There All Along (24 page)

Not rescued. Returned. The Wirthera gave up the ones who came back, but riddled them with nanotriggers before they did. It didn’t seem like the most effective method of infiltration to her, but what did she know? She wasn’t military.

If he knew she watched him, he didn’t acknowledge her. She tapped notes into her handheld, taking stock of the worn paint and splintered bits of wood in places the wind had gouged on the lighthouse. The stone base would weather storms far worse than any she’d ever seen, but she checked them too for cracks or missing mortar. When she’d finished, she looked up to see him standing with his feet together, palms pressed against each other at chest level.

This was the man she’d loved. Borne a child with, who he’d never had the fortune to know. She’d have done anything for him before and would do anything for him now to keep him safe. Sane.

She thought of Venga, a man she’d have sworn would never return to his right mind, yet this morning he’d been clear as glass. And from what? An unexpected prompt. Had he opened the page on his handheld and forgotten it, only to see it in the morning and set his own recovery in motion?

Or had someone left it there for him?

The idea disturbed and intrigued her. Who would’ve done that, and had it been on purpose?

The Rav Aluf and the SDF and the Melek himself had lied to them all for years. What if they were wrong about the soldiers who’d been returned and the nanotriggers they all carried inside them? What if they didn’t need to remember all on their own, without any help?

What if she could prompt Kason to come back to her?

Y
ou must be feeling better,” Teila said to him.

“I couldn’t stay inside any more. The others just sit around doing nothing.”

She laughed ruefully. “They do, indeed. I guess they feel entitled to a little rest.”

He didn’t feel entitled. He felt restless and bored. He felt weak. The exercises he’d been doing had come from the data stream, the first good use of it he’d been able to make. He hadn’t had any more luck in muting it or controlling the flow, but he’d been able to pull something out of it that made sense, and that was quite an accomplishment.

“They’d probably feel better if they worked on something other than their bad moods. You should make them help you out here.” He eyed her handheld upon which she’d been typing. “I’m sure you have a list of chores that need taken care of. Even old Venga could help around here.”

She shrugged and tucked the handheld into the pocket of her robe. “It’s not Venga’s job, or any of theirs, to help here. They’re here to rest and recover however they choose.”

He squinted to try and read her expression. Her tone held no hint of condescension or contempt. “Has there been a lot of damage from the storm?”

“No. The lighthouse was built to withstand even the worst storms. The boathouse will need a new set of doors and nearly all of the windows will have to be replaced. The rest can be repaired, but I can’t fix or replace the scudder.”

“What happened to it?” Without thinking about it, he’d started following her around the curve of the lighthouse and along the shore toward the boathouse.

Teila tugged at the double doors, both of which had splintered and sagged. When she couldn’t get one open enough to get inside, he reached around her to grab it. He might feel weak and out of shape, but he still had the strength to pull the entire door off its broken hinges. In fact, he pulled it so hard with so little resistance that the door flew backwards and broke into several pieces on the hard earth behind them.

Teila stared at him, mouth parted, brows raised.

“Sorry,” he said gruffly. “It wasn’t as stuck as I’d expected.”

Inside the shadows of the boathouse, away from the glare of the suns, it was so much cooler that he drew in a grateful breath. Teila showed him the small scudder, victim to a fallen roof beam. The whole boathouse, as a matter of fact, looked ramshackle and ready to fall over at any minute.

He ran a hand over the punctured hull. “This wouldn’t take much to fix, not with the right tools and materials.”

At first she didn’t answer, but when she did, she put herself directly in front of him. “You could fix this boat.”

He knew he could, but the fact that she seemed to know he could caught his attention. He’d been angry with her before. Furious to the point of violence. But something about the dream he’d had had calmed him. He tilted his head, studying her now.

“I think I could.”

She smiled slightly. “You could. There are tools in the shed. We could order the other supplies for delivery on the next boat. If you want to make yourself useful . . . keep yourself occupied . . .”

“It would be better than sitting around playing cards,” he told her.

“Come on then,” she said. “I’ll show you where they are.”

T
he shed had survived the storm a little better than the boathouse with only minor cosmetic damage. Some of the tools had fallen from their pegs from the wind that had broken one of the windows, and a fine layer of seadust had settled over everything, but that was the worst of it. Teila turned to look at Kason, who’d followed her inside. This had been his place. His tools. Would he remember?

