Through the Windshield Glass (5 page)

Daman stared at
me with cold eyes, my pep talk had been a little short on pep apparently, “I
have no future, I’m dead.” Daman turned on his heel and started to stalk away
from me.

Before I died I
was shy, I wouldn’t have even talked to a guy like Daman in the first place,
let alone chase after him when he walked away from me. But things change when
you don’t have to live with the consequences of your actions. I grabbed Daman
by the arm and swung him around to face me.

“Explain to me
how you’re such a terrible person again. Because you haven’t done a very good
job so far. You protected your mother against her abusive boyfriend and saved a
girl’s life. That’s not being terrible, that’s called being an extremely modest
hero!” I argued.

Daman stopped,
“I’m not a hero, I’m a guy who defended the only person to ever care about me,
and took a bullet from a gun pointed at an innocent human being. Who wouldn’t
do that?”

“You are a
hero!” I protested, “Most kids when they see someone, even their parents
getting hit, just sit in the shadows and wait it out hoping it will get better.
And most kids definitely wouldn’t stand up to take a bullet for someone they
didn’t even know!”

“I should’ve
known her,” Daman said, “I sat next to her in that class for a whole semester
and I barely even knew her name. Maybe if I had tried harder people wouldn’t
have thought she was such a freak! I was semi-popular, I could’ve been her
friend, and none of this would’ve happened!” Daman yelled, “I ruined my life
and my mother’s life, and nearly ruined that girl’s in the process. At least I
did something to redeem myself.”

That was an
argument I hadn’t expected, “Apparently, you wouldn’t have ruined my life,” I
said. Daman pulled in his lips and looked at me thoughtfully. He sat down on
the ground and looked up at the sky, squinting in the bright sun.

“I would have
ruined it eventually,” Daman replied.

I sat down in
front of him, and looked him straight in the eyes, something I used to only do
if forced, “I don’t think you would have. I think the only reason you’re
blaming yourself for everyone else’s problems is because you can’t think of
anyone else to blame, and I think if you figure that out and accept it you’ll
be just fine.”

Nagging,
somewhere in the back of my mind, was the thought that I was walking into a
trap. My mom had always warned me about being a fixer, she told me to watch out
for the kinds of relationships that would take more from me than I got back.
But I pushed the thought back, somehow I knew that this wouldn’t be one of
those relationships, I was certain, I wouldn’t let it happen to me.

“It’s really
too bad you died, Alice,” Daman said, “you would have made a great mother,”

That sentence
panged me. The only one who knew how badly I wanted to be a mom one day was
Lacey. I wouldn’t be able to raise a family and watch my kids grow up. It hurt
my heart to think about, so I stopped. I changed the subject.

“What did you
see when I was watching your life,” I asked.

“Enough to know
that you were a wild child who should have done time,” Daman said
sarcastically. It occurred to me then that I hadn’t known he was capable of
cracking jokes. It didn’t fit with the brooding brow and the angry personality.
The tone seemed a rare anomaly akin to lightning storms in space.

“Oh yeah,” I
said, with a wave of the hand, “My parents didn’t know what to do with me, I
was just too crazy.”

Daman actually
laughed at this. It was a good sound to hear, but I was surprised how quickly
he went from depressed to jovial. It almost felt like he was trying too hard to
be forlorn, like he was trying to win me over by appealing to my sensitive
side. That was irritating, I felt manipulated, but I was somehow still
intrigued by him.

“Really,” I
said, “What did you see?”

Daman sobered
again and looked at me, “I saw exactly what I’m seeing now. A girl who cared so
much about everything else around her that she forgot about herself. A girl who
didn’t understand her own worth and never noticed how many guys were always
following after her, even if they hadn’t forgotten about her since the sixth
grade.”

Butterflies,
cotton-head, blah, blah, sweet words. I felt so stupid! Daman Carter, I
should’ve remembered, I should’ve seen that shy little boy in this broken down
man, but I didn’t. Daman was in my sixth grade class. He stuck up for me on the
playground when a bully tried to tell me where to play. He got a black eye for
me, and I couldn’t even do him the courtesy of remembering who he was.

