“
Talley isn’t a slave,
Jase. She’s staying here.”
“
A slave? Don’t be
melodramatic. She’s a Seer. There are rules.”
A sudden flash of anger, the wolf straining
under my flesh. “Screw your rules. Talley is staying, end of story.
As far as I’m concerned, you’re looking at the new Seer Underground
Railroad.”
Jase glared, his jaw tight. “You’re being
reckless.”
“
And you’re seriously
pissing me off.” My nails were digging into the wood of the table,
a seriously amazing feat considering it took some effort to knick
its surface with a knife. I would probably freak out over the whole
monster-like bizarreness of it later, but at the moment I was just
grateful to have something to claw into other than Jase’s pretty
face.
“
You’re the Pack Leader.
It’s your job to protect her.”
“
It’s my job to be a
freaking human being and do the right thing.”
“
The right thing?
Bullshit. You’re going to do what you always do, what’s right for
Scout.”
There are very few humans who can use their
arms to hoist themselves onto a table and then jump four feet with
pinpoint accuracy, but for a Shifter it’s apparently not a big deal
because I managed without giving it much thought at all.
Unfortunately, the person I leapt onto was also a Shifter, and the
two seconds it took me to complete the move was more than
sufficient time for him to prepare a defense. Instead of toppling
Jase to the floor, like I planned, I found myself being flung
towards the stove.
“
Dammit,” I hissed as my
hand came down on an eye which hadn’t quite hit the cooled off
stage and my knee banged against the cabinet. I knew at least half
of my hand was burnt, but I couldn’t feel any pain.
You know how they do that slo-mo thing in
superhero movies? The soundtrack goes silent, leaving just Superman
and the clicking of the gun, the little flash of fire, and the
piece of metal cutting slowly through the air? My Shifter abilities
didn’t work that way.
I still heard everything. The hum of
electricity running to various kitchen appliances. The woosh of air
coming out of the vents. The gunfire, screams, and mildly
disturbing giggles coming from Jase’s room where Angel was playing
video games. Despite the fact she was upstairs and on the other end
of the house, I could still hear the steady sound of her heartbeat
just as clearly as the sharp intake of breath from Talley, who was
only three feet away. I could hear Charlie’s muttered curse and the
soft scrape of Jase’s socks on the tile as he turned towards
me.
It should have been too much. It almost was
too much, but unlike before my Change, my brain instinctively knew
how to filter through and process the plethora of information being
thrown at it.
I dropped to the ground just quick enough to
feel the breeze from Jase’s fist across the top of my head. There
was a slight sting as my burnt hand hit the cold floor, causing me
to almost lose balance as I pivoted, bringing my left leg around to
sweep Jase’s feet, which were no longer there. There was the
briefest look of triumph in his eyes before my fist slammed into
his stomach.
From that moment on, there was no holding
back. Jase and I had been sparring with one another since we were
kids, but this was different. This was a fight, a battle between
two Shifters at their most primitive. Every strike was intended to
cause harm. And when Jase’s pants began to stain red after his leg
crashed through a kitchen chair, I felt joy.
In reality, the fight didn’t last long, but
in the heat of the moment I felt as if we had been going at it
forever, and might have if the back door hadn’t slammed open
admitting one of the few people who could stop my bloodlust
cold.
“
Scout, stop!” Mom
screamed, flying through the mud room towards the melee. “You’re
hurting him! Stop!”
And just like that, the
otherness that had taken over - the part of me that was nothing but
pain and rage,
the wolf
- was gone. My hands immediately unclenched, one
releasing a handful of my brother’s hair while the other freed the
arm pinned behind his back. For a moment all I could see was a
smear of blood on the blue and white tiles, although I was aware of
the shattered furniture and destruction around me.
“
Aunt Rebecca, don’t!”
Charlie exclaimed from the safety of the formal dining room no one
ever used, causing Mom to freeze with one outstretched hand just
inches from my shoulder. If the sight of Jase’s blood decorating
our once pristine kitchen wasn’t enough to convince me of the
animal I had become, the look of fear and disgust on my mother’s
face was.
