The Wrong Sister (24 page)

And maybe Vickie was right. Perhaps, Tracy never fully saw the entire picture of Micah. She never fully embraced what her husband was. He did control her. He was manipulative. He was a crook. He did love her. He was more than what she chose to see. Just as Vickie said, they were both complicated and messy and hard. However, instead of seeking the unattainable, maybe Tracy should have started accepting Vickie for exactly who she was. Faults and all, perhaps Tracy should have allowed Vickie to just be real.

****

The terrible things Vickie said kept swirling through Tracy’s brain. Over and over and over again she went through the scenario that Vickie was painting. Donny having romantic feelings for her? Did Vickie just suspect that? Or did she know for sure? No! There had never been a conversation between Donny and Vickie about him having
feelings
for Tracy. No. It just could not be.

But, what if it was?

The thought sickened her now as she stood in the doorway to her spare room and stared at her little sister, passed out on the bed. Had she done that to her sister? Her stomach was in knots and cramped at the thought. Her entire insides twisted up in pain. What if she were responsible for Vickie’s relapse? The guilt Tracy felt was deep, swift and piercing. She would do anything to fix it. To undo it. What could she do? If she were responsible, there was no undoing it now. Vickie had broken her sobriety.

Furthermore, Vickie and Donny were fighting about her? She hated that thought. She couldn’t stand it. She moved closer to her snoring sister. Her mouth was wide open and her snoring was an alcohol-induced deep buzz. Her hair was all messed up and her outfit had ridden up her legs, as her knees were bent at an odd angle. Tracy touched Vickie’s face, and tears gathered in her eyes.

She loved Vickie. There was no doubt of that. As she sat there staring at her drunken, snoring sister, her heart filled with regret and hurt and fear. She feared losing her sister now, for multiple reasons. To alcohol. And because of what Vickie suspected about Donny and her.

Never. She would never betray her sister for a man she barely had a relationship with. They had a connection born of hardships neither of them expected, or were adept at dealing with. Their connection was not real, and it would never come at the cost of her sister. She straightened her spine and made the decision then and there. Vickie’s snores filled the room and Tracy’s heart finally released the strange feeling of fear that previously consumed it. She adamantly refused to lose her sister.

She went downstairs and immediately called Donny, who was still at the office, the place she just left just hours before.

He answered with a brisk, “LCC.” There was no hi, or how may I help you? He wasn’t very good at telephone protocol.

“It’s Tracy.”

She heard his chair squeak, which it did anytime he leaned back in it. He only did that when he was taking a break, either on the phone or in person. She could picture it without shutting her eyes.

“Hey. Forget something?”

“No. You need to come here. It’s Vickie. I hate to tell you this, but—”

“She’s drunk?”

Tracy jerked to attention. “Well, yes? How did you know? I thought it would be devastating and new. You mean it’s happened recently?”

His sigh was long and weary. “Yes. Three times, that I know of.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Mom? Dad? Any of us! She’s my sister. And their daughter. How could you not tell any of us?”

“Because after each time, she started attending her meetings again and promised she would keep at it. That it was only a minor slip-up. She is sober enough to decide who can know and who can’t. But I can’t go on being her keeper.”

“Yes, you can. You must. You’re her husband. Damn it, Donny, just because you’re mad at her for not being a tidy, organized, interesting wife and mother does not give you the right to ignore her problem. It’s a disease. I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell us.”

She could picture him gnashing his teeth. “I am not
mad
at her, Tracy. I don’t sit around thinking of ways to get back at her, or fight with her, or ignore her. I’m busy, okay? I work, remember? I’m trying to keep my entire life afloat. And Vickie? I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Where we stand, or where she wants us to stand. I don’t even know where I want us to stand. It wasn’t a malicious act on my part to get even with her or anything. I don’t know what you’re supposed to know. She is an adult. Whether you admit it or not, she is. She can decide what she tells her own family. Last time I tried to get involved, your parents didn’t talk to me for almost two months.”

“She called me from the bar next door to your work. She said—she said you two got into a fight and that was why she drank. Is that true?”

He rustled around and finally sighed into the phone. “We argue all the time. We always did. We just used to have periods where we made up. Where it was the opposite. But lately? Since she got home from rehab, we never have any good periods. We have nothing much good between us. It isn’t just my opinion; it’s hers too. I don’t know what you want me to tell you. Did I cause her to do that today? Maybe. Partly. But then, no; you can’t blame me. The responsibility has to end with her. At some point, you and your parents need to realize that she has to be accountable.”

“I do realize that,” she snapped.

When he spoke, his tone was weary, “I’ll be right there.”

“Good. At least, you can still be bothered.”

“That was low and uncalled for, since you know that isn’t the case.”

“I know my sister loves you and you need to try. Try harder. Help her.”

His laugh was hollow. “Your sister doesn’t know if she loves me anymore than I know if I love her.”

“She told me… she said what you were arguing about.”

He was silent. Finally, he said softly, “You? She said we were fighting about you?”

Her stomach rebelled just then by cramping, which made her double over. His words were so ugly. To think that she could come between her sister and her sister’s husband. “Yes,” her voice was barely audible.

“We fight about everything. You are just one on a list of fifty things. She thinks I have feelings for you. She won’t listen when I deny having any inappropriate intentions towards you.”

“Oh. My. God. Does she know?” she finally whispered.

“That we kissed? Yes. I told her about three months ago. Notice she hasn’t ripped into you, has she? She doesn’t really care, Tracy. She doesn’t really know what she cares about anymore.”

