The Wrong Sister (18 page)

So, today, she had no idea, again, what to do with the rest of her life.

The thought kept her from sleeping well. She wandered through her empty, quiet house during the day all alone, feeling lost and forgotten. She never felt so isolated or alone. Nor did she realize how much Julia, and even Donny with all his comings and goings, managed to fill up the void that her life had become.

Meanwhile, Ally kept getting into trouble. Her grades dropped from nearly straight As to C minuses. She kept intermittently mouthing off. Sometimes, she was sweet and almost seemed clingy and needy to Tracy. Other times, she was downright mean and rude and nasty with her angry outbursts.

Kylie? Kylie was slowly fading away from her. Tracy didn’t know what to do. She was so quiet. She didn’t talk to anyone. She didn’t grieve. She didn’t seem to feel anything. Tracy nearly pulled her hair out in frustration. Each evening, after she said goodnight to Kylie, Kylie never changed her expression or responded to anything she said. The counselor diagnosed it as “general depression.” Although they could easily trace the source to Micah’s desertion, an external event, for Tracy, it didn’t lessen or ease the impact internally on Kylie. Tracy grew terrified over her child’s mental health. Now it was Kylie, more often than Ally, who kept her awake at night. She scoured websites, and went to the library, reading anything and everything she could find to figure out what to do about Kylie’s apathy and depression.

There appeared to be no answer.

Other terrible worries crossed Tracy’s brain. Things like teenage depression, eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, low self-esteem, and suicide. That last one kept her pacing her bedroom during the wee hours. It whispered in the dead of night, when darkness allowed her worst fears to be uttered loudly inside her brain. She tried to banish it. She mentally shook it out of her thoughts. She was sure; well, positive, or at least, ninety percent positive, that Kylie would never do such a thing. Never. Ever. She was young, and shy and sweet and… ever so fragile.

Tracy's sanity started to bow under the worrisome weight she suffered for Kylie. She couldn’t reach her little girl and hated not knowing what to do.

Daily now, she began to discuss it with Gretchen. Who better to seek for advice? Still, separated by the distance of the entire country, Gretchen couldn’t really help. She still managed to give Tracy plenty of ideas to try, and different words to use in her approach to Kylie. Tracy also upped Kylie’s counseling appointments, but all they could determine was that Kylie suffered from generalized depression due to her father’s abrupt departure and ensuing absence.
Micah.
Everything came back to Micah. Whether her children were angry and rebellious, or sad and apathetic, it all came back to Micah’s decision to leave. And she almost ended up in a most inappropriate relationship with her brother-in-law because Micah left.

If he never left, none of this would have been happening.

If he never left, she wouldn’t have felt so stuck now, and like a stupid, pointless, loser who stayed at home with her children for too long, letting her husband support all of them. Now? She had some security: a house and a vehicle, but that was due to her missing husband’s low-life, crooked actions. She had no income, and was unsure where to look for a job next.

One afternoon, she glanced up and found Donny standing on her porch.

She saw him through the front door relite. He smiled awkwardly, as if to say, “Yeah, it’s me.” Gulping down a swallow, she stared at the closed door, even considering for a moment not to answer it. The girls were not there; they were at school, and that meant Donny and she would be alone. In the house with no one else.

What the hell? So what?
Horrified at her own hesitation, she immediately jerked the door open. Who cared if she and Donny were alone in her house? As if it mattered whether the girls were there or not. It’s not like they’d behave any differently either way. Right? Of course not. He was married to her sister, who was presently struggling, rather heroically, through her rehabilitation program to overcome a tragic addiction that was actually a disease… so no, it was no big deal to let Donny Lindstrom inside her house.

Except, she really wished Julia had been in his arms. She made it more legit. But no one, not her kids, her parents, or Vickie even, could say one word about Donny being there. No one should even have questioned it. Then why was she suddenly feeling so desperate?

She swung the door fully open to let in the sunshine, and the bright light of the spring day filled the entryway. Light. Everywhere. Nothing wrong with Donny being there.

They stared at each other for a long time, and neither of them said anything. Suddenly, having no one else between them, it was like they fell right back into the strange connection they formed over the last few months. It was like everything and everyone disappeared, and now it was just Donny and Tracy. She felt like she could almost read his thoughts, and he hers. His gaze started on her forehead and traveled over her body. Neither one smiled. He wore the same slacks he usually saved for work. She wished she didn’t know that kind of detail, but she was now quite familiar with most of his wardrobe. He tended towards neutral or dark-toned slacks with a button-up shirt he normally tucked in. Ties were rare on him. Only when he had a client he was trying to woo.

“How are you?” he finally asked, still standing on her porch.

“I’m okay. You?”

He smiled faintly. “Okay. Yeah. That’s about what I am. I guess that’s better than I was a few months ago.”

“I saw Vickie yesterday. She says it’s going well and she’s still trying hard to stay sober. It’s been much longer than she usually managed to in the past. It might really have worked this time.” There. Saying her sister’s name labeled it official family business. They were connected because of Vickie and Julia, not for that brief, abstract connection they accidentally shared for just a few weeks.

Tracy visited Vickie almost every other day, and spent half the afternoons with Julia. She struggled to keep her heart from longing when she watched Vickie pick Julia up and tend to her. Many times, Julia fussed about this or that, and Tracy wanted to step in and simply solve the child’s problem or make her stop crying. She certainly could. She knew exactly what Julia needed most of the time, and why she was fussing. Vickie fumbled around although she did try. She would nearly have a panic attack while trying to hold her, or show her new toys, or stuff spoonfuls of food into her mouth. Vickie used anything she could think of to appease Julia. It was hard for Tracy to watch and do nothing while Vickie tried to figure it out. Even painful at times. Vickie was not a natural mother. She panicked at the slightest squeak of displeasure from Julia.

