ThePleasureDevice (20 page)

Helena’s heart skipped a beat. “You love me?”

He grinned. “I love you, Helena. I really do.”

It tormented her that they had to comport themselves
properly even in the absence of others. “I love you too, Nicky.”

He chuckled.

“What is it?”

“You called me ‘Nicky’. Only Lavinia and my family ever call
me that.”

“Well,” she began honestly, “I would like to be considered
as such an intimate one day.” She tugged at his fingers. “Nicky, tell me about
your family.”

He told his story, some of it the same as what Lavinia had
told her the previous night, but more revealing of his own deeply held feelings
surrounding all the events of his past. She listened intently as he confessed
the violence of his family history to her, watched the emotion twisting on his
face, wanting so much to comfort him as the memories were still so painful and
wishing she could have been there for him—which, she realized, was nonsense as
she would have been only a child. When he was finished, he looked exhausted and
yet somehow relieved that it was all out of him.

There was one thing he hadn’t told her, something she knew
was so very important to him and dear to his heart. “What was your mother like?”

His face brightened. “She was beautiful, not just because
she was a lovely woman, but because she was also such a gentle, kind person.”
He looked around the library. “She liked novels quite a bit but sometimes I
think it was because stories helped her escape from the truth of her own life.”
He noticed the Jane Austen in Helena’s hand. “She liked
Persuasion
, it
was her favorite. It’s a tale of fearing one has made an incredibly bad
decision in life, only to find there is still hope.”

Out of frustration from wanting to wrap her arms around him
and kiss him, Helena played with his fingers, pulling and tugging. Nicholas
stilled her hand.

“Did I forget anything?”

A wicked notion took hold of her. “I want to know about your
first time.”

“My first time?” He raised his brow in astonishment. “You
mean with a woman?”

“Yes.”

“I really don’t think I should tell you.”

“I want to know.” She lowered her voice. “If I am to give
you my first time, I want to know about yours.”

“All right,” he agreed. “It was the summer before I went to
university. There had been quite a drunken row between my father and myself, so
I left on horseback. I really had no idea where I was going, I just rode on for
hours.” His palm caressed the top of her hand. “Eventually my poor horse started
to complain. I stopped at a tavern and had some supper. There was a serving
girl there who struck my fancy and, I suppose, I struck hers. She was older
than I, not by much, but certainly more experienced. I decided to stay there
for the night and she came to my room and didn’t leave until morning.”

Helena was mesmerized. “Was it nice?’

“It was nothing and yet everything like I had imagined. Yes,”
he chuckled, “it was quite nice.”

“Did you think yourself in love with her?”

“Maybe at one point I wondered if I could love her but it
just seemed like such a natural thing to do that one didn’t really need love to
perform the physical act.”

Helena looked up at him. “Nicholas, I’ll run away with you.”

He stood up, dropping her hand. “Oh no, you will not! I’m
not running away any more.” He paced nervously, then noticed something on
Lavinia’s library desk. He picked it up and brought it to her. “I had a present
for you yesterday. I came to Lavinia’s straight away after seeing your father,
but she chastised me for visiting my lover so soon after proposing marriage. I
guess I left it here.”

Helena took the small package from him.

“Open it.”

She pulled away the wrapping to reveal a small leather
volume. She touched the smooth binding, then gently turned the gilded pages. “Nicholas,
this is wonderful! Will you tell me all about it?”

* * * * *

Lavinia had to prepare herself for the guest waiting for her
in the morning room. She drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders before
opening the door.

Mr. Phillips had not bothered to sit. When she entered, he
stood glaring at her.

“Where is my daughter? I’ve just been to Charlotte’s and she
said Helena might be here.”

Obviously there were to be no pleasantries. “She is, Mr.
Phillips.”

“I want to see her. Now.” His voice was steady but perhaps
overly controlled.

“No. Not until you explain yourself.”

“Explain myself? Who the hell do you think you are?” The
control cracked just a little.

“Whoever I am, Helena came to me for refuge, for
understanding, for safety.” Lavinia was surprised at how incensed she was
becoming.

“You are this man’s lover, are you not?”

