This Much Is True (16 page)

I turn and spy the tears in Charlie’s eyes. It’s hard to watch. I cringe while Marla makes this guttural sound next to me. In the next moment, she wipes at her face with her free hand. I extricate myself from her firm grip and gently push her in Charlie’s direction and start for the front door, alone.

“Tally, I’m sorry,” Linc says.

His sincerity stops me. I turn back and look at him feeling both helpless and completely lost at the same time for a few precious seconds.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Tally.”

I recoil backward at his words and concentrate solely on the steady pulsating movement at his throat without looking directly at his face. “I’m sorry I lied to you,” I finally say. “I shouldn’t have done that. Lied to you like that. That first night. Holly, my twin sister, we…”

I take a minute to better compose myself.
Best to get this over with. Clean break. All that jazz.
I look past his right shoulder in a valiant attempt to keep it together.

“We used to play this game when we were feeling out of sorts in a strange situation or circumstance. It wasn’t intentional…until it was.” I look straight at him and start to get this rueful smile regretting my behavior and all the lies. “The point was to be Holly that night, to be charming and fun and nice, like she always was.” I shake my head back and forth. “That’s not really who I am. I’m not…any of those things.” I glance over at Charlie and Marla. “Charlie knows. He’s right, too. I’m not any of those things.”

“I think you are,” Linc says.

He starts to cross the room, but I hold up my hands out in front of me and gesture for him to stop. I nod slowly as if I’m taking a practiced cue for my next solo performance.

“My name is Tally. Tally Landon. That much is true.” I catch my lower lip between my teeth and look at him more closely.

He waits. He has this little smile as if he’s certain how things will work out.

He’s not afraid of the joy, but he should be.

He’s not afraid of me, but he should be.

“Don’t be so afraid,” he says from across the room as if reading my thoughts. He gets this vexed look. “Trust me. We can work this out. Somehow.” He sounds a little uncertain.

I need to finish this thing.
Heartless Tally finally shows up.
Where have you been, girl?
“Linc, I can’t do this. It’s not a good idea. It’s not what I want.” Apprehension rolls in on me as my voice begins to shake as much as my body conveying the exact opposite to what I’m saying to him. “Endings are inevitable.” I shrug my shoulders in an attempt to appear nonchalant, casual, and cool.
Or is it cruel?
“Am I the only one that believes this here?”

I force myself to laugh. My lips quiver with the effort. I swipe at a wayward tear and stare at my wet hand suddenly unsure as to where it came from.

“I. Cant. Lose. Anyone. Else. Wonderland doesn’t last, Elvis,” I say with such sadness that I think all three of them might start to cry now. “This isn’t supposed to be so hard. This is the easy part. But you…you make it hard and complicated. Two things I don’t need…or want.”

I start toward the front door and Marla and Charlie, who are in each other’s arms now. It’s almost unbearable to watch. I’ve got to take back some semblance of control. However, I can find it. I turn back from the door.

“You’re a great guy, Linc. It’s been fun. Take care of yourself. Congratulations on your deal with the Angels.” I sound dismissive, sincere, and completely in control. I turn towards Marla. “I’ll catch you later. Go celebrate with the parents.” I give her the wave-off signal that means text me later when you’re on your own.

And, I leave.

This burst of adrenaline carries me down the front steps and directly across the Masterson’s massive backyard. My mind races to catch up with my fast-moving legs. There was a different gate entrance on the other side of this property that I suddenly recall seeing the first time Linc and walked back here. It’s more hidden than the normal one everyone else uses. I find it, unlatch it, and scale the neighbor’s adjoining fence within the next twenty seconds. All the running I’ve been inadvertently doing in the past three weeks to forget about the first and last amazing encounter with Lincoln Presley pays off. Linc calls my name from the far side of the property at the opposite end of it.
I’ve escaped. He isn’t going to be able to find me in time.
Relief courses through me because this is what I want. This is what I need.

I take off the strappy sandals which free me up to fun faster along the darkened path. I easily sprint away from the turmoil and the heartbreak. I’m numb to it all. I feel somewhat unscathed.

I’m home in a matter of ten minutes after having taken the back streets through the upscale neighborhoods at double-time, until I reach the familiar streets of mine. I sigh with relief when I finally see my darkened house where my parents predictably wallow around inside. It’s the most welcome sight I can think of for once.

Yes. Endings are inevitable.
And I’ve made sure of this one with Lincoln Presley. Yes. Yes, I have.

* * * *

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Linc ~ Day into night

W
e put in a few more hours of celebration with the parents. Marla encourages me to give Tally some time. She stays to ensure that I do. The party revived enough to celebrate my draft news. My publicist and family friend Kimberley Powers seemed satisfied enough with what she heard about the contract offer and left shortly after promising we’d get an early start in the morning. She warned me that there would be more interviews and photo ops with the local press and to be prepared for it all. My agent breathed a continuous sigh of relief and promised to go over the entire contract in detail tomorrow mid-morning before I sign. I heard it all, responded to most of it, although my own thoughts remained strictly centered upon Tally Landon. She knew about Nika. I’d glossed over Nika. I wasn’t exactly forthcoming about Nika. I still can’t believe I didn’t see Tally at my game a few weeks ago. The fight we had tonight leaves me unsettled.
I owe her an explanation. An apology. Something.

