Through the Windshield Glass (16 page)

Chapter Twenty-three

Three days
passed, I took care of Maria and she came to recognize me for the most part. We
saw Mrs. Cole a few times in the kitchen. Her movements were dull and sad,
defeated. She wouldn't meet my eyes, but I felt her gaze chasing Maria and I as
we got our food and sat down to eat.

I still hadn't
attempted a trip outside. For one thing I was terrified that all of this really
was just another door and if I went outside I'd end up back in the hallway
waiting for some kind of inspiration on how to get out again.

Deep down I
knew I wasn't just in a door, everything here was too real, and all my
experiences in the doors had been brief and to the point. It had taken mere
seconds to fall in love with Daman, and I'd only gone through misery for a
little more than a day.

I had been more
than a week in this ‘Beyond’ place and still hadn’t gone anywhere or done
anything of importance. I did nearly the same thing every day expecting a
different result. I believe that is the definition of insanity, I was closer
than I ever had been in the hallway. I was experiencing cabin fever like never
before.

Now that I was
around Maria constantly I longed to talk to someone else. My mind frequently
drifted to Michael and conversations I might have with him. I could tell from
the brief run-ins we’d had that he would be an excellent conversationalist;
unfortunately he hadn’t come to visit me since Leigh had forced him to and I
didn’t think he would come on his own again.

Maria continued
to improve a little, by dinner on the third day she was able to eat all her
food without spilling a drop on her clothes and she had swatted my hand away
when I tried to help her get into some pajamas. Clean clothes kept appearing
whenever they were needed, every time I changed or helped
　
Maria change we'd just drop the
soiled clothes on the ground and by morning or when we got back from the next
meal they'd be gone.

It was
something of a miracle, had something like that happened when I was alive I
would have worried that I was being haunted by a strangely unobtrusive ghost
maid. However, since I was already dead I didn’t think there were ghosts to
haunt anymore; it was inexplicable that clothes—in my taste even—would show up
when needed, and I just had to accept that.

Eventually
though, I got accustomed to the appearance of the clothing, my oddly clean
room, the lighting, and the way my door worked. I needed something new and
exciting to keep me busy, as there had been no word on Michael’s furtive
meeting.

Finally, I got
curious enough to tell my door to give me a closet. I'd experimented with it
quietly while Maria was sleeping and I couldn't shut my brain down until dawn.
I had found that if
　
I asked
nicely or in desperation for
　
something
it would usually appear.

"I need a
closet, please," I said to the door.

As always,
there was no hint that the door had changed where it would open to, but I hoped
I would find something new behind it anyway.

I did, an empty
closet with wooden shelves and nothing more. I closed the door and tried again,
asking specifically for a closet full of clothes for Maria and I.

This time when
I opened the door I got exactly what I asked for, a gigantic closet lay before
me. Its contents displayed in a way that reminded me of a department store. I
saw the green dress Maria had worn the first day I found her; it had been
cleaned of all syrup stains and looked brand new.
　
There
were even dress clothes, including the skirt and blouse I'd been buried in.
When I saw those
　
I hid them
behind
　
a wide hoop skirt
I'd never wear without being forced or bribed heavily. I would have stayed
there for longer, or experimented with the door more, but dawn was tearing at
the edge of the ceiling and I knew Maria would be upset if she woke up and I
wasn't where she could immediately feel me.
　

I had noticed
that she responded more to touch than anything; she was more likely to
communicate when I was holding her hand or playing with her hair. Otherwise,
she stayed as quiet and reclusive as the first day. I wanted to go outside
badly, I had a thought that it might help Maria because used to run cross
country in high school. I hoped the grass and smell of the air would awaken
something inside her. I decided I'd try to take her out after lunch that day.

It wasn't hard
to convince Maria to put on a pretty floral sundress and go for a walk outside,
it was almost impossible to convince myself to try it.

I stood
　
in front of
　
my door for nearly five minutes,
holding
　
Maria's hand and
trying to push out the words that were sitting on my tongue, but
　
they wouldn't come, at least not
until I
　
asked myself
:
What would Leigh do
?

That was enough
for me to
　
speak, "I
want to go outside," I told my door, then added, "please."

The first thing
I noticed
　
was the smell of
warm grass, the scent overwhelmed me and I felt lightheaded, the sun was too
bright, and my jeans and converse immediately felt too hot for the weather.
　
Huge white walls surrounded a
courtyard of grass, small children were playing tag on the grass, sweating out
their almost unquenchable thirst for adventure. Adults were sitting in small
groups, talking and laughing, a few daring teens sat quietly with each other,
their bodies positioned in such a way as to hide the fact they were holding
hands.

It had the feel
of a normal park, but I didn't feel like I belonged, I attempted to back away
and close the door, resolving to try again tomorrow, but Maria let go of my
hand and stepped forward into the sun.

As soon as
Maria felt the natural heat touch her skin she spread her arms and tilted her
head back
　
to stare at
　
the sky. It was the most I'd
seen her respond to any kind of stimulus, she even appeared to be smiling ever
so slightly. Unexpectedly, tears sprung to my eyes, she looked like her old
self, she was acting like her old self, even for only just a moment, Maria was
back. I didn't dare touch her, I was afraid I would pull her back into her near
catatonic state if I did, so I stood next to her. A cool breeze toyed with
Maria's hair; the sun brought out its copper tones and made Maria look even
more beautiful than normal.

In that
instance I remembered the jealousy I had always felt for Maria's easy beauty,
but it didn't seem so important here, for once I didn't want to trade places
with her. I still had my memories, I still knew my name, and I still had the
ability to take care of myself, whereas Maria had returned to the state of a
very young child, unable to accomplish even some of the simplest tasks.

