The Years Between (15 page)

Will approached him when no one else was around. Stepping in front of him, he blocked Logan in the corner of the deck. Easily, in a casual tone, he said, “So, I understand you had some choice words to say to my wife.”

Logan turned, looking startled when he found Will looming over him, who was purposely trying to appear bigger and more menacing than he really was. The other man swallowed and his eyes widened. Will knew he was being an ass. He didn’t often use his sheer bulk to intimidate anyone beyond the duties of his job. But he could not stand having Jessie feel bad again. Not anymore. For so long, he did nothing to help her. Now, he couldn’t stand to let it pass. He had to make sure the dumbass didn’t bring it up again, or say anything rude to Jessie about it.

“Uh, no. It was a misunderstanding. Bella’s since explained it to me and we’re all good. Jessie didn’t tell you?”

“Oh, she told me. But still, I don’t like having my wife humiliated. I don’t like having her upset. Do you understand me?”

The man nodded, and his face turned pale.

Hearing movement behind and shuffling around, he glanced over his shoulder to see Jessie storming up to him. Her short legs were trying to stomp over the deck. “Will Hendricks, stop it!” Her voice was loud and sharp and her face was red. She glanced past him at Logan. “What are you doing?” The horror in her voice was evident.

He turned to her and grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. She was scowling at him. “Defending your honor.”

“Defending my… oh my God! You are not.”

“I am. I was doing a good job of it too. You should be swooning with gratitude.”

“You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“He started it. He shouldn’t have tried to upset you.”

“That was months ago. And they thought I was a porn star, not some tragic, abuse victim. So stop it.”

Logan’s head bobbed between them. He looked seriously nervous, and unsure if Will intended to merely talk to him or not. Will grinned even wider. He liked being able, for once, to defend Jessie.

Jessie stepped towards Logan. “I’m so sorry, Logan. Please forgive Will. He’s just had a few too many days in combat. He suffers from some kind of mental disorder. Maybe PTSD.”

His mouth dropped open as she spoke in a low conspiratorial tone with Logan. Logan nodded as if in agreement and understanding. “You little…”

She turned and smiled so Logan couldn’t see her expression.

“I suffer from nothing except an ungrateful wife.”

Logan shifted his feet, and Jessie finally rolled her eyes. “Apologize, Will.”

He grumbled, but nodded at Logan. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t like what you did and how you did it.”

Logan nodded his head up and down. “I know. I was wrong. Sheryl, that’s my wife, laid into me about it too.”

He shot Logan a sympathetic nod. “You have an ungrateful wife too, huh?”

“Completely.”

With that, Logan passed by them. Will turned towards his ungrateful wife to teach her a lesson about appreciation for his chivalry. He opened his arms and grabbed her waist before lifting her into his arms. She struggled. “Oh my God! Put me down, you overgrown brute!”

He shook his head. “Once, I could not help you feel better. Now I can, and I will.”

“You’re acting like a muscle-bound jerk on steroids. Backing him into the corner. I mean, really! You never acted like this.”

“I didn’t back him in. I blocked him in. You have to understand something. No one can hurt you again. Or I will have to hurt them.”

She finally sighed and rolled her eyes. “Put me down. No one really meant to hurt me. You were kinda right, and not all people judged me how I thought they did. These people are all like that. They’re nice, Will. Even Logan.”

“That’s good. I’d hate to hurt him.”

She finally sighed. “You’re acting like a jealous idiot.”

He grinned again before letting her go. “It’s nice to be that way with you. Now, wait until we see Noah again.”

Her eyes grew larger. “You will do nothing to him. He’s already afraid of you.”

“Wonderful,” he said with a wag of his eyebrows. She finally smiled.

“You used to encourage me to date others.”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I used to do a lot things that I shouldn’t have.”

“I like these people. Don’t ruin it.”

“I didn’t. I made sure things were simply understood.”

“They understand. The thing is, Will, they actually do. Nice people do exist. I didn’t know that before. But they do.”

“Okay, I’ll go apologize again and tell him I won’t bother him. It’s just that, knowing you were hurting and I couldn’t stop it just about drove me insane. You get that?”

