Through the Windshield Glass (36 page)

I was also
informed that everyone from the compound would soon be making their way back to
the palace. They would be allowed to choose whether or not to keep their names
and romances would no longer have to be kept secret. Max and Avery were even
planning a wedding.

Chapter Fifty-two

I tried to
focus on all the good that had happened, I tried not to think about the loss we
had all experienced, but it was hard to do. I continued to heal, Maria visited
me frequently and just as Michael had said, she was completely back to normal;
well, almost. Neither of us wanted to admit it, but something had changed.

Maria was
quieter than I remembered her, she didn't make eye contact as often, and we
rarely spoke of anything that could bring up painful memories. I could sense
that she wanted to talk things out just as badly as I did, but we were both
unwilling to be the one who started the conversation.

Finally there
was a day I was feeling well enough to leave my room and go for a long walk. I
took Maria and Michael with me to see the graves of our friends. Tiny plant
sprouts had begun to reach up out of the earth. I would have cleared them away,
but I knew Leigh would have liked the decoration.

The three of us
stood in silence for quite some time staring down at the gravestones Roan and
Avery had painstakingly made.

"I'm not
angry, Alice," the light breeze seemed to carry Leigh's feather-light
heart and personality on it as I felt her words embrace me.

I'd known she
wasn't angry with me, hadn't I? She died with a smile on her face; and yet I
couldn't help remembering that her death was a direct result of saving my life.

I closed my
eyes and breathed in deeply, the wind still carried hints of ash from the mass
burning of demon bodies.

So much life
had and would come from my friends' deaths; my brain knew that, but
my heart ached for everyone I had lost. I wasn't just thinking of those whose
graves I was staring at either. Images of my family kept appearing around every
corner in the palace and I had even stopped once we were outside because
　
my eyes tricked me into seeing
Lacey's black hair flick around a corner. I'd only continued when Maria gently
grabbed my hand and pulled me along with her.

After about ten
minutes of silent staring at the headstones Michael announced he needed to go
make sure that Roan was eating, leaving Maria and I standing in awkward
silence. Leigh's breeze picked up again, delicate fingers tickled my hand and
nudged me gently towards Maria.

"Are you
angry, Alice?" Leigh's voice asked. She was sitting there on the greens
covering her grave looking at me expectantly. The wind laughed again, Leigh
smiled and tugged at the hem of her perfectly clean white dress, "If
you're angry you can't smile."

A ladybug
landed on Leigh's hand, "It's good luck if she flies away," Leigh
whispered as she inspected the beetle closely. Without warning, the bug took
flight, "Goodbye, Alice!" Leigh exclaimed. She jumped off the ground
and ran after her fleeing friend.

"Fly away
home, Leigh," I murmured.

"What?"
Maria asked quickly.

"Nothing,
I--" I couldn't explain.

"I knew
all of them," Maria remarked quietly, "I could understand and
recognize people, Scarlett and her brothers were always so nice to me, Roman
was always helping me find my way, and Leigh--"

Maria's voice
caught at Leigh's name, she didn't have to finish the sentence for me to
understand what she meant to say. Reflex and deep memory took over, I pulled
Maria into me as she finally allowed herself to mourn the loss of her friends.

"I'm so
sorry, Alice," Maria whispered into my shoulder when she had collected
herself enough to speak, "You must hate me. I'm the reason you're dead, I
was so stupid and selfish and this whole time you've done nothing but take care
of me!"

Maria's words
hit me in the stomach and left me breathless with shock, "I could never
hate you," I replied slowly.

Maria stepped
away, and looked me dead in the eye, "I killed you."

It was more of
a challenge than a statement, she wanted me to be mad at her, she wanted me to
rage and scream and hate her for what she had done, but despite everything that
had happened because of her decision, I couldn't do it.

"You did
not kill me," I said forcefully, "A drunk driver did. Besides, it's
hard to think of this as death, I've done more here than I ever did in life. I
don't hate you, how could I? If I had waited at your house like I was supposed
to I would still be 'alive', still mourning you, and still not knowing what it
was like to live. I think the soul purpose of this place isn't to be a relief
from life, it's to show you what you missed so there are no regrets when you
truly move on."

Maria collapsed
into desperate tears again, "This whole time I've been so terrified that
you hated me because of what I did! I was sure as soon as I came out of being
so lost you would drop me and never speak to me again."

"Do you really
think I would do that?" I asked incredulously, "After all you did for
me, you think that I would just forget you?"

Maria sniffled
and flicked hair out of her eyes before responding, "I was just
scared."

"You
shouldn't have been," I returned coldly. It was silly of me to be
offended, but I felt wounded that after what I had done for Maria she would
still be afraid that I'd just leave her alone.

"I'm
sorry," Maria breathed. Instantly, all anger and offense dissipated. I
would have thought the same things had I been trapped as she was. Each day must
have been agony for her, she could do almost nothing for herself and had to
rely on the kindness of others to stay fed, clothed, and bathed. In essence she
had returned to a child-like state; and although most of her physical and
mental capacities had been restored to her, she was still posessed by her
juvenile fears of abandonment.

Just like that
our friendship was mended, it was inexplicable and totally out of the blue, but
there was no denying it. Arm in arm, Maria and I walked back to the palace
smiling. I for one, felt more content than I had in my entire existence.

Chapter Fifty-three

The influx of
people into the palace was astounding. I had not realized just how many people
had been living at the compound until I was suddenly in charge of finding them
all new places to stay. Not everyone had left the old place, too many had
become agoraphobic and refused to leave the safety of their thick walls and
artificial skies. Those who did choose to leave were eager for a change, most
immediately began going by the names they had been christened with, no longer
afraid of the power others might possess over them because of it.