Conflict. Avoidance.
All I want to do is go hit a few baseballs and work out the uncertainty and rejection that Tally has just unceremoniously shoved upon my psyche, but Charlie and Marla convince me to hang out with them, when later we back walk over to the guest house when the Stones finally go home, and my dad and aunt and uncle go to bed. It’s painful to watch the two of them be around each other even more than I thought it would be. They hold hands and watch a movie while I slink around and drink a little too much Jack Daniel’s for all three of us.

It’s during a break in the action of the second film they’ve started, after Charlie goes out to get Marla some ice cream, she insists she need, that she finally comes over and sits down directly across from me at the kitchen counter. She’s checked her iPhone a number of times during the movie, so I know she’s communicating with Tally.

“How is she?” I finally ask and then wince at how pathetic I sound.

“She’s fine. She’s packing because keeping busy is what Tally does when things get too emotionally hard for her. She’s complicated.” Marla sighs and stretches her long legs, pointing each toe like she’s working out the kinks all the way from her feet up to her lovely thighs. She grins at me when she spies me watching her movements so intently. “Look, I’m only going to tell you this because I do think you’re a nice guy, and I think you’d be good for Tally. She’d kill me for saying this but somebody needs to say it.” She takes a deep breath and holds it for a long moment. “She’s not as strong as she comes off. She’s been through a lot. Her dancing and the pressures she lives with to perform at that level are immense. And now? With what happened to Holly? They were close.” She holds up two fingers and twists them together. “They were as different as night and day, but you know how the night needs the day and vice versa?”

She gets this wistful tone, and I think she’s going to cry right then and there. I swallow hard because this was way out of my comfort zone.

What is keeping Charlie anyway? This girl makes me nervous.
She’s incredibly beautiful with her long blond hair and these amazing eyes and a body that doesn’t stop. No wonder Charlie is so into her. And on top of that she seems like a downright angel. She smiles and gets this pink tinge to her lovely face. It travels up her neck to her cheeks when she catches me staring at her again.

“Tally is the night, Linc. She’s not normally afraid of anything, except maybe now
you
. Do you understand how talented she is? She’s going to go places with her ballet. She’s incredible—even Allaire Tremblay believes this. She’s better in many respects than even Tremblay was; because Tally stays singularly focused upon her artistic talent. Do you know what I’m trying to say here?”

“I think you’re trying to tell me nicely that I need to back off.”

“Not exactly.” She gets this vexed look. “I don’t know about you.” She shakes her head side-to-side and then grins. “You have your own stuff; right? Trying to be perfect? Pitch the perfect game? Do you focus on doing that every time you’re out there on the mound?” I slowly nod. “Well, Tally does, too. There’s a fine balance to it all. It’s a unique talent. For both of you. And Charlie and me? We’re just privileged to be in the same stratosphere as the two of you and have fun along the way and enjoy the amazing ride to stardom with you both.” She laughs. “Anyway, I love Charlie and he loves me. It seems getting engaged seems crazy to everyone else but the two of us. But for us? It’s something to build toward, to hold on to. If it’s real, it will pass the test of time and distance. I like to believe that’s how it works.” She gets this faraway look. “Tomorrow is our last night in town. Tally and I are supposed to go to a few summer parties, but I want to spend some time with Charlie. You should spend it with Tally and her family. It’s been rough on all of them. You’re exactly what she needs, even if she can’t see that yet.” Marla gets this thoughtful look and eventually nods. “Yes, go see her tomorrow and meet up with her family. It’ll be good for both of you.”

“Meaning?”

“She’s acting very strange these days. Distracted. Moody. She’s happy one minute, unhappy the next. If I didn’t know better I’d say she’s in love for the first time in her life.” Marla smiles and then gets this serious look. “Don’t break her heart, Linc. Please don’t do that.”

“I won’t.”

“Okay,” she says. “Here’s the Landon’s address. They live about a mile from here. I’m beat. It’s been quite a day—quite an exhilarating and heady twenty-four hours since Charlie proposed. Just tell my fiancé that I’ll see him tomorrow. Congratulations on the baseball contract. The Los Angeles Angels. Wow.”

“It’ll be a few years before the big leagues. I’ll spend most of my time in Salt Lake with their minor league and up and down the West Coast.”

“Ah, well, when I’m not so tired you can explain all of that to me again.” She yawns. “Long distance relationships,” she says. “Nothing like testing love this way; right?”

“Right.” Uncertainty must show in my face.

Marla gets this serious look and sighs deep. “So. It was you.” All I can do is nod. “She got a bouquet of flowers from some guy who signed his name Elvis. She didn’t remember what he looked like other than to say he had dark hair, wore a baseball cap, and had saved her life when he picked her up and took her away from the car before it exploded. That was you.”

“Yes.”