She finally smiled softly. “Yes, I totally get that.”

He turned, prepared to eat crow for some whiny, little shit that hurt Jessie. She called his name, and he turned back to her. She smiled as if he were some kind of angel standing before her as she said, “Thank you.”

He flashed a grin. “You’re welcome, wife. And didn’t I tell you there was a normal place for us somewhere?”

She nodded after rolling her eyes. Then her face grew serious as she said, “I think we’ve finally found it.”

He held her gaze for a long, poignant moment that only they could understand. Softly he said with a half grin, “
Me too, Jess. Me too.”

~Year Two~

Will watched her, but she didn’t know what to make of it. He was acting weird of late, and appeared way more intense than normal. She often glanced up from doing the most generic of chores, or chattering about stupid nothings, and found him studying her intently, with a strange look on his face. She asked him several times if anything was up. He always replied in the negative.
Nope. No. Nothing. Nothing is going on, Jessie.
Only he denied it a bit too much and too vigorously. She sensed something
was
up.

She was simply stacking dishes from the dishwasher to the cabinet while he sat sprawled on a kitchen chair. He was so bulky, he made it look like a toy. He suddenly rose up, stepped behind her and crushed her to him, completely unexpectedly. She laughed and patted his hands around her. “That grateful for clean dishes?”

His mouth was on her skin, nuzzling her neck. “No. Just grateful for having you.”

She stilled, enjoying the feel of his lips on her neck. She sighed in contentment, and turned as she took his hands and unclasped them from her to hold in her own hands. “What is it you’re so grateful for? What’s going on? I mean, I know why we’re grateful to be together, but you’ve been acting weird, Will, even for us. So what is it?”

His eyelids half fell over his eyeballs. He turned his head. “Nothing. Really. I just, love you, you know? I love seeing you seem so happy.”

She stared down at their feet and touched her toe to his. “What is it?”

He sighed and finally turned and sat back down. “Sit down.”

Her stomach knotted. She followed him and sat across from him. “Okay, I’m sitting. So tell me why you’ve been avoiding my gaze; while other times, you’re watching me like I’m a time bomb about to go off right before you. I’m not, you know. I mean, sometimes, I guess I have tendencies, but I don’t think you have to watch me like I’m an unpinned grenade rolling toward you.”

He chuckled and took her fingers in his. He toyed with them, staring hard at their intertwined hands. “I don’t want to tell you. I’m worried you’ll freak out. Or, I don’t know exactly what. Just worried.”

“You’re the one who said we had to quit acting like a bad day here or there could ruin us.”

He nodded. “I know. That’s why you’re going to get mad at me. And it might devastate you. It might…”

“Send me straight to the razor blades? Okay, you have my attention now. What is it?”

“Lindsey took care of Fuck-face’s things. She contacted me about some stuff.”

Jessie froze. This was about the general? No wonder Will was so freaked out and afraid to tell her. She breathed in deeply, and held it. Then she let it out. Not crazy. She was not crazy. She could handle this. She licked her lips. “When? When did she contact you?”

“The week he died.”

She jerked back. “What? How could you not tell me? That was over a year ago.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you. Just let me finish. You’re not going to like the rest of it, either. So, he had some money, and he left it all to Lindsey. Almost a million dollars after taxes and his estate, and everything was paid for. She gave it to me. She said Elliot is crazy rich and she doesn’t need it. She wanted me to have it. She wasn’t sure you should know, considering the stigma attached to it and how it could make you feel.”

“Oh, considering! Holy shit! You sat on that all this time? All those comments about us not being broke. I don’t need to work. All of it was for this? Stemming from the money the man who orchestrated my rape, gave you? What, Will? Payment for services rendered?”

He nodded, his expression turning grim. “I knew that’s what you’d think. It wasn’t that. It was what he owed you. He owed you everything. He ruined your life. So I took it because I intend to use it to fix your life. To make whatever dreams you have come true. I intend to give you the life he never could. The thing is, it would take me years, if ever, to amass this kind of money. This could allow us to do things, Jessie. Real things. And fuck where it comes from! Who cares if it was from him? He owed you. Me. Us. He is dead. Good fucking riddance. But his money is just there, an inanimate object that we can use to make our lives better. So I took it. Lindsey handled the legalities and deposited it into a bank account for me… for us.”

