Authors: Daniel Grant
‘Nice. Bet she really appreciated that.’
‘Well if she didn’t, I’ll have it.’
‘Hmm,’ I say.
‘Fuck, are any of these guys working…excuse me mate, think we were next,’ Parker says. I shake my head. He’s so…Parker.
‘Yep, what can I get you?’ the barman says to me again.
‘Two glasses of white wine, vodka and Coke and…,’ I turn to Parker, ‘what do you want?’ Parker stares at me, his eyes narrowing.
‘Pint of Peroni,’ he says, giving me a look that says ‘you’ve known me all this time and you don’t know what I like to drink?’ I double take, then look back to the barman.
‘Another pint of Peroni,’ I say. The barman nods and gets busy. ‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘Nothing just…not my sort of place,’ Parker says.
‘Well, be happy, for Nicola. Right? It’s her birthday.’
‘Yeah okay.’
We grab the drinks. I pay. Guess how much for five drinks? No, go on have a guess? Twenty? Twenty-five? Nope…the total was twenty-nine pounds, thirty-three pence! I mean…what the hell? We find the girls who have been shown to a booth. It’s cosy but there’s not a huge amount of space. We grab our drinks and toast Nicola. A poor rendition of happy birthday peters out when Nicola starts shushing us.
‘So when you gonna pop the question, Parker?’ Keely asks.
‘Keely…’ Nicola says.
‘Uh,’ Parker says. I smile.
‘We’re not talking about that. It’s my birthday and that topic is banned,’ Nicola says. Parker glances at me. I shrug and sip my pint.
The evening progresses steadily. If I’m honest, I think we feel a little out of place amongst the great and the good of the City. When Keely comes back from buying a round of drinks, she looks like she’s just witnessed a war crime.
‘You okay?’ Rachel asks.
‘Yeah, yeah. It’s quite expensive here, isn’t it?’ she says, a poor attempt at keeping her tone light.
‘Is it?’ Parker says.
‘Yes it is. You’ll see,’ I say, smiling. I need a piss and I can’t hold it any longer. I stand and squeeze past Rachel who barely makes an effort to let me past. She’s off my Christmas list. I wander back to the bar and look for the familiar, internationally recognised male and female symbols. I spot them and head in that direction, pushing through the throngs of people. Christ, you can barely breathe it’s so packed. I stop suddenly because ahead is someone who looks exactly like Lauren. It’s difficult to see and bloody people keep walking in front of me. I frown. No, it can’t be. I carry on, pushing past another person. No, it’s not her…phew, that would have been so weird. As I get closer however, the girl who looks like Lauren starts kissing the guy she’s sitting next to. I swallow. It can’t be her. No, it isn’t her, her hair is shorter.
I continue to watch these two strangers with fascination as they go at it, full pelt. The guy isn’t wearing a suit, in fact he looks quite dishevelled. They are all over each other, she kisses him and runs her hands over his back. I see him move a hand over her breast as I catch a momentary glimpse of his tongue in her mouth. Her eyes open and I suddenly get a full view of her face. It…is Lauren. She looks different, her hair and makeup…but it is her. Oh my God. Her skirt is pulled up and although they sit in a relatively secluded spot, it still seems inappropriate. What am I saying, it’s more than bloody inappropriate. Her eyes roll back into her head, clearly enjoying every second. I want to interject, stop it, stop them from continuing but I can’t move. I’m just so…shocked. She’s supposed to be in New York. Ruling the world. Breaking the glass ceiling. She’s isn’t. She’s here…in London, sucking this guy’s face off. Whoever he is. He runs his hand through her hair and I feel a retch of sick fly up to my mouth. I catch it and swallow. What…the…fuck? Her eyes open again and she stares at him, smiling. But then, suddenly she turns and looks over to where I’m standing. She catches me staring at her. It takes a few moments for her to process who the strange man standing in the middle of the bar is. She jerks away from the guy, a glass smashing on the floor. People glance around at the noise. I stare at her, she frowns, her eyelids heavy. She’s drunk but I see the realisation creep over her face.