“Nice setup,” was all he said. “This should have everything I need. I can get you a list of materials for the boat repairs once I’ve checked it out.” He turned and caught her staring. “I’ll pay for them, of course. I’m sure my pension will cover it. At least . . . I think it will.”

“You have plenty of money,” she assured him. “But you don’t have to pay for the boat. It’s mine. I’ll order the supplies. I’ll pay you for your labor, too.”

“You won’t.”

She tucked the inside of her cheek against her teeth to keep herself from smiling. “Of course I will. I’d have to pay someone else, and there’d be no guarantee the work would be any good. Plus, I’d have to wait forever for anyone to get here, and I’m sure they’d expect room and board while they stayed. I could buy a new scudder for a fraction of the cost of repairing it, if I had to bring someone in. You’re already here. And I know you can do the work to my standards.”

He eyed her. “Do you?”

“Yes,” Teila told him, her gaze locked on him. “I do.”

Tension spun between them, thin as a glass filament and as fragile. She waited for his anger and wouldn’t have blamed him for it. His eyes narrowed for a moment, but the corner of his mouth twitched upward.

“You know more than I do, then. I’m not sure I know what half of these do.” He gestured at the tools.

She looked them over, remembering the times she’d come in search of him for the evening meal and found him in this very place, using those same tools. He’d made her many lovely things, though he’d never worked on another pleasure cruiser.

“You’ll figure it out,” she told him. “I have faith.”

He caught her sleeve when she turned to go. “I had a dream last night.”

She waited for him to go on, and when he didn’t right away, she said, “I’m sure you had more than one.”

“It seemed like more than a dream.”

“Ah.” She moved a little closer, though not so close as to make this awkward even though she couldn’t stop herself from remembering what it was like for him to pull her into his arms.

“Not like the other sort,” he said in a low voice. “The ones from the Wirthera. It wasn’t like those, either.”

“I’m glad.”

Kason looked at her. “I think you were in it.”

This surprised and pleased her so much she couldn’t hide it in her expression. “What was I doing?”

“I think you were trying to help me.”

“I would like to help you,” she said, swallowing around the lump of emotion she didn’t dare let overtake her.

He studied her. “You help everyone here, Teila. Don’t you?”

She thought of Venga, who’d been in her care for so long but had never improved from anything she’d ever done. “I try.”

Kason went to the bench and lifted several of the tools, blowing off the dust. He turned in a slow circle to look all around the shed before focusing on her again. “Is there a reason why you can’t tell me what you know about me?”

“Yes,” she said hesitantly.

He nodded. “It’s because of the Wirthera? Something they did to me?”

Rules. Guidelines. The training she’d undergone before they would allow her to take on even one soldier. All of it shuttered her mouth. It was hard to throw it all away, even knowing about the lies. Even believing there was a way to help him.

She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

He looked thoughtful. “You think it would be dangerous to tell me.”

“Yes,” Teila said.

“But you did it.”

She nodded. “Yes. I did.”

“Because you want to help me.”

She smiled. “Yes. Because I want to help you.”

“Why do you want to help me, Teila?”

That question was far more dangerous to answer, but as he stared into her eyes, she thought that maybe he’d begun to know.

I
t was disheartening to realize he still had physical limitations. He’d spent much of the day cleaning the shed, wiping each tool and inspecting it for damage and also to familiarize himself with them. They felt right in his hands, more right than anything else he could remember.

He discovered something else as he returned each tool to its place and tested a few on some pieces of scrap wood from the pile in the corner. When he focused on the tools and their functions, the data stream faded. It didn’t disappear. He thought it probably never would. But when he worked with the tools, he found he could ignore it, at least for a little while.

He found Billis in the yard with Vikus nearby. “Hey. I need your help with the scudder.”

Billis nodded, but Vikus gave him a narrow-eyed look. “What are you going to do with it?”

“It got damaged in the storm. I told Teila I’d try to fix it.”

“That makes sense—” Billis began, but Vikus elbowed him hard enough to make him double over.

“Shut up,” Vikus told him. To Jodah, he said, “You better make sure it’s safe for her.”

Jodah frowned. “Of course I would. Why would you think I’d do anything else?”

Billis looked shame-faced. Vikus didn’t. Squaring his shoulders, he moved closer to Jodah. “She goes out it in alone, you know. So you’d better make sure it’s fixed right, that’s all.”

“I will.” The younger man’s belligerence might’ve made him angry, except that he so clearly acted out of concern for Teila. Jodah clapped him on the shoulder. “Trust me.”

