The Winding Road Home (19 page)

All of those characteristics had been evident after one meeting with Dan Kilpatrick.

“I think because of that, I found it easy to trust in God's love for me. Tanner, He loves you too.”

“But you're upset with Him.”

“I also get upset with my dad when I don't understand why he does something. Like why when I was little he yelled at me not to cross the street and I watched a truck smash my ball. It's nothing like being abandoned by a father, like you've been.”

Time to change the subject. “Why does Rusty's decision bother you so much? I don't think you're afraid of the challenge or the extra work.”

“No.” She set her jaw, her forehead furrowed.

“Your headache's going to come back if you keep doing that with your face.”

“I don't know what God's doing. Is He taking away DC?” She rubbed her forehead. “Why would He do that?”

“Kate, this won't keep you from DC. The job is temporary. You don't have to stay in Valley Oaks.”

“Maybe I do. Maybe He's crushing my dream.”

“Has He done that before?”

“No. The changes were always obvious choices.”

“And they only postponed college, which you're about to graduate from. That was the dream, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think He's telling you not to cross the street?”

“I don't know!”

“So you're afraid of the unknown future. That doesn't sound very trusting.”

She lowered her eyes. “It's not. It's not typical of me.”

“Is there something else going on?”

She lifted a shoulder.

“Maybe it's a little of that Magic Kingdom getting under your skin.”

She didn't respond.

“Somebody read from the Bible today. I remember it was about not being anxious for tomorrow. Kate, I know life has to be lived one day at a time.”

At last she looked up. “Tanner, you sound like a believer.”

“I told you. We've been on speaking terms for a long time. Just not on a first-name basis.”

“I'm praying you'll meet.”

“I know you are.” He held her eyes for a long moment, and then he stood. “I'd better go. I've been invading your space long enough.”

“Thank you for the laptop. And keeping me company.”

“You're welcome.”

A minute later he was on the sidewalk, heading under the stars toward his apartment. It wasn't how he wanted to end the evening, but the atmosphere was growing too heavy.

He would have preferred sitting beside her again. Perhaps holding her. Perhaps telling her he was praying that God would keep her in Valley Oaks.

Kate sat on a stool in the video store, her laptop computer on the counter, her fingers clicking away at the keyboard. She glanced over at Tanner, who was sorting through the store's collection of video tapes and DVDs in the small glassed-in office.

“Tanner, what was that play at the end of the game when the center caught the pass from the forward and then popped it back out to the guard who scored?” She paused in her typing.

“They did that? Wow, you're good. I missed it.”

“You were supposed to be my extra pair of eyes, Mr. Athlete.”

“You're doing fine on your own. Thinking you needed help was just a case of first-night jitters.”

Continuing with her writing, she muttered to herself, “And tomorrow will be first-day jitters of figuring out what to write. Tomorrow night will be first-night jitters with a county board meeting. Wednesday will be first-day jitters with a deadline.”

“What?” He stuck his head through the doorway.

“Nothing. Have I mentioned how slick this machine is?”

He smiled and ducked back into the office.

Still cute.

Half an hour later they had both finished their work.

Kate asked, “Can I sweep for you? Or scrub the front of this counter?”

“No, thanks. After working in here all day, I'm calling it a night. Unlike someone who slept all yesterday, I'm bushed.” He sat on the other stool across the counter. “But tell me how the meeting went today.”

Though she had seen him at the game earlier and asked for his help on writing the article, they hadn't had a chance yet to talk.

She closed up the computer. “Fred said he'd pay me Rusty's salary, which was more than I expected. He said he's already posted an ad on the Web and in the Rockville paper. The first
Times
ad will go in this week. He said I'm free to leave on the date initially set.” She shrugged. “But what's he going to say? He needs me right now.”

Tanner reached across and tapped the tip of her nose.

“What?”

“No more negative talk like that. Understood?”

“Fred was so kind. I think he'd take care of the entire paper by himself if I wanted to leave next week. And I saw my first daffodil of the season.”

“Much better. Hey, no kidding? About the daffodil?”

