Time Off for Good Behavior (31 page)

She smiled, and I saw a faint blush on her cheeks.
“
So tell me about yourself,
”
she said, leaning back in her seat.
“
How have you been?
”

“
Good,
”
I said.
“
I left Channel 8.
”

“
That
’
s good,
”
she said softly.
“
I don
’
t think that place was go
od for you.
”

“
Yeah. I think you
’
re right.
”

There was a moment of silence in which a big white elephant named George sat down in the middle of the table. There was only one way to get rid of him, so I did it.

“
I tracked you down because I needed to talk to
you,
”
I said.
“
I needed to tell you that I
’
m really sorry. About what happened.
”
Silence. I took a sip of my tea and then elaborated unnecessarily.
“
With George.
”

Poof.
Elephant gone.

“
You shouldn
’
t be,
”
she said.
“
I let him drag you out of the house. I sh
ould have called the police. I should have done something.
”

It had never occurred to me for a second that she might not hate and resent me, that she might feel bad for not having done enough for me. Just goes to show, a little self-absorption goes a long w
ay.

“
No, no, it wasn
’
t your fault at all.
”
I felt the emotion catch in my throat.
“
That
’
s just... crazy.
”

“
I abandoned you to him.
”
Her voice was small and tight.
“
You needed help, and I ran away.
”

“
You had just gotten your life back together. I brought al
l that crap right to your doorstep.
”

“
I was so scared,
”
she said, and looked up at me as the tears spilled over her cheeks.
“
I
’
m so sorry.
”

“
No.
”
I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, watching as her face blurred through my own tears.
“
I
’
m
sorry.
”

Gret
a appeared out of nowhere, dropping a box of tissues on the table, handing each of us a smile, then wordlessly retreating back to the living room. I grabbed a tissue and wiped my face.

“
You know, it
’
s not my style, but I can kind of see where you
’
re coming
from,
”
I said, nodding in Greta
’
s direction.
“
There isn
’
t a man in the world that would ever do that.
”

Molly laughed.
“
Yeah, she
’
s great. I don
’
t know what I
’
d do without her.
”

We sat back, wiping our eyes, blowing ou
r noses, and staring at the walls full of knickknacks. Then I broke the silence.
“
So you mean all this time, you really thought that was all your fault?
”

Molly nodded, and she teared up again.
“
I haven
’
t forgiven myself. I should have stayed. I shouldn
’
t h
ave let him take you away. I should have called the police. I should have pressed charges.
”
She heaved a staggered sigh.
“
He could have killed you.
”

I smiled.
“
But he didn
’
t.
”

She smiled back.
“
That
’
s right. He didn
’
t.
”

We clinked our iced-tea glasses tog
ether and drank, and I pretended that George wasn
’
t still out there, somewhere, probably still looking to kill me. The world could sometimes be a much better place when you didn
’
t acknowledge reality.

***

“
I
’
m going to count backwards from three,
”
the so
ft voice hummed.
“
When I get to one, you will open your eyes, and you will feel rested and relaxed, and you will know the name of the song you
’
ve been hearing. Three... two... one.
”

I opened my eyes. The room was darkened, and the smell of incense was cutt
ing a swath through my sinuses. The hypnotist, a small, wiry woman named Grace, leaned into my line of vision.
“
How do you feel?
”

“
Rested. Relaxed.
”

Grace smiled a toothy, gapped smile. She was a woman in her fifties who operated out of her basement. When
she took me down there, I half expected her to offer me a good deal on some pot. Looking at her, I still wouldn
’
t have been surprised if she had a stash in a back room.

“
Can you identify the song?
”
Grace asked. I leaned back against the sofa and rubbed my
eyes. I listened. The music floated in. The crescendo built. I hummed along. It disappeared.

“
No. Can you?
”

She leaned forward.
“
Hum it again?
”

I hummed it again. She shook her head.
“
No. Sounds familiar, though.
”

“
Yeah,
”
I said.
“
That
’
s my problem.
”
I pul
led out my checkbook.

