The Year Everything Changed (24 page)

Chapter Thirty-eight
Elizabeth

“Daddy said you were going back to school.” Stephanie adjusted the cushion on her lounge chair, then put a protective hand over her still flat stomach. “But that you quit because of me.”

Elizabeth shook water out of the net she’d been using to skim leaves from the pool. “I wasn’t going
back
to school. I never started.”

“You never went to college at all? I thought you dropped out after a couple of years.”

She was always amazed how little Stephanie knew about her. Did she never talk about herself or did Stephanie tune her out when she did? “It didn’t seem important at the time.”

“Why go now? What’s the point?”

How did you make someone Stephanie’s age understand what it was like to be facing fifty and discovering your life had no meaning or purpose? “I thought it would be fun.”

“It isn’t. It’s hard work. The pressure is unbelievable, especially during finals. All you ever think about is tests and grades.” Stephanie put her head back and closed her eyes against the sun. “At least that’s the way it is when it really matters.”

“Are,” Elizabeth corrected.

“What?”

“All you think about
are
tests and grades.”

“Whatever.” She put her hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun. “Is there any more of that tea you made out of that herb stuff?”

“There should be a whole pitcher in the refrigerator.”

“Would you mind getting me a glass?”

That did it. Elizabeth had been pushed too far. “Of course not,” she said sweetly. “I want you to enjoy your last day of sitting around and doing nothing. Tomorrow you’re going to start looking for a job and you’re going to keep looking until you get one.”

Stephanie laughed. “Good one, Mom.”

“I’m not kidding.”

“Who’s going to hire me? I’m pregnant—remember?” The last dripped sarcasm.

“And you think that’s going to make a difference?”

“Why would anyone want to hire someone who’s only going to work for them a couple of months?”

“I’m not talking about a career position. There are a lot of unskilled jobs that—”

Stephanie sat up and swung her legs over the side of the lounge. “All of this because I asked for a glass of tea? Jesus, I’ll get it myself.”

“You might as well pick up the newspaper while you’re at it.”

“Why?”

“To look through the help-wanted ads.”

Stephanie glared at her. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you have some grown-up decisions to make. It’s time you started growing up so you can make them.”

“I should have had the abortion and taken my chances in hell. It couldn’t be any worse than being here with you.”

The statement was so over the top that Elizabeth couldn’t come up with an answer. Sadly, it made her even more aware of how far Stephanie had to go. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume raging hormones prompted that last statement, but I would suggest you do everything you can to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I’m not going to be your target every time you feel like lashing out at someone.”

That brought a sob, followed by tears. It was the second time that day. “Why are you being so mean to me? What did I do that was so wrong?”

Where to begin? First was getting high and having unprotected sex with a boy she didn’t even like—for what Elizabeth had concluded wasn’t the first time. Then there was dropping out of school. Rounding out the short list was Stephanie allowing a woman with her own agenda to steal her emotional right to choose. “You’re a year from graduating and you’ve never held a job. You need some experience in the real world.”

“No one I know has ever worked—except doing stuff at school. You’re just doing this because you think it will teach me a lesson.” She swiped her hands across her cheeks, clearing the tear tracks. “Well, what kind of fucking lesson do you think I’m going to get working with a bunch of losers making minimum wage? I came home because I thought you loved me and cared what happened to me.” Stephanie headed for the house. “Obviously I was wrong. I should have stayed with Sharon.” She slammed the sliding glass door so hard, it bounced open again.

Weary of the non-ending emotional turmoil, Elizabeth sat on the lounge Stephanie had vacated and buried her face in her hands, closing out the real world and sinking into a sheltered moment of solitude.

Sam came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and shaving cream on his chin. “Why isn’t Stephanie going with us?”

“She’s mad at me.” They’d decided at breakfast to go to Fernando’s for dinner—Stephanie’s favorite Mexican restaurant. It was a tradition of sorts, started when Stephanie went east to go to school and discovered what passed for Mexican food on the East Coast.

He grinned. “Then we can go where we want. How about that new Italian restaurant Harold was telling us about?”

