This Bitter Earth (19 page)

Mercy slowly stepped from behind the bush.

JJ stood staring at her while he struggled to regain his composure. She looked every bit the vagabond with her bare feet and filthy clothes. Bits and pieces of debris were clinging to her hair and around the hem of her shirt.

Looking closer, JJ could see the dried blood on her face and the long, thin scratches on the back of her hand.

The dogs went wild when Mercy emerged and began jumping up on the gates of their pen, barking, sneering and baring their teeth.

“Hush up!” JJ yelled. He couldn’t think. He had to be able to think.

“What you doing way over here?” His words were shaky because the fear hadn’t quite drained away from him and his heart was still pounding out of control in his chest.

Mercy said nothing. She just stood staring at him. “C‘mon,” JJ said, taking a deep breath and starting around the building to the front door. He had to wait there for a moment as Mercy slowly and timidly rounded the corner.

She followed him inside but did not take more than three steps away from the door.

JJ moved behind the bar. His nerves were on end and he wanted a drink, but would settle for seltzer water. “You want something to drink?”

Again, Mercy just stared at him.

Thunder boomed outside and the rain began to fall in buckets almost immediately.

“Shit,” JJ mumbled as he looked up at the ceiling where tiny droplets of water were already forming.

Mercy forgotten for the moment, JJ pushed up his sleeves and folded his arms across his chest in frustration. “Shit,” he said again before he realized that Mercy was right beside him.

When the thunder sounded the second time, a streak of lightning lit up the sky and then knocked out the electricity. Her fingers were on his arms by then, and he could feel the nick on the pad of her index finger, the one she got when she was five and had tripped and fallen down, cutting her finger on a piece of broken glass.

He felt the callused circles of flesh that covered her palm and came from her sleeping with her fist balled up, fingernails pushing into the soft mauve-colored skin there.

He felt all of those things as well as the bruises he couldn’t see. The dark fear and black confusion. He felt it all.

Her fingers traced the black-and-purple needle tracks that covered his arm. They moved slowly up and down his arm as if the marks held a story that only her fingers could read.

JJ moved her hand away before he pushed his sleeves back down and carefully slid the small clear buttons into place on the cuffs.

Mercy cocked her head and he saw some light pass behind her eyes before she rolled her own sleeves up to reveal her arms and their story.

Sugar spent the next few hours moving between the porch, the road and the space where #10 once stood. She was worried about Mercy, even more so now that she knew Lappy was around. But was it Lappy? Her mind played the scene over and over again until the images became warped and she questioned who or what she had really seen.

Seth was gone for three hours before he came back for Joe’s car.

“I’m coming with you,” Joe said as Seth reached for his car keys. Seth made a face and started out of the house, ignoring his father, but Pearl grabbed him by the arm and her eyes begged him to put his anger aside.

Another hour and half passed before they returned, the backseat still empty.

“She couldn’t have gone far.” Seth’s tone was sympathetic and it was the first turn of compassion he’d shown Sugar since her return.

“Ain’t nothing out there that can harm her,” Joe added as his eyes swept the field one last time before walking into the house.

Sugar’s body began to tremble and she hugged herself to contain it.

Lappy Clayton was out there, she thought to herself. “I suppose,” she said instead.

Sugar stood guard on Grove Street until the rain came and Pearl came out and pulled her into the house. “You’ll catch your death,” Pearl had warned as she moved the towel over Sugar’s hair and across her face.

“Tried that,” Sugar mumbled beneath her breath. “What?” Pearl stopped and gave Sugar a close look. “What did you say?”

Sugar just shook her head and waved away the comment.

Pearl was about to repeat her question when the sound of an engine slowly began to fill the night. Seth was the first one to the window.

“That’s JJ’s truck,” he said before Pearl pushed him aside to see for herself. Joe couldn’t bother with the window and swung the front door open and stepped outside.

“Sure is,” he yelled above the sound of the driving rain.

The truck came to a stop in front of the house; the engine hummed for what seemed like an eternity before the passenger side door opened and Mercy stepped out.

“Lord,” Pearl whispered and then covered her mouth as if she’d said a bad word.