It was odd,
until Daman said something about it, I hadn’t remembered that day on the
playground. It was as though he had planted the memory in my head at just the
right moment, but I knew that couldn’t be true.

“I’m sorry,” I
said, burying my face in my hands, “I should’ve remembered you!”

“Don’t worry
yourself about it, my eye healed nicely and you shared your dessert with me the
next day at lunch. It was the best brownie I’d ever tasted.” Daman said.

"I'm glad
you enjoyed it," I said with a shy smile. Suddenly exponentially
attractive Daman was slightly less obnoxious and he smiled back. His smile made
his whole face change. I don't know why, but seeing his lips curve like that,
it made me wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. I’d never been kissed
before. I’d spent most of my high school experience dreaming about it, but
obviously the opportunity never arose.

I was shocked
at my own thoughts. I barely knew this guy, why should I want to kiss him? But
the idea kept popping into my head, over and over again, and the more I thought
about it, the more I felt like that was something that I had to do; I knew it
was what I had to do.

Apparently I
wasn't the only one who was thinking that. I looked past Daman and saw James
standing behind him, puckering his lips and pointing from me to Daman. I tried
to use my eyes to signal James to leave. If I was going to do this, I didn't
want my older brother watching!

Daman saw me
looking over his shoulder and turned to see what I was making faces at. James
disappeared before Daman could see him. When Daman turned back to me, I was on
my feet, looking down at him.

"Going
somewhere?" Daman asked. I shook my head, my heart hammering in my chest.
Another downside to having bodily functions back. I'm sure Daman could see how
red I was turning and hear my heart trying to break through my ribs.

"I have an
idea," I managed to say with a somewhat steady voice, "An idea on how
to get us out of here and move on to the next door, or at least get us back to
our hallways."

Daman looked at
me, "What would that be?"

"Just
stand up," I said, despite the perfect temperature, I suddenly felt cold
and clammy all over, except for the sudden perspiration under my arms. I was
nervous, more than I had ever been. I'm surprised I didn't start
hyperventilating. I rubbed my sweating palms anxiously against my legs.

Daman stood up;
he had a very curious look on his face, "What's your idea, Alice?"

"Well,"
I started, gulping for air, why was air suddenly such a necessity? I'd been
doing fine without it for a year. I could feel my old anxiety rash starting to
spread across my chest and was grateful for the dark of the high neck of my
shirt, "I thought that maybe, you know, since we were supposed to get
married, and since the door I came through was labeled love, maybe we were
supposed to fall in love here. So maybe if we, I don't know, kissed or
something--"

In life I hated
surprises, I avoided them like the plague and I was rarely foiled. If ever I
was it drove me completely insane, but the surprise Daman offered sent my old
pet peeve running for the hills. Most likely because his interruption wasn’t
loud, it wasn't offensive, he didn't even use words. In less than a second, he
closed the gap between us, air whooshed out of my lungs, time slowed. I no
longer remembered where I was.

"I was
thinking the same thing," Daman said quietly. Then his lips were on mine.

Chapter eight

True love’s
first kiss

The bringer of
life, and in that one moment, I felt more truly alive than I ever had in life.
My blood flowed fast and precisely to each vein, my heart beat in perfect rhythm
with Daman's. I was aware that my arms had wrapped around his neck and his were
around my waist. Then suddenly, the world flashed white, the mildly friendly
feelings I had had for Daman until that point changed.
　
Now they were on fire, the thought of letting go of
Daman physically hurt.
　
I
felt like I had known him for my entire life. It was crazy and stupid, I knew
if someone told me Daman had jumped over a cliff I’d dive after him. If he
killed himself, I would be his Juliet and follow. Even as the feelings
progressed through my body I knew they were artificial, but I couldn’t ignore
them.