Jessie lowered her head onto the table. “Oh my God,” she whispered, totally shocked Will would do such a thing and then hide it from her. She sat there for a long, silent while. Finally, she raised her head, hot tears streaming silently over her face. Her voice was low and hoarse when she said, “You’re a liar. You lied to me. You said we were in this together. No more secrets. We’d be open and honest. And yet, you sat on this. Just like you sat on knowing that he was not my father. And sat on what he wanted to do to me. You don’t trust me. You never did. And you still don’t. Well, then, congrats Will Hendricks, because I, now, no longer trust
you.
”

She got up, her back rigid, and quietly, and with dignity, retreated down the hall before gently shutting their bedroom door.

****

Well, he deserved that, didn’t he? She didn’t slam the door. She shut it with a clear message of her controlled anger. He was really in the shitter for this. He sighed and wandered back to the deck. Soldier came up with a ball in his mouth. He patted the lumbering dog and threw his ball. Jessie was right, Soldier did grow on you, the longer you knew him. He was so goofy, it was impossible not to want to protect him. Like the weak nerd of a schoolyard, whom you didn’t want bullies to get their hands on.

He stared at his interlaced fingertips. Well, what the hell was he supposed to do now? A week after her father’s death, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t find her curled up in a ball in their shower stall. How could he even have brought this up then? Yeah, he sheltered her sometimes. But in his experience with her, which was vast, he had to at times. He had to use his best judgment. And his judgment at the time was: she could not handle it. Nor did he see what else they could do with the money. Lindsey refused to take it. She felt Jessie deserved it for everything the general did to her, and for not leaving anything to her.

And yes, it was about trust. Didn’t she understand the things she did? The things he watched her do to herself?

There were things between them that he had to make the final decisions about. He could not stand for her to be hurt. Not anymore than she already was. And though she was much better, he knew more than anyone, it was not all gone. It was simply being channeled more healthily.

So no, he shouldn’t have told her sooner. He was protecting her; and he’d do it again until he felt
she was emotionally strong enough to hear it.

There were other things he couldn’t yet tell her. When he did, he anticipated her reaction would be far worse than this.

He knocked on the bedroom door sporadically for three hours. Finally, he left and lay down on the couch, completely annoyed she wouldn’t talk to him. This master bedroom had a deadbolt lock that prevented him from merely undoing it. Who needed one of those on the master bedroom? It left Will stumped.

He tossed and turned on the couch all night. No blankets or pillows were offered and she kept them all in the bedroom with her. He finally gave up at five in the morning and went for a long jog to clear his head and remind himself he was doing the right thing. She was not ready to hear it. But the money was an inanimate object, and he could use it to give them all the things their lives previously lacked.

When he came in, he was glad to see she was at least out of the bedroom. She glared at him and continued to prepare her breakfast. He sighed when she would not raise her eyes to his. Okay. Silent treatment. Awesome. And new from her.

He showered and got ready to leave for the base. He had training today.

When he came out, she was doing the dishes. The dogs circled her. He stood there waiting for her to acknowledge him. But… nothing.

“Jessie? How long are you going to ignore me? We need to talk about this.”

Her eyes rose to his, raising her eyebrows in disdain. “No. I’m not ready to. You can’t make me. No matter how hard you try.”

He sighed and tried to reach for her. “Jessie, please, understand…”

She sidestepped him. “No. I mean it. Don’t try to manhandle me to get your way. Just stop it. I don’t want to talk yet.”

She turned and walked out the front door. He stared at her, utterly confused. He wasn’t sure what to do. Usually, when she was upset, it was over something outside of them. He could talk to her. Hold her. Fix it. Or just try to fix it. This, however, was caused by him. She was hurt. And mad at him.

He didn’t know what to do about having Jessie mad at him. He didn’t like it. His stomach started to hurt. Remembering her cold stare made his head pound halfway through the day.

