The Winter Love (16 page)

“Please
help me,” she begged. “Please show me the way to go. Let your light shine on the path I should follow.”

She prayed until she began to fall asleep, then got back into bed, shivering from cold. Her way was clear.

“Will you take me back to the convent?” Eleanor was walking with Edward along the quay to his ship. Isabelle was walking ahead with Robert. Today they were sailing to the Isle of Wight.

“Do you want to go back?” He sounded disappointed. “I don’t know why Henry took you away from it, but he did say it wasn’t safe for you to go back. Eleanor, I have been away a long time and I cannot spare the time to travel to Devon and back by horse and it is too late in the year to sail there. You must wait until spring, unless Henry comes for you sooner.” She could not mistake his tone.

“You do not believe that Henry will ever take me back
, do you?”

“Are you truly so impatient to return, Sister Margaret?” Edward had stopped and turned her to face him.

“I know that if I stay
here there is a good chance you will tempt me from my vocation.” She saw no reason to hide the truth from him.

“Good, that is what I intend.”

“Would you sin so easily and so thoughtlessly?” This was such a strange world where people gambled with their souls.

Edward’s mouth dropped open. “If it meant you would stay, yes, I would.”

“But it is God’s will that I go back to the convent.”

“Is it? Henry told me your brother put you there so that he
wouldn’t have to pay a dowry for you.”

“What!”

Edward looked away. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“Henry told you lies about my brother.”
Even as she said it, she knew it wasn’t true.

“I doubt it. Henry isn’t given to lying. He’d tell you the truth even if it was
against himself.” It was clear that Edward thought this was another weakness in his brother, but Eleanor respected Henry all the more, despite her anger that he had told Edward something that couldn’t be true. Perhaps Philip had said it as a joke and Henry had believed him. “Philip would never have done something like that. He prayed about it, as I did. It was God’s will.” Eleanor spoke what she had believed all these years, but if Henry was not a liar and Edward was only reporting what Henry had said, she was the one who was mistaken. She didn’t know what to think now. Was it really God’s will for her to be in the convent?

“Was it?
” Edward echoed her own thought. “Then why is it so easy for me to tempt you? Wouldn’t God strike me dead before he would allow me to kiss you?”

Eleanor slapped him for the blasphemy, then said, “It was a test and I failed.”

Edward caught her hands together in his. For a moment she was afraid. “Sister Margaret, Eleanor, you shouldn’t be a nun any more than I should. You felt it on my ship. You belonged there as if you had been born there. It was as if you had come home.”

Eleanor couldn’t turn her eyes away from his. He was speaking the truth, as he knew it.

“You belong with me, not in the convent.” And when he kissed her, Eleanor found herself beginning to believe him.

It was a blustery day and Eleanor enjoyed the short voyage as much as she had expected. She stood on the deck where she could feel the wind. Sometimes she was alone and sometimes Edward was with her. He never spoke to her or tried to touch her. He stood next to her looking up at the sails or at the island that they were approaching at great speed. Twice she smiled up at him as he stood next to her and he grinned back.

She tried not to think too muc
h about what he had said to her; she wanted to enjoy this short voyage. Most of her first voyage had been spent below deck with Henry, now she could see where the ship was going, hear the sailors shouting to one another, hear the sound of the wind in the sails. It was exciting and she didn’t want to miss a moment of it. Even Isabelle seemed to understand that it would not be a good idea to try to talk to her and stayed below deck with Robert.

This is what she would do if she married Edward
, she thought. She would sail with him and they would stand on deck together and watch the sails and listen to the wind blowing the ropes against the mast. He would run the ship and occasionally, when no one was looking, her would take her in his arms and kiss her.

How could she go back to the convent if she could have this?
Edward understood how easily this had become part of her. She would learn the moods of the sea and the wind. One day she would understand why the ship moved through the water in the way it did. There was so much in this new world to learn and to enjoy, but sailing seemed to be the best of all of them.