“I don’t.” Vikus shook his head and backed away. “But she does.”

The three of them were easily able to pull the damaged scudder from the boathouse and carry it to the shed, where they put it up on the wooden frame Jodah had built. The younger men left him there to pursue their own tasks, and Jodah got to work.

When he began, he wasn’t sure if he remembered what to do from previous experiences or if somehow the progression of tasks just seemed natural. He decided that it didn’t matter. As he moved from step to step in the project, all his tensions began to fade. He worked as the suns moved across the sky, so absorbed in his work he didn’t even stop to eat.

“That’s Mao’s boat.” The small voice piped up from just outside the doorway.

Jodah looked up to see Teila’s son peeking in at him. He paused to make sure the whirring saw he’d been using to trim away the damaged wood was well out of the way. “Yes. I’m fixing it for her. Want to come in and help me?”

The boy looked solemn. “Amira Densi says I’m not to bother you.”

“It’s no bother. My father never let me—” Jodah stopped, flickers of memory rising to his mind’s surface like the shadow of a reflection in a mug of caffah. “He never let me help him with anything. He always said I’d get in the way.”

The boy sidled his way into the shed, but didn’t come any closer. Jodah didn’t try to make him, either, but he did keep an eye on him as he finished removing the damaged wood and tossed it into the pile of scraps. This left a fist-sized hole in the bottom of the scudder. Carefully, Jodah put the saw away and gestured to the boy.

“Come here, Stephin. Look at this.”

Reluctantly, the boy came closer, though he looked ready to run at any minute. Jodah held out his hand, fingers curling. Stephin didn’t take it, but he did move within grabbing distance. It was a start.

“You see the hole here?”

The boy nodded. “It will make the boat sink if the sand gets in.”

“Yes. So we have to fix it. See how I cut away all the ragged pieces?” Step by step, Jodah walked Stephin through the repair. Smoothing the edges of the hole, cutting a new piece of wood big enough to repair it, affixing the patch.

They hadn’t gotten further than picking out a piece of scrap wood big enough to make the patch when the shed door opened and Teila came in. “Stephin! By the Three, you scared the life out of us! Amira Densi has been looking everywhere for you. You know better than to just go away without telling anyone.”

“She was sleeping,” the boy said. “I couldn’t wake her up.”

Teila shook him a little by the shoulder. Not hard or rough, but firm. Then she gathered him into her arms for a hug, which he protested, as she looked over his shoulder at Jodah.

“I’m sorry if he was bothering you.”

“He was no bother. Really. He was a great help. He can come help me anytime.”

The way to a man’s heart was well known to be between his legs, but the way to a woman’s could very well be through her child, he thought. At this thought, that he wanted a way to her heart, the data stream became clear and blinding again. Wincing, Jodah put his hand to his temples to press away the pain.

“Stephin, go inside and find Amira Densi and tell her you’re sorry for scaring her.” When the boy made a small protest, Teila gave him a serious look. “Go. Now.”

When he’d gone, she turned to Jodah. “It’s not good for him to go off without telling anyone.”

“The boy’s old enough to be allowed some freedom.”

It was the wrong thing to say, he saw that at once. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth went grim. He might not remember much about his life, but he instinctively knew when he’d pissed off a woman.

“You think so? You think he should be allowed to wander around by himself? He’s four years old. You think he should be allowed to go where he pleases? Maybe you think he ought to make himself at home in the sea, ride the back of a whale? That would be a fitting occupation for a four-year-old, would it?”

“If you never give him any freedom, how can you ever expect him to learn any caution?” Jodah set the tools to the side of the workbench and dusted his hands on the seat of his robes.

“I realize,” she said in a voice as chilly as the sunsless night, “that you think you’re being helpful, but you’re not.”

He didn’t need another hint. Jodah held up his hands, conciliatory. “You’re right. I’m sorry. He’s not my son, I shouldn’t interfere.”

Teila made a startled sound as he turned to face her. “It’s just that he hasn’t had . . . there hasn’t been . . . anyone. To be a father to him.”

The pride in her expression moved him. They stared at each other across the small space, a heat that had little to do with the suns overhead rising between them. He understood a lot about her now, or at least he thought he did.

“Nobody for you, either.”

Her eyelids fluttered a few times before she ducked her head. Then she covered her eyes with her hand. Her shoulders heaved.

He’d made her cry.

