Things Made Right (7 page)

He reached across the table and gently squeezed her hand. “Thank you for having that level of trust in me.”

He hoped if Clarisse ever needed to talk to someone the way Loren was now talking to him, that she would go to Ross to unburden herself.

Although in Clarisse’s case, maybe she didn’t feel even the slightest bit of guilt.

Nor should she.

Then…

Emily and Mark had gone home for the weekend. It was a Friday night, and Ross and Loren had the apartment to themselves. She’d fixed him dinner and he’d promised tonight they would talk after they ate.

It took him a few moments to gather his thoughts before he spoke.

“If you want to be with me, there’s something you need to know,” Ross said. “And I honestly don’t know, after what you went through, if it’s a good idea for you.”

It was two weeks after the “tragic accident.”

Loren wondered if it made her a horrible person for feeling so at peace, especially with Ross.

Because of Ross and what she knew deep in her heart he’d done.

For
her.

He’d made it right, just like he’d promised.

She lay curled up on the couch, her head in his lap. Ross stroked her hair with one hand, the fingers of his other hand laced through hers, tapping that three-beat rhythm.

“What?” she asked.

His sigh sounded weary, world-worn. “I’m not exactly a normal guy, Lor. Not when it comes to what I want, what I need in life.”

“Are you gay?” she quietly asked.

“What? No. Why did you ask that?”

“You never made a move on me before, so I just wondered.”

He finally chuckled. “No, I’m definitely
not
gay.” He squeezed her hand. “I’ve always wanted you.”

She looked up at him. “Then why didn’t you say anything before?” Maybe if he had, she wouldn’t have ended up at that stupid party in the first place—

No. This isn’t his fault.

“Because it’s not easy to open myself up. Not about this.”

She sat up and looked at him. “Then tell me.”

His gaze seemed to search her face, examining every inch of her as if he was worried this might be the last time he’d see her. Finally, he stroked her cheek. “I’m the kind of guy that I need a woman who will submit to me.”

She felt her heart sink a little. “What do you mean?”

He tucked her hair behind her ears, as if stalling for time. “I need to be in control,” he quietly said. “In bed, and out of it.”

“Like, you’d tell me what to do?” Then again, after what happened
that
night, hadn’t she let him do exactly that? Ever since then, Ross had taken control of her life, gently steering and guiding her. Taking care of her.

“Sort of. Not to be a doormat. I don’t want that.” He gently clutched her hands in his, brought them to his chest.

A feeling of peace and calm settled over her.

Safety.

Being loved. Cared for.

“You know how in the 1950s, how women ran the home, and they did what their husbands said, and they had traditional roles?”

She nodded.

“Sort of like that. Only…not.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

He smiled. “I know. It’s hard to explain. I want you to finish school and get your degree. I want you to have a job, to work, if that’s what
you
want.”

Her heart skipped, racing as she realized he was speaking as if they were together.

“But,” he continued, “while we will discuss things, while I’ll ask your opinion, there might be times you don’t like my decisions. I will still expect you to abide by them. And if you disobey me, I might spank you.”

An image flashed through her mind, of his hand stroking her bare ass before bringing his palm down against her flesh. Of her writhing over his lap while he kept one hand fisted in her hair and spanked her with the other.

She wanted it.

“And there might be times I spank you because I want to,” he added. “I’m a sadist.”

A chill settled in her. “You like to hurt people?”

“Only if they want it. Not like…not
that
.” He stroked her cheek, so softly, so tenderly, she couldn’t ever imagine his hands hurting her. “But see, that’s the problem. I’m the way I am. There are lots of people who want a partner who is like me. I don’t want to force someone to be what I need them to be. It needs to be inside you already. You need to want to drop to your knees in front of me. You need to have that desire to serve me.”

Dropping to her knees would be easy. She’d already thought that before, that she wished she could do just that.

Hold onto him, never let him go.

She’d been through hell and back. A little pain?

Easy.

“What if I say I want it?” she whispered.

“I wish I could believe that. I think you think you want it. But is it something you can be for the rest of your life? I’ll never force you to stay. But I plan on getting married for life and staying that way. So if you can’t give yourself to me and understand that I will be in charge, that I will have the final say, that I will be the head of this household, then don’t make me a promise you can’t keep.”

“Is it all about just doing what you say?”

He leaned in, his hand gently cupping the nape of her neck, his forehead touching hers. “No, sweetheart,” he said. “It’s about me being able to take care of you. Protecting you. Not about restricting you. It’s about me kil—” He closed his mouth on what she suspected he was about to say.

About me killing for you.

“About me caring for you,” he said. “Dying for you, if that’s what it takes. Giving you all of me. In return, I expect you to give me all of you.”

“I want to work,” she said. “I want to get my degree.”

“I know. And I want you to have that.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

He let out another of those sad sounding sighs. “If I told you to assume a position and hold it for me as long as I told you to, would you do it?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I put you on your knees on the floor, and told you to stay. An hour, maybe two. Would you do it?”

“I…I don’t know if I could. I’d try.”

“Failure means punishment. There might be times I set you up to push your limits, to see how far you can go before you fail.”

“Why would you want me to fail?”

He gently kissed her. “So I can catch you when you do and show you that, no matter what, I’ll always love you. That nothing you could ever do would ever make me stop loving you. And then we try all over again.”

He pulled away, staring into her eyes, the corners crinkled. “And because I’m a sadist. Sometimes, I want to see you fail so I can punish you. And you’ll know it, too. It’s a cat and mouse game. And for training. Because punishment is always followed by a reward.”

“Reward?”