The voyage was over too soon and they stepped ashore at Yarmouth. Robert escorted them to an inn, while Edward oversaw the unloading of the cargo. Isabelle and Robert were almost entirely wrapped up in one another and
Eleanor thought it could not be long before they were married. She smiled at how easily and quickly Isabelle had seen what she wanted and gone after it. Now it looked as if she had obtained it. Would it be that easy for Edward to obtain her, she wondered? This morning she would have said yes, just for the excitement of sailing with him, now she thought more calmly about the convent and her vocation. Even if she did not go back to the convent she did not have to marry; her wealth would give her a good life. Life with Edward would definitely be exciting. Did she crave excitement, then? No, she craved the peace and quiet of the convent. Eleanor sighed; she wanted both the excitement and the peace. Edward had been right; she had no idea what she would be giving up when she took her vows, if she took her vows. The longer she stayed in the world the more difficult it would be to leave Edward behind.

It was some time before Edward joined them, more than enough time for
Eleanor to consider what he had said to her. It could not be true that Philip had left her in the convent to avoid paying her dowry; her dowry had gone to the convent. She had never discussed the size of her dowry with her brother. It was not important enough for her to worry about.

Edward
must have lied about that. If Henry had told her himself, she must have believed him; she did not think Henry would lie, not even to protect her. It was easier to believe that Edward lied. He was changeable and seemed to say whatever suited him or would best achieve his aims. Eleanor was not in the least inclined to trust him. He was trying to seduce her, that was all. Despite his words about her belonging with him she guessed that he would soon tire of her. As soon as she could, she was going to go back to the convent. It frightened her, though, that she enjoyed his kisses so much. How long would it be before he seduced her into his bed? When she and Isabelle returned tomorrow she would not leave Sir John’s house again. Once lost, her virtue could not be regained. She had seen the unwanted women who came to the convent to have their babies. They had been cast out by their families and even the nuns did not make them welcome. And after they had given birth they were never allowed to see their children again. The more presentable women were kept as servants in the convent. That was not a fate she wished for herself. She doubted Edward would want to bring up a child with her and she knew that she could not bear the shame of doing it alone. She shook herself. No! There were too many good reasons not to give in to Edward. She could not come to Southampton with Isabelle again.

“The wine is unloaded,” said Edward as he joined them, “and I am paid. We shall eat and then sail back.”

He and Robert soon began talking about trade and Isabelle tried to
engage Eleanor in a conversation about the clothes of the other women in the inn. Eleanor tried to join in, but she could not recognise what was fashionable and what was not and she did not care. She was unable to hide this from Isabelle, who eventually smiled and said, “I see my influence has failed. I had hoped to get some idea of your taste so that we can make some dresses for you.”

“We shall make them to your taste and you
can have them when I go back to the convent.”

Edward looked across at her and frowned.

“That’s very kind of you,” said Isabelle. She could not have seen Edward’s reaction, but she stopped smiling and turned away from Eleanor. Isabelle must have hoped that she would stay with Edward. Eleanor was disappointed. Isabelle might not know her brother’s true intentions, but she knew about Eleanor’s own desire to take her vows.

By the time they left the inn the weather had changed. Now it reminded
Eleanor more of the storms that they had encountered on the way up the coast from Devon. The sky was black and the wind blew the heavy rain into their faces.

“Is it
too rough for us to sail?” asked Robert. From the tales he had told last night Eleanor didn’t think he could be afraid. He had sailed through far worse storms than this. He glanced at Isabelle and Eleanor understood that his fear was for her.

“It is a short voyage,” replied Edward. “The wind is not yet so heavy that
we should spend the night here.”

Eleanor caught the uncertainty in his voice and wondered why he wanted to take the risk. He
could not be criticised for taking care of his sister and his guest. No one would call him a coward for that. They could easily sleep on the ship or in the inn and sail back tomorrow. She concluded that Robert or Edward had business matters that would not wait.

