Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life (8 page)

So complaining repetitively can become a wired thing in your brain, deep and harmful. We can all think of someone who seems incapable of speaking without complaining. The good news is that by controlling mentality, the damage does not have to be permanent. Even better news is that in the second part of this book, we will spend time on rewiring our neurons to the way we
want
them to be and completely reversing the damage already done.

The tendency for Americans to complain comes partly from a chronic sense of disappointment. Americans are naturally outgoing and optimistic. Expectations are generally high. If you have been to the United Kingdom, you’ll understand the contrast with British pessimism.

Americans are the only people who are genuinely surprised and disappointed when politicians do not keep their promises. In other countries, people are just relieved if their leaders get through their terms of office without being mired in a sadomasochistic sex scandal. Americans expect the economy always to be growing, house prices to rise continuously, and everyone to be better off in the future than they are now. Because life is a series of peaks and valleys, it sets up a rollercoaster of feeling excited and let down. It is important to recognize this because the trip to success is more undulating than linear.

As an Englishman who moved to America, however, I have a different perspective and find little to complain about. I have
lived in five states, each one a different cultural experience. If I don’t like the weather, I can simply move to a place with a better climate instead of complaining all the time about the one I inhabit. No one dictates where I have to reside. I need no visa to move.

Education is available to all. Everyone can get a degree, even if it is in hamburger technology. Those with degrees in hamburger technology become professional servers. This is the only nation that has waiters who smile when they serve food. Go to England or France and then complain to the waiter that your food is a little cold and see what happens. Go to Spain and tell the maître d’ that you are tired of waiting for service. You’ll be seated at your table a year from now. Americans have service down to a fine art.

Restaurants deliver quality food to your front door at night and on a Sunday! Stores are open when people need them, like after office hours. Grocery stores burst with a mind-boggling variety of foods. The checkout people are friendly, and someone packs your groceries into bags for you. On top of that, sales tax is less than 20 percent, which is the rate in more than thirty-six countries around the globe!

When I left England, not only did I have to pay 18 percent sales tax on everything, but my income tax was at a rate of 48 percent with 8 percent compulsory national insurance. For every £100 I earned, I could only purchase £26 worth of groceries with the disposable income I had left. Now, that is reason to complain. In America, however, I live in a state with no income tax and a sales tax under 9 percent, but everyone I know complains about their taxes.

When I go to a public place in America, no one is allowed to attempt to kill me with cigarette smoke. I can walk on the sidewalk without being ankle deep in litter, or having to dodge presents left by dogs. Cursing is practically a capital offence,
and nudity is not allowed at the beach. (Okay, so not everything in America is better.)

Gasoline is a fraction of what it costs in European countries, and Americans can have a car for each foot. I can drive almost anywhere. I can effectively live my whole life in a car, never starve, and end it at a drive-through funeral parlor.

Best of all, an immigrant like me, one with no identifiable skill, can come up with an idea to start a business. I can succeed simply because I have control of my mentality. No one cares from which class of society I came. No one minds if I had the right schooling or family connections, which are so vital in other countries. In America, absolutely anyone can do and be anything they choose. What is there to complain about?

What happened to the American pioneering spirit, the cando attitude? Almost everyone reading this book will have ancestors who came from somewhere else, clothed in little more than a will to succeed. Where did that spirit go that is so rarely seen in America today? Everyone seems afraid to get out of the quicksand these days.

I came to America believing in the possibility of the American dream. It was a while before I bought a television or newspaper, so I never heard all the people complaining about the dream being dead. If you ask me, the American dream is alive and well. You do, however, have to get out of the quicksand to find it and live it.

Here is a simple task that will open your eyes. Tomorrow, make a conscious effort not to join in all the complaining or to start a complaint yourself. When you hear someone complain, tune out. Turn the radio station to a positive channel. Avoid the coffee station at work, and go get some fresh air at lunchtime. When anyone around you tries to bait you with a chronic complaint, smile and excuse yourself. When someone on the phone is complaining of a health or other problem, make a quick excuse and put down the receiver. Don’t get sucked into a negative discussion,
just for this single day. At the end of the day, compare how much more energy you have that day to the day before. Check your mood in the evening. Don’t you feel happier and lighter? Don’t you feel like you really could reinvent yourself today?