Elizabeth pulled a sleeveless cotton dress out of the closet. “I don’t care where we go, I just want to get out of the house for a couple of hours.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Worse.”

Sam went back in the bathroom to finish shaving. Elizabeth stepped into her flats and followed, squeezing past him and picking up the hairbrush. “What were we thinking when we decided this bathroom was big enough for two?”

“That we’d never be in it at the same time.” He rinsed the washcloth and wiped the cream off his face, then reached for her, drawing her into his arms. “I’m sorry you’re getting the brunt of this. Why don’t I see if I can get Stephanie to come to work with me tomorrow? I’ll find something around the office for her to do. She needs to get out of the house.”

“She needs to get a job.”

He pulled back in surprise. “Wait a minute, isn’t that my line?”

“I’m worried about her, Sam, and for more than the obvious reasons. We’ve babied her too long.” He gave her one of his looks. “All right,
I’ve
babied her too long. I didn’t want her to grow up. And now she has to and she’s not ready. It’s as if she thinks she’s going to have the baby and then go on as if nothing happened.”

“Wait a minute. When I talked to her last night she said she didn’t know what she wanted to do, and now she’s decided to give the baby up for adoption?”

“No—at least not that I know of. Every time I ask she tells me she doesn’t want to think about it, that she has lots of time to make up her mind.”

“Are you sure she isn’t waiting for you to make the decision for her?”

“That’s not going to happen. It wouldn’t matter what I told her, five minutes later it would be wrong.”

“I’m glad you realize that.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know what I’ll do if she decides on adoption. It would kill me to know we had a grandchild growing up without us.”

“I was thinking about that on the way home tonight, remembering what it was like when the kids were little and how much fun we had with them. This would be twice as much fun because we could send him home when he got cranky.”

“What would you say if she asked us to take care of the baby until she finished school and got on her feet?”

Sam let out a pent-up sigh, let her go, and went into the bedroom to get dressed. “I’ve been waiting for that.”

Elizabeth followed him. “It would only be a couple of years.”

“And then you’d turn the kid over to a woman who didn’t have a clue how to be a mother? Right in the middle of the terrible twos?”

“She would have to finish school here so she could help raise him, and so they could get to know each other.”

“And you think she would agree to that? She doesn’t want to be a mother, Lizzy. She has all the maternal instincts of a sea horse—drop ’em, take off, and let the father raise them. Only in her case that’s not possible.”

“It’s done, Sam. Like it or not, there’s never going to be a boy showing up on the doorstep to lay claim to his child.”

He tossed his shirt on the bed. “How could she do that? How could she not have more respect for herself? I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it. She was being used, Lizzy, and she let it happen.”

She’d been Daddy’s little girl, the light of his life, the twinkle in his eye, the father who questioned her dates and stayed up until she was home, convinced she would be a virgin until her wedding night because it was what he wanted to believe. “We don’t know all the circumstances.”

“Please tell me you’re not defending her,” he said.

“There isn’t anything to defend.” Stephanie and Sam had locked horns so many times since she’d come home, Elizabeth had finally gotten him to back off by telling him the stress on Stephanie wasn’t good for the baby. It wasn’t that Stephanie didn’t need to hear what he said, it was that she wasn’t listening. He had to find a different way to get through to her. They both did. “All I’m saying is that we have to find a way to get past how it happened so we can focus on what needs to be done now.”

He picked up his knit shirt and pulled it over his head, then tucked it into his pants. “We need to get away for a couple of days. What about next weekend?”

“I have to go to Sacramento on Sunday.”

“That’s another thing. When are you going to tell Stephanie about your sisters?”

“I don’t know yet.”

The phone rang. Stephanie picked up in the other room. Seconds later she shouted from the hallway, “Mom, it’s for you.”

Elizabeth grabbed the phone on the nightstand. “Hello?”

“It’s Christina.”

Elizabeth looked at Sam, shrugged, and frowned. “Oh, hi.”