His brown eyes looked deep, warm, inviting. An eyebrow deliciously arched. “Orgasms,” he said. “Every punishment followed by an orgasm. Until your body gets to the point it craves pain to get the reward. Until the two are so mixed up together in here”—he gently touched the center of her forehead with his right index finger—“that one equates to the other.”

Sadness filled her. “I can’t let myself be beaten.”

“No,” he sternly said. “
Never
beaten. Not like what you think.” He looked like he was trying to figure out how to word it. “I guess it is hard to process if you don’t understand what I mean.”

“Show me.”

He studied her carefully, watchfully. “You say that, but you don’t understand.”

“Then show me. Let me decide if it’s too much. Show me what it might be like, and let me make up my mind about it.”

“After what you’ve been through—”

“If I ask you to stop, will you? If you show me, and it’s too much for me, and I ask you to stop, will you stop?”

“Yes.”

“Then show me.”

“It’s not like that all the time, though. You won’t be able to safeword your way out of a spanking if it’s what I’ve decided you’ll have for punishment for breaking a rule.”

“Okay. Then show me your worst.”

His expression clouded. “I never want to show you that. Ever.”

“Then show me what I need to see to make up my mind.”

“But—”

“They didn’t stop. They didn’t ask me what I wanted. I’m telling you what I want. If nothing else, I want a
good
memory in my brain. I want a memory of your hands on me, of your lips on me. I want
that
memory to carry with me, always, even if I decide I can’t do this.”

“You’re sounding like you’re pretty sure this is what you want,” he said.

“Yeah,” she quietly said. “Because you’re already sounding pretty sure I’m who you want.”

“I do want you. More than you know. But I also know—”

“
Show
me.”

After contemplation, he finally stood and held his hands out to her, helping her stand.

“For tonight,” he said, “if you need me to stop, you say
red
. If I ask how you’re doing, you say
green
,
yellow
, or
red
. Just like a stop light.”

“Okay.”

“Yes,
Sir
,” he corrected.

She swallowed. “Yes, Sir,” she whispered.

He smiled. “That’s my good girl. If you decide you want this, when we’re alone, you’ll address me as Sir.”

That felt right to her. “Yes, Sir.”

He let out a soft noise she thought sounded like a groan. “Baby, you keep saying that, I’m not going to want you to stop.”

She smiled. “Yes, Sir.”

He placed one of her hands over the front of his jeans, where he now sported a very sizable bulge. “See, that’s what that does to me. This is why I need it. One of the reasons. Beyond it’s part of who I am. I’m a leader, not a follower.” He squeezed her hand over his cock. “It’s just the way I am.”

“You said you wouldn’t force me to stay, but that you won’t get divorced.”

“If I marry you, it’s for life. But if you decide you want out, you have to be the one to leave. I won’t keep you with me, I won’t make you stay, I won’t sabotage your leaving. But
you
have to be the one to do it, because once I make a promise to you for life, to love and protect you, I mean it. Do you understand?”

Her insides fluttered in a good way. “Yes, Sir.”

* * * *

Dammit
, if she kept saying that, there was no fucking way in hell Ross would ever let her go again.

Not if he had anything to say about it.

He loved her. He knew he was in love with her. He hated that he waited to make a move, to let her know he liked her.

He felt responsible for what had happened to her. If he’d told her sooner how he felt, instead of being a dumbass and waiting, maybe it never would have happened.

Unfortunately, he’d let fear rule his actions, afraid of scaring her off, thinking that would be the worst thing that could happen.

How wrong he’d been.

There were
far
worse things. And she’d paid the price for his reticence.

He released her hand and stepped back. “Undress,” he softly said.

She stared at him for only a second before she pulled off her oversized T-shirt. Then she hooked her fingers in the waistband of her panties and pulled them down, too.

Gorgeous. Perfect. She wasn’t a skinny twig, one of those girls who always hit the fitness center or ran themselves ragged, or starved themselves.

His cock screamed to get free.

Taking a slow, deep breath, he circled her, stopping behind her. “Arms at your sides,” he softly said, barely trusting his voice.

She complied.

“When I ask you to undress, unless I tell you something different, you’ll stand and wait for me just like this. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Fuck.
She was beyond sexy, and she had no clue. That was even more debilitating to his reserve, that she was utterly in the dark about the pull, the power she had over him.

He stepped in behind her, his hands on her hips, pulling her ass against his cock. Leaning in so he could whisper in her ear, he said, “If you really want to be with me, I will own you. Body, heart, and soul. That means if I want to slide my cock between your lips or up that beautiful ass of yours, I will. Can you accept that?”

“Only if you don’t go from my ass right to my mouth. Sir,” she added.

He laughed. “Ew. Yeah, that won’t happen. Don’t worry. See? That’s good. That was a discussion about a hard limit. There will be times I’ll ask you for your hard limit, and I will respect it.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

He caressed her, slowly sliding his fingertips up her arms. “I have no desire to break or harm you, baby. I only want to own you. And I don’t break my toys.”

“Am I just a toy to you?”

He froze. “Sorry. Bad choice of words on my part.” He turned her to face him, cradling her chin in his hands again. “I love you,” he whispered. “And I wish like hell I’d said it sooner. You’re the center of my universe. The only woman I want. I just need to know you can live the way I have to live and be okay with it.”

He caught her soft gasp. “I love you, too, Sir,” she said.

Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers. “Then I just guess we’re going to have to figure out how to make this work for us, aren’t we?”

“Yes, Sir. That’s what I want.”

Ross laced his fingers through Loren’s and led her to the bedroom, leaving her standing near the end of the bed. Loren’s heart raced, fear and love and excitement mixing and melding and becoming a delicious, sexy haze clouding her mind and making her clit throb and her juices flow.