Then Comes Marriage (27 page)

“Yeah, that’s fine with me. Lazy beach day?”
 

“Hell yes. Do you still have that cabana rental?”
 

“I do. And I have a couples’ massage booked for tonight, if you’d like to go. I do,” she adds.
 

“That sounds amazing, actually. We can get dinner at the hotel.”
 

“And watch the sunset?”
 

I take her hand. “If that’s what you want, then of course.”
 

Her fingers intertwine with mine and she gives my hand a squeeze. She doesn’t let go until we drop the car off at the rental center. It’s a quick shuttle ride back to the resort.

“Do you want to get your stuff and then go to my room?” Rachel asks. “I need to shower and change.”
 

I nod, snaking my arm around her, and give her a kiss. “A shower is a good idea.”
 

Rachel tips her head up, looking at the cloudless sky before we step into the hotel lobby. “It’s going to be a perfect beach day. Oh! I almost forgot. We can order food and have it delivered to the cabana! Drinks too of course. I don’t know about you but I’m still hungry. That banana bread was good but—”

She comes to an abrupt stop, mouth hanging open but no words come out. Her body stiffens and her hand that’s still in mine, trembles. I look at her, following her line of vision, and see the man she’s staring at.
 

Before anything is said, I know it’s her ex. He’s sitting on the couch in the lobby, holding a bouquet of roses. He stands when he sees Rachel.
 

“What are you doing here?” Rachel rasps, taking her hand out of mine. She wraps her arms around herself, so put off by the sight of her ex that she’s physically guarding herself.
 

“Rachel,” he says and takes a step forward. His eyes flit to me, then back to Rachel. “I miss you so much.”
 

I take in a steady breath, mind whirling with what to do. I want to pummel the guy for hurting Rachel, but know that’s not a good choice…not right now. I’ll step in if I need to in a heartbeat, but I know Rachel can hold her own.
 

“No,” she says, head moving back and forth. “You can’t do this. You don’t get to do this.”
 

“I’m not doing anything other than telling you I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” her ex—Travis—says, voice thick with emotion. I believe that he is sorry for losing her, because only a complete fool wouldn’t be. But I can tell right away that he’s not sorry for what he did. He’s only sorry Rachel caught him. “You have no idea how hard this has been for me. Knowing you’re here without me hurts. Rachel, please. I came all this way because I still love you. Please, Rach. I messed up, I know I did. But we can go back to being happy like we were before. Rachel, I love you.”
 

Rachel grinds her jaw, face set, but I can see the emotion in her eyes. Her fingers dig into her skin and she takes a step back. This is making her uncomfortable.
 

“You messed up for a really long time and didn’t give a shit,” she says, voice wavering. “And you’d probably still be ‘messing up’ if I hadn’t come home early that night. When would it have stopped?”
 

That’s my girl
.

“Things would have changed. Things would have gotten better.”
 

“When?” she asks, throwing her hands up. “When would you have gained a conscience? What would be the wakeup call that what you were doing was wrong?”
 

Travis casts his eyes down, looking dejected. “I…I don’t know. You were at work so much, and I—”

“I told you, don’t you dare blame me,” Rachel hisses. “I did nothing wrong. You messed up. You did this. I did nothing wrong!” she repeats, voice rising. “And now you’re here? Did you really think I’d forgive you?”
 

Travis twists the roses in his hands, looking around the lobby at the people watching the exchange. Ego bruised, he turns from sorry lover to the asshole he really is. He glares at me.
 

“What the hell is this?”
 

“It’s none of your business,” Rachel says.
 

“It
is
my business! I came here to win you back!”

“Win me back?” Rachel scoffs. “I’m not a prize. You lied to me. You cheated on me. You can’t
win me back
like I’m some sort of trophy you lost in a poker game.”
 

“Don’t you love me?”

Rachel inhales and looks down. “I did. But I don’t anymore. We’re done. Over. There is no going back.”

“I can see coming here was a mistake since you’ve already moved on. You’re such a fucking slut. I’m sorry I wasted my
time.”
 

