Tiger Lily: Part Three (10 page)

“How was the session? Dr. Steinman had the nurse call with the results of your test on your other phone. You’re iron deficient and anemic, as he suspected. Lin will be adding iron-rich food to your diet. I won’t be able to come back for lunch, but we’ll be going out for dinner at 6:00.”

I sent him a text.

I got your message. The session was intense, but helpful. I’ll see her the rest of the week. Five days a week to start. Thank you for everything. Love you xox

I pressed send and closed my eyes, leaning against the window as we moved through the rain-drenched streets of the Upper West Side down to Tribeca. My mind navigated through my thoughts, and as I found myself questioning and checking my mood, I laughed.
It’s already working.

The ride went quickly, and once we were at the loft, I exited swiftly to avoid David getting out of the car and being soaked by the rain that was coming down. I managed to make it to the elevator without getting completely saturated myself. When I walked through the door, I heard Lin call out from the kitchen. “Is that you, Lily? Your lunch is almost ready.”

I took off my shoes and coat, then padded over to the kitchen. Pausing in the opening, I watched Lin stirring a pot on the stove. She turned and gave me a bright smile. “I’ve made three bean soup and rice. You also have an iron-enriched smoothie from Dani. I would have been finished, but it was a busy morning here with people and deliveries. Jonas won’t be able to make it back until dinner.”

“Yes. He left me a message. Thank you for lunch. I’ll be right back. I’m just going to go upstairs and change,” I said and headed for the stairs.

I thought I heard Lin call out ‘wait,’ but I was already down the hall to the master bedroom. I stopped in the walk-in closet and went through my clothing that was placed there, picking out a wool skirt and turtleneck for dinner with Jonas later.

With or without underwear?

He didn’t say and I wickedly planned to surprise him. As I was placing the clothing down on the bed, something shiny caught my eye. Scanning the area, I discovered a watch on the bedside table. From the shape, I knew it wasn’t a man’s watch.
Did Lin forget her watch?

I crawled across the bed to pick it up. Before I reached the bedside table, my knee brushed against a lump under the duvet. I sat back on my heels. The bed linen had been changed, but something was there. I crawled the rest of the way off the bed and squinted. The bed was mussed. Leaning over, I could smell the faint fragrance of Chanel no. 5. I ran my hand over the pillow, shaking my head at my impromptu detective work.

Blonde hair?

My pulse picked up and I yanked the sheets back, uncovering the cause of the disorder. I found black lace panties that weren’t mine. Freezing in place, I shuffled through the last twenty-four hours, trying to figure out how this had happened. My mind immediately confirmed that Jonas had cheated. Or at the very least, he had deceived and lied to me.

“Lily. Oh, Jonas is going to kill me,” Lin said, appearing next to me. I realized I was still starring down at the panties, and that her gaze was now on them as well.

I hurried out of the bedroom and down the stairs. I grabbed my coat and shoes, closing the elevator before Lin could reach me with any lies I imagined she routinely told on Jonas’s behalf. I ran down the street and around the corner, stopping beneath an awning in front of a gallery. I took in a few short breaths and pulled out my phone and called Jonas. After numerous rings, he answered. “Lily, I’m in a—”

“You had Melissa over at the loft,” I barked, cutting him off.

“Yes. She came over before my work meetings. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you —” he replied.

“Too late for that. I found her panties. Lin didn’t cover up for you—”

“What panties? Lin doesn’t need to cover up anything for me. I didn’t have sex with her,” he barked out.

“And I’m supposed to take you at your word when you purposely lied to and deceived me? You don’t respect me. All that stuff about me being yours, no secrets,” I spat out.

“Damn it, Lily, you
are
mine. Listen—”

“No. You listen! I’ve been a fool, but not anymore. I love you, but I deserve better. So do whatever you want, move her in next. I’m gone,” I yelled and hung up. The finality of my words reverberated in my mind as the noise of the traffic and pedestrians on the sidewalk filtered past my ears. The buzz of the living city that didn’t stop, even as my life was unraveling.

New York City was the place I chose to start over, and that was what I would have to do. Start over. With that thought, I walked on through Tribeca and over to Chinatown. I ignored the glances on Canal Street as I passed the buckets of frugally priced umbrellas. I actually could have afforded one, had I thought to bring my purse with me when I stormed out of the loft. I went with the impression that I was out of my mind, letting the rain soak my clothes to the bone. Fighting off my exhaustion and waves of nausea, I continued to roam the streets, creating a plan for what to do. Ignoring the vibration of my phone and my new reality.

In truth, I had nowhere to go. And I knew it.

Weighed down by this certainty, I turned around and started walking back to the place I had left. If nothing else, I needed to get my things.

As my steps grew heavier, I leaned against a clean spot on a derelict building, taking in the particular seedy area I had arrived at near a group of abandoned warehouses, some with scaffolding. A visual promise to improve, one I thought befitting of the promise I’d forged for myself just moments earlier. As I moved to stand under one of the scaffolds to block the rain, I fished out the phone from my pocket. Ten missed calls, all from Jonas Crane. The phone started vibrating once more in my hand, and this time I answered, my tone terse. “Yes. What do you want?”

“You. I want you. Where are you?” His voice was strained and elevated above the sound of traffic.
Is he out looking for me?
I pushed away the warm feeling that came with that train of thought, along with the wet strands of hair that were plastered to my face. “Why? You don’t care. If you wanted me with you, her panties wouldn’t be in your bed.”

“I’m going to get an answer from her on how they got there, but I didn’t touch her!” he yelled. Then, sighing audibly into the phone, he said, “I’m guilty here, but not of fucking around. I’m sorry I lost your trust, and you can stay mad, but I’m out of my mind with you out there alone. I need you with me. We need to have this discussion in person. Where are you?” He sounded despondent.