She didn’t come home for dinner, but drove up to her sister’s to stay the night. She left a message on their machine for him. She didn’t even call him herself. She ignored all of his calls. He paced the house, and followed the care instructions she left for all her animals. He bought lumber for the doghouse she wanted built for Soldier. He raked the yard. He mowed it. He tossed the ball for Soldier. He went to bed alone, very annoyed and worried.

He went to work again, and came home to another empty house. His stomach was churning in knots. He was off the next day. What would he do? He cleaned the house. He got on the roof and scraped off the bits of moss, and cleared the rotten leaves from the gutters.

Later,
Bella came out, asking for Jessie. He said she was visiting her sister. Bella tilted her head strangely, and at an odd angle. Finally, he asked, “Did she call you?”

“She did.”

“And?” he asked when she hesitated.

“And you’re having a fight, Will. I take it, it’s not something you’re used to?”

He lowered the shovel he was using to dig up a rotten stump Jessie didn’t like in the front yard. “No. She’s never been mad at me like this.”

“You understand that she feels you think she’s an incompetent, fragile, little girl.”

He shifted his feet. Since when did Jessie discuss them, or their life, or their personal issues with anyone else? But a stranger? Not even Lindsey? He didn’t know what to do with that.

“I don’t think of her as a little girl.”

“Then you’re going to have to learn to be less controlling. She isn’t one of your recruits. She isn’t one of your men. As an officer, you control a lot of things and people, right?”

“Yeah. Right. I don’t think of Jessie as another of my men.”

She smirked, “No, but you did not tell her about her own father’s estate.”

He didn’t like discussing private issues with neighbors. Why did Jessie call her?

Bella read something on his face. “You two are the most clueless couple when it comes to interpersonal communication. She could hardly get used to having a freaking friend! And you can’t get used to what girlfriends talk about. It’s normal that she called me, Will, complaining about what you did. Giving you the silent treatment? Sleeping on the couch? Just exactly what I’d do to Finn in those circumstances. She’s not melting down. She’s mad at you and punishing you by making you suffer. She’s being a normal, married woman, I hate to tell you.”

“Okay, I’m not used to her having a friend.”

“Besides your ex-wife, you mean? The person you picked to be her friend?”

“She’s mad at me about Gretchen now?”

“No. Just tired of you not telling her things.”

He went back to hacking at the stump, wanting to smash the shovel into the side of the house. Funny.
To Lindsey and Bella and Finn maybe. To all of them, Jessie was just mad at him. Did they ever pull her out from bloody water? No? Well, he did. Multiple times. He feared she would kill herself on more than one occasion. He saw someone pushing his hand between her legs, which were tied to the floor. He heard her screams. So, no, it wasn’t as simple as him being a little controlling, or treating her like his soldiers, or whatever. It wasn’t funny to exclude him without letting him know how she was, mad or not.

She finally returned after he collapsed on the couch to stare at the TV. He did every conceivable chore he could think of. He stood up before she unlocked the door. She stopped dead when she saw he was right there. His jaw locked painfully, and he squeezed his fists. His anger was now as strong as her own.
She had totally abandoned him.

He circled around the couch. “Nice to know you’re alive still.”

His tone was acidic. She flinched, but raised her chin. “I told you I was at Lindsey’s.”

“You told our machine. Twice. Not me.”

“I wasn’t ready to talk to you.”

“Oh, really? Well, that doesn’t give you the right to leave like that. Or worry me like that.”

He stepped closer to her. She glared at him as she stepped fully inside, trying to get through the entry and away from him. He blocked her. She pushed at his chest. “Move, Will. I don’t need you intimidating me.”

He spun on his heel, stomping down the hall and locking their bedroom door on
her.

****

Jessie stared at the slammed door with her mouth open in shock. Will was being snarky with her? He never acted that way. He was always so calm and cool, annoyingly rational. It was the cause of more than one of her past tantrums. But he left her out in their living room. She was all ready to defend herself. Maybe finally yell at him with the words it took her three days to formulate. When she left, she was speechless. She could not speak to him because his betrayal ran so thick and deep. He wasn’t supposed to be the one who would hurt her feelings so sharply as this. But he did. And she couldn’t even find the words to explain it.