Three Round Towers (22 page)

Everything she said was planted like a seed in my head and though I continued to live my life as before, the seed took root. I later learned that Aunt Tilly was delivered to the great hulking ship that would make its way to a different, unknown, world. Many times I thought of it, imagining the squalor, the disease and cruelty amongst those who had nothing to lose. I hoped she would succumb and die and with that her power over me would end. But it was too late, the seeds were putting out shoots.

Cecilia had had enough of her mother and she was coming home to South Farm. We had a letter delivered by special messenger to say that she was arriving by carriage but two days hence. I hurried to the farm and met with Farmer Elwood who was in a considerable fluster. I didn't have time to ask the whys and wherefores, we just set to and spring-cleaned her rooms. The cradle that Beth had used was freshened up and I threaded pretty ribbons all through its woven structure. When the room was cleaned to my satisfaction I left some soaps, oils and herbs to make everything smell beautiful. By my reckoning, Cecilia would be about seven and half months gone in her pregnancy so to make such a journey was, to my mind, a mite reckless but I knew her mother would ensure that she was well cared for.

The morning of her arrival was a Saturday and Farmer Elwood, Dr Grieve and I were all waiting anxiously. The doctor and I had prepared some simple remedies for calming, just in case, but they were not needed as she arrived in a large coach, with a nurse, and in blooming health. She looked so happy as the coach drew up but Farmer Elwood was even happier. Carefully she was handed down from the carriage and she clung to her husband's arm as she made her way up the steps and into her home.

Dr Grieve and I returned to Lewes for Cecilia, though blooming, was in need of rest after her long journey and she clearly wanted to spend time alone with her husband. We said our goodbyes with promises of visiting the very next day when I would take Beth, who was more than a little excited at the prospect.

We had so much to talk about: my adventures, Cecilia's escape from her domineering and over-protective mother, Beth's accomplishments and John Elwood's loneliness which had played a big part in bringing about Cecilia's early return.

‘Tell me again how Wilf proposed to you and when you will be married,' she said.

I laughed, delighted to dwell on the wonderful moment when we had agreed to marry.

‘What about the girl that he was supposed to be seeing?'

‘I don't know, I didn't think they were actually together, perhaps you know more than me.'

‘Oh, I am sure I don't – if nothing has been said then there must have been nothing in it.'

She changed the subject, enquiring about Mrs Makepiece and Miss Wardle.

It was only later that I wondered if I should ask Wilf about the young woman who Cecilia thought he had been seeing. I didn't want to tempt fate though so I put it uneasily to the back of my mind.

Some days later Cecilia asked if I would return to South Farm to help her and to be on hand if Dr Grieve was not available. At first I didn't know what to say – I was enjoying my life in Lewes where I was fully occupied and useful but I owed them so much. I wondered how I could stay at South Farm but continue working for the doctor during the day, and then what would I do with Beth?

I had been very involved in helping the doctor with his mothers-to-be and with the book learning I had done I felt that I could manage to deliver a baby on my own, providing there were no complications. Many times I thought back to Becca's experience of birth, alone and with no care or comforts. Locally, most women were delivered without a doctor present but they tended to be those who would prefer a local woman as midwife. Lewes had several such women and in the main they did very well but who was to say how many of their losses, mother, babe, or both, were down to lack of skill, poor conditions or complications. Losses in childbirth were accepted as part of everyday circumstance. The doctor and I discussed it many times and he said that he did not expect to have any losses, but his ladies were all well nourished and healthy unlike a lot of the townswomen, especially the ones who had babies year in, year out.

In the end, it was the doctor who proposed that I return to South Farm until after Cecilia's baby was born. He suggested that I be given a quiet little pony to make the trip back and forward to Lewes as needed. I said I was quite able to walk but he didn't seem to want me to do that, particularly, he said, if it was dark or the weather was bad. Billy-alone could accompany me at need and carry my bag.

‘But, what about Beth?'

‘She can be at South Farm with you and when you are occupied I am sure Cecilia can ask one of her servants to help. The wet nurse is still at the farm, is she not?'

‘She is. When she stopped nursing she started work in the kitchens.'

‘Well then, that's taken care of. We will drive over tomorrow and I will speak to John Elwood about a pony. In the meantime, you can use their gig or mine. That's agreed then.'

It all seemed so easy to him but I was in a flurry of concerns. Would I be able to manage a pony? Would Beth be unhappy without me? Would I be able to manage if Cecilia went into labour and the doctor was away?