“How could you not tell me you told her? I can’t believe the stuff going on that you don’t feel inclined to freaking tell me. I’m right there. Every single day, I’m sitting right where you can see me. How could you not tell me that? Any of that?”

“I’m well aware you’re right there every day,” he finally whispered. She held the phone away. No. No. No. There was a tortured tone in his voice again.

“Did you notice how she hasn’t insisted that you stop coming to the office every day? Most women with her suspicions and beliefs would have first off kicked your ass out of her business. It’s half hers, you know. She knows it too. She wanted me to hire you. She sure as shit wouldn’t be shy about firing you. Or laying into you. Notice how she hasn’t done any of the above. She hasn’t done what you’d expect from her if she was so upset to discover you and I had a moment.”

“
She’s passed out, drunk, in my spare room.
What more do you need as proof for her having a reaction to our ‘moment’? Is that what you call it when your sister and husband irrevocably betray you?”

He sighed with exaggerated frustration. “We didn’t really betray her that much. You’re being a bit melodramatic. And it’s not the first time she’s passed out or gotten drunk somewhere, so it’s not totally about you.”

“She loved you. Before all this started, she was in love with you. Are you telling me that’s all gone for her?”

“I’m telling you she had three other husbands that she changed her mind about. I’m telling you we not only argue about you, but just about everything else. We argue about Julia, work, your parents, my parents, what we want for dinner. You name it, we fight about it. There isn’t much left of how we were when we started.”

“I still can’t believe all this happened.”

“Look, give me an hour to wrap things up. I’ll be over. Are the girls there?”

“No. My mom is handling their practices tonight. Does she have Julia too?”

“No. My mom has my daughter. The one person who never has her is her own mother, Vickie.” He hung up and Tracy stared at the phone in anger, shock and disbelief.

She paced the kitchen. Then she paced the living room. She checked on Vickie three times. Vickie didn’t move. Finally, she heard Donny knocking. His distinct knock. The knock she hadn’t heard in months. She ran down the stairs to the door and flung it open before suddenly stopping dead in her tracks as everything froze inside her.

Donny was there.

So
? she nearly yelled out loud. She tried to stop her heart from squeezing with longing and passion at seeing Donny again. Who cared? She saw him all the time. There was no reason to get excited if Donny was around her or not.

They stared at each other. She finally stepped aside and he passed by her into the house. “Is she upstairs?”

“Yes. She’s passed out.”

“Sounds like a bad one.”

“Isn’t every time a bad one?”

His gaze sought hers and she finally turned to end it. “She was talking crazy and saying something about her being such a bad person. Why would she think that? When… when she isn’t the bad one?”

Donny suddenly stepped forward, and grabbed Tracy’s elbow before spinning her towards him. She was barely a foot from his chest. Her face was right there, at eye level with his breastbone. She looked down.

“Let me guess… we’re the bad ones?” Donny asked softly.

“Yes,” she whispered, still having a conversation with his chest. She could not bear to look at him. “Yes, what happened… it was so wrong.”

“I know that. But she isn’t all that innocent, either. This is all just a great, big cluster-fuck.”

Shaking her head, Tracy stepped away from him and kept retreating until she hit the wall with her back. “Yes. But not because of me. I quit. No more. I will not lose her as my sister because of you. You’re just a guy. You’ll divorce her like all the others did, and we won’t see you again. So it’ll be over. All of it. Vickie and I will find some way to muddle through this. I have to believe that. But you and I? We will not see each other again.”

Donny ran both his hands through his hair. “Don’t quit.”

“I quit,” she insisted, her voice barely a whisper. “I quit. All of it.”

His stricken gaze met hers. She straightened up and forced her facial muscles into a blank mask. She meant that. He could not sway her. And he could not know how much that cost her.

“I know.” He spun on his heel and stomped upstairs. She didn’t follow. She wilted against the wall and tried to keep her tears from flowing.

He came down minutes later, visibly shuffling under Vickie’s weight. Vickie hung like a rag doll in his embrace. His face revealed the strain of her dead weight. Tracy quickly opened the door and he passed through, without comment. Or a second look. He set her sister in his car and got in the driver’s seat and pulled away.

****

Vickie decided, once again, to enter an inpatient rehab. Donny was shocked when she woke up the next morning and announced that was her decision.

“I realize I want to be sober, Donny. Regardless of what happens with us, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling the way I do now. Even I have my standards, and this is way too much.”

“I think we should discuss Tracy.”

Her head popped up and her eyes widened in surprise as her mouth flattened into a scowl. “She is often on your mind, isn’t she?”

“You told her I was in love with her. You can imagine she’s a bit hysterical right about now in regard to where that leaves you two. She can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

“Ah, so you want my permission?”

He set his hands flat on the kitchen table and shifted his weight onto them as he held Vickie’s glare. “No. I don’t need it. If I ever decide to be with your sister, it will have nothing to do with you.”

She jerked back and her entire body went rigid. “Did you really just say that to me?”

He smiled slowly. “I did. It occurred to me last night, as I carried your drunken, comatose ass out of Tracy’s house, that you think I’m a pussy. You think I’ll never call you on your shit because I feel guilty. So I’ll let you drink. And I’ll turn a blind eye to your spending increases, and ignore that you’re not working and not even inquiring if I think you’re ready to take care of Julia. I realize now that you don’t want me anymore than I want you. I think you’re not going to say one way or the other. I think you’re going to make me suffer because it happens to be your damn sister you believe I want.”

“Don’t you?”

“I don’t honestly know. I know I don’t really like being married to you anymore.”

A small smile hovered over her lips. “You turn me on when you get all alpha-asshole. Not a role you play very much. Is it me? Do I bring that out in you?”