I wanted more,
but the white light faded, and I realized I wasn't in the park anymore. I was
back in my hallway. Across from me, where the love door used to be was now
blank wall. I could feel Daman's right hand in my left and I turned to smile up
at him. He was at least 6’ to my 5’4”, and he was perfect. This time the smile
he gave me changed his face even more. He looked radiant and happier than I
thought any person could ever look.

"I love
you, Alice Patterson," Daman whispered. My response was lost in another
earth shattering kiss.

Chapter Nine

Daman pulled me
to another door and opened it without any hesitation. Daman and I fell through;
I screamed as I landed in some grass and started rolling down a hill. When I
stopped I was dizzy, and I couldn't remember why I had ever enjoyed that as a
child. I stood up shakily, and looked for Daman, where was he?

I spun around
to look up the hill I had just rolled down. It seemed a lot longer when I was
rolling, but from where I was standing I could see it was just an averaged
sized, grass covered lump. An averaged sized, grass covered lump completely
devoid of the love of my life. Instant separation anxiety wrapped around my
chest and laughed in my ear, making my neck curl as if someone had truly
breathed into my ear canal.

“Daman!” I
yelled, cupping my hands around my mouth to make the sound go farther.

“What?” Daman
said from behind me.

I jumped and
spun around to face Daman, catching my foot on my other ankle in the process
and falling again. Daman reached out and caught me just as I was about to go
down. I felt like slapping myself on the head when I almost said, "I think
I'm falling for you."

"Next
time," I began, breathing heavily, "Warn me when you're about to open
a door."

Daman chuckled
and drew me in close, “So,” he said softly into my ear, “Do you like food?”

“What?” I
shivered at the contact.

“I know where
we are, we’re really close to where I used to live, there’s this awesome café
just about a few blocks away,” Daman replied, releasing me and holding my hand
instead.

As if on cue,
my stomach growled.

“It’s settled
then,” Daman said, and he began leading the way.

“But we don’t
have any money,” I reminded him.

Daman stopped
and pointed at the front right pocket of his jeans, there was the unmistakable
imprint of a wallet there, “On the contrary, my dear, I think we do.”

I finally
breathed a contented sigh as Daman started walking up the hill again. The grass
was a gorgeous green, the sky completely devoid of clouds and the sun was
shining down warming my skin. I thought that it might soon be too warm, but
every time I started to get uncomfortable, a cloud would mysteriously appear in
the sky just long enough for me to cool to a pleasant temperature again. Quite
simply, it was perfection.

“What’s this
café called?” I asked Daman after a few minutes of walking hand in hand.

“You know,”
Daman said, “I don’t remember. I don’t even think I knew it when I was alive.
There’s no sign, I just know it’s the best place to eat in this town.”

I shrugged, it
sounded good to me. I just needed food in my stomach before I passed out.

My stomach
growled again, Daman laughed and looked over at me.

“Will you make
it?” he asked.

“I don’t know,”
I said sarcastically, “I think I’m going to pass out right here, don’t bother
to wait for me, I’m a lost cause.”

“You can’t get
rid of me that easily,” Daman said playfully, “You’re already dead, remember?
Even if you did pass out you’d just keep waking up!”

“I’ll just have
to soldier on then I guess,” I said, feigning reluctance.

“I suppose
you’ll have to, I won’t have a man down, this mission is too important.”

By then we had
stepped onto the sidewalk next to a busy street.
　

"How much
further do we have to go?”

Daman pointed
ahead of him to a little outdoor restaurant, “That’s it,” he said.

It looked
fantastic, as we got closer I could see that my eyes hadn’t been lying, and my
nose was extremely excited about it. I could smell so many wonderful things! On
top of that, the people looked happy. The customers were mostly couples sitting
at cozy tables; smiling waiters weaved around the tables carrying trays piled
high with food of every kind. It looked too good to be true, but I didn’t
question it.

“Table for two,
please,” Daman said to the woman at the front desk. She smiled at us, her lips
were too red and her eyes were lined with kohl, but she looked friendly enough.

　
“You guys are so cute!” the
woman gushed. I blushed in spite of myself, “My name is Carmen, follow me to
your table.”