“Nicholas? Yes. I won’t deny that and neither will he. It is
my understanding you have such arrangements in America as well.”

Mr. Phillips grunted at that. “Why should I let him marry my
daughter?”

“Besides the fact that they are in love with each other?”

“What is love to an eighteen-year-old girl?”

“I could ask you that very same question, Mr. Phillips. I
believe Sophia was the same age as Helena when she fell in love with you.”

“That was different!”

“How so?”

He stood and paced. “Okay. You got me. But it was different.
I’m different. I mean from that young man. He’s from a violent family. A family
that uses guns to solve their problems. I have seen what that can do to people.
I will not have my daughter involved with that.”

Lavinia sat on the couch. “Mr. Phillips, I understand
completely how you feel. I too despise violence. It is a form of cowardice,
really, if you ask me. Nicholas hated being in such an environment so much so,
he gave up his inheritance and forsook his family. He even went so far as to
change his name, his identity.”

“Changing one’s name does not alter one’s inherent nature.
If he’s from a violent family, he will have violence in him.”

“Nicholas ran far away from the violence, and not just with
distance. He became a doctor so he could help people, heal people. Look, I’ve
known him since he was a child. He’s never been like his father or his brother.
Perhaps more like his mother, but really quite different from the rest of the
family. He’s always had a keen interest in how things work, in science. Such
curiosity lends itself to creation, not destruction.”

A glimmer in Mr. Phillips’ eye indicated he was coming
around, ever so slightly. Still, he would not give in. “How is it that you know
him?”

“I knew his mother, Louisa, for years. We were very close. She
was like an older sister to me. When the earl and Louisa came to town, we two
girls were quite inseparable. She used to stay here with my husband and me
sometimes, despite the fact that at that time there was still a London property
owned by the family. Unfortunately, when she was at the estate with the earl
and Jack, there was no one there to protect her. I knew all of this was going
on and I counseled her she should seek divorce.”

Mr. Phillips’ shock at the notion was unexpected.

“But her devotion to her family meant she would never do
such a thing even if it meant enduring physical and emotional pain. Mr.
Phillips, you should know she adored Nicholas, and he her. It hurt him terribly
to leave her, he even asked that she go with him, but she would not leave her
husband. He took her maiden name of Ramsay after she died.” Painful memories
swelled inside her. She drew in a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut
against the tears.

He sat down on the couch next to her, elbows on his knees,
his hands flailing, as if at a loss what to do. “Helena is my life. You must
understand this.”

“I do, truly, I very much understand. As Nicholas’ wife she
will be his life. He will adore her and protect her and keep her happy. Trust
me. He is a wonderful companion.” Lavinia steadied her breathing to further
calm her emotions, enabling her to see more clearly an unexpected aspect of a
father’s apprehension. “And in case you are concerned about her physical
satisfaction, he is a wonderful lover as well.”

Mr. Phillips blushed. “I don’t think I need to know that,
Lady Foxley-Graham.”

“Oh yes, you do. It is important to you and Sophia, I know.”
She squeezed his hand. “Shall we go see them?”

“Them?” He looked at her hopefully.

“Nicholas is here. They are in the library together.”

Mr. Phillips seemed somehow cheered by the notion. “Yes,
yes. I think I would like that.”

* * * * *

Nicholas grabbed another volume from the shelves and put it
on the pile next to Helena on the window seat. “That one too.”

“Oh Nicky, this is going to be so much fun.” Helena clapped
her hands in excitement.

Mr. Phillips cleared his throat.

Engrossed in the task at hand, and with Helena, Nicholas had
not heard Lavinia and Mr. Phillips enter the library. Alarm coursed through
him. He glanced at Lavinia, who simply raised a brow and smirked.

“Papa!” Helena exclaimed with a twinge of fear in her voice.

Mr. Phillips’ face lit up as he approached his daughter. “I’m
relieved that you are safe, sweet. Your mother and I have worried so.” He held
out his arms.

Helena gave him a quick hug. “I am safe, Papa.”

“It appears that you are.” He studied her. “It appears you
are also very happy.”

Helena blushed. “I am very happy when I am with Nicholas,
Papa.”

“I see.”

It was clear that Mr. Phillips did not want to give in too
readily.