‘Ollie?’ her mouth says, frowning. I can’t hear her over the music and people but I recognise my name just from lip-reading. The guy turns to face me and suddenly I recognise him. It’s only Johnny fucking Dougan, the lead singer from the Time Travellers she’d said she used to date. I look from Johnny Dougan back to her, still completely unable to process what I’m seeing before me. Our eyes stare at each other for a moment longer before I turn slowly and walk towards the front door. I hear a raucous behind me as she tries to push Johnny away.
‘Ollie…’ This time I do I hear her behind me. I don’t react as I walk, now in slow motion, towards the exit. Each step feels heavier than the last, I glance over to Parker and Nicola, catching Parker’s eye. He frowns. I get to the door, Lauren’s high heels clip-clopping on the floor behind me. I yank the door open and step outside.
‘Ollie, Ollie wait!’ Lauren shouts. I stop but don’t turn around. I hear her walk up behind me. A deafening silence between us. I glance down at the cracks in the pavement.
‘I…I’m so sorry,’ she says. ‘Please, let’s just…let’s just talk.’ I turn slowly and look at her. I want to swear, to shout, to punch something but shock is the only real emotion I’m feeling. Then clarity finds my mind as everything orders itself.
‘Don’t. Ever, come near me. Again,’ I say, my eyes burning. Her eyes fill up at my words. Her lips start to tremble. I turn and walk towards the tube station.
‘I’m sorry. I’M SORRY! Ollie! OLLIE!’ she screams. I don’t look back, focused on getting as far away from her as possible. All that time. All those moments we shared. I believed it all. How busy she was. The job in New York. My God, I’m so stupid. Of course it would end like this, it’s so obvious. I’m momentarily confused as to why I’m upset. I carry on regardless, I need to get to the tube. The City rings out with the sounds of drunken people and distant pub music.
‘Hey!’ I hear a male voice behind me and shoes hitting the pavement, gaining on me. Parker. I don’t stop. ‘Hey, hey…’ he reaches me, out of breath, and puts his hand on my shoulder. I shove it away. ‘Okay…what just happened? Was that Lauren?’ I turn, face him and nod. ‘What happened? I thought she was in New York.’ I shrug, trying to form the words.
‘Nope. She’s here, kissing Johnny Dougan,’ I say, surprisingly calmly.
‘What?’
‘In the bar, just now. I went to the toilet and I saw her. Right in front of me. Kissing him.’
‘Shit, man.’ I shake my head.
‘All that time…when she said-’
‘Don’t think about it. What a fucking bitch. I’m gonna talk to her, tell her exactly-’
‘Don’t. Just, leave it alone,’ I say. Parker shakes his head and looks back towards the bar. He breathes out and nods.
‘What do you want to do?’ he says.
‘I’m going home.’
‘Then I’m coming with you.’
‘No, it’s fine. It’s Nicola’s birthday.’
‘So? My best mate has just been royally shat on. You are not going home by yourself tonight. Probably find you hanging from the ceiling,’ Parker says, taking out his phone. He dials a number.
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ I say. At least, I don’t think I’d ever kill myself.
‘Uh huh,’ he replies, ‘hi baby, it’s me. Listen something’s happened…Lauren was just in the pub, kissing someone else…’ as he says it, my stomach drops again. The power of hearing those words. ‘Yeah…I’m gonna stay round his, okay…okay. Yeah…’ I barely hear the words, my mind replaying over and over the image of Lauren and Johnny. Fucking Johnny Dougan. She said they were just friends. I hear an ambulance siren in the distance. I find myself hoping it’s for Lauren. No, I don’t mean that. But…how could she? ‘Yeah, okay…bye,’ Parker says. I stare at the pavement again, tears welling in my eyes. It’s too much to try and hide it. Parker puts his arm around me. ‘Come on dude. Let’s get you home.’
