Through the Door (24 page)

“Wow,” Eden said, looking around. Along one whole wall of the shop was a long, low table. Above the table were several shelves filled with dozens of dark, carefully labeled glass jars. In one corner was an oversized armchair with colorful blankets draped over the arms. In another corner stood an old desk and a double-stacked bookshelf, filled with various gramaryes, books of herb lore, and several volumes of Irish legends. Nuala walked over to the bookshelf and ran her fingers along the spines of the
Lebor na hUidre,
the
Book of Leinster,
and the
Lebor Gabála Érenn.
She paused at this last one, the
Book of Invasions,
which she knew told the stories of the coming of the Tuatha Dé Danann to Ériu and their great deeds, and also of their defeat at the hands of the Milesians.
We have disappeared from history,
she thought,
but not for long. They will know our names again soon enough.

“Gran, what do you mean, this is where you do your work? I didn’t know you had a job,” Eden was asking Maeve. Nuala was surprised when the woman answered truthfully.

“Well, I’m what you might call a magician of sorts,” she said.

Eden gasped. “You are?”

Maeve smiled at her. “Mmm hmm. I’m a druid, which is a little different from the magicians in your stories. But I can do some magic. Like making the world’s best peanut butter sandwiches.” She opened the bag she had brought and started slathering peanut butter onto bread. She handed the sandwich to Eden, and then started pulling jars from the shelves.

“What are you doing?” Eden asked through a mouthful of peanut butter.

“I’m making a tea for you to drink,” Maeve said. “It will help you sleep. Then when you wake up, Nuala will go back
to her home and you can go back to yours. How does that sound?”

“Good,” Eden said, and then resumed eating.

“Tell me how it works,” Nuala demanded.

“You’ll enter the sleep state on equal footing,” Maeve said, mixing and measuring various substances into a small pot. “Sometimes the two dreams blend together to form a new, shared dream. Other times one dream will dominate the other. It’s impossible to predict. As you drink the tea, concentrate as hard as you can on your memory of Tír na nÓg. Once you enter the dream state, you should be able to direct your consciousness to the thoughts and memories you’d like Eden to share.”

“How long will it last?” Nuala asked.

“Also difficult to predict,” Maeve said, “but it shouldn’t be more than a few hours.” She lowered her voice. “You’ll need to be in constant physical contact while you’re in the dream state together. To break this contact could be very dangerous. The person who is sharing the other person’s dream wouldn’t be able to find their way out of the dream. I don’t want to frighten Eden, so I’m going to ask you to just hold hands while you drink the potion and sit down. Once you’re asleep, I’ll bind your hands together so there will be no chance of the contact breaking.”

“And what’s to stop you from killing me once I’m asleep?” Nuala asked.

“Because it would kill her too,” Maeve said, handing each of them a cup.

Cedar stood in the middle of a child’s bedroom. She walked carefully around it, picked up the porcelain figure of a unicorn and set it back down, ran her hand along the frilled curtains, then finally sat on the flowered bedspread, a small pink and brown stuffed rabbit in her hands. She had just traveled three thousand miles in a single step, in a blur of wind and color, but somehow seeing this little girl’s bedroom in her own house was by far the bigger shock.

So they were right. They had all been telling the truth. The apartment was empty, save for her and Finn and Rohan. As soon as they had arrived on the shores of Halifax, Rohan had called Nevan, who was already at Cedar’s. Eden and Nuala were not there, she told him, but it looked as if they had been. Nevan had also tried to contact Maeve using telepathy. There had been no response, so she had gone to Maeve’s apartment, only to find it empty. Rohan had insisted on visiting Cedar’s place himself, and Cedar and Finn had gone along with him. He stood in Eden’s room now, watching Cedar closely.

“Is this what you saw through the sidh?” he asked.

She nodded, unable to speak. “We’re going to meet up with the others,” Rohan said, turning to leave. He paused
then, and said to Finn, “Why don’t you stay here with Cedar for a while. Your mother says, well, she is quite sure you can help her remember.” He gave Finn a significant look, and Finn nodded back, his eyes on Cedar. Then Rohan left the two of them alone.

After he was gone, Cedar looked up at Finn, who was standing in the doorway, watching her.

