Throw Away Teen (32 page)

“
Yes. I called her at work today and told her that I expected Sarah tonight.” Liz glanced at me while we waited at a traffic light. “I’m glad the two of you are friends. Sarah may be on the cheer squad, but she doesn’t hang out with the other girls very often.”

“
That’s because of her parents. They’re always dumping Priscilla on her,” I said. “Sarah doesn’t want to take the kid to high school activities.”

“
Of course not.” Liz parked in front of the dojo. “It’d be totally inappropriate. Priscilla isn’t old enough to participate in what Sarah does. I’ll remind Laurie and Bruce of that.”

“
They know.” I opened my door. “It’s why they think she should stay home and babysit instead.”

Liz nodded. “So, I’ll keep talking to them.” She looked at her watch. “I’m going to run to the store while you’re in class. I’ll be back in an hour. Is that all right or would you rather I wait here?”

“
No, you go.” Grabbing my bag, I headed inside to change for class.

CHAPTER 21

Once I was in uniform, I walked to the door, stopping to bow. We lined up according to the rank on our belts, which put me six people away from Ringo. The class started with reciting the rules, first in English, then in Japanese. Since I could only say them in English still, that’s what I did. After that, we moved onto stretching exercises. We rehearsed different blocks and punches and I started to relax a little. This was just like what I did when Sensei and I were alone in one of my private sessions. When the telephone rang, Sensei Nichols told Ringo to take over the class.

“
Rising Blocks, then Down Blocks.” Sensei said as he hurried toward his office. He even paused to bow at the door as he left the dojo, which made me smile. I always had way more respect for adults who actually followed their own rules.

Ringo took up Sensei’s spot to lead the class. “B.J., it’s your turn to count Rising Blocks. One to ten in Japanese.”

I still didn’t know the numbers in Japanese. Ringo knew I’d just started karate, so why was he asking me to do it? Was he trying to make me look like an idiot? I knew better than to admit I didn’t know something and have people laugh at me. For some reason, Ringo had turned into an enemy and it hurt. I reminded myself to be strong, that I couldn’t afford to let him in where he could hurt me.

I resisted the urge to tell him to shove it in front of the rest of the group. Instead of answering, I turned and walked away. Behind me, somebody else started counting and I heard the rustle of uniforms as they practiced the blocks. I didn’t bother bowing at the door. I was done with Ringo and this stupid karate.

Sensei was still in the office when I stormed through it. He finished with his phone call and turned to me.
“What’s going on, B.J.?”

“Nothing.” I grabbed my bag and headed for the bathroom
to change. No way was I sitting in the parking lot in a karate
uniform.

Sensei
Nichols stepped in front of me. “Wait just a
minute. You must have some reason to try and leave. Did you and Ringo have a fight?”

“That’s not your business.”

“Fine. If you kids want to argue, I don’t care. But
you don’t bring it into the dojo. Put your stuff away. You
have a class to finish.”

With him standing in front of me, I figured I wasn’t
going to get out of the school without an argument. So, I
put my pack down by a chair. “I won’t work with him.”

Sensei turned from where he was standing by the door. “What is rule number four?”

“To respect those who out-rank me,” I recited. Oh, crap
. “Wait a minute. That’s not
fair.”

“Tough. You knew the rules and you broke them. You
also broke the rule about respecting the dojo. Ten push-ups
for each rule.”

“Twenty pushups just because I didn’t bow. That’s a
dumb rule.”

“No. It was ten for not respecting your teacher. It was ten for not respecting the classroom. And now it’s five
knuckle pushups for arguing with me. Would you like to try
for more?”

“No,” I said super quick. I might have to do the stinking pushups but I darned well wasn’t coming back here.

I got even madder when I had to crank out the damned
pushups while everybody else learned karate. It wasn’t the
worst moment or humiliation of my life but it came close. It
took me forever to do the five pushups on my knuckles rather
than my hands. But I kept at it, just so I could show
Ringo, even though he was pretending not to watch me.

When I finished with the pushups
, Sensei told me to join the class before I could try to leave again. It was even more embarrassing than doing pushups
while everybody else did
katas.
Finally, the class
ended and I booked it for the office, grabbing my bag,
shoving my feet into my shoes. I didn’t bother changing out of my uniform, I just wanted out of there. I bolted outside
to the car where Liz was waiting. “I’m never coming back here,” I said as I slammed the door.

Liz gave me the kind of look that I was used to getting from judges and lawyers. “Before we discuss your karate class, you will open and close that door properly.”

“Gawd, why is everyone on my case today?”

Liz continued to look at me. “B.J., my car is important. Slamming the door like that
causes damage to the hinges. Now, you can open and close
that door properly, twice.”

I couldn’t believe it. Obviously, she and Sensei had
gone to the same school. Before I had to do it twenty-five times, I opened and closed the stinking car door. Twice.

“Now, will you listen to me about the damned karate?”

Liz frowned at me. “B.J., profanity is the attempt of a weak and feeble mind to express itself forcefully. I don’t
want you to swear.”

“Or what?” I was getting sick and tired of having everybody on my back. It was the kind of afternoon that should
’ve been cancelled at the start and I seriously considered opening the door again and just walking away.

“Next time I hear any profanity, you’ll write my
definition of it a hundred times.”