“
Hey, Grace,
”
I said as I scribbled away eighty-five dollars I
’
d never get back.
“
How did you know you wanted to be a hypnotherapist?
”

She smiled.
“
The aliens told me.
”

I raised an eyebrow at her. This was what you got for picking som
eone at random from the yellow pages.

“
Don
’
t suppose those aliens can tell you what my song is, do you?
”

She laughed.
“
No. They can
’
t read minds.
”

“
Okay, thanks so much for your time,
”
I said, handing her the check.
“
And may the force be with you.
”

***

“
I am so excited!
”
Elizabeth placed two glasses of milk on the table and grabbed a warm chocolate chip cookie off the plate. Her face was bright and her eyes were lively.
“
The radio station is so cool. I only have to work between nine and three, and I have
my own office.
”

I dunked a cookie into the milk.
“
I feel kinda guilty eating the good stuff after the kids are in bed.
”

“
Get over it,
”
she said, stuffing a chunk of cookie in her mouth.
“
That
’
s the first thing you have to learn before you become a mom, or
you
’
ll waste easily three or four years just beating yourself up over stupid shit.
”

I nodded and dunked the cookie again.
“
Good advice, Dr. Mackey.
”

“
I
’
m not a doctor.
”
She dunked, then smiled.
“
Matt, my producer, wanted to call the show
Dr. Liz.
He was re
ally surprised when I told him I wasn
’
t a doctor.
”

“
Really?
”

“
Yeah,
”
she said, smiling as she popped a bit of cookie into her mouth.
“
He said I was so smart that it never occurred to him that I wasn
’
t a doctor. Isn
’
t that sweet?
”

“
Oh, man,
”
I said, shaking
my head.

“
What?
”

I laughed.
“
Nothing. I just can
’
t help but notice the special smile when you mentioned Matt. Is there something you
’
re not telling me?
”

Elizabeth flushed.
“
No. Not yet.
”
She grinned and took another bite of her cookie.
“
But he
’
s been send
ing... I don
’
t know... vibes.
”

“
Beware the vibe,
”
I said.
“
Whatever happened to that,
‘
I
’
d rather be alone forever,
’
crap you were trying to feed me?
”

Elizabeth sighed.
“
Sometimes saying
‘
never
’
or
‘
forever
’
makes it easier to get through the day. And, I m
ean, it
’
s not like Matt and I are dating. It
’
s just that I
’
m... open to possibilities.
”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I said.
“
I
’
m not sure it
’
s a great idea to open up your possibilities to your boss.
”

She chewed thoughtfully for a moment, then shook her head and grinn
ed.
“
Just because something
’
s not a great idea doesn
’
t mean you shouldn
’
t do it.
”

I held up my glass of milk.
“
Preaching to the choir, sister.
”
On that, we clinked our glasses and drank.

Chapter Ten

That weekend, the kids went with Jack to visit his mother, and Elizabeth went to Atlanta to see her sister. I scheduled Anne Marie, Bones, and various hired elves to run the Santa Station and had an entire weekend to myself.

The first thing I did was head
to the grocery store and buy as much junk as I wanted. Around the kids, I was trying to help Elizabeth set a good example, so I
’
d been up to my ears in apples and graham crackers and orange juice. Now that they were gone, it was all Doritos and Coke, pudd
i
ng and M&M
’
s. I was going to be sick as a dog and wearing sweatpants all the next week, but it would be worth it.

And, for old times
’
sake, I got a bottle of my old friend, Albert.

Friday afternoon and evening, I watched cable television. There was a twelv
e-hour
Trading Spaces
marathon, and about five hours in, I started to wallow. I was thirty-two years old, eating Doritos on a sofa that wasn
’
t mine, and watching neighbors decorate each other
’
s homes on a television that wasn
’
t mine. The only neighbor I
’
d
ever known in my entire adult life was Elizabeth, and I couldn
’
t even trade spaces with her because I was living in her damn house.