JJ stepped out from the driver’s side. He opened his mouth to speak, but realizing he had nothing to say closed it again.

Sugar, who had moved onto the porch beside Joe, moved past him like lightning. Her feet slid in the mud and she hit the ground twice before she reached Mercy and when she did she pulled her to her.

“Don’t you ever run off like that again! Ever!”

Mercy didn’t push her way, but she didn’t hug her back either. She stood as still as a pole, her arms limp at her sides, eyes staring blankly into the rain that surrounded them.

Chapter 23

Last night had pulled them together. Loss and fear of losing seem to have magnetic qualities, drawing people together whether they wanted to be or not. It’s the need for safety that’s in control during those times and humans become powerless against it.

Loss and fear did not keep people together; it was a feeble adhesive that flaked away in days, sometimes hours. So Pearl was happy for this moment Mercy’s disappearance and reappearance had allowed her and she kept her smile to herself and laid six more strips of bacon into the hot frying pan before bending down to check on the biscuits.

“More eggs, Seth?” she asked, scooping his plate up before he’d had a chance to answer.

He looks different today,
she thought. His face looked softer and his eyes seemed a little warmer.

“No, ma‘am. I will take another helping of bacon though.”

Yes, Pearl thought; this was the way it was supposed to be. Family, around the table, eating and talking.

Sugar glowed. Every time she looked at Mercy, her face seemed to light up.

Joe couldn’t help but look at his wife. She never ceased to amaze him. Pearl caught him looking and smiled.

Joe’s eyes asked if she’d forgiven him. Pearl nodded and her eyes said that all had been forgiven a long time ago. Then she patted his hand and bent to kiss him gently on his forehead.

“Can’t change the past. Got to live for today and hope for good for what comes after,” Pearl whispered to Joe before going back to the stove.

“Hey, hey!” Seth laughed. “We’re trying to eat here,” he joked.

JJ lifted his plate from the table and stood. “I gotta go,” he announced as he put his plate in the sink.

Mercy’s eyes followed his every move. “So soon?” Pearl was disappointed. She wanted all the togetherness to go on forever.

“I haven’t slept,” he said, his eyes falling on Mercy. “Dogs gotta be fed,” he added, shoving his hands in his pockets.

At that moment, Sugar saw the young JJ she’d seen in pictures.

“Well, okay,” Pearl said as she moved toward him. She hesitated for a moment and then reached out and embraced him. She grinned; it felt good to be able to touch her son again.

JJ looked a bit uncomfortable and even seemed to blush. But Sugar knew it wasn’t from his mother’s touch; she knew it was from being under the weight of Mercy’s eyes.

“We gonna come down to the club tonight,” Seth said, his mouth full of food.

Pearl’s eyes stretched open. “We?” she said.

“Uh-huh, all of us.”

Pearl couldn’t help but hum. Everything had fallen into place, as lopsided as it may have seemed to anyone looking in, and she watched as Sugar brushed Mercy’s short curls into place with long, loving strokes that warmed Pearl’s insides. “No,” Sugar had said when Mercy reached for the long-sleeved man’s shirt she’d worn since her arrival in Bigelow. Mercy allowed Sugar to dress her in a lilac-colored, sleeveless cotton summer dress that Gloria had left behind.

Sugar pulled a small bottle of liquid makeup from her bag and began smearing its contents over Mercy’s track marks. It looked ridiculous when she was done.

“No one will notice in the dark,” Sugar assured her.

Sugar had to admit, she felt giddy and light. All thoughts of Lappy had been swept off to the side.

Pearl shook her hand away when Sugar approached her with her makeup bag. “Nah, too old for that paint,” she’d laughed.

Sugar just nodded her head.

“And I’m glad to see that you don’t wear so much of that stuff anymore,” Pearl added.

It was true; Sugar only used powder and lipstick now. There was no reason to pack her face with makeup anymore. She didn’t care who looked at her now or what they saw. She was the only one she had to face now.

Seth and Joe, both dressed in slacks and clean shirts, were waiting by the car. Seth opened the back door for Mercy and Sugar, and Joe did the same with the passenger door for Pearl.