“
I’m sorry,” I said, my
chin trembling so ferociously I could barely push the words out. “I
didn’t mean to do it. I’m sorry.”
Instead of pulling me into a hug and telling
me it was going to be okay, she kept her distance, wariness evident
in every inch of her posture. “Will you let me check and see how
bad he’s hurt?” Instead of answering, I bolted out the door.
“
Jase is going to be
okay.”
I leaned into the driver’s seat, sighing in
relief. Of course, I already knew he was okay - my ears stayed
trained on his vital signs and Mom’s auditory assessment even as I
fled the house - but it was a comfort to hear the words. Even more
comforting was the fact Mom came outside to find me, not that the
finding part was hard. My plan had been to get in my new car and
drive off. The problem was, I was completely pinned in by Talley’s
vehicle.
“
Let me see your hand,”
Mom said, opening a plain white jar. “Charlie said you burned
it.”
“
It’s not that bad.” As
long as you didn’t consider agonizingly painful “bad”. “It’s just a
couple of blisters.”
Mom peeled back my fingers, the sting so
intense my hand itched to smack her for her efforts. “Harper Lee,”
she hissed. “What did you do? Grab a hot skillet without an oven
mitt again?”
“
Slapped my hand down on
the hot stove, actually.”
“
Why would you…?
Nevermind.” She gently spread a cool white cream over the burn, the
mixture of her touch and the ointment easing some of the pain. “Any
other injuries I need to know about?”
“
Nope.”
“
Then why did you limp out
of the house?”
“
Ran into the business end
of a kitchen cabinet handle. No big.”
“
And the reason you can’t
lift your right arm?”
“
Just a bruised rib or
two. I’ve had worse.”
There was a break in the rhythm of the
caresses across my palm. “You know, I honestly can’t remember a
time when you weren’t covered in scrapes and bruises. I would blame
it on you trying to keep up with the boys if they weren’t always
struggling to keep up with you.” You couldn’t miss the sadness in
her voice.
“
Do you ever wish I was
different? That I was more like Angel?” My sister was the living
embodiment of “girl”. Mom delighted in her penchant for fashion and
socializing.
Mom chuckled as she put the lid back on the
ointment. The smile on her face was genuine as she tried to figure
out the cup holder, causing a bit of my tension to loosen.
“
A girly Scout. Now there
would be something to behold.” She brushed the hair from my
shoulder and I had to blink back the tears. “Strong. Intelligent. A
bit of a smart alec and growing up way too fast for her parents’
comfort. That’s the Scout I love. If you were too busy painting
your nails and going on shopping sprees to tumble with the boys,
you wouldn’t be you.”
I looked out across the forest surrounding
our house, watched as the sun shining through the leaves danced
across the grassy floor where two squirrels scampered to and fro. I
wondered if Mom could even see them at this distance. I knew she
couldn’t smell them, that she didn’t want to chase them down
and…
I sucked in a deep breath, shaking that
thought from my head.
“
I don’t know who I am
anymore,” I admitted, my heart in my throat.
“
You’re you, Sweetie. You
will always be you, no matter what happens.”
“
I threw Jase through a
kitchen chair. That’s not me. That’s—” I stopped myself, unable to
say it and knowing she didn’t want to hear it.
“
And two years ago you
gave him a black eye with a baseball bat.”
“
That was an accident.”
I’m really bad at organized sports.
“
And so was
this.”
I wanted to believe her. Desperately. But I
remembered what Talley said. Wolf Scout was still me. She was the
Scout who operated off emotion and instinct instead of rules and
logic. Part of me, the real me, had wanted to hurt Jase like he had
hurt me.
“
I don’t want to be a
monster.”
Mom turned, her hand warm on my arm. “Then
don’t be.”