“Are you sure, Edward?” asked Isabelle.

“Yes,” he said. “It is rough, but my ship is sturdy and the crew are experienced. We came through worse bringing Henry home.”

Isabelle chewed her
bottom lip, but she nodded her agreement.

“And you, Sister Margaret, do you have anything to say?”

“No, Edward, you are the captain of your ship and you know best.”

He smiled at her. “It is good to know that you trust me in some things,” he said quietly.

“I trust you where experience has shown that you are trustworthy.”

“Do I have to earn your trust?”

Eleanor hesitated. Despite everything, she liked Edward. “I want to trust you, but I see little reason to do so.”

“Henry....”

“Has nothing to do with it. Your own words and actions have done everything.” She was sharp and Edward’s expression changed to that of a scolded child.

“Is there any hope?”
He pouted.

“Do not make fun of me.”
He was playing with her and he had so much more experience in these things than she had.

Edward caught her arm and
squeezed tightly. “I am not making fun of you. I want you to trust me.”

“
Why?"

“
You are not like other women, Eleanor, and I should have seen that from the first.”

“But you did not.”

“No, and I regret it now. I could have been more help to you once you knew about your brother. You have been left with strangers, but we can be more than that to you.”

“I am growing very fond of your parents. They have been very kind to me.”

Edward smiled. “They have also known great loss and they want to help you.” He looked around, as if noticing for the first time that it was raining. “Come, we should get onto the ship.”

Eleanor was very cold by the time they reached the ship
and Isabelle’s teeth were chattering. Edward had someone bring them wine and they went below to Edward’s room.

Despite what she had said to Edward, Eleanor was scared.
He was worried about something to do with the voyage. Perhaps he was afraid to stay in Yarmouth. Had something happened while they were waiting for him in the inn? Only she seemed to have noticed that he had been gone much longer than he had told them to expect.

Even before they left the shelter
of the harbour the ship was being tossed violently by the wind and the waves. At the height of the storm on her first voyage Eleanor had not felt sick for a moment, now her innards seemed to move about inside her as if she had swallowed a live kitten and she began to feel uncomfortable. Isabelle was already lying on Edward’s bed. Before she joined her, Eleanor made sure that there was a bowl for each of them, should they be needed, although she was fairly certain that only Isabelle would require one.

The ship was bounced around
by the waves like a mouse between the paws of a cat. Sometimes it seemed to fly, at others it seemed to drag itself through the water as if anchored to an invisible quayside.

Robert came briefly to see how they were, but left almost immediately. Isabelle had been sick and she did not
want Robert to stay. Eleanor could not blame her.

Once, a
fter the ship had leaned particularly steeply, Eleanor wondered if the side of the ship had gone under the water. She breathed more easily as the ship righted itself.

Isabelle started to cry and
Eleanor held her, stroking her hair and talking to her as if she were a child. Suddenly the door to the small room flew open and Edward stood framed in the doorway.

“Get up on deck now,” he
shouted.

“We’re going to sink,” screamed Isabelle, but Eleanor pulled her off the bed and up the ladder to the deck
, shouting at her to be quiet. She kept close to Edward, for that was where safety was.

On the deck she could see that t
he sky was darker than ever and the waves so high that they seemed to hover over the ship like a monster from a nightmare.

“Take off your
tunics” shouted Edward, but Eleanor could barely hear him above the sound of the wind and the waves crashing onto the deck. Eleanor obeyed at once. If the ship went over they had more chance of surviving without the weight of their tunics. She could not swim, though, and knew that she would have no chance if the ship went down.

“Can you swim?” Edward shouted in her ear. Eleanor shook her head and Edward produced a length of rope and tied them
together. Eleanor tried to protest; she had no wish to kill Edward as she drowned. He put his mouth next to her ear again. “I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, Eleanor. Do not fear.”