I gradually become aware of my surroundings. I’m in my bed, the curtains are pulled. I blink and rub the sleep out of my eyes. I feel drunk. What on earth did I have to drink last night? How did I even get back here? And then the memories fly back to me. Lauren. Johnny. Hands. Hair. Lips. I sigh, pull the covers off and find my dressing gown.
I walk into the kitchen to find the Nescafe jar out and two cups sitting on the worktop. I switch the kettle on and get some milk from the fridge. Parker is at the door, already dressed.
‘Hey,’ he says.
‘Hi,’ I reply.
‘How you feeling?’
‘Like shit,’ I say. He nods.
‘I can do this,’ he says. I let him. He puts two sugars in each cup and pours the water into the mugs followed by a dash of milk. He hands me a mug and I follow him into the living room. We sit down. I look up towards the window.
‘I still can’t believe she did that,’ Parker says. I nod.
‘Yeah.’
‘I mean really. I was thinking about it last night. Who does that? Who plays some massive elaborate game about going to New York and you coming over and long distance Skype bullshit when all the while she’s fucking about with that Johnny arsehole?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say and I mean it. I have no explanations. No answers. After all the shit with Svetla and now this. I’m right back where I started. ‘You know what pisses me off most? Apart from the obvious. I let her in. I let her get to me. At the beginning, I really wasn’t that into it, you know? I know she’s gorgeous and everyone stares at her when she walks into a room but I really was pretty indifferent to it all. I just wanted to get over Svetla and she seemed like a good idea.’
‘Yeah,’ Parker replies, nodding slowly. I take a sip of coffee. ‘So maybe you got from her what you needed?’ I frown. ‘You needed to get over Svetla and Lauren was the person to do that.’
‘Yeah but all I’ve done is swap Svetla for Lauren. I haven’t progressed, haven’t evolved. Same shit, different person.’
‘Maybe you just need to take some time to yourself? I dunno, go travelling or something?’
‘Maybe,’ I say. I sigh again.
‘Or you could try and talk to Ashley?’ he says. I glance at him and frown.
‘What for?’
‘I dunno, she was always good at this sort of stuff.’
‘You know what happened between us?’
‘Yeah-’
‘She won’t want to talk to me.’
‘Could try, what harm can it do?’
‘I think I need to stay away from women for a while. Bad for my health.’
‘Amen to that,’ he says. My phone rings from my bedroom. I glance over to Parker. ‘Don’t answer it.’ I stand up. ‘Hey, seriously don’t answer it.’
‘I’m not going to,’ I reply, heading to my bedroom. The phone ring gets louder as I walk into my bedroom. Sure enough the display reads ‘Lauren Calling…’ I wait for it to stop.
‘Is it?’ Parker calls from the other room.
‘Yep,’ I say, walking back into the living room.
‘She leave a message?’
‘Not yet.’ We both wait expectantly for the voicemail notification beep. I glance over to Parker, he shrugs. Hmm. Maybe she didn’t leave one. Even that’s a bit shit. BEEP! It almost makes me jump.
‘You want me to listen to it, give you the edited highlights?’ Parker says.
‘No, cheers.’ I listen to the voicemail. It’s Lauren’s voice but she sounds shaky, nervous, unsure.
‘Hi. It’s me. Look I know you must be…so angry with me. And I know there’s no excuse for what I did…(long pause)…I just, umm…I’ve been having a bit of a shitty week or so and…not that that’s your problem but Johnny was just there and I was weak.’ She clears her throat. ‘Anyway…I just wanted to say please give me a chance to at least explain myself. If, after that, you don’t want anything more to do with me I’ll understand but…yeah. Okay. Take care.’ The click on the other end signifies her ending the message.
‘Well?’ Parker asks. I look over to him and sigh.
‘She says she’s sorry and she was having a hard week.’ Parker snorts at that.
‘Oh right, so it’s a hard week when you find yourself in the wrong city getting it on with the wrong guy. That’s so crap, doesn’t even deserve a response.’
‘Yeah. Unless I’m the wrong guy,’ I reply, still in a trance.