“What did you say?” I demand, stepping in front of Rachel. “Do you really want to call her a slut when you fucked several other women while you were engaged?”

“Who the hell are you?” Travis asks, pushing his shoulders back. I know his type, and have dealt with it many times before in my line of work. I can size him up in on glance: his arms are muscular, but the rest of him isn’t. He works out solely for looks, yet thinks he’s a badass and can fight anyone.

Bring it, fucker.

“It doesn’t matter who I am,” I say, advancing. “It’s assholes like you that give men a bad name. She’s single. She’s an adult. What she wants to do with her personal life is none of your concern and certainly doesn’t make her a slut.”
 

Travis scoffs. “Says the guy she’s fucking. God, Rachel, you’re so pathetic.”
 

I ball my fist, ready to hit him. “Say that again. Insult her one more time.”
 

Rachel grabs my arm, stepping in front of me. “I will never get back with you,” she says through clenched teeth. “I know you’re only saying these mean things because you’re upset. Go now before you make a bigger fool of yourself.”
 

“You’re the fool,” he spits. “Just look at what you’re doing!” His eyes to go Rachel’s hand that’s still holding onto my arm. “You think you can run away and get on with your life like nothing happened? You’ve always been fucking crazy with your head in the clouds. Have fun when you get back to the real world and you realize whatever stupid fling you’re having is over and you’re even more alone.”
 

Rachel’s eyes fill with tears and she turns her head down, but I don’t think it’s because she’s hurt by his insults.

It’s because she knows they’re true. Not the part about her being crazy, but the part of going back into the real world where she and I aren’t even in the same state.
 

Travis mutters something incoherent and walks away, throwing the flowers in the trash. My breath leaves me, loosening the knot in my chest that formed as I held back my physical rage.
 

“Are you okay?” I ask Rachel. She shuts her eyes and inhales, then nods. I step in close and take her hand. She brings it to her face and presses her lips against my fingers. A shiver goes down my spine and I want to take her back to that crappy motel room and make love to her again and again, not thinking, not caring about anything but each other.
 

“I will be. I mean, I am okay.”
 

“I can’t believe you wanted to marry that asshole,” I stupidly blurt. It sounds harsh out loud, not like the compliment I somehow meant it as.

She shakes her head. “I know. But he wasn’t always horrible, and he only said those things because he’s upset. He did come all this way to see me.”
 

“Are you defending him?”

“Yes. No. I…I don’t know.” She pushes her hands into her hair. “I just don’t know.”
 

I take her hands in mine. “It’s okay.”
 

Her eyes fill with tears. “Is it? Is anything about this okay? I went on my honeymoon alone and I…I haven’t been alone,” she says softly. She twists her hair between her fingers, and I hate how unnerved this is making her. “Is what I’m doing wrong? Maybe he’s right, maybe I’m—”

“No,” I interrupt. “Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. Nothing you’re doing is wrong. You are a grown woman and can do whatever the hell you want.”
 

“I know,” she says, voice wavering. “But that doesn’t mean it’s right. I’m supposed to be on my honeymoon, and here we are. Isn’t that messed up? I shouldn’t have done this. God, I was a fool to think I could come here, have fun, and get the hell on with my life.”
 

He got into her head and I can’t pull him out. He’s probably been there for years, slowly tearing her down so he can build her back the way he wants. But Rachel is too strong for that. She’ll figure it out again…she just needs to be reminded.
 

“You didn’t get married,” I start and curse myself again. There’s a reason I’m a cop and not a poet. “When one door closes another opens, or something like that, right? You took a shitty situation and turned it into something fun. Not a lot of people can say they did that. You made it this far without giving up. You
are
getting on with your life. And some things are out of your control. You have to accept that and let go.”

My own words are like a slap in the face. I told her not to do exactly what I’ve been doing for the last year. Rachel blinks, and tears spill down her face.
 

“Thank you,” she whispers and stands on her toes to kiss me. Her lips are a mixture of berry lipgloss and salty water from her tears. “Thank you for everything.”
 

Why does this sound like a goodbye? My heart is aching and I want nothing more than to pick her up and carry her away to somewhere safe, somewhere she doesn’t have to feel such pain.

