The Wishing Tide (36 page)

Mary

I
t’s a rare, brilliant day. The sort you get sometimes at the end of March, when the air is fresh and the sky is so blue it nearly breaks your heart. Things are blooming, buds unfurling, life turning and returning—because that’s the way it works. We travel the circle until at long last we come round again, to look ourselves in the eye as judge and jury.

I am not proud of the mistakes I made, or the hurt I caused, though I was not alone in that. There is blame enough to go around, I suppose, if anyone wants it. But I don’t. Samuel Rourke was a good man who did a bad thing, and I forgave him long ago. And now, at long last, it seems his son has found a way to make peace with the past as well.

I feel neither sadness nor loss as I look upon this place where my home once stood, the scene of all my heartbreak and grief. I’m glad they have razed it, and buried the last of its wreckage. It should have happened long ago. But then, everything happens in its time.

I never expected so many people, but I’m glad they’ve come to see my boy, the prince I lost, and then found again, do this fine thing for the people of Starry Point—and for his brother. It makes my heart catch in my throat to look at him as he steps up onto the dais. He is
so like his father, tall and handsome and good. And now, finally, back where he belongs.

Some small corner of my heart, the one I keep for Peter alone, breaks a little, but smiles, too, as the shovel is thrust into the earth and the new sign with its shiny brass plaque is unveiled.

PETER ROURKE MEMORIAL PARK

It’s a fine thing—a right thing—and I hope, as the crowd begins to gather around the dais to shake my Evan’s hand, that his brother is watching and sees this thing that is being done in his honor, that he knows he is not forgotten, not truly gone from our hearts.

Still, we must all of us go forward.

I am nearly healed from the accident now, but will not linger at the inn—an addled old woman forever underfoot. Neither will I return to Hope House, safe now from the mayor, thanks to Lane. Instead, I will have a small apartment close by, with a girl in twice a week to see to the washing and dusting—and to no doubt count my pills. I will have my drawing to fill my time, and visits with Lane and my boy. R.B. has also promised to come up from Raleigh, though I don’t know why he would bother after the trouble I’ve been to him over the years. It shames me now to think how shabbily I treated him when we were young. He’s been such a dear friend, truer and more constant than I either knew or deserved. This time I will be kinder.

There’s a clamor now, cheers and applause, as my boy is finishing up his speech. I will never look at this wide green space, where a home once stood and a family once lived, and not mourn all that was lost. But I will always be glad, too, to see children at play here, and old people resting on its benches, to know that young lovers will come here to walk its paths.

I have found a kind of peace, you see—not a perfect healing, but a scarring over of the broken places, which is more than I dared hope
for. Perhaps it is only the new pills, but I think not. It’s a hard thing to forgive those who wound us, but harder still to forgive the wounds we inflict upon ourselves. I have done that now. I have found my bit of truth and resigned my demons to the sea.

I have sought redemption for so long, scanning empty horizons for it, only to find it has been within reach all along. I had only to let go of yesterday to claim it. Time, you see, is the enemy, a trap of our own making. The past is lost forever, a wasteland of all that could have been and never was, while the future stretches endlessly before us, always an hourglass’s worth of sand beyond our reach. Today, then, is what we have left—the here and the now—to make our wishes, and to fight for the life we want.

Q. Your protagonist, Lane, owns a bed-and-breakfast called the Cloister House. Her favorite room there is her writing room, in the northeast turret. We’re reminded of Virginia Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own.” Why is this room—both actual and metaphorical—so important to a writer? Do you have a room of your own? Do you have one space where you like to create, or can you do it in different places?

A. These days, life comes at you full blast twenty-four/seven. There are so many distractions: TV, with its twenty-four-hour news cycle, the infectious lure of social media, cell phones, e-mail, and always, always an endless list of things that need doing. Having a place that’s yours alone, a kind of sanctuary where you have at least some command over what comes into that space, offers a small sense of control and helps set the tone for creativity. I’m fortunate to have an actual office, which I just redecorated, as a matter of fact, but I can usually write anywhere—the back porch, in the car, at the beach, sitting cross-legged on my bed with an old movie playing in the background. As long as there’s no music. Music gets in my head and I can’t hear anything else.

Q. There are three main characters in
The Wishing Tide:
Lane, Michael, and Mary. Was one of them easier to write than the others? Or harder to write than the others? Did you have a favorite character?

A. I think Mary was the easiest for me to write. Perhaps because she came to me first, and almost fully formed as a character. Her story informed the rest of the novel and set the pace for the entire story. It took several stabs to get her voice right, but I always knew who she was and what she’d been through. I also think she’s my favorite character in the story. I love her strength and endurance, and also her unique brand of wisdom, which seems to allow her see and know all things.

Q. The setting of Starry Point is fictitious, yet it’s so detailed it feels real. How did you create this setting and why did you feel this book needed to be set here?