“No kidding. The groundhog was wrong. Spring is coming ahead of schedule.”

He gave her a thumbs-up. “I'll vote for that.”

“I've been thinking about Rusty's farewell.”

“I have too, but I didn't know if you were ready to discuss it yet.”

“We made up today. She was being so nice it was weird. I told her I wasn't mad at her. After that she was normal.”

Tanner laughed. “How about we take her to dinner Wednesday night? There's this place she especially likes in Rockville.”

“I think she'd like that. She's not exactly the party type, is she?”

“No. Will you ask her tomorrow? I'm flying to St. Louis for the day and won't be back until late.”

“Sure. Speaking of parties, I think you should send out invitations for your grand opening. My family would love to come. You can invite your family.”

“My parents never show up at the same place.”

“Give them different times. One afternoon, one evening.” She reopened the laptop. “I've got a file going on it. I can take care of balloons and cake for you. I also think a bell above the door would be a good idea.”

“Here.” He reached under the counter, pulled out a key ring and slid it across the counter. “Those are for you.”

Her jaw dropped. “Keys for the store?”

“You can come and do whatever you think is necessary whenever you want.” He flipped through the keys. “This is for the front door, the back door, and the apartment.”

“Apartment?”

“In case you want to leave a pot of chili for me when I'm out of town.” He grinned. “Or cookies.”

She laughed. “That was a subtle hint.”

“It's too late for subtle. Come on. I'll walk you to your car.”

Graham stood on Adele's doorstep, anticipating one of his favorite moments of the day.

The door opened and she smiled.

That was it.

She took a step back and he went inside.

“I was driving home and saw your lights on.”

“Will you stay?”

He nodded. “If you don't mind.”

“Of course I don't.”

He wore a sport coat, not one he needed to remove, and so they stood still, looking at each other. Their greetings were growing awkward. Shaking hands reeked of formality. A friendly hug and peck on the cheek far too artificial.

He wanted to hold her.

He took half a step toward her, and in that shy way of hers, she melted into his arms. He set his chin atop her head and held her close. All the angst of the day fled.

“Adele, I take too much from you.”

She tilted her head back.

Bad move. Perfect kissing position.

“What do you mean, take?”

He shut his eyes, blocking out the view. “Shall we sit?”

She took his hand and led him to the couch. Not ideal, but better.

“Take,” he repeated. “I drop by unannounced at ten o'clock because I know I'll feel better after being with you.”

“That's not much taking.” She smiled. “How is he tonight?”

“He's well. It's such a roller-coaster ride. One day he seems almost healthy, the next I don't know how he can make it through another day.”

She squeezed his hand. “Are you hungry?”

“Only for your company. How was your visit?” An old friend, now living in Rockville, had joined her for dinner.

“Wonderful. It was so great to catch up with Naomi. I told you about her, didn't I?”

“The woman who took you in. This was her house.”

“Yes. Chelsea calls her Aunt Naomi. They had a little chat. I don't know that she learned anything, but I'm sure she encouraged my daughter to give me a break.”

“Sound advice.”

“Naomi also had some advice concerning you.”

“Oh?”

“That I should learn more about you before I go off the deep end with my feelings.”

“That is sound advice. Are you going off the deep end?”

She turned away and picked up the remote. “Shall we watch the news?”

“Adele.”

She clicked on the television.

He took the remote from her and clicked it off. “Please don't go off the deep end until you know me better.”

She crossed her arms and frowned at him. “Well, that makes two of you who think feelings can be turned on and off like a spigot. I'm afraid I haven't quite got the hang of it.”

“Then maybe we'd better spend less time together.”

“That's what she said. More sound advice?”

He nodded.

“Well, you're free to go whenever you want.” She tucked her feet beneath her, yanked the remote out of his hand, and turned on the television again.

Go, Logan. Get up and walk out. Don't even look back.

He made it to the front door, his hand on the knob, and then it struck like a blow to his solar plexis. The loss of Sammi, the imminent loss of Rand, and now the loss of Adele. He couldn't breathe.