I sighed.
This is Liz, not the soap nazi
, I reminded myself. “Well, at least you didn’t threaten to wash my mouth out
with soap.” I didn’t want to write sentences but it had to be a better punishment than spending my time hunched over
the toilet.

“How many times has that been done to you?” Liz started
the car and backed out of the spot.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. About
ten times, I think, when I was a little kid.”

Liz’s face actually turned green. I’d never seen that
happen before. “I promise you one thing, B.J.,” she said. “I will never
do that to you.”

I eyed her. “You’ve probably
never done that to a kid.”

“You’re right,” Liz said and smiled at me. “So, tell me
what’s wrong with karate?”

“I’m never coming back here.”

“You have a class tomorrow, B.J. You better have a good reason to stop attending karate if you want
me
to back you
up.”

“How about the fact that I had to do a million pushups, not including the knuckle ones?”

“So? I don’t know how many times I’ve heard Ringo whine about doing pushups when Sensei was mad at him. What
did you do, B.J.?”

I couldn’t believe this woman.
“How come everything is my fault? It was Ringo’s
fault, too. He said I had to count in Japanese and I can’t.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“He wasn’t going to listen to me, not when he had to act all cool in front of everyone
.”

“Let’s see if I got this right,” Liz said slowly. “He asked you to do something in class and instead of respecting him and telling him why, you undermined him as an instructor. That’s unfair, B.J.”

“I’ll tell you what’s unfair. Why do I have to
respect senior students when Ringo doesn’t have to respect
me? And I was leaving so what difference did it make when I
didn’t bow at the door?”

“I think Ringo did respect you. He asked you to do something he would’ve asked any other student to do. And he probably believed you could do it, too, even though you just started. He wasn’t the one with a chip on his shoulder. As for not bowing, that was disrespectful to the culture Sensei Nichols is trying to teach you.”

I had to admit that she had a point. And unlike my other foster parents, she was actually listening and talking to me. She hadn’t called Carol and complained. But still... “I have to quit, Liz.”

“No, you don’t. Honestly, you don’t have a problem, honey. You got in trouble. You did the push-ups. It’s over. You can go to class tomorrow and everything will be just fine.”

“Ringo will still be mad at me.”

“Well, you’ll have to work that out with him on your own.” Liz pulled into
McDonald’s
. “Let’s get some ice-cream.”

“Can we go through the drive-up? I don’t want to go inside.”

“
No worries.” Liz leaned over and stroked my hair. “I love you, B.J. but you need to start working on loving yourself.”

‘
I love you, B.J.
’

Liz’s words stayed with me all the way home. No one other than Gabe had ever said that to me before. When puppy class started, I pushed it to the back of my mind. I had to concentrate on training Guard. Dallas treated me the same as she always did, so obviously she hadn’t heard about the fiasco in karate. Ringo showed up a little late with his pug. He stayed on the other side of the yard. During our break, I went over to him. “I screwed things up big-time, didn’t I?”

He shook his head. “You know, B.J. You could try cutting us both some slack.”

“
What does that mean?” I glared up at him.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead like I was the same age as Chance. “If I’d known that you couldn’t count in Japanese, I’d have had you do it in English. Next time I screw up, how about you tell me?”

“
But I was the one who blew it.” I bit my lip, holding back my tears. “Why are you being so great when I made you look like an idiot in front of the whole class?”

He laughed and grabbed me in a quick hug. “What is it that you tell Dally?
Get off the cross. Somebody else needs the wood.
We all mess up in karate sometimes. Sensei says it’s how we learn to deal when we mess up in life.”

“
By doing stinking push-ups? I don’t think so.”

“
No, by taking responsibility for our actions when we screw up and making amends.”

I frowned at him. “I’ve got to think about that,” I said.

I broke away from him and took Guard back to our spot on the lawn. He was learning to lie down and stay now that he’d mastered sitting. I forced myself to focus for the rest of the class. I wouldn’t think about what Liz had said. As for Ringo, what was wrong with the guy? How could he be so decent when I’d been such a bitch in front of everyone?

My brain kept replaying everything I knew about “love” on the way to Sarah’s. And I knew quite a lot. Every time I got beat up, locked up, hassled by foster parents, and yelled at, it was because people
cared
about me. I heard the same song when I was rousted by the cops or arrested. It was all for my own good.

I knew what love really was. It was the word people used to disguise humiliation, pain and broken bones. The word they used to enforce their authority and excuse their behavior. I knew better than to believe them.
Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

Was I wrong to believe Liz? I hadn’t thought Liz or Ted would be like other people who’d taken me in, but I’d been wrong before.

Liz pulled into a cul-de-sac and stopped in front of a fancy two story house. Sarah came out, carrying a duffel, her backpack, and a trash-bag.

I got out of the car and took the big garbage bag from her. “What’s in here?”

Tears spilled down Sarah’s cheeks. “My cheer uniform and the afghan Aunt Cathy crocheted for me. Priscilla trashed them last night when I was on the phone with you.”

Wow. Every time I thought my life sucked, I ran into someone who had things worse than I did. “Little brat,” I said. More tears slipped down her cheeks. “Okay, let’s go to the vet clinic and see your Aunt Cathy. Where do we go to get you another uniform for tomorrow’s game?”

“
I’d have to buy it and there’s no way,” Sarah said, climbing into the back seat of Liz’s car. “I don’t have the money and my mom says it’s my fault because I let Priscilla wreck my stuff.”

Liz pulled away from the house as she cried harder.