Eleanor
did not fear. All her life she had accepted that she was in God’s hands and he would choose what to do with her. She doubted Edward knew this peace, but hoped he did.

Eleanor
noticed that Robert had not tied himself to Isabelle, but Isabelle was removing her shoes and all her clothing that wasn’t necessary to preserve her modesty. The ship was hit by a wave and jerked out of the water. Eleanor would have fallen, but Edward held her.

“Take off your shoes,” he
shouted at her. Eleanor did so and immediately felt more secure on the deck.

She was able, now, to look at the sailors and saw the fear in their faces and was convinced that they were going to die.
She began to pray silently; she had no fear for her soul, but she could not easily contemplate a violent, painful death.

The ship lurched again and she clutched at Edward. He held her tightly. “I will get you home safe
ly.”

“I trust you,” she said.

“You shouldn’t. It’s my fault your life is at risk.” He looked into her eyes and she was convinced that he was telling the truth and was upset about it. He had known he was risking their lives by sailing in such weather, but had chosen to do so for some overpowering reason.

“Why?” she asked, but he couldn’t hear her. He put his ear next to her mouth. She could not repeat the question, but kissed him, instead. He turned his head so that he could kiss her, briefly on the lips, then he held her, occas
ionally gesticulating to the sailors.

He turned away from her suddenly, as if something had suddenly caught his attention.

“There!” He pointed. Eleanor followed his arm, but could see nothing. “The wind has changed direction. We can sail up to Southampton.”

Eleanor did not understand; she had thought they had been sailing to Southampton since they had left Yarmouth, then she realised that she could see land on either side of the ship and they had turned out of the
Solent and were approaching the quieter waters of the estuary.

The
movement of the ship changed constantly, but they were once more in the shelter of land and they made their way carefully and gradually to the quay.

Eleanor was relieved when they drew alongside the quay. Still attached by the
rope to Edward, she had to follow him as he walked towards the centre of the ship. She found it difficult to keep up with him and did not pay a lot of attention to where she was going and tripped over a coil of rope on the deck. Edward returned to her immediately.

“Are you alright?”

“Help me sit up.” Eleanor was dazed and there would be a bruise on her head. “I’m alright. Don’t worry.”

She smiled weakl
y up at Edward, touched by his concern. She had no illusions that he was in love with her, but it was good to know that he felt something for her.

Edward gave her his hand and helped her up. She found herself leaning against hi
m and trying to breathe. Then she was able to stand.

“Never do that to me again,” said Edward as he held her against his chest and stroked her wet hair.

Eleanor shivered with cold, but Edward seemed happy to believe it had some other cause and kissed her forehead.

Eleanor and Isabelle kept to the house for two days. It took Eleanor that long to feel fully warm again. Isabelle had a slight chill and kept to the bed. It was not serious and Eleanor gladly kept her company.

After two days of inactivity she was ready to go out again. It was a clear crisp day and she
wanted to go to church. She asked Edward to let her take Sam.

“Come with me. I have t
o go and speak to the burgesses. We can go into the church on the way back.”

It was a clear,
bright day and so cold that Eleanor would have preferred to be wearing gloves, but it was too late to turn back and borrow Isabelle’s. They must be the first piece of clothing that she and Isabelle made. She would look for a piece of soft leather today if Edward would let her.

Once she had decided this,
Eleanor started to pay attention to the way they were going and was surprised that she did not recognise the street they were walking along. She thought that Isabelle had shown her all the important streets and she had begun to have a good idea of where they were in relation to one another. Edward led her into a narrow alley and she began to feel uneasy. Halfway down it they were stopped by a beggar who stepped out of the shadows. He began to tell them that he had fought at Poitiers and had lost his arm there. Eleanor knew this could not be true and gripped Edward’s arm and attempted to hurry him past the man.

“I should have thought you’d be the first to encourage me to give alms to the man.” He stopped and reached for his purse.
Eleanor felt that he was doing this only to impress her and wished that he would not. Something was wrong here. Why could the worldly-wise Edward not see that?