“What kind of a person am I,” she whispered, “that I could so easily forget that I have a daughter?”

A tortured expression crossed Finn’s face, and he sat down next to her. He took the stuffed rabbit from her hands and examined it, holding it up to his face and breathing in the scent.

“Nuala’s power is very great,” he said. “There are few of us who can resist her. Don’t blame yourself.”

She shook her head. “Nuala’s power only works when she can tap into something true. They told me that’s what happened with Jane. So it must mean that deep down inside, I don’t…want…” She couldn’t continue, but let the horrible truth hang in the air between them.

Finn wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. She didn’t resist. She was too tired, too in need of comfort. “No,” he whispered. “This is not your fault. I’m the one who left. I did everything wrong, Cedar. I left you alone, with good reason to hate me, to raise a child who reminded you of me every single day. It’s not that you didn’t want Eden. It’s that you didn’t want that constant reminder of me, of your pain. Don’t you see the difference? You love her deeply—anyone can see that.”

Cedar closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. Finn smelled just as she remembered, a mixture of honey, lime, and black
pepper. Then she smelled something else familiar, and sat up and looked around.

“What is it?” Finn asked.

“Lavender,” Cedar said. “I remember this room smelling of lavender.” She reached under the pillow and pulled out a small sachet of dried flowers. She held it to her nose and inhaled.

“You’re remembering!” Finn said. He hugged her again. When he moved to let go, she held on to him.

“Wait,” she said. She tried to relax her body as he held her in his arms. She closed her eyes again.

“I remember…looking for something. I remember feeling panicked and…desperate.”

Finn pulled her even closer. “Yes,” he said, resting his chin on the top of her head. “You were looking for Eden. Finding her was all that mattered to you.” Then he gently tilted her face up so he was looking her in the eyes. “It’s all that matters to me, Cedar. Finding Eden, and being with you. Putting our family back together. Believe me, please—it’s the only thing that has ever truly mattered to me.”

Cedar met his gaze and felt something stir deep within her. It felt like a breath of wind coming in from the ocean, and it filled her with longing for something she couldn’t quite grasp. She tried to hold on to it, but it slipped through her fingers, drifting away. As it passed, she saw in her mind a faded picture of a small girl with wild brown hair and eyes…eyes the same as those peering at her now. “Eden…” she whispered, determined to hang on to the fleeting memory.

The picture was starting to solidify in her mind when the sudden sound of shouting interrupted the silence. Cedar jumped, and the image of the girl dissolved into nothing.

Finn stood up first, and together they ran out into the hallway toward the shouts, which were coming from outside the front door. Cedar reached for the knob, but Finn pulled her behind him. “Wait,” he said. Then he opened the door to find a very irate woman with purple bangs yelling at someone Cedar didn’t recognize.

“You’re like what, twelve? I don’t know who you are, but I am Cedar’s best friend and if she’s in there, I’m going to talk to her! Don’t think that I’m scared of your voodoo or whatever the hell it is you people can do!” Jane stopped her tirade when she noticed Finn standing in the doorway.

“It’s all right, Brian,” Finn said to the young man in the hallway. He looked at Cedar and explained, “Rohan thought it would be best if one of us stood guard.”

“Ceeds, where the hell have you been?” Jane said once she had elbowed her way inside. “I’ve been calling you. And then I come over to check on you and this frakkin’ young punk tells me I can’t come in!”

Cedar gave Jane a hug, feeling ridiculously relieved to see someone from the “normal” world. She tried to look apologetic when she said, “I’m sorry, Jane, I should have called. I told you I was going to be away.”

“You didn’t say ‘away,’ you said ‘busy.’ There’s a big difference. And I’ve never known you to be so busy that you couldn’t answer your phone. You didn’t even call in to work! Don’t worry—I told everyone you were sick. So? Did you find her?” Jane asked.

“Um, no,” Cedar said, looking sideways at Finn. “But we’re getting close.”

Jane turned her attention to Finn. “Is this…?”

“Yes. Jane, this is Finn. Finn, Jane.”

Jane narrowed her eyes at Finn, who blinked and said, “I’m going to talk to Brian for a few minutes. See how guard duty is going.” He stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

“I’m sorry for not calling,” Cedar said again. “Things have been insane.”

