I’m distracted momentarily by the phone next to the computer buzzing, the email notification in the top left corner lighting up with a soft blue blinking light.
Shit. That could be Brian Sullivan already replying.
I lift the cell, swiping the screen down and tap to open the email browser.
For the second time in a short timeframe, my stomach drops as I stare at Daphne Winthrop’s email address in my inbox, the Subject line reading:
I don’t know what to say.
I can’t make myself tap her reply open it; I cannot.
Instead, I sit back in my desk chair palming the phone in my right hand and staring at that email address and short fucking sentence, trying to decipher what it could mean without opening the message.
I don’t know what to say
other than:
… that letter you sent had to have been a joke.
… I can’t believe a grown-ass man wrote that.
… you should be embarrassed and
never
allowed near woman.
Shit, what does it actually say
? I’m dying to open it at the same time I dread it. My thumb hovers, millimeters from an answer. I push the black glasses I wear to work up my nose, a thin layer of perspiration dampening my forehead.
Christ I’m pitiful.
Clicking my phone off, I set it on my desktop and frown scornfully, while the apology message I’d been composing to Daphne looms in front of me on the screen of my laptop. Mocking.
I hit ‘Save’ and watch the file float to the lower right hand corner drop box, the cursor on the screen blinking an entreaty. Blinking for me to click open the ominous new message from Daphne Winthrop.
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
I don’t know what to say
Dexter. To say I was surprised to get your message is an understatement… Excited and surprised. After seeing StarGate the other weekend, I was sure you were going to ask me on a date until your Aunt interrupted… and I was disappointed you asked me to Grace’s engagement party as your Fake Date. I would have absolutely been proud to go as your official date. I think you’re charming and disarming, and since we’re being direct—very handsome. So yes. Yes! I would love to go on a date with you. I’ve been waiting for you to ask since the movie theater. Here is my cell phone number again just in case you lost it: 298-555.9392 Well, better get back to work! LOL.
Talk to you soon, I hope.
Daphne
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Confession time.
Dear Daphne,
I have a confession to make since we’re being honest and it’s easier for me to hide behind technology. Alright, here it is: my sisters wrote that first message behind my back and I found the email by accident, and I was furious. But now? I’m glad. As horrible and stupid as their message made me sound, and as embarrassed as I am that they did it, I’m glad.
DPR
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Me too.
Dexter, I should have guessed that you didn’t write that first note. I guess I was so excited to receive it that… it didn’t occur to me that you wouldn’t use words like “Lame” and “Geek” in an email to describe yourself, because you are NEITHER of those things. LOL! Oh lord, you must have died when you saw their note. What a couple of beasts! You’re right though. I’m glad they did it because… when would you have gotten around to telling me how you felt? I’d be old and gray by then!
Daphne
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
You’d be waiting a long time
Dear Daphne,
Honestly? I’m not surprised by them messaging you; they’ve been doing stuff like this since they were old enough to understand what a prank was. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to
kill
them. When I found the message “I” sent you, I couldn’t even read through the whole thing—I could only see red. I mean—what made them think I’d call myself lame? But enough about me; do you have any brothers/sisters that drive you insane?
DPR
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Not a Lonely Only
Dexter, Fortunately and Unfortunately, I have a sister although my mom says sometimes my Dad acts like a small child, so it’s like having three kids. Haha. Growing up, I always wish I had a twin. I think your sisters are badass—I’m totally digging their Twin Voodoo and am kind of jealous, not gonna lie.
They’re so pretty and cute for evil masterminds.
So… got anything planned for the weekend? Did you see the commercial on the Sci-Fi channel for the Star Trek Comic Con thing?
Daphne
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Me finally asking you
Dear Daphne,
I don’t usually go to Comic Con events… I’m more of a laid back, lazy poster yielding nerd. I don’t get all crazy and I don’t have any collectible figurines still in the boxes, LOL; fine. A few. But yeah. I did see that commercial but that’s the twins’ family birthday with the whole Ryan side of the family. Grace, Elliot—the whole crazy clan. Are you brave enough? Would you have any interest in going? It’s this Sunday around three.
DPR
Daphne:
Okay, just to clarify… am I going with you this weekend to your sisters’ party as a [fill in blank]?
Dexter:
Date?
Daphne:
Yes. I’m sorry to ask and I know it’s awkward but it will drive me crazy not knowing. But we did go on that FAKE date… so this one is… [fill in blank]?
Dexter:
Not fake. This is me—for once in my life—sucking
it up and putting myself out there; Yeah. I’d like it to be a date. How does two o’clock sound?
Daphne:
I would love that. Two o’clock.
Dexter:
It’s a date.
Daphne:
Hey, it’s me
.
Do you think your mom needs me to bring anything this weekend for the party? Like fruit or something…?
Dexter:
No, don’t worry about it. She’ll have enough food there to feed a small herd of elephants. Or assholes.
Daphne:
:)
Truth? I only asked you that as an excuse to text you. Is that weird?
Dexter:
No weirder than you showing up to bake cookies at my mom’s house
…
Daphne:
Oh god! Please don’t remind me. Tabitha told me that was a horrible idea; I should have listened, but awkwardly… I was already in your mom’s apron.
Dexter:
Truth? I think I dreamt about that apron.
Dexter:
Is that weird?
Daphne:
Maybe someone else might think so, but I don’t. LOL.
Dexter:
I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward, but I bought the twins a gift and signed your name to their card… I figured, since they already think we’re dating, it would be okay.
Daphne:
You are so sweet
.
Yes. That’s absolutely okay.
Daphne:
Shoot. I have a meeting in three minutes. Better get moving. Talk later?
Daphne:
I’m back. Curious about what gift we’re giving the twins?
Dexter:
A spy kit
.
T
he twins love their spy kit.
Fully equipped with magnifying glass, finger printing kit, and baggies to store collected evidence, the cheap child’s spy kit has the sisters bent at the waist, laughing hysterically. Before moving on to open their next gift, Lucy removes the kit’s rubber gloves, snaps them at the wrist, and asks the family members crowded around the room who wants to be their first victim.