The ride across town was quick. Not one of them spoke; the excitement that emanated from the car’s occupants was loud enough to fill the silence.

It was after ten when they pulled up to Two Miles In. Cars were lined up for a quarter mile and a line of people almost as long waited to file in. The music that played inside was so loud, Sugar snatched a peek around the building to make sure the band wasn’t outside.

This was Seth’s and Pearl’s first time there, and Pearl pushed her bosom out proudly when Harry put up one hand to stop the person that was about to step over the threshold in order for Pearl and her companions to step in first.

“Ohhh,” Pearl cooed. “This is nice,” she said as she rotated her head left and right, trying to take in everything all at once.

“Sure is.” Seth’s voice was filled with pride.

JJ caught sight of them and called for Angel to come and take over the bar.

“You can sit here,” he said after he guided them over to two small round tables he’d pushed together.

Again, Sugar noticed how unsettled JJ became around Mercy. His eyes moved quickly between Mercy and his parents. “Y‘all want something from the bar?”

Mercy stared at him as if she was waiting for him to speak directly to her.

“Coke for me,” Pearl said, smoothing her dress and moving her chair closer to Joe’s.

“Same for Mercy, and I’ll have a scotch and water,” Sugar said, ignoring the look of disapproval that moved over Pearl’s face.

“I’ll have what she’s having,” Seth chimed in, his head already bopping to the music. “Hmmm.” Seth let out a lustful groan as two thick-legged women in short clinging dresses squeezed by him. “ ‘Scuse us,” they said as they grinned sheepishly down at him.

Seth didn’t seem to be missing Gloria at all, Sugar thought to herself.

“You still a married man, Seth.” Pearl’s words were light, but the implication made Joe uncomfortable and he twisted in his chair.

“I’ll have a beer,” Joe said.

Set after set, Mercy’s eyes never left JJ for one moment and they darted around the club in search of him like small flies whenever he moved from behind the bar and disappeared into the crowd.

“You gonna sing tonight, Sugar?” Seth was on his fourth drink and his words were slurring.

“Nah.” Sugar was unable to remember the last time she’d even hummed a tune.

“Oh, that would be nice,” Pearl piped in. “One song. I’m sure JJ wouldn’t mind.”

“No, no I really don’t think so,” Sugar said.

Suddenly Seth jumped up from the table; he pushed himself through the crowd of people, sending at least two drinks flying through the air. By the time he made it to the stage there were five men closing in on him and more than a dozen women shouting obscenities at his back.

“Hey, man, I think you’ve had a bit too much,” Luther Cobbs said as he pressed an open palm into Seth’s chest, halting his movements.

Seth looked down at Luther’s hand before taking a step backward. He brushed at the place Luther’s hand had been before speaking. “Get outta the way. My brother owns this place.”

Luther looked at the drunk man before him and then over at JJ, who hadn’t noticed the commotion going on on the floor.

“You JJ’s brother?” Luther was skeptical.

Seth was much smaller than JJ. Luther leaned in and squinted at Seth. They did, however, resemble in the face.

“Okay, but the band is working. You wanna put in a request or something?”

Seth rolled his eyes. “Yes. I request that you let Miss Sugar Lacey do a song.”

Luther shook his head and laughed. “And just who is this Sugar Lacey?”

Seth spun around quickly, but just ended up facing Luther again. Seth shook his head in confusion and this time took the turn slowly.

“There she is sitting over there in the blue dress.” Seth pointed at Sugar. “She’s my sister,” Seth admitted for the first time. He was suddenly overcome with emotion and his eyes filled with tears. “She is my sister.”

“Well, can she sing?” Luther asked.

“Like an angel,” Seth said.

It took some prodding, but in the end Sugar took the stage.

“Who that?” Angel asked, but JJ was busy counting the money he’d made so far for the night.

“Who?” he mumbled, not looking up from the cash in his hands.

“Up there. Up on stage.”

JJ looked up and the closest thing that could be counted as surprise moved across his face. “What the hell?” he exclaimed as he quickly stuffed the money back into the black box.