The fucking they’d done hadn’t been about seduction. He’d taken her—though not by force, at least there was that. He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he knew he’d done that. But it had been under false pretenses on his part. He’d wondered at her motivation for allowing him the use of her body. Now he understood.

“Come here,” he told her.

Teila looked up at him with wet eyes and parted lips. At first she didn’t move, but then slowly, one foot in front of the other, she went to him. He pushed the weight of her hair off her shoulders so it fell down her back. Then, unable to help himself, he gathered it in his hands and pulled her close to him.

She smelled so good. He breathed her in again and again. Again. He pressed his face to the fall of her hair, his hands roaming over her back. She was so small, yet not delicate.

“You’re strong,” he whispered into her ear. “Do you know how strong you are?”

Her arms went around him. “I don’t feel strong.”

“You are.” He rubbed her back in slow circles, feeling the knobs of her bones through her robes. Lower, over her hips and then to her rear, which he cupped to pull her against him.

It should’ve made sense. He’d been without real human contact for a long time. Without a real woman’s touch. It should’ve been nothing but natural for him to want her . . . except that it was just her and only her who affected him this way. Pera’s overtures had left him cold.

He needed her mouth. Her tongue. He needed to taste and feel her, to be inside her. When his fingers threaded through her hair, she moaned and pressed against him. Her breasts, so full, beckoned for his kisses, and he pulled open the laces of her robes to get at them.

The skin there was paler, more golden than the rest of her skin. Her nipples, the color of sweet wine and as delicious. He suckled them, groaning as her sweetness exploded on his tongue.

His cock was aching, rock hard. He lifted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist, her robes falling open so he could still get at the sensitive flesh beneath. She shook her head, murmuring what sounded like a protest but became a plea when he rubbed his erection between her legs.

He walked her to the workbench and settled her ass on it. Kissing her mouth, he worked a hand between her thighs to find her clit. She was wet already, her cunt slick and hot. He slipped his fingers inside, relishing the way she shuddered as he curled them upward. His thumb pressed her clit. His other hand captured the back of her neck, holding her to his mouth even as she squirmed.

He wanted her to beg him to take her.

He first spread her legs, then her labia, and found the pearl of her clit with his tongue. The workbench creaked as Teila arched under his mouth. Her fingers dug into his hair, pulling hard enough to sting. His hands lifted her ass, holding her still as he worked between her legs.

She cried out when she came, bucking against his lips. Her taste flooded him, sending shocks of pleasure straight to his cock. He looked up and found her glassy-eyed, mouth moist from the swipe of her tongue over her lips. Her hair had tumbled over her shoulders and forehead.

She drew in a breath and made as though to speak, but he didn’t give her the chance. His mouth was on hers, silencing everything but her moan. He shifted her to the edge of the workbench. His cock nudged her entrance, but he didn’t push inside. He pressed his thumb to her clit, moving it in infinitesimal circles, feeling the pulse of her orgasm still beating there.

His eyes met hers. She licked her mouth again, and though he desperately wanted to kiss her, he held off. His thumb moved, slow. Slow. His cockhead pressed her.

The suns had set. The automatic solar lights in the shed had come on, bathing her in golden light. The heater hadn’t come on, however. Teila shivered. When he put his fingers to his mouth to taste her, never letting his gaze leave hers, she gave a low cry, her body jerking.

Jodah kept the circling pressure steady on her clit. It swelled under his attentions, her flesh slippery and swollen. He eased the head of his cock the tiniest bit inside her, the feeling of her wetness on him making it nearly impossible for him not to slam inside her—but he managed. The cold air had begun making him shiver too, though the heat between them rose so fiercely he barely noticed the chill.

“I want to know you want me,” he told her.

“I want you,” she said at once, her longing clear in her voice. “So much.”

He shook his head. Slow, slow circles. A little deeper inside her. “I want to make sure it’s me you want.”

Teila blinked and wet her mouth again. She linked her hands behind his neck and put her forehead to his. Her voice was hoarse. Raw. “I want you . . . Jodah. You.”

With a low groan, he seated himself all the way inside her. She gasped, her fingernails digging into his shoulders. Her teeth sank into his neck. Her cunt clenched around him.

He pumped into her slowly, then faster as the pleasure built. Kissing her, he breathed in. She breathed out. Everything about her felt so good, better than any dream ever had. Better than anything he could remember.

Jodah spent himself inside her, her name on his mouth when he came. Blinking, he focused on her face. She smiled at him.

And all at once, he was overtaken by darkness.