***
After Mom went back inside and I ceased to
be amazed at the cool silver color my hand turned, I found myself
wandering in the woods. Going back into the house meant seeing how
bad I’d hurt Jase and trying to avoid Charlie, who I found myself
aching to be near despite everything. And, of course, that just
made me feel guilty and disloyal and whole bunch of other really
crappy emotions. Solitude and fresh air seemed like a much better
option.
It was weird though, being out in the wild.
As kids, we all spent most of our waking hours outside exploring
and building forts and all those other normal little kid things,
but as we grew up, we found ourselves spending less and less time
with Mother Nature. We were too busy juggling a million different
activities and full social calendars. (Okay, Jase’s calendar was
full and mine mostly involved reading books or hanging out with
Talley.) When we did find ourselves with free time, we stayed in
the air-conditioning, face glued to a computer or TV screen.
Walking down old foot paths and splashing
through the creek, I mourned the loss of carefree summer days spent
in the woods. I had forgotten the beauty of wild flowers bursting
out of the ground and the pleasure gained from letting the sun warm
your face.
Without conscious thought, I ended up at the
same patch of forest where I once watched snow fall on Christmas
night. My fingers skated across the crumbling bark of a fallen
tree. Memories were like a real, living thing in the air around me.
A dimpled smile. Laughing grey eyes. A kiss under the stars and
snow.
Grampa Hagan died when I was twelve. At his
funeral, his sister Kathy flung herself across the casket,
screaming and sobbing. When I remarked on the scene, Dad had been
quick to tell me not to be so judgmental. “Grief is a power thing,
Scout,” he said, his voice still carrying the loss of his first
wife. “The pain overpowers all reason. People behave in ways they
would never dreamt possible. You never know how you’ll react to
someone you love being ripped from you until it happens.”
I silently took his sage fatherly advice,
but knew when the day came, I wouldn’t be getting snot all over the
casket spray. I never would’ve believed that five years later I
would be found face down on the ground, tears turning the dirt to
mud.
“
His scent has been gone
for months.”
I knew he was right, but still I didn’t
move. He had stood on this spot and kissed me for the first time.
He had been real and alive and mine. Why could I smell the
footprints of mice, birds, and rabbits, but not him?
“
Come on, Scout.” A gentle
hand tugging the hair off my face. A whisper of lips atop my head.
“I brought you some food.”
“
I’m not hungry.” My heart
hurt too much to eat. Whoever said God wouldn’t give you more than
you could handle was a liar. Alex. Changing. Talley. Charlie. Jase.
It was all too much for me.
I expected him to either keep badgering me
or leave, but instead Jase just sat on the ground beside me,
uncharacteristically silent. Eventually the tears stopped falling
and I began to feel ridiculous wallowing on the ground. Jase passed
a bottle of water without comment after I pulled myself up.
“
What are Charlie and
Talley doing?” I could sense them somewhere nearby, but not close
enough to actually scent or hear them.
“
They’re giving us much
needed sibling bonding time.”
“
Talley’s
words.”
“
Verbatim.” He offered me
a Snickers, but I refused.
Jase’s lip was split open and bruises were
forming all over his face, neck, and arms. He was wearing shorts,
so the huge bandage covering his leg was evident, as was the blood
which had managed to soak through.
“
This is were I’m supposed
to apologize, isn’t it?”
“
What? No. What do you
have to apologize for?”
“
Jase, I literally tried
to rip out your throat.”
“
One, I deserved it. Two,
dominance challenges are a normal part of Shifter life. And three,
you’re my Pack Leader, and I questioned you. You’re supposed to do
that. Toby once broke Makya’s arm because he disagreed with our
dinner selection.”
“
Toby broke Makya’s arm
just because he wanted a pizza?”
“
We had pizza. Makya
wanted barbecue, and he was being more than a little obnoxious
about it.”
I didn’t doubt the obnoxious part, but even
that didn’t warrant a broken appendage. I took a swig of water to
wash down the bile in the back of my throat. “That’s insane.”