        The first step toward recovery is to recognize when you are about to complain. Every time you feel a complaint coming on, no matter how trivial, stop yourself. You cannot delete a thought, but you can have a better thought. When you catch yourself in the middle of a complaint, stop, and then reach for a better thought. My wife used to go window-shopping with a friend. Looking at something she desired, her friend would always comment, “Oh, that’s nice, but I could never afford it. It is crazy to spend that much on a piece of clothing. Look, that’s a whole month’s wages. Insane!”

        Like me, my wife knows to control her state of mind. She would pause before commenting, “That will look wonderful with my black trousers, when I can afford to buy it.” If you were to visit both homes and inspect the closets, you would see the outcome of this small change in mapping thoughts out on her tongue. My wife has beautiful clothes. Her friend still shops at the thrift store and bemoans the fact that she cannot buy nice things. There is nothing wrong with that, but it does not have to be her experience.

        One of the hardest places to be aware of your mentality is during spontaneous conversation. First, you must
catch yourself in the act of negativity and stop the words of complaint before they come out. Then consciously replace what the
old you
would have said. Imagine you have just walked into the office:

    
The energy created by this early morning exchange is low. Misery loves company, and the two of you feel like comrades, united by a common dislike of the weather and Jim. Read it again and you will count twelve complaints in that one small exchange. We have dozens of conversations like this every day. Knowing the importance of mentality, the
new you
would take control of the situation this way:

        The difference in energy created for you is remarkable. The language is positive, the images and thoughts creative. You will not feel as bonded to your colleague, and don’t be surprised if he tries to bring your energy down later. Right now, he thinks aliens have taken over your body. You will, however, feel your day is off to a better start. If you consciously try to control a dozen conversations a day, reaching for positive words and thoughts as often as you can, you will create a storehouse of powerful energy.

        We are not trying to be perfect. We all trip up and fall back to the habit of complaining. Whenever I play or watch my favorite sport, which is soccer, I seem to leave everything I know about
Three Simple Steps
behind. To err is human. It happens. When it happens, smile and start afresh. Treat it like a game.

        If I am leaving the house and the thought comes to mind that the weather sucks, I immediately input a different image. A picture of a lazy summer day spent lying beside a babbling stream flashes in my mind. Imagination is our savior. Replace every negative thought with a positive image. It takes only a moment.

        Keep in mind that those around you feel comfortable in the company of a fellow complainer. If you try to stop them, you will likely succeed only in alienating yourself. In effect, you’ll give those people more to complain about because they will target you. When trapped in the midst of complainers at a business meeting or a social engagement, simply choose silence. Let their words float by while you think of something more pleasant like a lovely day at the beach, the feel of your favorite pet’s coat, or the soft kiss of a loved one. Eventually, people will stop trying to draw you in because you don’t react the way they expect and need you to react. Like-minded people attract each other, and opposites repel. Before long, your common circle of associates will be refreshingly different.

        When people around you start criticizing someone or something and you can escape, excuse yourself and take a break somewhere quiet. If possible, go outside for fresh air. Think of something pleasant before returning. Remember, your life is at stake. You have to take this seriously. Don’t let the negative influences of
others pull you back into the quicksand. Often, I have stood up from a meeting table and turned to look out through a window while the complainers continue to vent their feelings behind me. It is a bit like breaking a séance circle, and the complaining soon stops. When it does, I sit back down.

        Imagine an invisible shield like a glass cloak descends from the sky and lightly covers your whole body. You can see perfectly well through it, and only you know it is there. It is made of the highest positive energy. Nothing anyone says can penetrate it. Negative emotions simply bounce off. You can imagine their words hitting it and exploding into meaningless letters. Their complaints disintegrate into nothing. No one in that room can get thoughts or images through to impact your state of mind.

        This technique is used by many of the world’s top athletes to protect themselves from the negative energy of a hostile crowd. I find it particularly useful in business settings. I never enter a meeting room without my shield in place. I also use it frequently around certain friends and family members who can be the source of most of the chronic complaints in my life.

        Mentally retreat to a private, special place in your imagination. For me, this is a ribbon of soft, white sand about one hundred yards across, arcing through a turquoise lagoon. While appearing interested in whatever sights and sounds are before me, I can walk my two miles of sand. I find this technique useful if stuck in the company of complainers at a dinner or while commuting and traveling. It
especially helps when something in my travel schedule goes awry. If a plane is delayed on the runway, for instance, I retreat to my island while everyone around me gets more and more heated and negative.