A. For me, there’s something very healing about the sea. I’m always calmest when I’m near the water, and it’s where I tend to run when I feel stressed or blocked, so I suppose it felt like a place Lane would go to heal after her marriage ended. Also, I liked the symbolism of the sea ebbing and flowing, giving and taking. It plays nicely with Mary’s losses, and with her ultimate healing. I put a lot of time into building my settings because, for me, when setting is done well it actually becomes a character, a living, breathing piece of the story, until you can’t imagine the story taking place anywhere else.

Q. For several of the characters in this book, there’s a disjunction between their dreams and their lived reality. Do you think this is somewhat inevitable as we age and get tossed around on life’s waters? Have you had to combat issues that made you sympathetic to the problems your characters faced?

A. I think very few of us wake up at forty and find that we’re living the life of our dreams. We cherish those dreams early on but rarely chart a course to get there. Life gets in the way. We need to be
responsible, make a living. But I also think, as we reach our later years, there’s time for second chances. The kids are grown, the pace of life slows, and it’s possible to finally chart that course and go after those dreams again—but only if we want them badly enough. I empathize very much with Lane, with the disappointments of losing a baby and giving up a writing career due to criticism and lack of support. But here I am, chasing down my dream. Life can be tumultuous, even downright hard, but the human spirit is incredibly resilient.

Q. You’ve now written two novels,
The Secrets She Carried
and
The Wishing Tide.
How were the experiences of writing them different? Was one more challenging to write?

A. I started writing
The Secrets She Carried
after being laid off from a draining but very lucrative corporate job. I was terrified but determined, and so I dove in. Unfortunately, it was a complicated story with a dual timeline, and it never occurred to me to work from an outline. Needless to say, I had more than my share of false starts. It took me two and a half years to finally nail it. With
The Wishing Tide
, I was under contract, which meant I had an actual deadline. False starts weren’t an option if I was going to get the manuscript in on time. So I learned how to outline. Once I had a clean, precise story arc, the actual writing went like a dream. I finished in six months.

Q. At the end of the day, what do you hope readers take away from this story?

A. That it’s never too late to live a good life. That just because life threw you a few low blows and knocked you off your pins doesn’t mean you have to stay there. You can keep fighting and eventually get to a better place.

1. In the beginning of the book, we learn that Lane writes magazine articles about places she’s never been and things she’s never done. What sense of her did you get from that bit of information? What else did you learn about Lane that seemed to strengthen those conclusions?

2. The sea has been used as a symbol for many things in literature. In your opinion, what do the sea and the tides symbolize in
The Wishing Tide
? Do they hold different meanings for different characters? If so, what?

3. Mental illness still carries a heavy stigma in our society. How does Mary use that stigma to her advantage? What do you feel this strategy says about her, and how did it affect your initial impression of her?

4. What do you feel there was about Mary that compelled Lane to overlook her quirks and appearance? Would you ever befriend a person like Mary? Why or why not?

5. Mother-daughter relationships are often complicated. Discuss the tension between Lane and Cynthia, and how their confrontation helped Lane gain insight into her past disappointments. What role, if any, did Mary play in their ultimate reconciliation? Have
there been times in your life when an outsider has offered advice that has helped you see a situation in a new light?

6. As children, our physical and emotional environments play a large role in the way we perceive the world as adults. How have events in Michael’s past affected his ability to find happiness with another person? Do you agree that people who have never had positive role models in the areas of love and marriage are more likely to fail at love themselves?

7. One of the bonds Lane, Michael, and Mary share is that over the years they all suffered a life event that caused them to relinquish long-held dreams and to ultimately give up on the idea of happiness. Do you believe there are certain life traumas from which it is simply impossible to recover, or do you believe there is always a way back to happiness? Have you ever known someone struggling to heal from a traumatic event who simply couldn’t let go of his or her pain? What judgment, if any, did you place on this person’s failure to move on?

8. At the start of the book, all of the main characters have assumed false identities or roles as a way to insulate themselves from unpleasant past events. By the end of the book, how have Lane, Michael, and Mary come to terms with those false identities and committed to being truer to themselves? What pitfalls do you foresee as they each move forward?

9. Throughout the book, the themes of guilt and forgiveness play large roles in why each of the main characters finds it difficult to move forward with his or her life. Discuss the various ways each appears to have embraced the concept of forgiveness by the end of
the book, and the role that self-forgiveness plays in each character’s emotional healing.

10. How does Michael’s learning the truth about his father provide him with clarity about the kind of life he’s been living and the need to do things differently? Do you believe it’s possible to change your lifelong beliefs and patterns based on lessons from the past?

11. Initially, Lane, Michael, and Mary appear to have little or nothing in common. However, as the story progresses, we see that they have much more in common than we are first led to believe. Discuss the things they actually have in common and how each acts as an emotional mirror for the others.

12. A major theme of
The Wishing Tide
is that it’s up to each of us to fight for the life we want, something each of the main characters stopped doing at various points in their lives. By the end of the book, did you get the sense that each has finally chosen to fight for the life he or she wants? If so, why? Do you agree with this premise?