Mrs Jenkins was sorry to see us go, she had become so attached to Beth and I reassured her that she would be back and forwards with me. Billy-alone was to be my escort on a daily basis and he would lead the pony whose name was Flossy. I went to the stables every day for a week to have lessons in how to ride properly. Wilf would come and pass comment on my ‘seat' and we would be in fits of laughter as I tried to look elegant, ride comfortably and still maintain my seat. Finally I felt confident enough to take Flossy out, even if Billy was not available. Flossy was a lovely kind pony and once I got used to managing reins, feet and seat all together I found that the strain on my leg was greatly relieved.

Before I left Dr Grieve's I took tea with Mrs Makepiece, Miss Wardle and Beth's grandpa. We all met up at Keere Street where I explained the plans.

‘Dr Grieve is going to miss you Esther. I saw Mrs Jenkins in town yesterday and she said he was going to be back to his old ways if you weren't there all of the time.' Mrs Makepiece said as she poured the tea.

‘Well, I don't know what his old ways are. Did she tell you?'

‘Aye, he gets very morose and slams the doors a lot. And, he goes out calling as he doesn't seem to like his own company.'

‘Well, I've never seen him like that.'

‘Exactly.'

Beth's grandpa suggested that he probably got lonely. I had the feeling that he was speaking from experience.

‘Well I don't get lonely,' said Miss Wardle. ‘Not now Billy-alone is there and I didn't much even before he came as I had all the piggies to keep me company.'

Mrs Makepiece gave her a strange look before looking up at me. ‘Does he talk to you lass, apart from work talk?'

‘Yes, he does, but we don't always see eye-to-eye and he is often grumpy with me too so I don't think you can read anything into his moods at all. Perhaps he is just getting old.'

‘Old? He's not old. How old is he?'

‘I think he is probably about forty. The same age as Farmer Elwood.'

‘Cecilia is only twenty-one and I don't suppose she thinks her husband is old,' retorted Mrs Makepiece.

‘I don't understand what you are saying.'

‘Perhaps Dr Grieve is sweet on you Esther.'

‘Nonsense, we just get on well together.'

‘Hmm.'

I changed the subject and was quite glad when it was time to go. At supper that evening I studied my employer's face when he wasn't looking. I had to admit that he wasn't old, his face just looked a little lived in. He didn't always dress for supper when we were alone, in fact, he seemed to like being more comfortable in his clothes. I wondered if all the fine ladies who called on him would appreciate him if they saw him in his working shirt, waistcoat and slippers.

‘What are you smiling at Esther?'

‘I was just picturing Beth and I riding Flossy.'

‘I will take you over to South Farm tomorrow in the gig, so there will be plenty of room for all your bits and pieces. Your room will stay as you leave it, ready for when you return and if you want a nap during the day here. You will be spread thin, Esther, do you think you will manage?'

‘Aye, I am sure I will, as long as you don't mind me coming and going at all hours.'

‘I'm just glad you will be here during the day. I will miss you Esther, I have come to enjoy our suppers together.'

‘I have too, Dr Grieve, and I am so grateful for all the opportunities you have given me.'

‘Grateful? Ah well it has worked well for us both, and for Beth too.' He raised his wine glass and looked at me. I felt his eyes were reading mine so I dropped my glance in case he saw what Mrs Makepiece was suggesting. The very thought made me come over in a hot flush.

The next day, after lunch, we packed our clothes into the gig and set off at a smart pace for South Farm where Cecilia was waiting. Beth rushed up to our room and jumped up and down on my bed in her excitement. As soon as we had unpacked our few things we went down to the kitchen to say hello to Cilla and Mrs Fisher. Our first night back at South Farm was wonderful. I had supper with Cecilia and Farmer Elwood and I felt just like I had come home.

We slipped back into South Farm life as easily as shelling peas and though I was busier than before I found life quite exhilarating. Flossy made all the difference. She gave me such freedom, and my attachment to her grew on a daily basis, until I said to Billy-alone that I could manage without him. He didn't think much of that idea but occasionally on fine days and when I could escape I would have Flossy saddled, climb onto her broad and steady back and away we would go. I felt free, and excited being able to trot and even canter. All my movement difficulties, better as they were, became as nothing: I was equal to anyone on a horse. Beth would sometimes sit in front of me and would stroke and tug at Flossy's ears. She was the gentlest, sweetest creature and Beth and I loved her, as did Billy-alone – when he got the chance.