Jane shrugged and sat down beside Cedar. “I’m just glad you’re okay. You are, aren’t you? They haven’t brainwashed you or anything?”

Cedar laughed nervously. “No, nothing like that.”

“Good,” Jane said. Then she leaned closer. “Holy crap, Ceeds, Finn is smokin’ hot. I’m just saying. But what’s going on?”Cedar faltered as she tried to answer. “Um, well, apparently he’s been living overseas all this time. But he came back to help,” she finished lamely.

“Uh-huh,” Jane said with a skeptical look. “Is it totally weird to see him again?”

“You could say that, yes,” Cedar said with a small smile. “So, how are you?”

“I’m all right. Same old. But who cares about me? Are you sure you’re okay? What have you been doing?”

Cedar thought about everything that had happened over the past couple of days—everything she could remember anyway—then shook her head. “I’m going to have to tell you later. I can’t think straight right now.”

Jane grabbed her hands and said, “You’re going to find her, Cedar. I saw what Eden can do, and she’s one smart kid. All she needs is a chance and a door, and she’ll be back here with you. Right?”

Cedar nodded mutely.

“How’s your mum holding up?” Jane asked.

“You know, I really have no idea,” Cedar said, frowning. She tried to remember the last time she had talked to Maeve. “I spoke with her yesterday morning, I guess. But she wouldn’t tell me where she was, or what she was doing. We tried to call her tonight, but she’s not answering her phone.”

Jane wrinkled her nose. “That’s weird. I mean, as if you don’t have enough to worry about.”

Cedar tried to remember her recent conversations with her mother, but they seemed hazy to her. She wondered if they had spoken about Eden, and that’s why she couldn’t remember them clearly. “I just know that she’s always hated Finn,” she told Jane. “She’s angry that I’m letting him and his parents help me.”

“Seriously?” Jane said, her face the perfect picture of indignation. “You’re her daughter.
She
should be helping you, no matter who else is. Jeez. She should at least be here with you. Although if I had someone who looked like Finn in my apartment, I wouldn’t want my mother around either.”

Cedar smiled despite her exhaustion.

“No offense, but you look like the walking dead,” Jane said. “When was the last time you slept? Do you want me to stay here with you, or to come back after Finn leaves?” She looked at Cedar knowingly. “
If
he leaves?”

“No, no, I’m good,” Cedar said, shaking her head. “Really, thank you, but I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go to bed.”

“Mmm hmm,” Jane said, unconvinced. “Well, I’m going to call you tomorrow, and answer the damn phone this time, will you? I love you. Now go to bed.” Jane gave Cedar a tight hug and let herself out.

Cedar leaned against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes. Her head was swimming, but she couldn’t give in to
her exhaustion yet. There were still too many mysteries, too many unanswered questions. She thought about her mother.
She’s hiding something, something big, but do I even want to know? Can I handle any more revelations?
She shook her head to snap herself out of it. Yes, she could handle it. She was determined to find out the truth—all of it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Finn’s reappearance. He lifted her up by her arms and stood her on her feet, saying, “You need some sleep.”

She frowned. “I don’t want to sleep. I want to figure this out. Can we go back into the girl’s room? I think I was starting to remember something before Jane showed up.”

They stood together in the center of the pink room, and Cedar tried to recall the image of the girl. Nothing happened. She picked up a copy of
Little House on the Prairie
from the dresser, examining the cover. “I loved this book as a child.”

When she looked up, she was surprised to see that Finn was grinning.

“Do you remember meeting when we were kids?” he asked.

Cedar stared at him, shocked. “We met when we were kids? When?”

He grinned at her. “You were ten years old, and scrawny as a barn cat. Not that I was much better. Remember how Nevan told you we escaped from the war in Tír na nÓg? The escape route we found was a sidh that happened to be in the cellar of Maeve’s house, the house where you grew up. That’s how she first got wrapped up with all of us. We weren’t properly introduced, of course, but I saw you there when we first arrived.”

“
What
? There was a sidh in our cellar? Did my mum know about it?” Cedar searched her memory, trying to remember a
group of strangers emerging from the cellar, but nothing came to her. How could she have forgotten something like that?