Kinga's
superstitions had been somewhat correct. True names were powerful, but not because
using one was like uttering a spell. It was more like by knowing someone's real
name, a person could really begin to understand someone. Memories could be
shared and closeness would make eventually make them vulnerable. Kinga had been
unable to see that the vulnerability she so feared could have been her biggest
asset. She might have tried kissing Daman for the shock factor, it would've
saved a lot of lives.

Every day I
watched for a sign of James or Rebecca, but my search was in vain. I felt
almost certain James was still trapped in his hall and there was no telling if
Rebecca would be in any kind of shape to travel. Dozens of the smartest and
bravest minds we could find were working on figuring out how to get rid of the
halls, but to no avail. It seemed as though the hateful things might be in
place permanently.

Maria was
heading up a new search party for the lost door when she bumped into a woman in
the courtyard. I watched from a high window as Maria and her mother embraced
and fell crying to the earth. I had to turn away before my own tears of longing
blurred my vision and someone caught me staring out a window again.

I hadn't seen
much of Michael since the day at the graves. He'd been extremely busy helping
Katelyn find newcomers places to stay, and making dozens of trips back to the
compound to urge more people to leave. I understood that he had more important
things to do than keep me company all day, but I couldn't help but miss him. I
still had doubts about our relationship, each time anything had happened
between us either he or I had been in such an emotional rut it was hard to say
if the happenings were true feelings or an outlet for our overflowing emotions.
Or simply Leigh's artful persuasion.

My questions
were all answered in one whirlwind moment one day as I was helping Maria and
her mother clean up after a meal. A tap on my shoulder pulled me from the
intoxicating movement of my own hands scrubbing a nasty stain off of a long
table.

"What is
it, Mrs. Cole?" I asked agitatedly. Wendy Cole had made it a habit of
tapping me on the shoulder before asking my permission to do just about
anything; she had even asked my leave to sneeze once. She still hadn't made it
to the point where she was able to think for herself and had taken to using me
as her informant in all things.

"Last I
checked, I wasn't a Mrs.," a familiar voice said. I coud hear the smile in
my brother's voice before I saw it on his face.

"Jamie!"
I squealed before hugging him tightly and refusing to let go, "Where were
you? You didn't go through all the doors did you?" I shot my questions
like bullets into James' chest.

I felt James
draw breath as though he were going to answer, but someone beat him to it,
"We figured out the hallways. There was a door in Daman's room that
connected to all of them. As soon as we opened it people started pouring
through by the thousands."

I hadn't
noticed Michael standing behind James,
"The
door?" I asked.

Michael shook
his head, "It's just an entrance, not an exit. As long as we leave it open
people just have to walk through it; no extra doors."

"You found
Michael?" I asked James.

"No,"
James replied, "He found me. I was asking about you and he brought me
straight here."

I walked over
to Michael and beckoned him with a finger down to my level, "Thank you,"
I said. I kissed him on the cheek and watched as his face turned red where my
lips had touched him.

"It was--I
didn't really--" Michael stuttered out. I made my decision right there in
that moment. I didn't care if Michael didn't know how he felt or what he
wanted; I knew. I threw everything, caution, dignity, pride, shame, to the wind
and moved from Michael's cheek to his mouth. He was so surprised he drew away
for a half a second and I had the sickening feeling of plummeting to the ground
with a faulty parachute.

"I--"
I started, then something caught me in my free fall. First, just a tentative
pull as my parachute struggled to open before blooming explosively, jerking me
up before allowing me to float gently to the ground. The kiss wasn't earth
shattering, it was life-saving.

James began
whistling nonchalantly behind me and I felt myself begin to blush, "Um,
I--" I started, but I was cut off by Roan rushing into the room.

"We think
we found it!" Roan announced breathlessly.
　

"Where?"
Michael and I asked in unison causing us both to blush again. Roan raised a
curious eyebrow before he answered.

"It's in
the courtyard," Roan replied.

"Impossible!"
Maria exclaimed throwing her rag down on a nearby table, "I went over that
place more than a dozen times, there's nothing there but ash!"

"Ash and
flowers," Roan said. Understanding jolted each of us into running from the
room and down to the courtyard.

The whole time
I was silently criticising myself for not realizing sooner. The courtyard was
the only logical place in the palace to put something like the door; and where
better to hide it than in plain sight? I'd stood right in front of it while
Daman and I were married.

The courtyard
was already flooded with people, all staring at the arch covered in flowers at
the end of the charred aisle.

"What are
they waiting for?" I asked Roan, "Why hasn't someone taken the
flowers down yet?"

"They're
waiting for you," Roan replied, "Everyone agreed you should be the
one to do it."

"But why?
I didn't kill anyone or do anything, I just got a few broken ribs and a scratch
on my throat," I protested.

Roan threw his
hands up in mock innocence, "It wasn't my choice, and these people don't
seem like they're going to change their minds."

I looked around
at the surrounding crowd to test Roan's theory, I was disappointed to see he
was right. The faces of the people were set, and unchanging. They had been
through so much they weren't in the mood to fight any longer about who should
be the one to reveal their salvation; they just wanted someone to do it and get
it over with so they could finally have peace.

I swallowed and
approached the arch. The aisle crunched excitedly under my feet, the sun wafted
gently down onto the flowers, making them look ethereal and untouchable. When I
reached the arch and touched the petals I was amazed to see that despite the
fire and time that had passed, the flowers were still blooming in a spectacular
array of colors. I couldn't name a single bloom, but they were all at once
beautiful and eerie.

"Pull it
down!" a voice shouted from somewhere. The request was met by many seconds
and cheers of encouragement, but a small voice stopped me.

"If you
tear it down, you will have no way out," the voice said. A sudden rustling
behind me caused me to turn around in surprise, I hadn't thought anyone else
heard the voice.