“The mystery guy who left the flowers and the note card…Elvis?” I nod again. “She pretty much tries to block all of that out because it’s too painful for her.” Marla gets this thoughtful look. “She focuses upon her ballet in total. I think it keeps her from falling apart altogether. Look, she broke three ribs and her wrist in that car accident, sustained a concussion, and they didn’t know if she would walk again. They couldn’t explain much of that. She would have died without being able to dance. That’s how she’s wired. Ballet is her life. Her entire focus. She walked out of that hospital and wrapped her broken ribs tight enough to dance as soon as she physically could. For Holly. For herself.” Marla takes a deep breath. “Her parents have fallen apart, and Tally has had to soldier on for their sake, for her little brother Tommy’s, for me—all of us. Ballet is about all she believes in and I’m all she’s got. Well, you too, I guess.” She shakes her head side-to-side. “She doesn’t drive anymore because it freaks her out too much because—as you must know—she was driving that day.

Marla pauses and takes an unsteady breath while I hold mine. “Holly’s funeral was attended by the entire high school. Hundreds of Paly high schoolers attended that day all of us questioning how life can go on without Holly.” Marla sighs. “But it does go on, doesn’t it? It’s hard to believe, but it does. And some of us spend each day just ensuring we don’t drown in the sadness.
Tally
.” She looks at me hard. “The panic attacks…she hides them well, but how many have you seen?”

“Two.”

“Shit. I’ll try to keep a closer watch on her. She can’t be upset like this. It’s too scary. I’m afraid something bad is going to happen to her when she has one, and what happens if none of us are there with her?”

I don’t say anything because I don’t have an answer for that and the thought of Tally suffering alone with one scares me, too.

Marla looks sad for a moment and shakes her head. “Holly was the epitome of everything good. So, if Tally was busy personifying her that night, don’t ever forget why that was.” She hesitates. “It gave her a little break from the pain she still carries. Tally’s just trying to find herself in a world that she doesn’t really feel she should exist in anymore. Occasionally, she’ll say something like that because what is the night without the day?” She swipes a hand at her face to clear away the tears and tries to smile.

I grab her free hand and squeeze it between my thumb and finger. “Thank you for telling me. What can I do?”

Marla slips off the bar chair and heads for the front door. “Give her some of your time, Elvis. Go see her tomorrow. She’ll say she doesn’t like it—
you
, but she does.” She gets this secret smile. “Wait up for Charlie. He’s bringing back ice cream. See you around. Good luck with the baseball stuff. You’re going to do great.”

“Are you always such a cheerleader?”

“Have to be,” she says with a little laugh.

And then she’s gone.

* * *

Charlie sails into the guest house holding up the container of ice cream up in triumph. Then he looks around the great room in a barely veiled panic.

“Where’s Marla?”

“She left?” I shake my head at him.
“She said she will see you tomorrow.”

“She’s great, isn’t she?” Charlie’s smiling like he’s won in Vegas. The guy is seriously gone over this girl, even if he thought he could only love Holly Landon. “Marla is the one for you,” I say slowly. “But, dude, are you really ready to get married?” I frown not completely on board with the whole commitment thing.

“We’ll work it out,” he says with a laugh. “We will. I’ll be in med school after next year. She’ll do the ballet thing for a while, and then she’ll miss me so much that she’ll come to L.A. and be with me. We’ll get married in a couple of years. Marla’s cool with that plan.”

“Does Marla
know
about that plan?”

“Not all of it. Some of it.” He looks uneasy all at once and then frowns.

“I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do now about Tally,” I admit with a hesitant laugh and tell him about Marla’s suggestion.

“So, you’re going to go see her tomorrow. She’ll come around
eventually
. At least I think she will.” Charlie goes behind the kitchen counter and retrieves two huge soup spoons from the drawer. “But first, we’re going to finish this ice cream, and soon we’ll head back to L.A., and you’ll sign your major-league contract with the Angels, and I’m going to finish at UCLA and go to med school and eventually marry Marla.” He grins. “Besides, just think, a year from now? The world will look and be a lot different. We’ll be older.
They’ll
be older.
Thank God.
And I’m going to seriously get my act together and so are you.”

“My act
is
together,” I say irritably.

“Dude, you’re more messed up than I am.” He laughs. “I mean Tally Landon is seriously out of your league. At least Marla loves me back.”

“You don’t mean to crush all of my hopes and dreams; do you?” I ask only half in jest.

Charlie has a serious point. He has a relationship with Marla—a future. I am pretty much holding on to nothing, but a connection that I may have all but imagined with a girl who doesn’t want commitment, encumbrances of any kind, and who tends to suffer from panic attacks every time we spend any length of time together. I have nothing to go on here really, except my belief in this girl, myself, and baseball. It isn’t exactly a stable start for any kind of future relationship, as a friend or otherwise.
I can barely breathe.

“I didn’t mean it quite like that.”

“Stop talking.”

The night and day analogy stays with me. I just need time to figure out what all Marla meant by it. Could I be the daylight in Tally’s life? That’s what I decide the blond angel must have meant by that reference.

Day into night.
It can serve as my new mantra.

Idealistic now, I decide I just need to dedicate my time and attention to this gifted dancer of a girl and show her in some way that there doesn’t have to be an ending of us at all.

* * * *