Seth tripped up the three steps that led to the stage. Pearl covered her face in embarrassment and Joe cleared his throat and looked around and into the faces of most of Bigelow.

“Uhm, we got someone pretty special coming to the stage tonight,” Luther said. “Her brother is the proprietor of this fine establishment....”

About thirty percent of the people in that room were from Bigelow proper, and every single one of those people knew Joe and Pearl Taylor.

“What did he say?”

“He must be mistaken.”

“Ain’t she the one was here before?”

“My mama broke a jar of preserves upside my daddy’s head because she heard he had been over to see her.”

“See her? She the whore that used to live on Grove Street?”

“Lived in that house that burned down a few years back?”

“Number Ten girl. Number Ten.”

“She their child?”

“Well, she belong to at least one of them.”

The hushed whispers grew louder and louder until they finally swallowed Luther’s words. All eyes were on Joe and Pearl Taylor.

“Everyone put your hands together for Sugar,” Luther ended and started clapping his hands as he backed away from center stage.

“She your sister?” Angel asked, her voice filled with surprise. “I thought your sister was dead.”

Sugar leaned over and whispered something to the bass player, who turned around and repeated it to the rest of the band.

She stood staring out into the crowd as the music swelled behind her. It was 1955 again and she was standing in front of the church congregation, looking down into the faces that wanted her out of their town.

She found herself stuck in that space of time, crippled by the memory of it and unable to sing.

Seconds turned into minutes and still her voice would not come.

The crowd grew impatient and angry.

“Well, you gonna sing or not?” someone called out from a dark corner.

“Maybe she come back to do what she do best!” a heavy voice from the center of the crowd boomed.

Thirty percent of the room broke down in laughter, while the other people, unsure of the joke, just grinned.

Pearl’s smile melted away into a grimace and Joe dropped his eyes in shame, while Mercy continued to look over at JJ.

Seth was still onstage, grinning stupidly and whispering: “Go ahead Sugar, sang... sang.”

The band started again, this for the fifth time, and Sugar felt her knees begin to shake as the first scratchy words broke free from her throat.

This, bitter, bitter earth ...

The words came out uneven and barely audible to anyone who stood in the back of the room.

“What the hell is she saying?”

“Get the hell off the stage!”

The crowd began to blur as Sugar’s eyes filled with tears. Everything and almost everybody had been taken from her and now her voice was gone too. It was so unfair. So fucking unfair.

She felt anger building up inside of her. Anger for growing up without her mother. Anger for becoming a whore. Anger for almost losing her life at the hands of Lappy Clayton.

The anger grew inside of her until it consumed her and pushed her voice up from her soul, spouting it out in a rush of melody that made everyone stop and take notice.

Joe raised his head as Pearl grabbed his wrist and squeezed. The band had stopped playing; Sugar’s sudden leap in tenor accosted their minds and erased every musical note they’d ever learned.

Sugar ended the song and laid heavy on the words, so heavy that the weight of it made people drop their heads, swinging them from left to right as their hands shot up over their heads and began fanning the hot air around them.

Those words pressed against them, causing their eyes to tear, making them feel sorry and ashamed for having made Sugar’s name synonymous with
whore, bitch
and
slut.

Some said Sugar held service that night at Two Miles In.

Sugar’s anger drifted off with the last smoky note and she felt relief for the first time in years. It was as if she’d had a good cry or screamed her secret out to the mass of people that applauded her.

For the first time her mind was settled and her soul was finally properly introduced to peace.

Lappy walked in just as the crowd came to their feet and dozens of black hands came together in a thunderous applause that rattled the glass bottles over the bar and filled Mercy’s ears like the sound of rushing water.

He went unnoticed that night, his pale skin lost in the sleek blackness of the people that grappled to shake Sugar’s hand as she stepped down off the stage.

He hung back, smiling as the familiar heat began to spread through his belly.

She had been held by men before, enfolded by all sorts of fleshy limbs, dark and light, thick and thin. But she’d never felt anything for those men and had hated herself and them as soon as they’d eased themselves between her legs.