“I have a favor to ask. A pretty big one. It’s okay to say no. Actually, I’ve already come up with a couple of reasons why you should say no. Feel free to use one of them if you can’t think of one of your own.”

“I’m pretty good at thinking up my own excuses when I don’t want to do something.”

“Good. That makes it easier to ask. I should tell you it’s not going to hurt my feelings or anything if you do say no. I don’t even know why I’m asking you—not really. It’s not like we’re friends or anything.”

“What is it, Christina? The suspense is killing me.”

“I have to go to Oregon for a couple of days next month, and Lucy doesn’t think I should go alone. I just thought if you weren’t doing anything that you might want to go along. I can’t pay your way now, but I can pay you back. If you haven’t seen it, Grants Pass is beautiful in October. Or so I hear.”

Elizabeth could only imagine how much pride it had cost Christina to ask. She had to be desperate. “Okay.”

“What?”

“I said, okay.”

“You’re sure?” Christina asked, plainly surprised at the answer.

“Sam was just telling me that I should get away for a couple of days.” Of course he’d meant with him. “And I’ve always wanted to see Grants Pass in October. You can fill me in on the details on Sunday.”

“Okay.” She started to hang up. “Uh, thanks.”

“No problem.” She handed the phone to Sam to return to its base.

“What was that all about?”

“I’m going to Oregon with Christina for a couple of days next month.”

“Isn’t she the one you don’t like?”

“You mean the one I said I’d rather eat snails than be around? I don’t know if she’s mellowed or I have, but she’s not as bad as she used to be.”

“Why Oregon?”

“She didn’t say, but I have a feeling it has something to do with the old boyfriend.”

“The one who broke her jaw? I’m not sure I like you getting involved with something that involves him. As a matter of fact, I know I don’t.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll take the pepper spray Michael got me for Christmas.” She smiled. “If I can find it.”

“Any man who uses a woman as a punching bag isn’t going to be put off by a can of pepper spray.”

“I’ll get one for Christina, too. Not even Jackie Chan could get through two women armed with pepper spray.”

“Stop joking, Lizzy. This is serious.”

She put her arms around his neck. “I know it is. And I promise I’ll be careful.”

“I want to know exactly where you’ll be and everything you’re going to do before you leave or I’m not going to let you go.”

Her hands on her hips, she glared at him. “
Let
me go?”

“Okay, poor choice of words. How’s this—before I let you go alone?”

“Better, but it still needs some work.”

He brought her back into his arms and kissed her. “Hmm, you smell good. Sure you want to go out?”

“I don’t know. . . . What did you have in mind?”

“Get rid of that dress and I’ll show you.”

“Now?”

“Why not now?”

“Did you forget about Stephanie?”

He groaned. “How long do you think this is going to last?”

Elizabeth kissed the tip of his nose. Sam didn’t expect an answer, but she gave one anyway. “Six months? A year? It all depends on what she decides to do with the baby.”

“So, I guess that means we won’t be making love on the rug in front of the fireplace anytime soon?”

He was joking, but she was serious when she asked, “When did we start thinking of the house as ours instead of theirs, too?”

He considered her question. “For me it was a couple of Christmases ago when everyone left and we were taking down the tree. I was repairing that ornament we’d picked up on our honeymoon, and I started thinking about all the places we’d talked about seeing and the things we’d talked about doing when the kids were grown. I miss what we had when the kids were little, but I don’t want it back. It’s our time now.”

Stephanie knocked on the door. “I’m hungry. There’s nothing to eat.”

“Seems I’ve been forgiven,” Elizabeth whispered. She went to the door and opened it. “There’s soup and tuna in the cupboard.”

“Yuk.”

“Peanut butter?”

“Double yuk.”

Sam sat on the bed to tie his shoes. “You’re still welcome to come with us. But we’re leaving in five minutes.”

“Where are you going?”

He pinned her with a stare. “A new Italian restaurant near the mall. Take it or leave it.”

“Give me a second to comb my hair.”

Elizabeth reached out to pat his rear end as he passed. “I love it when you act tough.”