After a while
Maria laid back in the grass with her eyes closed, her hair spread like a halo.
A chill flitted up my spine as I remembered the day Maria had died; I couldn't
look at her anymore with that thought in my head, so I turned to look at where
I had just come from.

All that I
could see was another massive white wall stretching up towards the sky with a
single door in the middle, not very subtle for somewhere that was supposedly
harboring the hope of Beyond. I looked up into the sky, the sun was blinding,
but there was something odd about the sky, the blue wasn't as pure as it should
have been, like I was looking at it through polarized or one-way glass.

"We're
underground," I whispered.
　

“Don’t go
spreading that fact around,” Kinga’s voice said from behind me. She was
standing next to Maria who was still lying on the ground without a care in the
world.

“Why are there
so many secrets here? Wouldn’t we be in a better position if everyone knew how
to help?” I asked. My very words were a challenge and Kinga knew it, but she
didn’t rise.

“Not everyone
is strong enough to go face to face with Alecsander,” Kinga said. She quickly
changed the subject, “where did you find Perdita?”

“Perdita?”

Kinga pointed
to Maria, “Perdita, meaning lost, where did you find her? I went to check on
her today and she was gone. Michael said she’s been improving though.”

“I found her in
a hallway, I’ve been helping take care of her, she was my best friend when we
were alive.”

Kinga nodded,
“You may continue to do so, we had been unsuccessful in even getting her
dressed when she was awake and you’ve been able to get her outside. Michael
also tells me you’ve been doing better at answering to Ira, that is very good.
Soon it will come as second nature and you will not have to fight it.”

I bit my lip to
keep myself from asking her how she could be so unfeeling, “I guess,” I said,
“would you tell me what your name was before you came here?”

“That is an
irrelevant bit of information, as it always will be. A person’s past does not
matter here, we have to constantly be looking forward to the future and if you
continue to press me or others for their earthly names I will have to assign
someone else to care for Perdita.”

I nodded stiffly;
afraid to say more for fear that Kinga would follow through on her threat.

“Why did you
call her Perdita?” I asked.

“Because she is
lost, as I said. She, like Leigh, went through all twelve doors. Everyone but
Leigh who has done that has ended up like Perdita. It is my belief that each of
the doors strips away a part of your being until you’re left like your friend;
empty and lost. Those who are lucky escape, though not all of us unscathed.”
Kinga gestured to my hand with the circle on it.

I tried not to
close my hand as I asked Kinga how she had escaped.

“I refused to
enter any of the doors. When one opened I would shut it, I’d been through hell
as a slave, I didn’t need someone else trying to break me. It went on like that
until I’d closed all the doors. The next time one opened I saw this place, I
looked around behind me and all the other doors had disappeared so I finally
walked through. I've been here ever since."

"Then how
are you a princess?" the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Because
the king was the first person I met here; he and his wife never had children
and I became the adoptive heir to the throne. We were overthrown the day I was
to be married."

"How did
the king get overthrown?"

Kinga seemed
hesitant to speak, as though she wasn't sure if I was trustworthy enough to
share this information with. I was surprised when she actually consented to
tell me, "Do not ask for more information than what I tell you.”

When I nodded
Kinga continued, "Alecsander came with his brother to the palace. He
seduced the queen away, and kidnapped the king.
　
Alecs--Alecsander
had been there long enough to recruit followers, important followers who helped
him escape. Michael and I fled and have been trying to devise a way to defeat
Alecsander ever since."

"Who was
the brother Da-- I mean Alecsander came with?"

"Michael
of course, who else would have been there that long with family?"

I tried not to
gasp. Michael was Daman's brother? I couldn't believe it, they were so
opposite, but as I thought on it I remembered all the similarities in their
appearances, the way they both ran the same hand through their hair, they even
walked the same.

“Why are you
telling me this?”

"It is
hard to believe, but what I have told you is common knowledge," Kinga
said, then added, "don’t bring it up to Michael. No one else knows that he
is Alecsander’s brother, I’m not even sure why I told you.”

I shook my head
as a sign that I wouldn't dream of betraying her, at least not to her face. I
was utterly perplexed. Kinga had seemed so hard and like nothing could shake
her. Yet when she was talking about losing the queen and king and fleeing her
home, her voice had caught. And when she'd spoken about Michael there was
tenderness in her voice, as though she truly cared about him.

And yet, I had
heard her slip on Alecsander’s name. She had called him Alecs at first, a
nickname. Stunning realization hit me as I connected that information with the
circle on her palm. Daman had gone after her too. Why hadn’t Michael proposed
Kinga as bait, she would be more than willing to do it, I knew there must be
something I was missing in the story.

"I have
some things I need to attend to. There has been a new breakthrough in the
strategies we have been developing. Maybe when you have recovered more from the
shock of being here you will prove to be an asset in the oncoming
battles."

Just like that
Kinga's facade was back. No emotion gave away anything in her voice; her words
had been just as biting and condescending as when she had reprimanded me for
talking to Mrs. Cole.

"Sure,"
was the only thing I could think of to say. Kinga nodded and went through the
door in the wall. Suddenly, I was feeling lightheaded, I joined Maria on the
ground and tried to forget everything Kinga had told me. It was impossible;
anytime Michael or Daman entered my head the other accompanied them. I would
not be able to look at Michael any longer without thinking of his brother, I
wondered if I would be able to trust him at all.

I was almost
asleep when a shadow fell over me. I opened one eye and saw Leigh looking down
at me, "I thought you were dead again," she said.

I sat up and
blinked in the sun, "No, just tired. What are you doing out here?"

Leigh put her
hands on her hips, "What do you think I'm doing? I'm here to get you, it's
almost time for the meeting."