“Edward
Attewood!” The shout came from behind them and Edward swung round, throwing Eleanor off as he reached for his sword. The beggar caught her with his remaining arm and held her tight. She struggled, but another man appeared from the other end of the alley and held a knife to her throat.

The man who had shouted advanced down the alley
. He, too, was armed.

“Hello, Edward, anyone would think you were avoiding me.”

“Today, I am, Peter. As you can see, I am escorting a lady.” Edward looked around for Eleanor and looked surprised when he saw her situation.

The man spat.
“I should have known you’d hide behind a woman’s skirts. You’ve always been a coward.”

The man walked past Edward and approached Eleanor.

“And she’s a pretty one.” He reached out a hand and stroked her cheek. “Not for much longer, if you don’t give me my money.” He said it wistfully, but the fingernail he scratched down her cheek left her in no doubt as to his intentions.

“I haven’t got it.” Edward sounded sullen.

There must have been a signal from the leader, but Eleanor didn’t see it. The man with the knife hit her hard in the stomach and she would have fallen, but for the man holding her. For all he only had one arm he was very strong.

“No!” Edward shouted, but didn’t move
, not even to bring the sword up.

Eleanor gasped as she tried to breathe.

“My money,” demanded the man.

“You’ll have it. Just leave us alon
e.”

“Two days,
you said in Yarmouth and it’s been two days.”

“I don’t walk around with that amount
of money on me. You know that.”

The leader turned towards the man with the knife
and nodded. Eleanor felt him draw it along her cheek. She screamed in surprise and pain.

“Leave her alone.” Edward started
towards the three men. The one-armed man threw Eleanor out of his way. She hit her head against the wall and slid down it, unconscious.

Eleanor knew pain, a lot of pain. There was so much pain she could not even tell where it was. Everything seemed to hurt. Gradually she realised that it was her head that was injured and she tried to open her eyes, but that hurt too much. Instead, she tried to speak and thought she heard a grunt. It was enough. From a distance she heard a man’s voice say “Thank God. You live.”

“Henry?” There
was another grunt, but she already knew it wasn’t Henry. Whoever it was cursed and let go of her hand. She knew she had said something very wrong, but could not worry about what it was now. She tried to speak again, but fell asleep.

The next time Eleanor awoke she knew it was Edward who sat beside her. When she said his name her voice sounded almost normal in her own ears.

“You have your senses, then,” he said.

“It seems so,” she said and looked carefully around the bedchamber for Isabelle. The room was lit by a single candle, but even that light had hurt her before she realised that she was alone with Edward. After a while she could look at Edward. His normally clean-shaven face was covered in three or four days’ growth of beard. Had she slept so long? He did not greet her with a smile, but a frown. “We despaired of your life.”

“I wasn’t ready to die,” she said, simply.
It was true enough. She could remember not wanting to die in the alley; it would have been so sordid.

“I don’t think that matters. Can you eat something? The surgeon said you
should drink some wine when you woke up.”

Eleanor
knew it would be good wine and Edward first moistened her lip with wine on his fingers, then raised her slightly so that she could sip from a beaker. Her head span, but she managed to take a few sips before indicating that he could let her down.

“What happened?”

“I killed Peter. The others ran off.”

Eleanor could see that this was not something that gave him any pleasure. She recalled Peter calling Edward a
coward and she was glad that it wasn’t true. He had saved her life and she was sure he must have shown bravery as he did so.

Eleanor sighed. She
was very lucky to be alive.

“Thank you for my life.”

“It was not my doing.”

“You rescued me.”

“I put you in danger in the first place.”

“Then you have made up for that error.”

Edward snorted. “I do not see your life as something to be balanced against my stupidity or my bravery. It is far more precious than that.”

Eleanor grasped his hand again. There was no need for either of them to say anything.