Shortly after I returned to South Farm, Wilf arranged for me to accompany him on his work rounds. He visited a number of Farmer Elwood's tenants and overlooked some crops. We rode along farm tracks to out of the way cottages and hidden valleys. The South Downs were astonishingly beautiful with their great lifts, drops and folds. We rode up to Telscombe and pulled the horses to a halt in order to look back at Lewes. The sky was so large and clean I was able to breathe deeply and smell the good air.

We moved on towards the village where there were a few cottages, a church and a large farm. Wilf asked me to wait while he had a word with the farm tenant and I sat on Flossy, as comfortable as anything and allowed her to drop her head and graze.

‘You be Wilf's betrothed then?' I hadn't noticed the young woman approach me from the churchyard and she startled me. She was tall and of slim build but her stomach swelled in late pregnancy. Her eyes were hostile and I didn't know how to reply. We were betrothed, but there was no token or ring, just our agreement to marry in due course. Betrothed sounded very official.

‘Well, yes, I suppose you could say that. I'm Esther – are you a friend of his?' I tried not to sound too curious.

‘Aye, we were friends, good friends.' She caressed her bump before turning on her heel to leave.

When Wilf returned, she was nowhere in sight. ‘A girl came and asked if I was your betrothed Wilf. She wasn't very friendly.'

‘Oh, who was it?' He seemed preoccupied.

‘She didn't say, but she was expecting, and probably very soon.'

‘Was there a problem? Perhaps she knows you be a nurse.'

‘No, I don't think so, otherwise she would have said.'

Wilf was much more interested in the tenant farmer's troubles with his milking cows and we returned to Lewes at a fair pace to consult Farmer Elwood's dairy manager. I didn't pursue the question of who the girl was until I saw Cecilia.

‘Do you know what the girl who was going out with Wilf looks like?' I asked innocently.

‘No, I don't but Cilla told me that her name is Molly and Wilf broke the relationship off when she was caught with a jobbing carpenter who was working at Telscombe Farm. The carpenter disappeared and she is going to be a mother soon. Why?'

‘I think I saw her today, she seemed quite put out that I was with Wilf.'

‘I expect she hoped to entice him back and make an honest woman of her and give the baby a father.'

‘Wilf wasn't at all interested when I mentioned her.'

‘Well that's good. I am sure Wilf is over her now otherwise he wouldn't have asked you to marry him. He is a steady and honourable man Esther and I know you will both be very happy together. Put her out of your mind.'

I did put her out of my mind until a week later when Cilla asked me to come down to the pot room where someone wanted to see me. It was her. I waited for her to speak while I studied the shape of her pregnancy trying to evaluate how long she had before her baby would be born. Not long, I decided.

‘What yer lookin' at me like that fer?'

‘I'm a nurse,' I said. ‘I thought maybe you were in need of my help as your baby is near due. You asked to see me?'

‘Aye, I wanted to ask you to speak to Wilf for me and see if he will get me a place where I can work and live.'

‘Where do you work now? Can't you stay there? And why don't you ask Wilf yourself?'

‘He don' speak to me nowadays and with you around there be no chance of me getting back with he.'

‘What about the baby's da?'

‘Gone. I don' need 'im.'

‘Why can't you stay where you live now?'

‘Missus says I 'ave to leave as soon as it comes and me ma can't be doin' with young-uns any more.'

I felt slightly sick as I thought of Becca and her violation, now here was another young girl with a baby due and no means of support.

‘I will speak to Wilf, but I don't know why he would be able to find you a place.'

‘Wilf knows all the farms and their tenants. I'm a good worker an' he might help if you ask him.'

I nodded and told her to come back the next day. I wanted to be kind to her but she didn't make it easy with her anger – at me, at Wilf, the missing carpenter, who knew?

Wilf called in the next day and I told him about Molly's visit.

His face shut down, as it had when I told him who my family were. ‘She needs help, Wilf, and you were her friend…'

‘Aye, an' look how she treated me. She made her bed. 'sides, I don' know anyone who will take her in, and a babe too. She'll 'ave to go on the parish, like many afore 'er. The overseer will want her to name the father and they will serve a bastardy bond on him so the child is supported.'

‘She said the father was long gone. Can you not think of any way to help her?'

‘Why do you always want to sort everyone out, Esther? You have enough on your own plate without adding her to it, and she won't thank you, she is not like you.'

He was clearly irritated by the conversation so I dropped the subject and asked Cilla to tell her that we would let her know if we thought of anyone who could help her.