Tears were stinging my eyes, but I refused to let them escape. “I know I said I wouldn’t run, but this is different. I deserve better than that. But then I left, and I didn’t know where to go. You let me rely on you, and now I have nowhere to go…”

“Yes, you do. You have a place with me. You belong to me,” My heart squeezed at the anguish in his voice. “Please, tell me where you are,” he asked again in earnest.

Relenting, unsure of what else to do, I walked along the sidewalk, looking for the name of the building. “XR Industries building…” I read out what else marked my location and listened to Jonas repeat the information to David. Walking back under the scaffolding, I realized I was well beyond saving my clothing and wasn’t fit for the expensive upholstery in his car. “I can’t get in your car,” I sighed. “I’m soaking wet. You go on to your meetings. I’ll make my way back and we’ll talk later.”

“No, you won’t. Listen to me, you’re more important. You mean…everything to me. The world to me. I can’t…I won’t let you go, Lily. I won’t be able to do anything until you’re safe with me. Please don’t hang up or leave. Let me come and get you.” His desperation tugged at my heart, so much so the words tumbled out of my mouth as I cried into the phone. “I love you, Jonas. So much, it hurts sometimes. But when I saw Melissa had been in our bed…I realized you won’t ever love me, and I can’t…no, I won’t, waste any more time trying to convince you to.”

I searched for more words to say, but nothing else came, and the line went quiet.
Jonas has nothing to say
back to me.
My mind raced with all the implications of his silence, none of which had me wanting to wait for his arrival and possible painful rejection. Nevertheless, I held the phone clutched to my ear, waiting and hoping for even the sound of his breath to let me know he had heard me. Every second that passed, a piece of my heart broke, fearing this would indeed be the end of everything between us.

As the dreaded silence grew longer, my hand slipped, easing the receiver away from my ear. I was about to simply press the ‘end call’ button, when I was distracted by a set of flashing lights on an approaching car.
Jonas?

My heart jumped into my throat as the car slowed and halted in front of me. The back door swung wide, and out came Jonas Crane, wearing a stern but determined look on his face as he closed the distance between us. And there he stood, letting his suit grow damp, towering over me. Before I could say a word, he pulled me tightly into his arms, mouth right against my ear, and whispered, “I love you, Lily.”

JONAS HALF CARRIED
me to the car, but once we were under David’s umbrella, I lifted my arm and said, “Please, let me go.”

He hesitated and measured me for a moment, but then released me. “We have a bag for your coat and a blanket in the back seat.”

I peeled off my coat and placed it in a bag, the whole time feeling the intensity of Jonas’s presence surrounding me, his will pressing down upon me to surrender over to the love and care he had waiting in his arms. And all I wanted to do was bask in his declaration and let him take over. But I no longer felt as though I could, not with Melissa and his lie hanging over us both. Whether he was ready to admit it, there was something between them, and a true choice would have to be made if Jonas was actually mine. If he truly wanted
me.

“Thank you,” I said, my voice surprisingly even. I climbed inside the car and sat down on the blanket, crossing my arms to cover the shiver that had started up my spine once the adrenaline had waned. My awareness shifted to the cold air and chilly wind outside.

“David, turn up the heat for Lily, please,” Jonas instructed as he took the seat next to me. His laser-like focus moved over me, though we sat in silence for a few minutes as the car turned and drove off down the street.

“Melissa called last night and pleaded to see me again,” he finally said. “I was clear that you are with me. That we are together. Once she acknowledged that she understood, I agreed to see her, as a friend. I didn’t tell you, not because I had something devious planned, but because I didn’t want to cause you any more stress.”

I pursed my lips together. “That’s still a lie. Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked curtly.

A glance in his direction let me know he was working his fingers through his hair. “I planned to tell you tonight. I had hoped to resolve things today when she came over, but she was in a state I’ve never seen her before. Melissa was saying things like she couldn’t live without me. She was threatening to harm herself. She took a sedative, and I asked Lin to help me get her to lay down. I didn’t even think about anything beyond that, except calling her father.”

I scoffed. “Melissa didn’t display any signs of distress at the hotel when she tore into me, but if that’s what you’re ready to believe—”

“No, but I want Melissa to tell you the truth, and when you are ready, have her come over and tell you. So I can make things right with you, the woman I love and hurt.” He lightly touched my hand, my heart lifting at once again hearing the word “love” from his lips. But still, I pulled back.

“I will make this right,” he said. “But I won’t force you. Just give me a chance to fix this. That’s all I ask.” His voice was just above a whisper.

Silence fell between us again as I sifted through his explanation. Finally, I turned my head toward him, my eyes on his chin. “I understand what you are saying, but I’m confused as to why you kept this from me. As the woman you love, I deserve more than to be shut out, even if it is something I would be upset about. I’m not ready for promises, but I’m here.”

“Please look at me,” Jonas said. I did as he asked and felt a knot in my chest at the sheen that I found in his.

“I’ll take that much now, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you here. I can’t let you go. I can’t lose you,” his voice broke.

I rubbed the center of my chest and closed my eyes, letting the quiet return again as we rode the rest of the way back to the apartment.

On arrival, Jonas struggled to gain his composure next to the door as I climbed out once again on my own, moving next to him under a large umbrella. The loft door was blocked as a mattress was hauled out of the building, and we paused and waited as it was moved toward a truck double parked a few yards down the road. When we were alone in the elevator, Jonas offered, “They’re removing and replacing our bed. Whenever you’re ready to return to it.”

I gave a little tilt to my head in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. If he was telling the truth and nothing actually happened between them, this wasn’t necessary.