Til Death (Immortal Memories) (11 page)

There’s this moment, and I don’t think I’ll forget it for the rest of my days, however long they be. As soon as I my cheek hits his chest and his arms pull me tight against his body, the sun bursts out through the confines of the clouds and a ray of light extends down from the heaven to lick warmth across my shoulders. I’m smiling into Thomas’s chest, my eyes closed tight, and I feel him lift his head up towards the sun. I can only imagine how perfect we look, standing as still as stone amongst the chaos of the city, snow filtering through sunlight. We are a work of art, poetry and sculpture. The perfect expression of love.

There’s so much I want to say, so much I want to ask, but my voice is ineffective, my words will be harsh and small and imperfect in this moment. How do I articulate what I’m feeling? That everything I’ve done to protect myself has been useless? That I want to change and I never want to spend another minute without him? How do I make all of what I’m feeling clear in a way that doesn’t sound like I’m some silly little girl chasing after her first love? How do I show him that what I feel for him goes beyond infatuation? He is the completion of my soul and without him I am forever halved. All the words I try on are hollow and trite and so I just stay quiet.

At some point, Thomas wraps me up tight in his arms and we start to walk. I’m shivering, but I think only partly from the cold. He holds me so close, but I want to be closer still. I can’t believe how much I need him. Before long, I realize he’s leading me back to my apartment and I’m suddenly afraid he’s going to get me home and leave me there. He’s not said a word. Not one thing to indicate what he’s thinking.

Oh, God. What if he’s only saving me long enough to leave again? What if I’ve been so wrapped up in how I’m feeling that I haven’t noticed what’s going on? That’d be right up my alley, self-absorbed and selfish creature that I am. My heart starts to race and I get a little light headed. My chest gets all tight and I can’t control the speed of my breath. There’s this funny little tingle across my lips, like electricity coursing across my skin. The world spins and goes black. Part of me hopes I’m dying, that I get to have my last moment wrapped up in his arms. The rest of me is begging to live, so that I can have the rest of forever with him.

And then I know nothing.

I come back to the world the way the lights flicker back on during an electrical storm. Little stutters of clarity. There’s a finger tracing the outlines of my face, leaving a cold path in its wake. I’m stretched out on my couch. My head is in his lap.

He’s humming that same haunting melody that makes me so sad and so happy all at the same time. After a long breath in through my nose, I open my eyes and catch him gazing down at me, this odd combination of love and sorrow straining his face. Maybe love is constantly balanced on the edge of sorrow. Maybe they always walk hand in hand like this, one ready to blend into the other and that's what makes it all so magnificent.

“Hey,” he says and when I smile up at him, the sorrow disappears and I’m left with nothing but his love shining down on me.

“Hey.” I’m suddenly embarrassed that I passed out. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For passing out…”

“Don’t be silly. It gave me an excuse to hold you close while I carried you here.” I smile and consider sitting up, but I like it here, with him stroking my cheek and smiling down at me.

“How did you know? That I was looking for you?” A strange look - guilty and embarrassed - flickers across his face. I sit up, closing my eyes as the world spins.

“I knew you were upset.” I don’t like the way his voice sounds, but I open my eyes to meet his and it’s like my soul rejoices at the connection. “I could … feel … you. Get a sense of your thoughts, your emotions.” There’s an apology in his eyes and I’m not sure why.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a vampire thing. The more blood we exchange, the closer we are. I’ve been able to tune into you for a while now. Kind of like eavesdropping.”

I remember the day I stood in my kitchen, fully aware that Thomas would be here soon, but unsure as to how I could be so sure. “And you could, what? Give me thoughts?”

“Kind of. Not reliably. It’s challenging enough to create a connection while you’re still human. I was never sure if you got the thoughts I sent to you.”

“One. I’m pretty sure I got one.”

“I’m sorry I never told you.”

“So you’ve known how upset I’ve been?”

“Yes. It’s been hard to stay away, but I kept thinking your sorrow would fade.”

“And now?”

“When I realized what you intended to do, I realized that by staying away from you, I wasn’t protecting you, I wasn’t keeping you whole. I was still destroying you. Only rather than making it a quick process, me taking your life and you awaking on the other side of mortality, I was destroying you one small agonizing piece at a time. I realized that I destroyed you the same day I destroyed your cupcakes.”

“You haven’t destroyed me.”

“You were ready to kill yourself.”

“But I’m not now.”

He smiles at me. “No. You’re not now.”

“Thomas, as long as I’m by your side, I think it’s safe to say that you’ve saved me.”

We fall into silence and I let it wrap around me, not ready to think about what might be coming next or when he might be leaving or where we’ll go from here. All I know is that right now, in this very moment, I’m with him and I’m really, truly, ok. For all the times that I said I was fine and didn’t mean it, for all the times I said I was ok and I wasn’t, I am now. With him.

“What now, Rachel?”

It takes me a moment to realize that it was Thomas actually asking the question and not my own private thought. I purse my eyebrows together in question. “What do you mean, what now?” My stomach is flip flopping all around inside me, nerves tingling the edges of my fingertips, the tip of my nose, that current of electricity pulsing across my lips. The world starts to swim again. How long has it been since I’ve eaten?

“I mean just that. What now? Where do we go from here?”

Could it be? Is he really going to leave again? I had just that moment of truly being ok and now it’s gone. I don’t know what to say, so I just open my mouth and let the truth fall out. “I can’t live without you. I need to be in your life. I need you in mine. I need to know that I have you forever because you make everything ok. At first I wanted to be a vampire so I could escape the tedium of growing old and having to struggle to make ends meet, but now, I just want to know that I have forever with you. As many days and nights at your side as the world will allow because I don’t feel normal without you. I don’t feel whole without you. I’m just not ok without you.”

“So what now?”

“You know what I want.”

“Say it.”

“I want you.”

“You have me.”

“Forever.”

“Forever’s a long time.”

“Not long enough.” He smiles and I swallow. “Thomas? Make me yours.”

He leans down, his lips brushing mine before trailing down my jawline to the soft spot at my throat. “You already are, Rachel. You already are.”

********

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Need more Thomas and Rachel? They live in R. M. Webb’s Immortal Memories universe, and show up in other books. Head over to
www.rmwebbfiction.com
to find more information on the Immortal Memories Series. While Thomas shows up briefly in Façade, he plays a major part in Unleashed. You’ll get to see how Rachel met Thomas from his point of view.

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Books by R. M. Webb

Immortal Memories series:

Façade

Unleashed

Reclaimed – coming soon!

Also in the Immortal Memories Universe:

Til Death Part One

Til Death Part Two

Til Death Part Three

As always, thank you for taking the time out of your busy life to read!