutal assault on those who’d lost theirs. She could only imagine how much worse it would be for someone like Ren who had no concept of what a real mother could be. Of what it felt like to know there was someone on this earth who would kill or die for you without reservation or hesitation.

And she knew exactly how lucky she was. She’d had two mothers who had loved her and cared for her. Two women who made her feel like she was everything to them.

Her mom and her grammy. Even though they were gone, their love lived inside her and gave her strength and character to this day. And she still wasn’t alone. Not really. She had her aunt Starla, who would call and check on her. Make her laugh no matter how bad her day had been. Starla might only be related by marriage, but she’d always treated Kateri like another daughter.

Ren had never had anyone.

Ever.

She sniffed back the tears that threatened to become an all-out crying jag for the real tragedy of his life. “I’m
so
sorry.”

And still he appeared puzzled as he watched her. It was as if compassion and sympathy from someone else were so alien an experience that he couldn’t fathom anyone caring about him. “Why?”

“Why?” she repeated incredulously. “Because no child should grow up like you did. No one should ever be abandoned by the people who shouldn’t have to be threatened to do right by their own blood. For the fact that you’ve never met your mother and that stupid demon-bitch abandoned you to a total asshole. I’m sorry for all of that. Most of all, I’m sorry that you think I’m nuts for caring about you. And for your being shocked and baffled that someone else could actually care about and be indignant over what was done to you as a child.” She reached up to touch him, but he moved away.

Who could blame him? He didn’t know how to bond with anyone. His own brother had killed him.

She winced at a reality so harsh, she wondered how he could be sane. Then again, maybe he wasn’t. There were times when she doubted her own sanity. Times when the world kicked her so hard it left a permanent scar on her heart.

A heart that now wanted nothing more than to soothe him. “Has anyone ever just held you?”

He scowled. “What do you mean?”

And even that, he couldn’t comprehend. Of course no one had ever held him close.

Held him like he mattered.

“I’m sorry, Ren. It’s none of my business, I know. I’m just trying to imagine how hard it had to be on you growing up like you did.” She winced as another wave of tears made her eyes water. “Did your father ever learn to love you?”

His features were as empty and blank as his tone. “No. He blamed me for the death of his wife. And he blamed my mother for the destruction of his homeland.”

Something she was sure he took out on Ren.

“Why did he blame her for that?”

“He refused to believe that Apollymi came on her own to attack us. In his mind, my mother concocted all of it so she could have him.”

How vain could one man be? “What? He thought your mother murdered Apollymi’s son and destroyed two continents just to sleep with him?”

“I never said my father was a bright man. Thank the gods I inherited my intelligence from my mother and not him.”

With those words, another vision went through her head. She saw Makah’Alay as a boy around the age of ten. He stood in the doorway of a room, staring at a bed that was surrounded by people who had their backs to him. She recognized the priests and medicine men. It was obvious they were there to cure someone, and it couldn’t be his father since he stood at the head of the bed, looking down.

The oldest priest turned to face Ren’s father. “I’m sorry, Chief Coatl. There’s nothing left to do except prepare sacrifices in hopes the spirits will take mercy and leave Anukuwaya in this world.”

Coatl’s gaze darkened as he turned to see the son he hated standing there, hale and whole. His rage and hatred were tangible. Cursing, he headed for Ren.

Ren’s eyes widened as he realized his father had become aware of his presence. He bolted for the hallway, but it was too late.

His father was on him before he could scurry away. He snatched the boy by his arm and shoved Ren against the stone wall. “What did you do to him?”

“N-n-n-nothing, F-f-f-father.”

He backhanded Ren so hard that Ren fell to the ground. “Don’t you dare lie to me! I know you’re jealous of my son. That you covet his perfection.” He grabbed Ren by the hair and wrenched him to his feet. Ren’s lips and nose were bleeding as he clutched at his father’s hand, trying to get him to let go.

“You better pray, boy, that nothing happens to my son. If Anukuwaya dies, I will gut you myself as an offering for his safe passage to the next realm. Do you understand? Now, whatever it is you have done to him, you better undo, or I will have your life as payment for it.”

The vision vanished, leaving Kateri to stare into the eyes of the adult version of that little boy’s face. A face that still had bleeding lips from the battle he’d fought
for her
.

Overwhelmed by it all, she reacted without thought and pulled him into her arms.

Ren froze at the foreign sensation of being held by someone as she buried her face against his neck and tightened her grip around his waist. Her tears dampened his skin, raising chills all over him. He was so stunned that he didn’t know how to react to her fierce hug.

And in that one moment, something inside him shattered. It unleashed a long-buried dream that he knew better than to have. One where he lived a normal life with someone who would miss him if he was gone. Someone who would fuss at him if he was late and hadn’t called …

Closing his eyes, he inhaled her scent—a mixture of valerian and primrose. And all he could think about was being inside her. Of spending hours with her wrapped around his naked body.

Was this what it felt like to be loved? Not that he thought for one instant that she loved him. How could she? She didn’t know him at all, because if she did, she’d be terrified and running for the nearest hole to hide in.