The coming weeks would change things. She would know more about him than she would ever care to know.

But they had this moment.

He strode back into the living room, grabbed the remote from beside her on the couch, turned off the television, and tossed the control across the room onto a chair, out of reach.

She glared up at him.

He sat sideways facing her, his hand on the back of the couch behind her. “Adele, I will hurt you someday.”

Her glare softened. “I know,” she whispered. “But all I can think of is that silly old saying. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

“Alfred, Lord Tennyson. It's not a silly old saying.”

“But is it true?”

She didn't know. She really didn't know. He knew. Knew it was true. Knew he would gamble again.

He cupped her face between his hands and kissed her with all the emotion that had been building inside him. What had she said? That a spigot could stop it? Not even Hoover Dam.

Early the next day Graham was on a commercial airliner flying east. By 1 p.m. he was at the cemetery. He sat down on grass already thick and green in the southern Virginia sunshine.

“Hi, Sammi.”

He laid a bouquet of red roses near the tombstone.

Samantha Abbott Logan.

Today was March 20, five years after the March 20 carved into the stone. The date of his annual visit. The date when his world stopped spinning once again.

“So how are things going in heaven?”

He hadn't figured out why he continued the agonizing ritual. As a tribute to the memory of his wife? As an act of penance? He sensed that despite the passage of years and the lessening of the raw grief, he had not yet felt closure. Unfinished business gnawed in a vague way, nothing he could pinpoint. And so he continued to come.

As always, a tenderness filled him as he recalled how he loved the bubbly young school teacher…how she loved him. And then the guilt would wash over him.

He made the trek alone, in and out of town the same day. He avoided seeing her parents, who lived nearby. They had never cared much for him. Rightly so. He had taken their only child away, taken her north, and then he had
allowed
her to be killed. It was all he could bear to be at her grave site. To see their faces wasn't an option for him.

He first met Sammi in Roanoke. He'd been on assignment…she was teaching…mutual acquaintances had introduced them. When he was transferred, she resigned to go with him. Neither of them had ever regretted the choice.

The end descended upon them swift as an avalanche. Early morning. They were on the lawn, Sammi ready to leave for school. How long had the killer stalked them, waiting for the perfect moment when Graham had a front row seat to his wife's death?

Everyone agreed that it was a professional job. Though it was never proven, he knew the assassin had been hired by a convicted drug dealer behind bars. He had blamed Graham for his wife's accidental death and threatened retaliation. It didn't matter that she had died in a crossfire initiated by the dealer.

Graham wiped away angry tears, hating the feeling of helplessness that still haunted the memory. In his mind he sought the voices of friends, people who had loved Sammi too, telling him there was nothing more to be done, to let it go. Once again, they comforted.

“Sammi, you'll never guess who I finally met. Adele Chandler. Remember that name? She's grown into quite a woman. In a way she reminds me of you. She's full of that deep joy you had. And she's pretty. You'd like her.

“Funny thing is…I kissed her last night. Yeah, I'm head over heels. Imagine that. Not that I want to be, but there it is. I keep telling myself not to sign up for sure heartache again, but it seems I don't have a vote in the matter. I just wanted you to know. Not that you'd care, considering you can't hear me.

“She has a kid. You'd like Chelsea too—”

Graham cringed at his words.
A kid. A kid.
They resounded in his head.
A kid. She has a kid.

Sammi had wanted children. She had
desperately
wanted children. Graham was adamantly opposed to having children.

It was the single point of contention between them. It was…what they had argued about on the front lawn that morning.

Without advance warning, the memory hit Graham like a tidal wave, engulfing him, taking away his breath.

Sammi had held her own, not backing down as she faced him, her dark eyes glistening with unshed tears. Her hands were propped on her slender hips…hips hidden with the rest of her body beneath that favorite baggy jumper of hers.

He fumed back at her. How many times had they had this discussion? His job was too demanding! It wouldn't be fair to give a child such an uncertain future! What was she thinking? She saw every day in her classroom the devastating effects of parents on children.