“Look, Papa. He gave me a present.”

Helena held out the book he had given her. Her father turned
the small leather-bound volume over in his hands before opening it to the title
page. He proceeded to review it, turning the pages carefully. He looked at his
daughter, then at Nicholas.

“It’s Pliny’s
Naturalis Historia
, sir,” Nicholas
offered.

“Goodness. Does Helena read Latin?”

Nicholas quashed a grin. “A little, it appears. I’m happy to
help her learn more, sir, as you can see.” He pointed to the stack of books,
which were mostly Latin grammars and dictionaries.

“Yes, I see.” Mr. Phillips seemed a bit overwhelmed. “Helena,
I would like to have a private word with the earl.”

Nicholas wasn’t sure if he should be worried or hopeful.

“Helena,” Lavinia said gently. “Let’s go to the garden,
shall we? I’ve some lovely flowers.”

Helena glanced at Nicholas, who nodded. Still, she
hesitated. It was obvious she did not want to leave him alone with her father.

Nicholas took her hands in his. “Helena, I’ll be down
shortly. Go with Lavinia. She has her very own rose named for her.” His voice
was calm, concealing the anxiety that tore through him. He watched as the two
women left, then stared down at his feet as he shifted uncomfortably.

“May I call you Nicholas?”

It was the most disarming thing Mr. Phillips could have
said. “Yes.” Nicholas met his eyes, now slightly less afraid to look at the
man. “I’ve never used a title. I fear it will take some getting used to being
called ‘my lord’ and such.”

“What will Helena be called if she marries you?”

“She would be the Countess of St. Albans or Lady St. Albans.”
Nicholas did not want to appear too enthusiastic about the prospect, but his
voice betrayed him.

Mr. Phillips chuckled. “That’s a mouthful.”

“Yes, sir.” Nicholas hardly knew what to say in response.

“I expect it will please Sophia, though. Did you know she
was once Lady Sophia Harwell? The daughter of a marquess, no less. She could
still be called the Lady Sophia Phillips, but I thought all that was
balderdash. We fought a revolution so we could be rid of your aristocratic
nonsense.” Mr. Phillips sat on the window seat and peered down at the garden. “It
looks as if I’ve been beaten in this war, though.”

Nicholas hoped he had heard correctly. “Sir?”

Mr. Phillips smiled at him. “Do you have a ring, son?”

His heart jumped. “Yes, sir. In my pocket.” Nicholas brought
out the delicate gold band set with the greenest of emeralds flanked by two
tiny diamonds.

“That is beautiful,” Mr. Phillips said with genuine awe. He
quickly looked at Nicholas. “You didn’t have this made for her, did you?”

“No, sir. It was my mother’s. Lavinia had been safekeeping
it and my mother’s wedding ring since her death.”

“It will look stunning on Helena’s hand.”

“Sir?” Nicholas decided to not bother covering up his
jubilance. “Do you mean, sir—”

“Yes, yes, you have my permission to marry my daughter.”

“Thank you, sir.” Nicholas grabbed Mr. Phillips’ hands and
shook them vigorously. “I promise I will put her happiness before my own.”

Mr. Phillips chuckled. “We all say that, Nicholas. Let me
offer you some advice, son, as someone who’s been married for as long as Helena
has been alive.” He noticed Nicholas’ smile. “Yes, and now you know my little
secret. Sophie and I couldn’t wait until we were married.”

“Sir,” Nicholas said nervously, “please know there has been
nothing improper between Helena and me.”

“No, no, I’m sure there has not been. I trust my daughter in
that regard.” Mr. Phillips sighed. “When I met Sophie, I thought her the most
beautiful girl in the world. We were both of us very young, neither knowing
anything about being married. But I realized I had been attracted to her not
just because of her beauty but because of who she was, how we got on with each
other, made each other laugh, trusted each other. We are best friends, really,
and I simply could not live without her. I want that for my Helena. I want her
to be with her best friend, a man she can talk to about anything, a man she can
trust with her life, her heart, her happiness.”

Nicholas feared his heart would burst from overwhelming joy.
“Sir, I am very much looking forward to being Helena’s best friend.”