“I’m sorry,” she says and pulls away, keeping her head down to hide her tears. “Derek, you’ve given me more than—”

“Ohhh hey!” someone calls. “Rachel! Derek! Hey!”
 

I blink and turn, forgetting that Rachel and I were standing in the hotel lobby surrounded by other people. Funny how everything else fades away to nothing when she’s around.
 

“Hey! Hey!” Kelly is waving wildly, her heels clacking on the shiny tile as she hurries to us. “Ah! So glad we ran into you! It’s our last day—wahhh, right? We’re grabbing lunch before heading to the airport. You have to join us! We never got the chance to actually sit down and talk. Are you hungry? I’m starving!”
 

My stomach grumbles at the thought of food. “Yeah, but we just got in and wanted to rest.” I put my arm around Rachel and get hit with so many conflicting emotions it drains me. Resting really does seem like a good idea.
 

“It’s fine,” Rachel says softly. “I know you’re hungry. And I am too.” She quickly wipes her eyes and puts on that armor. “We’d love to join you. She beams and places one hand on my chest. “Wouldn’t we, honey?”
 

“Yeah…as long as you’re okay with it?” I ask quietly.
 

Her eyes flit to the hall her ex walked down, and I know she’s wondering, worrying more likely, that she’s going to see him again. Leaving the hotel lessens that chance.

“I am. We need to eat, anyway.”
 

“Ahh! Great. Lemme text the husband—hah! There I go again. Husband! Anyhoo, I’ll tell him to add two more chairs to the table. He went ahead and snagged us a spot. I was still upstairs doing my hair.” She pats a red ringlet. “Gotta look good and all, right?”
 

Rachel takes a deep breath and exhales, and I can almost see the negative energy coming off of her. I need to learn how to do that. I apprehensively take her hand and walk with Kelly to the café on the shore. She’s gabbing on and on about some sort of drama with the airlines. Rachel follows along, laughing at the right moments so it appears like she’s listening and cares.
 

I don’t even try.

Because my world just got turned upside down. Again. Only I didn’t realize it had been leveled.
 

I spent so much time being angry at the world I stopped thinking about being happy again. I gave up hoping it was possible. But it is. Because I am happy. There’s no way I’m going to let this go. There is no way I’m going to look back at this and wonder what if.
 

I’ll do whatever it takes to make things work between us, to give this our best shot. Even if Rachel decides she doesn’t want to follow through with this—with us—I’ll know I tried my best.

“It’s almost over,” Kelly says when we sit down at the table and put in drink orders. “I do not want to leave and get back to work.”
 

“What do you do?” Rachel asks, pulling apart her straw wrapper.

“I was an editor for a local paper,” she says. “But I don’t have a job right now. Davy and I lived twelve hours apart until the wedding.”
 

“I told her not to worry about work,” David says. “I plan to knock her up and keep her home as the perfect housewife.”
 

Kelly squeals like that’s the best thing ever. Rachel’s eyes widen and she steals a quick what-the-fuck glance at me.
 

“I’ve done a few freelance jobs before,” Kelly goes on. “I’ll probably do that on the side while raising our babies.” She puts her hand over her stomach. “We’re hoping to have one soon! We started trying on our wedding night.” She turns to her husband and kisses him. “I just love him so much. We can’t wait to start a family! What about you two? Any family plans?”

“Uh,” Rachel sputters. Her eyebrows go up and she’s looking more like her care-free self. “Maybe in a few years, ya know, since we’re both government agents.”
 

“Oh, right. I almost forgot.” Kelly reaches for her glass of water and takes a drink. “His mom is so ready for grandkids. My mom…not so much. She thinks we met and got married too soon, but when it’s true love, it doesn’t matter. Love and time don’t mesh, am I right? It doesn’t matter if we got married two months or two years after meeting each other. We’d still be married in the end.”
 

It’s a simple way of looking at things, one that skips over the logic of getting to know each other fully, to expose any skeletons in the closet and make sure things are real before taking the plunge into a legally binding contract.