Their mother, who was at Vickie’s side now constantly, was also at Julia’s. When Tracy asked her mom why she was now watching Julia, her mother claimed it was because Donny had outright refused her offer to help while Vickie was away. Tracy didn’t know that. Nor that he explicitly told Gayle she couldn’t watch Julia, but Tracy could. And did. It shamed Tracy too when her mother explained it like that, but the thrill that shot through her was undeniable at hearing that Donny had so approved of her.

And she finally understood why her parents both seemed to disappear from her life so abruptly. They were mad she was entrusted with their precious Vickie’s daughter, and they were not.

Vickie spent every morning at her classes and AA meetings. Then, every afternoon, she tried to learn how to be a good mother. By evening, she was exhausted. Tracy didn’t doubt it. It was the most effort anyone ever witnessed from Vickie. She hoped and prayed that Vickie would continue on her path, since that routine was so foreign, and put so much pressure on her.

“Yes. Vickie does anything I ask of her.”

“And?”

He frowned and shrugged, jamming his hands into his pocket. “And what?”

“She has literally changed her entire life and attitude and skills for you. Because you demanded it, she’s doing it. And all you can say is yes, she does anything I ask? You need to praise her and tell her how proud you are. You need to make sure she knows that you notice what she does and how well she does it. She deserves that from you. She did all that for you. Now give her some credit.”

His shoulders sagged. “I know. It’s just, I have so much resentment still inside. It’s hard to ignore. Even in face of everything she does now, it’s hard to forgive what she did leading up to right now.”

“You have to,” Tracy said, her tone more forceful. She almost panicked. “You must give her credit for what she’s done. She’s trying to become a better wife and mother for you. And for Julia. And it’s all to make your family work better. You have to give her a second chance.”

“I know,” he said, his tone quiet and sad sounding. When his gaze met hers, his eyes were full of things she didn’t want to see. Raw emotion.
No. No. No.
Donny could not have any emotions about her. She was no longer involved in his life or in his relationship with Vickie.

“What are you doing here? I’m invited to your house for dinner tomorrow night, remember?”

“I remember.”

That was even worse. He remembered? Then what was he doing here now, when they were all alone?

“I wanted to ask you something.”

No!
Her brain was screaming at her that he could not ask her anything. Not today. Not alone at her house. Not a question that he left work and drove clear out to her house to ask her while they were alone. No, she could not hear
that
question. Nor could she actually answer it.

Her fingers squeezed the door she gripped as if she had to make sure he did not try to barge his way inside. “What?” she finally whispered.

“Would you consider coming to do my books? I know you didn’t finish your program, but taking what you did learn, I can teach you all the rest. I’m buried right now. I can’t keep up on them. I’m barely keeping my bills paid, and now with Vickie home, I’m trying not to work such long hours.”

“Why me? Go hire a real bookkeeper.”

“That would be kind of stupid when I know you’re looking for a job. And you’re half trained in the position I’m looking for, right?”

“Hardly.”

“Well, you have a foundation in it. I know you’re not stupid. I know you can pick up the rest.”

“No, you don’t. I might be completely stupid. Outside of being good at wiping up spit and changing diapers.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes as he shook his head. “Okay, what’s the attitude about?”

“I can’t believe you would ask me that.”

“Why wouldn’t I ask you? You’re broke. Your husband is a fugitive from the law. Why wouldn’t I offer my sister-in-law a job? It kind of seemed like the most decent thing to do. Now that my parents have flushed some of their hard earned money into my business, I have a little cash to run the goddamned thing. And as part of that, I need some administrative things taken care of. So why wouldn’t I ask you?”

“Because—” She quickly snapped her mouth shut. What could she say? Because they kissed? Because they connected? Because, for a few weeks, they nearly forgot he was married to her sister? Because it was wrong, wrong, wrong to forget that? Because of her feeling… things. Weird things that stirred her gut and heart around him. That was why he should not have asked his sister-in-law to take a job in his small business.

“Because I think you understand why. That’s why you didn’t wait until tomorrow night to ask me in front of your wife. Or my sister and my parents.”

His gaze narrowed and drilled into hers. “Why would that be, Tracy? Why do you think I wouldn’t ask you in front of them?” His tone was soft, almost taunting her to say
something
.

What could she say? “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Would I be asking you if I didn’t?”

Good point. He was now half scowling at her impatiently. Okay, maybe she just made way too big a deal out of what happened while Vickie was away. Maybe he was just being nice.
Maybe…

“Tracy? I won’t be coming on to you if that’s what you’re worried about. I thought we agreed that one night went wrong. It meant nothing. Now you can’t be alone with me? I stopped by because… I guess it felt more like business to me. Think about my job offer. Or don’t. But acting like we’re both figuring out how to hide a clandestine affair? Not appreciated. I have enough damn drama in my life with Vickie. I really don’t need it at work too. So take the job. Or don’t. If you do, all that will happen is: I’ll train you. You work at your desk, paying bills and handling my accounts, and I’ll be trying to fit in as many clients as I can each day to keep my business afloat. End of story.”

Her ensuing blush was fierce and burning. The heat of it would surely have scalded anyone who touched her skin. He was so bold. So forthright. So out there with it all. She did not like the way he said it. It sounded so much worse than her somewhat embarrassed avoidance of him and the topic.

“Are you sure you can afford it?”

“I’m sure I can’t afford not to. I need to put more time into making money. But I legally, and literally, have to do the bookkeeping, so I’m sure. It’s better for me to work as a consultant, so I can bill clients, versus spending it on paying bills, taxes and insurance… there is a lot more to it, of course, but you get the general idea.”